This chapter really got away from me.
I think I have spent more time writing—reworking—changing—and adding to this one chapter then I have the entire story combined. When I started this I had just posted chapter 6 or 7 so I've had then to play with it and I should have stopped but I didn't.
This goes sooooo far away from the outline but I LOVE it. For some reason Yuui didn't want to do what I wanted him to do and all the underlying feels he's been holding in ripped my soul apart and derailed everything… I just got to thinking about how the characters would really feel and Yuui is still just a little boy healing from a very bad situation.
This is a much needed detour though so I am sorry for the sudden angst but what can I do? It fits and its beautiful and I cried so much! Ugh… Please be warned the last half of the chapter crushed my soul and may crush yours as well.
I don't own Tsubasa.
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Fall in Suwa was beautiful and Fai was currently leaning towards deeming it his new favorite season. Years ago, before fate had seen fit to uproot his life and send him off to meet his destiny, his favorite season had been winter. It was quite calm, and everyone hunkered down and rested after months spent preparing for the deep snows and biting winds. Everything slowed, even the political demands of royalty, and he got to have the king mostly to himself.
As a little boy it meant extra time to learn new kinds of magic from his adoptive father, extra time snuggling by the fire and being read to, extra time sneaking treats, drinking coco, and spending time in the safety Luvel castle offered. The festivals and holidays were entertaining and plentiful enough that he didn't even miss playing outdoors.
As an adult it meant enjoying a break from leading armies, time to enjoy his bed and the companions he invited there, late nights of drinking spiced wine and listing to Ashura-ou recount stories of his youthful trysts—and laughing together over the more embarrassing tales. It was a time to soak up the attention and advice from the king and avoid there few duties together before it was time to prepare for the next winter and they had to become the serious leaders Celese required them to be.
Winter in Suwa was more slush then snow, and Fai really hated mud. At least in Celese you were essentially snowed in for the season and there was no reason to venture out into the worst weather of the year… It just did not get that cold here unfortunately—so the snow didn't stay, and even on the dry days it was just cloudy and gloomy.
Spring was soggy as well but at least the sun regularly shined its good graces on them—summer was too hot for him—but fall was nice. Not only was the ungodly heat gone with the changing of leaves—but the air was sweet with the scent of too ripe fruit that was perfect for baking.
Baking was one of his favorite hobbies—a close second to eating baking goods in fact.
The cool nights kept the house comfortable as he ran the ovens, and the baking fruit breads, tarts, and jams made the house smell like the most wonderful place on earth. Sakura and Yuui were helping him with canning, baking, and handing out sweets to the people in the village and surrounding farms. There was a lot that a young child could help with and he and Sakura always enjoyed spending time in the kitchen together.
The natural magic in the land was influenced by the seasons as well and there was a notable decline in the amount of demons running about, so Kuro-chan and Syaoran were keeping busy with training the village children and running people too and from the Capital for supply orders. It allowed them extra time at home and Fai found that priceless.
It was all around lovely in his opinion.
Fai would be enjoying it a heck of a lot more if they weren't having such a terrible time with their largest neighbor. The blond was used to the intricacies of political negotiations—and even though customs were annoyingly traditional and surprisingly racist here in Nihon—he normally enjoyed the push and pull of it. It was challenging and Fai had always needed to be challenged.
He was going to have to accept that he couldn't fix stupid—that wasn't a challenge he could overcome in the few months they had left. That took years and even then, it might just be a lost cause with these lords…
There was hope with their kids—but that was years off.
Knowing that he was going to be in another dimension while his sweet Sakura and brave Syaoran were left to deal with countries biggest, most foolish asshole had him stressed. It was stressing Kurogane out too… And you didn't mess with his Kuro-sama's piece of mind.
Not on his watch.
Fai of course did what he did best, and had been strategizing and problem solving.
He accepted that to overcome this challenge he was going to have to let Takeda remain in his current ignorant, racist, hateful, rude, and blood thirsty state. As much as that made his skin twitch—he had started to look at other options.
Whether his current plan was born from his genius or a serious lack of sleep he couldn't say—but he had spent most of the night scribbling down a mess of runes that he hoped to refine into something actually usable.
You could do almost anything with magic if you were willing to get creative enough. Fai had always been told he was overly eccentric, which was almost the same thing as creative right?
As a master spell weaver, he was pretty good at creating new spells too. When you studied enough different types of spells you could pull them apart and mix the runes to create hybrids or new spells entirely. He used to have a little two much fun in his younger days creating new flashy displays of magic to impress Ashura-ou and his tutors. He had eventually gotten pretty good at it, to the point he could throw some runes together on the fly and usually not cause to much of a disaster.
Usually.
Even with years of experience it was impossible to predict an outcome of throwing raw, unstable runes together. After a few big disasters as a teen, he had thankfully learned to try his experiments outside and behind a pretty strong barrier if there was the slightest chance things could go sideways.
This newest hodgepodge of persuasion runes, powerful intents, and patterns that were supposed to refeed the spell to hold its stability, could go sideways a number of ways.
This wasn't really the exploding type of spell though… while that might sound like a good thing—it was actually a very scary thing.
He could protect himself from an explosion.
If this went sideways it would backfire sure—by frying his brain.
Probably.
There was always that chance when one used magic on someone or somethings will.
If you didn't precisely control your own power, you could damage what you were trying to weave your own will with—and if you didn't use enough power, or the person or objects will was stronger than your own, the recoil shot right back at the user when the spell shattered.
Even with an aptitude towards this type of magic—even Fai had to be careful when playing with these runes.
Fai was good at this kind of magic for the simple reason that he had enough raw power to bully his way though the spell without an issue—he was more worried about not crossing the thin line between a successful weave and totally melting his targets brain with too much power.
It wasn't as though he would know the precise amount of strength he would need since this spell was being tweaked and altered enough that it hardly resembled anything he had used in the past…
There was prior experience to go off of, but Fai was winging this mostly. With how he had twisted the known spells to combine them with spells they were not designed to be used alongside this was risky business.
As a royal wizard he had been one of the few magic users in Celese who had been taught how to use magic to weave things like emotions, motives, and thoughts. This particular art was not only extremely difficult to master, but was closely protected by the royal family since it could be used to override other humans will completely. That obviously wasn't ok unless the circumstances were severe, and Celese had put a tremendous amount of trust in him when he had been chosen to pass the art to.
While it could be used to trample over someone's free will—he hadn't been taught it for anything like that. Most of the time persuasion and control spells were used to gently calm someone or suggest feelings of happiness or bravery. It was used in a number of religious ceremonies that the royal family conducted on key holidays, and the citizens attending were left feeling warm and with a feeling of national pride.
The most common use of this spell, and the soul reason he had been allowed to learn it was to conduct said ceremonies, the most common of which was the blessing of royal army before battle. It was an ancient melody sung in old Celesian—when performed by a member of the royal family such as himself or the king, the music was laced with persuasion magic. Encouraging intense feelings of protection, bravery, and honor.
Ashura-ou had used the same type of gentle persuasion on Fai as a child to help him sleep—just like Fai did for Yuui when he was having a hard time settling. Nine times out of ten it was totally harmless especially when delivered though song or dance.
He could count the number of times he had used persuasion magic in a hard cast with raw power like he was currently piecing together on one hand. Weaving the spell manually like this had a stronger effect and was rarely necessary.
Fai had almost always strictly followed the rules and laws set about these types of spell. He had never used this knowledge to totally control anyone else's will—only to suggest feelings like calmness or sleepiness. He had never used it to tamper with memories or in any sort of interrogation setting. The only time in his entire life he had used this power in a way that broke the rules was when he had commanded the King to a deep dreamless sleep.
He should NOT have done that.
