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Chapter 11- Time
"Matt?" Matt opened his eyes and searched for Charleen's voice. Still even after 3 months he wasn't used to meet just darkness after opening his eyes the first seconds he woke up in the morning. "Hey." Matt answered.
"I just wanted to check if you are okay." Charleen said getting Matt to turn towards her.
"What time is it?" He asked.
"It's 2 o'clock."
"Please tell that you didn't stay awake."
"I did. Can you tell me where you are?"
"At your parents house for the first time in my life. I am fine! Come here." Matt said, stretching his arm out so Charleen could burrow her head on his chest.
"I am fine. I promise." Matt reassured her once again, kissing her head gently. "Now go back to sleep. It's Christmas eve tomorrow."
Charleen sighed heavily. He was right.
Meeting Charleen's brother was as easy as it had been with his parents and even though Matt would never talk about it, this Christmas was one of the greatest he had ever had. He wasn't used on celebrating Christmas together with a family and feeling all the love was just his own little Christmas miracle.
"Matt, Charleen said you are a great constructor.", Charleens father started after they had dinner on the day after Christmas eve.
"Yeah I have or had a business beside being a firefighter but right now its on hold."
"What do you think if I would explain something to you, would you mind taking a look."
"No of course not."
"You know I am trying to build a..." Charleens father started, taking Matt's arm, slowly guiding him towards the back of the house. Charleen watched with a smile before turning around to her mother.
"Honey, I really really have to say that I already love Matt." Her mother admitted but the smile slowly faded. "What if he is going to stay blind?", she asked and could see the same sad look on Charleens face too.
"Then it is like it is. I love him, no matter if he is able to see or not. He is the greatest man I have ever meet."
"But its difficult isn't it?"
"Yes." Charleen sighed. "I will do everything in my power to get him to see again but when we have to realize that it's not going to be that way than we will get through it together. He is the man I love no matter his handicap."
"That's all I need to know." Charleens mother answered, hugging her daughter.
Matt and Charleen celebrated New Years eve together with Kelly and the rest of the 51 members at Molly's. Matt took Charleen into his arms as they counted down to 0 and they kissed each other for the new year. Both making the same wish. Matt felt his emotions kick in as he starred at the sky, not able to see the fireworks.
"We will be fine." Charleen said, kissing him as she could see the change Matt's face.
"I know."
Charleen couldn't help but feel nervous too as she got home exactly four months after Matt's accident. She had been sure that his sight would slowly be returning by now. Still there was nothing. Yesterday she had tested it for herself but Matt wasn't responding to any light. He was still completely blind.
As she opened the door and found Matt in the living room she could see, that the same thoughts where crossing his mind.
"Shall we talk about it?", Charleen asked as they where eating dinner later that evening, both hadn't spoken much since she had returned home.
"There is not much to talk about. It's four months now, I am still completely blind."
"I made an appointment for you next week so we can have a new scan of your brain again. We should be able to see if the swelling is still there."
"Can't you schedule the appointment earlier? I am tired of waiting, I am tired of hoping. If I am going to stay blind I need to know it so I can finally accept it."
"I know that you want to know it, believe me I want to know it too but these scans are not too healthy, otherwise we would have done this scan earlier so we would already know what to expect. We have to wait one more week and if there isn't any kind of progress we will make this scan."
A week later Matt left work earlier and headed upstairs to Charleen's office. Samantah, Charleen's front office nurse, greeted him friendly as he walked in while he could hear Charleen ending a phone call in her office.
"Do you feel up for it?" Charleen asked, knowing that Matt hadn't slept a second the previous night. She hadn't slept too but had at least pretended too, not wanting Matt to know how concerned she actually was. The fact that his vision had not returned by now wasn't a good sign. It had been okay to exam Matt all those months ago as they had just meet at Molly's but now after all those intense time they had spent together, it was nearly impossible. But still she refused to give this "case" this very special patient to a college.
A knock on the door announced Kelly. Charleen was glad that he had offered to be by Matt's side too. She herself needed to be his doctor now.
As Charleen entered her office after the examination Kelly tried to read her face but she wasn't giving away anything Her face was just a blank mask.
"Hun?" Matt asked looking towards her, while Charleen again got a chair and sat down in front of Matt to touch his hand.