Fai also shouldn't even be considering using it again now—even if it was to protect Suwa. This was a terrible example to Yuui even if it he wasn't going to use it on another human…
Kurogane was definitely going to kick his ass if he did this—his sweet twin might join in on that too.
This was totally insane.
If he stabilized the spell and pulled it off though there would be nothing to worry about while they were gone. So even though the little angle on his shoulder told him to find a different way—the little devil had had him up all night working out a powerful persuasion spell to permanently trap another beings will until he released the spell.
If this was a human, he wouldn't have anything to worry about. Humans were weak creatures, and few had the ability to stand against a powerful spell like this—especially if they were not trained to resist magic or see the spell for what it was.
Dragons were very much not human.
Fai wasn't sure what level of intelligence he was up against but instincts were a bitch to overpower—dragons were very instinctual.
It could be done. He knew that for sure.
Dragon charming wasn't a common practice in Celese, and Fai had never tired to do it himself, but he had watched the King pull if off once. Fai had been no older then Yuui when Ashura-ou had snuck them both away from their advisors and guards to do probably one of the most dangerous and stupid things possible for a king and his heir.
Fai had been wowed by Ashura-ou's bravery. At that age the man had seemed like a literal god that day and he remembered it vividly.
They were to face a rival kingdom and king on the battle field later in the day—and Ashura had gotten the idea stuck in his head that riding a dragon into the battle would be a good way to earn a surrender. He had chosen to do this because the odds were not in their favor—not after being forced out in deep winter to defend the Sothern border after disease had swept though and destroyed a large portion of the wheat crop their country depended on.
It worked like a charm too—but the king had gotten in a lot of trouble with Celese's generals and his advisors for the reckless action. Fai can't remember another time after that incident that Ashura-ou had been allowed in the war camps without at least two Court Magicians following him closely.
Ashura had used a skripka to create a melody drenched in calming magic to put the beasts into a submissive state before using runes to meld their wills. After the battle Ashura had been absolutely drained and had been bed ridden for days after using every ounce of his power to battle the beast's wills.
If there had been even the smallest flicker in his will, or the power used to hold that will in place, the spell would have faltered and everyone around would have been put at risk.
Fai was confident in his control to manage binding a dragon or two—it was the fact that he had to find a way to maintain that control while left for a different dimension…
Forcing ones will magically on a beast like a dragon was within the laws—semi permanently binding them was ok as far as that went. Permanently though?
Well it was borderline criminal… Even if dragons were not human.
The fact that he had to break another sacred rule of Wizardry to ensure that the spell didn't falter and fail while he was away was what pushed this waaaaay past his comfort zone… Even though there was no one here to scold him for his bad actions—Fai felt guilty just planning a spell of this nature.
Takeda, the Shogun of Kai, had all but admitted that as soon as he and Kurogane left he was going to attack Suwa. That bastard wasn't bluffing and was thick headed enough to try it.
The Mikado was already going to send a portion of her army to help maintain stability while they were away—but Takeda didn't seem deterred in the slightest. Power hungry fools like him would assume a war amongst the many provinces could be used as an advantage and the lord of Suwa leaving was the perfect opportunity to start such a conflict.
Without being here to fight the idiotic war lord face to face, they were risking leaving the kids behind to fight a war. The only thing that would scare the thick-headed Shogun into submission was probably the guardian spirit of the land torching part of his army if they dared cross into its territory.
Nihon was extremely traditional and held deep rooted beliefs in such things.
Such an omen would not be ignored even if Fai fabricated it. Especially not by a man who insisted in calling him 'the Suwa bastards Yosei whore.'
He told himself it was worth the risks and he wasn't going to let anyone change his mind…
He was just going to have to deal with being a law braking shit bag to protect his sweet family. Even if said sweeter then sugar family got mad at him for the plan…
It was a calculated risk—especially considering the possibility of the spell backfired on the caster. If it didn't work, he would get eaten by a dragon but If it did work, he would take the ass beating from Kuro-chan and they could happily leave knowing that Syaoran and Sakura wouldn't be fighting their battles for them.
Especially not with the princess in such a delicate state.
As if on que Fai's keen vampire hearing picked up a small commotion from the kid's room and he looked up just in time to see Sakura rush down the hall to the lavatory.
Poor dear.
It seems that witnessing the miracle of life a few months back hadn't been good birth control after all… The poor things baby fever had only gotten worse the more time she spent at Katsuya's shop. She found an excuse almost every day to stop up and see the new little baby girl that had bewitch the entire village.
To be fair—it was a really really cute baby. Named after the woman who had helped deliver her—Little Sakura was the pride of her family and Fai was sure she would grow to be just as beautiful and strong as her name sake.
Fai gathered up his notes and set them aside before heading down the hall with some cool water for his adoptive daughter. The mage waited until the sound of gagging stopped before he knocked softly on the door so as not to wake the others.
"Sakura sweetie?" This had been there routine the last few days and She had yet to admit that perhaps her upset stomach and tiredness had nothing to do with a stomach bug or food poisoning.
The princess slid the door of the bathroom open and accepted the glass of water with an exhausted smile. She followed him up the hall taking small sips as she went—and sat at the dining room table to wait while Fai got to making some tea.
He had made some ginger biscuits the other day and they usually did the trick for the princess first thing in the morning. Fai set the treats and tea down in front of Sakura and she thanked him quietly—still not trusting her stomach no doubt.
Fai just smiled patiently at her until a little more color had returned to her cheeks. He wasn't sure if she hadn't put the pieces together in her head yet, was in denial, or not ready to talk about it yet. No doubt it was pretty scary.
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
Well… If she really wanted to know…
"Just trying to figure out if you're naive or you don't want to talk to me about what's really going on." Its not like Fai had ever apologized for getting in her business before—and he didn't plan to start now.
He had gotten details on She and Syaoran's first kiss—the painfully adorable proposal—had attended the wedding—and have even given her some advice as to how to handle the wedding night.
The princess's cheeks tinged pink and her eyes snapped back down to the cup of tea she was nursing. Fai could see the gears in her head turning as she tried to gather her thoughts and he painterly waited.
"W—what if its all in my head? What if its just a fluke and I get my hopes up and—and—and—Oh my god Fai. What do I do if it's real? If I really am…" Tears started to prickle in her eyes and Fai chuckled before grabbing her hand.
They could deal with ether outcome easily enough. No need for her to be stuck between worrying about both possibilities.
"Want to find out?" It was easy enough to get some solid proof if the obvious morning sickness, slight weight gain, and exhaustion were not good enough signs.
Fai knew where he was putting his money though. He was very excited that the kids were in Suwa for such a wonderful blessing.
"Can—can you really tell?" Sakura looked so relived in that moment that the mage felt guilty for not asking her sooner.
"Yes silly. Follow me and we'll put your mind at ease." Fai helped her up to her feet and the made there way to his make shift apocrathy. With the remodel they had moved 'the medicine' room to a larger space with no windows on the quite side of the house.
It wasn't often that he had to make something that would be affected by sunlight—but it was so nice not to have to bother with blocking the windows. Kurogane couldn't understand why Fai would want to work in such a dark and gloomy spot when most of the home was full of light—but it almost reminded him of his office in Luvel castle, so he felt rather relaxed in his space.
He had reorganized his stashes of herbs, oils, and various other ingredients now that he had the space and shelving to do so, and it took him only a few moments to find what he was looking for. Sakura took a seat on Yuui's stool and watched him as he gathered everything together at the large stone work bench.
There were a few different ways he could make a pregnancy test but the easiest was a simple mixture that would change color when it came into contact with the hormones associated with early pregnancy. Since Sakura was already enjoying morning sickness—they should be able to easily detect those hormones.
In theory at least.
If that didn't work there was other ways to tell though seek spells that would detect the trace amounts of magic that didn't belong to the princess but there would be no visual proof for Sakura, and that seemed to be what she was craving.
Fai hummed absentmindedly as he worked, and Sakura fidgeted with the hem of her sleep shirt as she watched.
"So… I take it Syaoran has no idea?" Fai hoped he got to see the look on his face when he found out. It would be utterly adorable.
"Uh—I mean we both kinda decided that we wouldn't be upset if something did happen… but I don't think he has any idea that I haven't been feeling well." Syaoran was a smart kid but just as dense as Kurogane when it came to these things.
Kurogane had been up twice this week when Sakura had gotten sick—once had been as soon as she had woken up like today—once when she had opened the jar with the pickled plumbs and the smell hadn't agreed with her.
He hadn't said a damn thing other then he hoped she didn't have the flu.
"How did we both end up with such thick headed men?"
To that he earned a little smile.
"As exciting as all of this is—I finally got Yuui to stop asking the baby questions." Fai hadn't expected to come home after Kirimi had had her baby only to have Yuui pull him across the house and ask him all sorts of things.
Later when he had a moment alone with Kurogane he had gotten a very angry explanation of the horrors he was put though by the child with said questions, and had let Fai know that he was on his own the birds and the bees.
Fai was so sad to miss the ninja's course explanation of how babies were delivered and had hardly been able to contain his laughter when Yuui recounted what the had learned and followed It with a question as to why Fai and Kurogane hadn't had a baby yet—if it was because Suwa was mean and wouldn't let them get married or if they didn't like babies.
Obviously the ninja hadn't explained the difference between the two genders to the curious child—and once Fai had given an age appropriate description of said differences—Yuui decided that maybe he really didn't want to know how babies were made.
"I thought you said he was grossed out and didn't want to know?"
"If he is anything like I was as a kid his curiosity will get the best of him. We're also scarily similar so I am sure he will be scarring Kuro-chan with more questions soon." both Fai and the princess laughed at the thought.
Fai was the least easy to embarrass out of the group when it came to such things—in fact—it was pretty much impossible to find something he wasn't comfortable talking about. Growing up in a society full of wizards who often lived for hundreds of years, where said wizards spent those years dedicated to learning magic and science, he had never been taught that the human body or any of its functions were embarrassing. Celese was rather progressive in its views and there were few topics that were considered impolite dinner conversation.
Yuui wasn't quite as bad at Fai when it came to trampling over the social normalities of Nihon—but he defiantly wasn't afraid to ask questions.
"He is gonna be such a good helper though… If—if there even is a… baby."
Fai quirked an eye brow at her—what did she expect to happen if they had enough unprotected sex?
"He will be—he's going to be stuck to you like glue." If Yuui wasn't clinging to Fai he was with the princess these days. The little boy loved bringing her interesting things he found outside in the way that only little boys did—and beamed when Sakura accepted his offerings happily.
It was painfully cute to see him getting closer to her.
No doubt the whole family is going to stick to her like glue with this news—especially Syaoran. He was going to worry over every little sneeze and sniffle even more then he already did when it came to the princess. Hopefully their errand didn't take long, and they would be back before the baby was born.
There was no way to know of course—Yuuko had yet to contact them with anymore information so it was as equally possible that they would miss the baby being born as it was that they would be back after a few short weeks.
It all depended on how fast they found what she needed and how differently time flowed in the two worlds.
There was no point in worrying about it. Fai would make sure that there was a proper healer to help the princess if he was away when the baby decided to arrive… it was what it was at this point.
No point in even bringing up the issue with the probable due date.
Fai grabbed two clean glass vials and divided the mixture equally between them. He found a small needle amongst his utensils and pricked the tip of his ring finger. "Ok—So our base here is a fun green color as you can see."
Sakura nodded and watched as Fai used his free hand and to pinch his finger as he held it over one the vials and added enough pressure to get just enough blood to collect on the tip of his finger for a single drop to fall into the mixture.
As soon as the two liquids made contact the green base bubbled and steamed—turning a deep shade of blue.
"—it will turn blue like this if you're not pregnant. It should turn a pretty red color if you are. Ready to find out?" Fai lazily licked the tip of his finger, his saliva's healing enzymes taking care of the barely noticeable prick.
Sakura nodded eagerly as Fai quickly sanitized the needle before handing it over. Sakura's hands were shaking as she pricked her own finger—and the mage helped to steady them as she held it over the remaining mixture.
As soon as blood hit the mixture it did just as he knew it would—fizzling it change to a hot red color and Sakura's face changed from nervous excitement to pure joy. He hadn't expected her to start bawling at the news, but Fai could tell that she was overwhelmingly happy as she all but tackled him.
He was so happy for them—but he would be better able to focus on that happiness once he had set a fool proof defense to keep them, as well as the new baby, safe and sound while he was away…
Sakura settled down soon enough and they made breakfast together while they waited for the boys to drag there butts out of bed. The smell of food usually did the trick and Sakura wanted them all together when she shared the good news.
Not surprisingly—Kurogane was the next one to wake up. Years as a ninja had his body conditioned to be up with the rising sun and he hadn't outgrown that habit when he had retired to become the lord of Suwa. What was surprising is that the ninja walked into the room—eyes sleepy and expression relaxed as was usual first thing—and carrying a very grumpy Yuui.
Yuui hadn't wanted to go to bed last night since Fai had been too restless to sleep. He had stayed up as long as his young body would allow, and the last time he had seen him it had been when Kurogane had carried him to bed on his own way to lay down for the night as well.
The child was still wearing his sleep cloths and his hair was sticking up at odd angles as he rested his cheek on Kurogane's shoulder. The ninja had gotten dressed and though not quite 100% awake, he looked ready to start the day rather then set to hibernate for a few more hours.
His tiny twin was usually very clingy first thing in the morning—but he was usually attached to Fai like that.
It wasn't like he minded. He thought that Kurogane looked really good cuddling the exhausted child—and it warmed his heart that Yuui was being snuggle bug. Kurogane didn't get enough snuggles. This was good for them both.
Sakura seemed to find it equally adorable and gave the appropriate awe when both Yuui and Kurogane yawned in unison as they settled down at the table.
Yuui fell right back to sleep and Kurogane ignored him as he drank his tea and watched his companions cook and chatter quietly. It wasn't until the meal was prepared that they finally heard the door to the kid's bedroom open, followed by lazy shuffles of Syaoran coming to join them.
Fai gave Sakura's shoulder a reassuring squeez as soon as the unknowing father to be entered the room and went to sit across from Kurogane. The ninja shot him a skeptical look and Fai just offered an innocent smile.
He was only a little smug that he got to know before anyone else, and that their adoptive daughter had come to him for comfort.
Not that it was a contest or anything.
Syaoran seemed totally oblivious to the sudden tension in the room and walked around the table to give the princess a good morning hug before fixing himself some coffee—as was there routine.
"Um—I have something to tell you Syaoran…" the tone of her voice didn't seem to bother him—Kurogane was now glaring at Fai.
Oh, this was going to be so much fun.
"Yeah sure. What's up?" The brunette turned away from the kettle to flash a curious look.
Did he really have no idea? Sakura might claim that they had talked about 'not being upset if something happened' but Fai was confident that was her polite way of saying they were actively trying.
One would think that he would be looking out for the results of all there 'hard work.'
This was almost painful to watch as the silence dragged on—the kids looking at each other for an impossibly long time before the princess worked up the nerve to continue.
"I—uh… well you see We're um—that is…" Sakura shot Fai a desperate look and he chuckled.
How was she this embarrassed? Those two had always been like that around each other sure—but how the heck had they managed to conceive if they were this ridiculously shy around each other even after so much time.
"Kuro-daddy and I can give you some privacy if you would like." Maybe it was the fact that they had an audience? Easy in theory but harder in practice?