"The swelling is gone but we found a blood cloths that is still blocking your optical nerve completely. As you got all the medication we are sure that it's not going to get away on its one."
"So I am going to stay blind."
"If you don't agree to have surgery yes." Charleen said.
"Tell me about the surgery."
"We will try to remove the blood cloth but it's dangerously close to the optical nerve."
"So you can hurt my optical nerve and I stay blind forever or you don't tread the blood cloths and I will stay blind as well, right?"
"Right."
"Well then let's do this surgery." Matt said while Severide could see how uncomfortable Charleen was .
"Do you need to open up his skull?" Severide asked. He couldn't hold back the question anymore.
"No we can operate through the nose. In fact it's not even a big surgery, just complicated." Charleen explained.
"Guys I don't care if it's a big surgery or not, if there is just a one percent chance that I will be able to see again then we should do this." Casey made his point perfectly clear.
"I am the one that is going to perform this surgery Matt. And I don't want to be responsible if your optical nerve get's permanently damaged." Charleen now explained her situation., her voice trembling
"Oh no!" Matt exhaled deeply, his hands searching for Charleen's face.
"Look at me, I am blind, no matter if you hurt my optical nerve or not. I am blind. Completely blind. This surgery is you trying to give me my sight back." Matt said smiling a little. "I am so sorry I have to put you through this but I want and I need this surgery and I trust you with my life." Matt said, before kissing Charleen. He could feel her nodding slowly.
"Tomorrow morning." She said her voice full of emotions.
"Tomorrow morning." Matt agreed with a smile.
"Can you do me a favor?" Charleen asked, unsure of how she should continue.
"Yes sure."
"Can we sleep at your apartment tonight?" She asked, watching the concerned look on Matt's face. "Of course." He answered.
"You know I am nervous and I know that you are nervous too but we both need to catch some sleep tonight, okay?" Matt nodded while Severide stepped in now."
"I have tomorrow off, so why don't we just hearwatch a game and I will crash in your guestroom again?" He asked. They where so used to the "hearwatch" word now they really didn't even recognize it anymore.
"That's a damn good idea." Matt replied, glad he didn't have to stay alone during the night.
"But no bear, no chips. You are not allowed to eat or drink." Charleen pointed out.
"Wow that's a tough one." Severide shot back before raising to his feet. He could feel that Charleen needed some time on her own now and Severide asked himself if Matt recognized what exactly was going on here as he was completely concentrated on the surgery. He didn't seem to confront himself with the situation that he would maybe stay blind for the rest of his life. Severide was glad about that fact and tried his best to push that thought out off his mind again. He couldn't handle the fact of Matt staying blind forever. He needed him back at work, he needed to actually watch a game with him, he needed his opinion on the new seats for his car, he just needed his old friend back. On the other side he knew that Matt would get along if the surgery would go wrong. They all would.
"Hey Doc." Severide said, a question still burning in his head. "When will we know if the surgery was a success or not? I mean will Matt be able to see directly after if the surgery went good?" He asked, watching Matt's face.
"Unfortunately no. We will again cause some swelling around his optical nerve with the surgery. So it will take another month until we will see if his sight is returning or not." Charleen broke the news, watching as Matt tried his best to stay calm and strong. But as well as Severide she knew him to well. She could see that he was just wearing a mask right now.
"It's okay. I am getting along good and the new job is really good too. It could be worse." Matt said and Severide had to nod. He was right. Matt had done a hell of a job out of his current condition.
Severide watched as Casey placed the white cane beside the doorframe and walked directly towards the couch in the living room to switch on the TV. On the way home they had just talked about random things and news from the firehouse and the fact that Casey was switching on the game immediately told him, that he didn't want to talk about it now.
On the next morning Matt got settled in his hospital bed just as the door opened again and Charleen got in.
"Hey good morning." She said and Matt had to smile as he heard her voice.
"Good morning you too." He answered and felt her passionate kiss just seconds after.
"The OR is prepared and we will get you upstairs now." Charleen said, brushing her head over Matt's freshly shaved face. She knew that Severide was shaving him every two days and she was so glad and so thankful Matt had a friend like him.
"Charleen don't worry okay? If I will stay blind we will figure it out. I will never and I mean never blame you for trying it okay? You hear me?" Matt asked, trying to look into her eyes.
"I know." Charleen answered, before placing a kiss on his head.
"Come on, let's get this done."