"Oh god please no. I don't want to do this more then once." Sakura took in a few deep breaths and both Syaoran and Kurogane looked as though she was about to tell them she was dying of some incurable ailment or that she lost all of her memories again.
"Should I wake Yuui up then? I know he will be so excited to hear the good news." Fai offered with a smile—the doggie duo visually relaxed.
"No… That's ok…" Sakura sucked in a few deep breaths before turning back to her husband. "It's just that—well I'm having a baby…"
Fai watched all of the color drain out of Syaoran's face. He blinked once, twice, and hit the floor like a sack of flour before anyone could react.
Fai was torn between bursting out laughing at that reaction, and worrying for the brunettes poor head that had hit the very hard floor with a loud crack. It took less then a second for both he and Kurogane to snap into action though.
Fai got there first considering he didn't have a child sleeping in his lap—but the ninja wasn't far behind after Yuui was handed off to Sakura. The older blond checked Syaoran over for any obvious injuries may have caused—and was happy to see no blood—just a nasty goose egg.
A light slap to the cheek was all it took to rouse the boy—and those big brown eyes looked impossibly wide as he came to. Not missing a beat, Syaoran shot upright and looked at the princess in disbelief.
"I am sooo sorry!" He probably would have scrambled to his feet if Kurogane didn't hold him down with two hands on his shoulders.
"Why are you sorry?" Sakura looked about two seconds away from crying and Yuui who had been woken suddenly was trying to wiggle out of her arms.
"Y—you just told me—oh my god and I just fainted—and—and are you really?" Syaoran babbled as he looked franticly around the room and Fai almost expected him to faint again.
He didn't thankfully—he instead swallowed a few times.
"Are you what?" Yuui finally managed to wiggle free. Obviously grumpy from being woken all of a sudden, he looked at the adults in the room as though they had just dishonored his ancestors. "Why are you on the floor?"
Fai looked back from the tiny cranky blond just in time to lock eyes with Kurogane and they both stated to crack up. It wasn't easy to make them both laugh so hard they were practically gasping for air—but as Yuui continued to glare at them, Syaoran continued to apologize, and Sakura to stunned to speak they couldn't help themselves.
Eventually Yuui's crankiness turned into concern as his twin and the ninja leaned against each other for support as they both cackled. Syaoran managed to scoot away from them and stood next to Sakura, both of there adult adopted children mirroring Yuui's concern.
It only made the whole situation funnier.
Kurogane especially was typically more reserved then this—and the fact that he found this as funny as Fai only made the mage laugh harder. By the time the last pearls of laughter worked there way out of their systems, he was pretty sure he had never laughed that hard in his life.
"Are you guys done now?" Yuui was not impressed and Fai bit his lip as Kurogane helped him to his feet.
"Yes. Apologies." Fai leaned down and gave his tiny twin a too tight hug that the child didn't bother struggling against. "Syaoran are you ok? Dizzy?"
"Uh no. I'm good—just surprised…" the brunette looked at Sakura and pulled her into his arms. "I didn't mean to scare you or anything… It was like all of sudden I felt too many feelings and then the next thing I knew I was on the ground."
"I didn't mean to make you faint… I would have had you sit down if I thought—"
"No no! You didn't do anything wrong. I just got too happy. You're perfect—you told me in the perfect way I couldn't be happier." Sakura started tearing up again and Fai was pretty sure the usually stoic archeologist was getting close to water works as well.
Fai was distracted form the touching scene by a tug on his cloths and looked down to see Yuui frowning at him. "You can faint from getting too happy?"
"Guess so." Leaning down, the older blonde picked his twin up and kissed his forehead.
"I missed something while I was sleeping, didn't I?"
"Yeah."
"Oh…"
"Sakura will tell you all about it once they calm down. Do you want to help me finish getting the food ready while the love birds talk?"
Yuui agreed that that was for the best and he helped Fai while the kids whispered quietly and hugged it out. Kurogane went back to drinking his tea and soon enough they were all sitting down to a nice meal.
Fai watched his tiny twin watch Syaoran and Sakura until eventually they noticed him patiently waiting to be filled in.
"Oh! Right!" Sakura flashed him a soft smile and Syaoran gripped her hand as he also settled his attention on the curious boy. "We got some very good news this morning."
Yuui blinked them expectantly and Sakura wrinkled her nose in amusement at that cute expression. "Syaoran and I are going to be having a baby. Isn't that exciting?"
"Oh."
Fai frowned. He wished he could take a peek into his twin's brain and see what was running though his mind at the moment. Normally he could read the child like an open book, but his magic wasn't fluctuating with any emotions at all.
Ether Fai was losing his touch or Yuui was finally starting to catch on to his latest lessons on control…
"When will it get here?" the first drops of anxiety started to stain the boys magic.
Why did that have to be his first thought? Couldn't his first thought have been about how exciting it was? How this might mean the children will stay? Any of the positive aspects at all? He was to young to worry so much…
"Some time in July or August probably." It clicked with her suddenly as to what had the child in knots, and her head whipped towards the taller blonde. "You guys are leaving in June though aren't you!"
She just now remembered it seemed. Her pointing it out seemed to trigger both Syaoran and Kurogane to realize just what that most likely meant, and they too looked at Fai with startled, worried expressions.
Why were they all looking at him?
He didn't get Sakura pregnant—and he most certainly couldn't control when the baby was born.
That aside this was nothing to panic over… He could excuse the kids giving him that look. They were adults but this was new and scary, and they had always had the ninja and the mage to guide them through most challenges in life…
But Kurogane should know better—Yuui was watching their reaction carefully and his increased anxiety was bleeding into his magic causing it to hum.
If the ninja had managed to approach this like Fai currently was—with confidence that everything was going to be fine—Fai might be able to settle the child's fears before he started to run with them.
"Seeing as we can't change the date of our departure or the due date of the baby—There is absolutely no reason to start worrying about if we will or not be back in time." Fai sighed—he wanted to be here to support Sakura as much as Kurogane and Yuui—and he would hate missing it as much as Syaoran would hate him not being there.
It sucked.
Not because the kids wouldn't be ok without them there though—he needed to stress that.
"But Fai—"
"Sorry Yuui… there is absolutely nothing we can do. We have no choice but to uphold our half of the deal with Yuuko and babies come when they come." He watched Yuui squirm in his spot, tears collecting in the corner of his eyes.
He did not like that answer… It was ok though.
Fai had to let him know it was ok or he was going to make himself sick worrying and Sakura would feel so terribly about adding stress.
He couldn't let Yuui get worked up over what was a happy thing.
"But you love Sakura… She needs us—"
And didn't that just rip his heart into shreds…
Oh Yuui…
"We all love Sakura very very much Yuui. I can't do anything to change things. I can only hope that we're back in time and make sure that if were not that there is someone here to help her—"
"But Fai!" the child's voice cracked. He really had become attached to her… "She needs us!"
Fai wasn't sure he had every loved his twin as much as he did at the moment. His fears were misguided but he was so impossibly sweet.
"Yuui. Hush now and listen to me." A few tears slipped down his cheeks as he nodded his head, and Fai reached out to wipe them away. He didn't have to be stern with him often—but he was going to have to accept that there were things even grownups couldn't change.
It was no ones fault. Sakura would be ok. There was no reason to get so upset…
Not an easy lesson for a child unfortunately.
"There is no reason to get so upset—" Yuui opened his mouth to protest and Fai tapped his index finger against the boy's lips to shush him. "—For all we know were only going to be gone for a few weeks. Until we know for sure that were going to be away its silly to be upset."
"—now—" Fai continued as he wiped the new tears that slipped free as the child sniffled loudly. "—even if we're not back—and Kuro-chan and I are going to try our absolute best to make sure we are only gone a little while—We will make sure that we find someone to stay with Sakura and Syaoran and help them until we are back."
Yuui's lips quivered and he shook his head almost violently back and forth. His magic flared and Fai wished he could just take the boys worries away.
This was something to be happy about—it was such a shame that the happiness was being shoved away by dark anxieties and fears no little boy should have.
"It's not the same… They won't love her like us… she needs us." Yuui pleaded and looked back and forth between Kurogane and Fai.
The mage was hearing his twin's words, he was sensing his emotions as they leaked out into his magic, but he could stop it. He truly wished he could. He wasn't sure why Yuui was so terrified at the thought of possibly being away when the baby was born—he didn't know where these feelings were coming from to even get a clue as to how to shut them down. Turn them away and focus on how much fun the new baby would be once they returned.
Maybe it was because he had seen enough babies born that he knew unless there were complications, she would be fine. Thousands of women gave birth every day and they had since the beginning of time—the only reason it was important to be there was because it was Sakura and Syaoran's child.
They wanted to share in their happiness—who actually delivered the baby didn't make it any less special.
"It might not be the same—but it's the best we can do. A midwife or doctor doesn't need to love every patient to make sure they are healthy and well cared for. That's their job." He and Kurogane would make sure she had the best—probably hire someone with more experience than Fai.
He had helped deliver a few babies sure, but his primary occupation had been as a war mage.
Yuui didn't seem to think his twin was taking the issue seriously and looked like was a few steps away from a full on melt down… he didn't know what to do to stop it ether…
Fai cupped the boys tear stained cheeks and gave a frustrated huff. "What will make you feel better?"
"Telling Yuuko to wait till after the new baby to make us leave so Sakura isn't alone."
Well that wasn't going to work. You didn't back out of a deal with the Dimensional Witch.
"She still has Syaoran you know, and I've already told you that we can't do that Yuui. What else?"
"Nothing… I don't wanna leave S-Sakura." With the last word he let out a heart strangling, soul crushing cry, and he batted Fai's hands away before curling his knees to his chest.
At this rate Fai was going to start crying too—he couldn't stand seeing his brother this upset. It was almost physically painful to see him like this and if he kept crying like that the older twin was sure he would have his own brake down.
He knew he had to snap him out of it—Fai was the only one who could calm him down when he got like this. If wasn't easy for the mage to do when he couldn't fix anything—there was nothing he could change or do other than reiterate that everything was ok.
It didn't help that Yuui seemed to think he had any sort of control in the situation. His hands were tied… Fai and Kurogane were on the boy's side in regard to wanting to be there for Sakura.
Fai pulled Yuui into his arms even though he tried to wiggle away. He didn't want to be the bad guy—this wasn't his choice ether and he didn't know how to convey that in a way Yuui would understand…
He could give him the options and let him choose sure—but who knew if that would work? He could stay in Suwa and wait for Fai and Kurogane—or he could come and possible miss the baby.
Perhaps if he chose, he would feel better?
"Maybe we can compromise?"
"I wanna stay with Sakura!" Yuui almost screeched as he tried to push against Fai's chest to get away.
"Ok." Fai felt the thrashing stop almost immediately and Yuui looked at him with red rimmed eyes. If that's what he wanted Fai would indulge him… even if the boy staying would cause him endless worry.
If that made him feel better that's what they would do.
He couldn't help his sad sigh and flashed his tiny twin a worried look.
"We can stay?" the hope in his voice was sharper then any knife as the older blond watched his whole body sag in exhausted relief.
Fai felt like a piece of shit as he shook his head to clarify and Yuui looked utterly betrayed.
"We can't stay. Kurogane and I have to go—there is no way around that. You however—you can stay if you would rather be with Sakura and Syaoran. They will take very good care of you while were gone I am su—"
"NOOO!" the child shrieked loud enough to cause even Kurogane to jump.
Yuui didn't want to be away from him. His twin had cried every time Fai had been forced to leave him alone for a few hours to run an errand or meet with a diplomat—the thought of the two of them being separated for an unknown amount of time in totally different dimensions was enough to make the boy forget all his earlier worries.
That had not been the plan. Fai had only meant to give him a choice. Not make him even more upset…
Shit.
Fai felt Yuui's magic go absolutely crazy as he thought about being separated from his twin and instead of struggling to get away, Yuui curled as close as he possible could, fisting his tiny hands in the older blonde's cloths desperately.
"Don't leave me! You swore! You said you were never going to leave me Fai!" In response the mage tangled a hand in his short hair and tucked the other around his waist to cradle him comfortingly against his chest.
"Yuui—I didn't say I would leave you. I said you could choose to stay here or come with me. Calm down. It would very be hard for me to let you stay home… but if you would feel better at home, I would let you."
"No no no no no—" the child was panicking, and it was his fault… He had to fix this… He should never be afraid that he would be abandoned.
"That's ok Yuui please calm down. Let me explain."
"No! I hate this… I don't want to leave! I want to stay home with you and Sakura! Why are you making us go? She needs us Fai! It's not fair! Ihateit Ihateit I HATE it." Yuui's fingers managed to curl tighter and he sobbed violently as the words left his mouth.
Fai had to fix this, but he couldn't give the child both things.
"What we hate or don't hate doesn't change the situation little one. I don't want to go ether, but we don't have a choice." Fai spoke quietly to the child, rocking him slightly in an attempt to sooth him.
"It's not FAIR. Please Fai!" Yuui twisted his neck up to look at his brother in total desperation.
Fai didn't know what to do… How could he fix this?
"Yuui I need you to calm down and I will try and explain it a different wa—"
"NO! Why are you letting Ms. Yuuko send us away? You said they're our family and you're just letting her take them away!"
Oh Yuui—they were going to be safe and sound here in Suwa. Fai was making sure nothing would be able to hurt them—everything was ok.
"They are going to be here when we get—"
"What if there not? What if the dragon comes back and eats everyone and we're too far away to help? There gonna die Fai… why are you going to let them die?" Yuui wasn't screaming anymore.
He whispered those words as he buried his face in the crook of his brother's neck. He sounded so utterly broken and fearful—as if he was already experiencing the pain of returning to see them maimed and lifeless.
The fact that he thought Fai would EVER let that happen? That hurt a special way…
The mage didn't know what to do. How was he going to fix this?
"Oh Yuui… That's not going to happen. You know Kurogane and I are making sure none of that happens before we go… No one is dying."
"NO! You're a liar! You can't know that! Why don't you care? My Fai would care!" Yuui no longer wanted to be held and pushed against Fai roughly.
The mage let him go. He wiggled back away from his twin and wrapped his arms around his shaking frame protectively—doubling over as though he was in terrible pain while he sobbed.
What was he supposed to do? How did he comfort him? He could hardly think after that accusation…
Fai cared.
He had spent weeks worrying about their safety and was planning on going to the extreme to ensure it. On braking several magical laws to ensure it—he was trying his best.
Why couldn't he help Yuui see? Everything was going to be ok—Fai wouldn't let anything happen.
"I am sorry you feel that way but—"
"No no no! You don't care! You don't care that Ms. Yuuko is separating everyone and you don't care that Sakura needs us. You're a big fat liar! You're not my Fai! My Fai wouldn't leave everyone to die! He always tired to protect everyone and you're just—you're just—"
Something if Fai snapped.
He was always sure to choose his words carefully—that was something that had been drilled into him by Ashura-ou from only hours after his arrival in Celese—never to act on emotion. He was a class A war mage who had faced entire armies in battles with only a few good men at his back—he had argued with the most cunning minds and hadn't been so much as ruffled.
He had been demeaned, insulted, called demon, a curse to his countrymen, a killer, a coward, a foreign monster, Suwa's Yosei whore, too many insults to even recall.
None of that had caused him to snap. Fai was always had enough control over his emotions to choose his words…
What Yuui had just accused him of? Fai lost it as his heart broke.
"You are just a little boy and you don't understand what you are talking about. You are being hurtful and upsetting everyone and if you don't calm down and show that you know how to behave you will be staying home—"
He didn't get to finish the rest of his threat because Yuui cut Fai off with an ear-splitting, desperate sob as he crumpled into a little ball of the floor. The older twin quickly wiped the single tear that had fallen away and pulled the child into his arms again.
The guilt he felt was overwhelming and it took all of his strength to do that much.
Fai hadn't meant to threaten him with his worst fear, and he had just done it twice in under twenty minutes. The child was now crying so hard he sounded like he was choking, unable to pull a full breath into his lungs before another body quaking sob ripped free from his tiny frame. Yuui was so distraught that he was losing control of his magic and it was radiating off of him in pain-soaked waves making it feel like a polar breeze had ripped through the dining room.
God what had he done? He was an adult—why was he threatening a little boy? What the heck had he done to his sweet Yuui?
Fai managed to take a deep breath and collect himself enough to try and apologize.
He didn't deserve Yuui's forgiveness… He didn't deserve Yuui.
"Yuui I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. I would never ever leave you. Please just breath."
The child didn't answer—Fai wasn't even sure if he had heard him over the sound of his crying.
Dear god what had he done to his poor sweet Yuui? He was just a child—the morning had been eventful, and he just didn't understand. Fai was an adult with literal centuries on the boy—he should have never said that out of anger.
Not that—never that.
"Please Yuui I need you to calm down." Fai heard his own voice quiver and he wished he could slap himself. He needed to keep it together or his little twin's anguish would only be fueled by his own emotions.
This had to be a panic attack—why else could keep Yuui form breathing?
Fai had had panic attacks before—but he didn't think they had ever been this bad. He had grown out of them as he had learned methods to handle his stresses and fears. It had been too many years to count since the last time he had suffered from them.
How the hell had Ashura-ou calmed him down? What would he do?
Fai can hardly remember the few times he had lost total control of himself—he was pretty sure that the last time it had happened the king had shocked it out of it… right? Or had he let him cry it out?
This was not the time for his memories to flee him…
Fuck.
"Yuui. Can you hear me?" Fai tried to lean back slightly in an attempt to get enough distance between them so he could look at the child's face—It only caused Yuui to claw at him painfully in an attempt to keep him in place.
"Yuui I need you to listen to me very carefully. Can you do that?"
His twin didn't even acknowledge him. The room was so cold now that he could see his breath, and Fai knew if he didn't stop this soon the uncontrolled magic was going to start lashing out physically.
He had to snap him out of this. They were running out of time and Yuui would never forgive himself if he accidentally hurt someone…
Fai was running out of options here… his mind was racing and he worried Yuui wasn't getting enough air. He needed to breath. Fai didn't know what he would do if the boy stopped breathing.
Between thousands of hours spent practicing control over his mind, body, and magic, as well as all the years he had lived on the battle field, how was it now that his twin needed him most, he couldn't think of something to brake him out of this trance? `
Something that he would have no choice but to respond to…
He was the worst kind of monster… he didn't deserve this child.
"If you don't answer me, I am going to send you back to Yuuko for being so bad." He winced at his own words as the lie left his tongue. The boy's response was sudden and alarming, all at once felt the shaking stop and the gasping, screeching cries gave way to cold silence.
"I—I don't—Please don't—send me away… Please…" Yuui's voice was horse from the screaming and sounded so completely distraught and broken as he tried to speak between desperate attempts to suck air into his lungs.
Fai had done this. He had caused his brother to get this upset. This was his fault.
"You can here me now?" Fai kissed the boys head and Yuui nodded slowly.
"I had to snap you out of it Yuui. Please listen to me… I'm not going to send you away. Not ever. You belong with me no matter what ok?" Fai offered a small smile to the child.
Fai didn't deserve to have Yuui here now.
Yuui deserved someone who wouldn't cause him so much heartbreak.
What had he done?
"But—but you just said…"
"I know. I needed to say something to snap your mind out of that place. It was only to get you to listen. Please understand." What had he done? Fai felt his own body shaking from tension and worry and he just really needed to fix this.
Could he fix this?
"I—I would—I would—die…. if you—if you left. I would die… Please Fai." Yuui snuffed his nose as his desperate, bruising grip tightened further.
Fai could not believe what he had done… How could he cause Yuui to feel this bad? What kind of evil brother was he?
"I am not leaving. I spoke out of anger and I can't apologize enough. I am yours as long as you will have me. I'm never ever leaving you ok?" Fai hugged the boy a little to tight.
What had he done? God what had he done?
"It's—It's ok… I was—I was mean to. I said mean things too…" the child was breathing a little easier and his magic started to settle slightly.
"You're a kid—grownups aren't supposed to speak in anger like that. I am so sorry Yuui."
"Fai?"
"Hm?"
"Can we go back to bed? I have a headache and my chest hurts… I just want to go to sleep."
"Yeah."
Fai chanced his first look up at their traveling companions as he stood, and it stung. Syaoran, Sakura, and Kurogane had all seen him at his worse—but he was pretty sure this was a new low.
He was such a piece of shit…
Sakura and Syaoran both looked as though they thought the child's distress was their own fault—and Kurogane was obviously livid about his handling of the situation.
Not only was his twin and the kids upset—but his lover was mad at him too… Perfect.
He cast his gaze down and made his way out of the room without addressing them.
Yuui had his own room now, but he never slept in there. It was simply a place for him to study and store his belongings—he always slept with Fai and Kurogane. Nether he or the ninja minded the intrusion and often times the tiny blond fell sleep right between them in bed.
It was just as comforting to Fai to have Yuui there as it was for the child to sleep with the adults.
He plopped gracelessly down on the futon and slowly pried Yuui off of him so they could lay down. The boy had obviously still been tired before the morning's excitement—and all that crying no doubt left him exhausted.
As soon as he had settled into a comfortable position—Yuui clung back onto him as if someone was going to steal him away…
Fai was doing a shitty job with Yuui… He should be better at this. He needed to be better at this…
0o0o0
Kurogane had no idea why today had to be so fucking eventful before they had even finished their fucking breakfast.
Sakura had shocked the hell outta him before he had even had any caffeine with the pregnancy shit—which shouldn't have been all that shocking considering that she was married and slept in the same room as her fucking husband.
The way she got all googly eyed around that stupid baby was another giant freaking clue—especially when the walls were really god damn thin in this house and he had heard her gush to the kid about how cute that baby was and how she thought helping Fai deliver it would make it scary but somehow found the entire thing beautiful in the way a young woman would.
It was obviously gonna happen sooner or later.
Apparently, he wasn't the biggest idiot in the house—or he had failed the kid as a father figure by not explaining that Syaoran could knock the princess up—because Syaoran had scared the shit outta him by fucking fainting out of nowhere at the news.
Really? He had no idea? No idea at all that she might get pregnant?
He didn't fucking buy that—so he hadn't assumed the little fucker had just gotten over whelmed when he hit the floor like a sack of potatoes. Not after the crazy overwhelming shit they had all been though hadn't made him pass out—but somehow finding out that Sakura was going to have a baby is what caused him to faint?
Really?
Of course, he was happy for them. His heart had been overflowing with joy as he and Fai had laughed and watched those kids be there awkward overly apologetic selves while the whole situation had gone over Yuui's head.
He had his family all together and they were sharing a wonderfully happy moment before they all got reminded that for some reason, the universe like to fuck with them when ever they started to get comfortable.
As if all the excitement of the baby shit wasn't enough, his blond morons had managed to put on the most hear braking display he had ever seen, and he wasn't so sure that their family was ever going to be the same.
That had been seriously fucked up. He had literally seen each of the twins brake the others heart and he was afraid that they had taken about a hundred steps in the wrong direction.
Probably the shittiest part was the fact that he hadn't known what to do—what to say—and he had just watched Fai try and fix an unfixable problem until it escalated way past a healthy level.
Now they were hiding in bed isolating themselves and he was just doing the dishes, so he didn't have to sit at the table staring at Syaoran and Sakura who felt bad for causing Yuui to get so worked up.
They had been here for a while now and during all of that time they hadn't seen him have a real meltdown like that. Other than the water works that came any time Fai had to leave him home for a few hours—Yuui had seemed to be a happy, healthy, mentally stable kid.
He was about as far from that as it got—but he seemed like it sometimes. It was easy to forget just how tied up the twerp got himself when things changed.
Yuui had had a lot of fits his first few weeks in Suwa—this one took the cake by miles sure—but they had been getting better until now, and they had thankfully been few and far between recently. As he had settled—Fai had settled too and Kurogane had actually let himself hope that those twins would manage to help each other heal.
Obviously, they were not there yet. If today was any clue, they were both too stuck in their own trauma to constructively help the other out of a wet paper bag.
It was not the kids's fault—they didn't cause the insecurities or irrational fears that had twisted and controlled Fai and Yuui during that spat. He didn't know how to explain that to them in a way they would understand though so here he was—avoiding it.
He wasn't sure he understood it himself…
Kurogane had been pretty confident in his ability to read the twins up until now. He had not seen that coming though—he never would have guessed that they could rip each other apart like that.
He talked to Fai a fuck ton about Yuui's mental state—just like he talked to Fai a lot about his own mental state. He had seen the way the tiny twin had watched the way the older doted on the princess—he had watched Yuui get attached to her to the point that he gave her almost as many hugs and kisses as his brother.
He hadn't known why at first, he had assumed it had something to do with the way Sakura effected most people. He had been corrected by his mage a few weeks back after his lover had had a few too many drinks.
The whole reason the idiot even decided to drink at all that night was because Yuui had already fallen asleep in the princess's room, again, and they usually let him sleep there.
When Fai was shitfaced it was the only time you didn't have to read between the lines to get an answer from him. He wasn't sure how they got on the topic of how close Sakura and Yuui had become but Fai had gotten very quiet after it was mentioned.
Eventually Fai had asked him if Yuui had ever brought up his mom to the ninja before—he hadn't. He wasn't as open with Kurogane as he was with his twin, and usually when they talked it wasn't about feelings.
That was Fai's department—they bonded in their own way.
His mage had not had a healthy relationship with his own mother, and they had talked in the past about how that effected his willingness to let woman close to him. (Chii being the only exception to that rule—and later the princess whose feather had been used to create Chii) They had talked about it at length when they had lived in the capital since Tomoyo noticed that the blonde kept her shut out. She had approached the Kurogane when Fai refused to let her be anything more than a polite acquaintance even though Kurogane looked at the princess like a sister.
When he had asked his mage back then it had had been a pretty disturbing, depressing realization that Fai had such a deep-rooted distrust for the opposite gender that he couldn't even have female friends. Kurogane couldn't relate—he had had strong female figures in his life, right along side the male ones, and he had never had a reason to mistrust someone based on something like there gender.
If his mom had called him a curse and committed suicide in front of him? Blaming him for it?
Shit—you couldn't even question why he might feel the way he did. That was FUCKED up.
Yuui's relationship with his worlds version of there mom had been different. Not healthy by any means given what few details he knew about what life was like before he had been shipped away—but she had gone to the witch for help and that was the only reason they had the child to cherish now.
The HUGE difference was that Yuui loved his mother like all little boys should. His mother might have let him suffer by his father's hand—but she had loved him to. She had given him up to the witch even though she had loved him... Your mom played such an important part in your life and Yuui knew that her sending him away was a sign of her love for him.
So, the kid missed her. Missed her a whole fucking lot.
Fai had told him that Yuui would often cry over her—telling him just how much he missed her—how worried he was that his father was going to do to her what she had done to his worlds twin.
Kurogane related to Yuui on a deep level when it came to missing his mom. He knew that the wounds of loosing her, even if she was still alive, were going to be raw for years to come.
The thing was—Yuui didn't process things like a normal little boy. He fed off of the emotions off the people around him.
Aka—Fai.
If Fai didn't like something, Yuui didn't ether. Even if it was something he craved—like maternal affection from the females in his life. It wasn't like they were lacking woman that wanted to shower Yuui in hugs and treats ether.
He had heard from most of his men that their wives, sisters, and older daughters all worried about how Yuui was doing without anyone to mother him. A boy needs a mother after all—that was a belief in Nihon at least.
Yuui avoided them and stuck close to Fai even though the village woman tried. Fai couldn't change the fact that he wasn't fond of them. His mage didn't hate them, didn't think they were bad people or anything. He just treated them like he did all woman—with polite disinterest.
Most people didn't even notice that Fai treated woman different because of his stupid fake smiles. Yuui could tell though because—well Kurogane wasn't sure but the twerp knew. He pushed them away just like Fai did.
Sakura was different though.
Fai very obviously loved her deeply so Yuui had fallen hard and fast in his own affection for Sakura. What the fuck had they expected when she fed him, helped him dress, read him stories, snuggled him when Fai was away and he was sad? She had pretty much adopted him.
Fai encouraged it too. He trusted Sakura with his brother and encouraged them to be close. He didn't want Yuui to end up like him—he wanted him to be able to trust woman and lead a normal life.
Any of them could have probably guessed that the squirt would get upset knowing that the princess was going to be in a vulnerable state while they were away—especially knowing they were almost certainly going to be in another dimension running the dimensional bitch's stupid errand when she had the baby.
The munchkin probably didn't understand all of his own feelings on why that was so upsetting. He soaked up emotions like a sponge though, and that momentarily panicked look from the princess was all it had taken to plant the idea in his head that something bad was going to happen.
Once the idea was in his head there was no getting it back…
But holy fuck had is escalated quickly—transforming into something that was totally irrational.
It's not like Kurogane liked this shit ether—not that he could do anything to help her other than offer moral support. Fai hated it to he knew—he didn't want to miss it.
He and Fai had spent who knows how many years worrying about Syaoran and Sakura. They had become family and bonded on a level that tied them together closer than most blood relations, so they understood Yuui's worry to that extent.
The kids wanted them there too, but there was no use getting upset over it… As adults they understood this.
Yuui didn't.
Yuui had twisted all of his feelings up with every insecurity and irrational fear he had until it had become a crushing weight that had completely overwhelmed him. His anxiety was no fucking joke.
He didn't know if it was a learned behavior from living with an abusive father—or if it was just something he had always been prone to. Fai also tended to get anxious—but not like that.
He had never seen Fai like that—and thank fucking god for that huge blessing.
That poor kid had looked like he was dying.
Like his worries and fears were choking the life out of him and they could only stand by and watch him struggle. Kurogane didn't know how worrying about the princess having the baby while they were away had progressed into everyone dying the second they left Suwa, Fai not giving a fuck about any of it, or any of the other shit.
His brain just didn't fucking follow.
Fai had held it together pretty well until Yuui had shut down. Better then one would expect given that the last time Yuui had yelled at him like that a simple 'I hate you' had caused the older twin to need to step away and calm down.
His mage had no way of knowing that telling the kid to behave or he wouldn't be allowed to come with them on there trip would scare Yuui like that. That was a normal punishment for children who threw fits—they lost privileges—and traveling was a privilege.
He didn't know how to explain to the kids that Yuui was just a fucked up little kid and they shouldn't blame themselves. They should blame his shitty parents and not worry too much about it—Fai and Kurogane had that part covered.
Shit…
Today had somehow managed to be one of his happiest since returning to Suwa, as well as one of his saddest.
The last of the dishes were taken care of and the ninja swore under his breath before heading back out to where the kids were still quietly sitting. They looked totally freaked out when they locked eyes with him, and he couldn't help but swear again.
"It's not your fault so quit looking at me like you kicked the twerp."
"I didn't know that the news would make him so upset." Sakura frowned as she spoke and Syaoran wrapped a comforting arm around her.
"That's not what caused that. I know we told you that Yuui was in rough shape when he got here—I know you both have seen how insecure he is. As much as we all care for him, he isn't a normal kid. It's complicated and hard to explain and I don't even think Fai or I really know what causes him to get so worked up over small shit—"
Kurogane paused and to collect his thoughts and cursed a few more times.
This sucked.
"Don't take it personally ok?"
The kids both nodded at him, and he really hoped they took his advice…
Kurogane wanted to give the twins time to just let the air settle so he had the kids head with him into town to drop off all the extra sweets Fai had made to allow them space. They didn't hear a peep from ether of them the rest of the day—they didn't come out for lunch or dinner and now that it was late into the night it was time to brake up the doom and gloom and call it a day.
He opened the door to their room and frowned at the lumps that were curled together on the larger of the two futons. Ether they were sleeping or sitting in a pitch black room…
He got dressed for bed quietly, so he didn't wake them and went to settle in his usual spot. Fai and Yuui were taking up way less room then they usually did due to the fact that the younger twin was clinging to the older like an octopus.
The retired ninja laid down so he could face his sad idiots—and scowled when Fai's red rimed eyes practically glowed in the little bit of moonlight that had snuck in, as he looked at him.
"Did you spend the entire day in here crying by yourself?" his whisper growl didn't have any bite behind it—but Kurogane was seriously wondering what the fuck he was gonna do with these two.
"Yuui is right here Kuro. You might need glasses." At least the moron was joking…
Even if he was only joking to distract his lover.
"Has he been asleep the entire day?" Kurogane was regretting his decision to leave them be… They could not take care of themselves apparently.
"He's totally emotionally exhausted…" Fai's voice cracked as he spoke and Kurogane saw him hug the little boy a bit tighter. "I fucked up Kuro-chan."
"Don't be so hard on yourself." The ninja reached out his good hand and cupped his lover's cheek—he sure as fuck had been crying.
"I don't—I don't deserve him. He's to good for me… I'm only going to hurt him." the older twin drew in a shaky breath and leaned into his hand.
Yup—this was probably the saddest he had ever seen them, and he didn't know how to snap them out of this funk.
Fuuuck.
"Don't start with that mage. Its not about what anyone does or doesn't deserve. You didn't do anything wrong—he's gonna freak out sometimes no matter what you do." Fai was still crying, and he quietly snuffed his nose and shook his head.
Why couldn't Fai just believe him? Yuui was really fucking lucky to have Fai—just like the idiot was lucky to have the pipsqueak.
"I made it worse… I said the wrong thing and scared him so bad he couldn't breath Kurogane. I shouldn't be allowed to have him."
"Fai. You're an idiot. That kid's dad beat him—his mom neglected his physical and emotional needs so bad that he's so emotionally behind the other kids his age he can't relate to them—and you think that caused any more damage?"
"Maybe I'm not as bad—but I should be better… I should know what to do. I should have been able to keep it from escalating that far." Fai sucked in another shaky breath and Kurogane watched him cradle Yuui protectively.
Obviously today had scared the shit outta Fai more than it had scared the shit outta himself.
"You need to stop being so hard on yourself. I don't know why you think you need to be perfect when it comes to him when you're only human—but you need to stop. Parents aren't perfect—we weren't perfect with Syaoran or Sakura—and were not gonna always get it right with Yuui."
Fai was probably the only person in the universe that had a chance with getting it mostly right with Yuui. It was because of his mage that the child was smiling, learning, playing, and growing. Fai had helped him to do that.
"It's just—" Fai ran a shaking hand though the child's hair and the twerp didn't so much as stir, obviously deeply asleep. "—sometimes I forget what it was like to be so afraid all of the time. I should have been more patient with him…"
"The fact that you get how he feels at all puts you miles ahead of me. I don't know where he got those crazy ideas from." It was fucking bazar that he had gotten so freaked out over something so stupidly simply—as if he was repeating conspiracy theories…
It wasn't normal.
"He'll learn to shut that part of his brain off as he grows… I felt the same way about Ashura-ou after he rescued me. I was terrified he was going to change his mind and send me back to—Valarie—" Fai hardly managed to squeak out the last word.
His mage had to take a few deep breaths to calm himself and Kurogane waited patiently—shifting to be closer to him. With Yuui between then he couldn't hold his lover—but he wanted to do something.
"That was the most awful feeling in the world… that nagging fear was the most painful thing I have ever felt Kuro-chan—"
Yeah there was way fucking more shit going on then he thought.
He had expected for Yuui to be like this—not Fai. He knew his mage had lost his temper a bit, and he expected him to feel bad over it—not this though.
Obviously those two had ripped into some baggage he hadn't realized.
"It hurt when I saw my mother die—it hurt every day I was locked away from my Yuui by my countrymen… starving and knowing that even death couldn't bring me relief hurt. Frost bite hurt. Hearing my twin suffer without being able to reach him really fucking hurt…" Fai had to pause for a few more deep breaths and Kurogane did his best to brush away his tears.
Where the fuck was this going? Because Fai never—ever—not in their entire relationship—brought up the hell hole he had been locked in. They had talked about before, and they had talked about after, never during.
"None of that compares to the pain that that one thought caused me… you have no idea how bad it hurts to have your own mind convince you that the one person to ever love you, the person who had pulled you from a living hell and gave you a reason to live, the only person to ever care if you were warm enough—or had enough food… the only person to educate you, to teach you the skills you needed to stand on your own—would discard you. send you away…."
Fuck.
He shouldn't have left them alone. Was Fai thinking about this all day?
Kurogane didn't know—his parents had always made him feel loved and cherished. He's never been starved or neglected, even after Suwa had fallen he hadn't had to face such things…
"I know how he feels—" Fai looked down at Yuui as though the child might disappear from his arms. "—It's like a terrible stabbing in your chest… it ties your stomach in knots every time that awful thought creeps back into your mind. It took me years to get that feeling to stop… to allow myself to trust that his majesty wouldn't do that… I hadn't thought about it in a long time."
Good. Kurogane didn't want Fai to think about it and he hoped Yuui could put it out of his mind soon.
"—I never want to make Yuui feel that like that. I would rather die then abandon him… It was just an empty threat, but it was the absolute cruelest thing I ever could have done to him."
"It was a mistake. It would hurt him way worse if you pushed him away because you couldn't get over a dumb mistake."
"I-I know… I know I need to get my shit together so I can be what he needs…I just- I wish I knew what to do to ease him. So he doesn't have to worry about me abandoning him… I don't know if I can watch him brake like that again."
At least that was a step in the right direction.
"How did you get over it as a kid?" Fai smiled for the fist time since he had joined him in bed and Kurogane felt a bit of hope that maybe the fight hadn't been that bad.
"Ashura-ou somehow always knew what to say to reassure me… I wish he was around to give me advice."
Yeah… given the fact that Ashura was the cause of a good portion of Fai's mental trauma—that sounded like a terrible idea to the ninja…
"You're doing ok on your own. Don't think so hard ok?"
Fai nodded his head slowly before dropping a kiss on the sleeping boys head.
"Will you snuggle us and keep us safe Kuro-puu?
Yeah. he could do that. They could work on repairing the damage tomorrow after some sleep…
0o0o0
OH MY GOD I DON'T KNOW HOW THIS HAPPENED.
To be fair—this was not a planned chapter. I swear the characters did it on their freaking own and it just fit so lovely I couldn't take it out.
I apologize for the unplanned angst and I know have to find a way to write my way back into my outline! Wooo!
Please let me know what you think!