It Ends Tonight

Author's Note: I feel like I should share with you what the people at my work have to deal with. 100% of my day is spent at a desk staring at a computer where I write this story because I usually finish my work in the first hour I'm here. I'm productive like that…or maybe I just don't have much to do. I start writing and sometimes I'll be halfway through a sentence and my phone will beep and someone will need me to run and copy something or whatever and I get back to my desk only to forget what I was trying to say in my sentence. This is where I turn into Chris Farley in Tommy Boy. I start talking out loud (and you all know my dialogue is random) trying to finish the thought. It's like that scene in Tommy Boy when they're at the diner or the other one where he lights the toy car on fire. So now everyone is staring at me trying to figure out if I have a mental illness or if I'm on drugs. I feel compelled to explain myself and the story which results in more looks and horror. Then I just turn into Dick trying to explain Little Mermaid to Bruce (referencing myself here) my arms are flailing, there's sentence fragments, and even funny character voices (I do a mean Twoface). Now my coworkers are trying to RUN from me but I follow them because I don't want them to think I'm insane (too late). So there I am in their cubicles flailing my arms and explaining my not-insanity while they give me the old "humor the psycho invading my personal bubble" look all the while repeating "I'm not crazy!" an argument that would be more compelling if I sent it in an email instead of screaming like a possessed howler monkey. Eventually I go back to my desk, erase the ½ sentence and start over only to repeat the process later. That's what my coworkers go through for you guys to have this story. I think you owe them a muffin basket.

Harley, Selina, Ivy, Harvey, and Joker all stood huddled around the computer screen in Ivy's apartment. Harley's fingers quickly typed in the web address for the Tipster site. Everyone leaned in closer as pictures of themselves appeared on the screen with commentary from the Tipster and comments from the readers.

"These updates didn't even hit our phones!" Selina cried angrily while looking at a picture of herself eating an ice cream cone in Robinson Park.

"It looks like she only sends the best of to people," Ivy commented.

"Look at all these people who follow this site," Harvey grumbled.

"Some people have no lives," Joker replied.

"Like we're any better?" Selina asked. "We're looking at this site, we read the updates on our phones, and we gossip about the gossip! The Tipster puts this stuff out there because people read it. It's human nature to be curious. And Joker so help me if you make a curiosity killed the cat joke."

Joker pantomimed zipping his lip and turned back to the computer.

"So are you saying we should all ignore this stuff and pretend like it's not happening?" Harley asked.

"No. It's too late for that. We need to nip it in the butt. It was one thing when it was just us, it was slightly less tolerable when it spread to the Justice League, it's a whole nother ball game when everyone in Gotham is treating us like the Upper East Side on Gossip Girl," Selina explained.

"I love that show," Harley murmured.

"It's a good show."

"There are some people on here from all over the place! Metropolis, Bludhaven, London, Los Angeles, New Orleans, Sidney, literally everywhere!" Ivy exclaimed.

"Forget nipping it in the butt, let's kill them," Twoface fumed.

Sage walked into Arkham Asylum in the best of moods. She whistled all the way to her office, smiled at all the orderlies, and greeted all the doctors. When she got to her office, Ashley, the secretary, followed her in.

"Good morning," Sage greeted.

"You're in a good mood," Ashley replied leaning up against the door frame.

"I had a good night last night."

"I can only imagine." Sage didn't like the smile Ashley was sporting but decided to just ignore it. "Anyway," Ashley continued, "Dr. Arkham would like a word with you."

"When?"

"Now." Ashley turned and stomped out of the room.

Sage rolled her eyes. She trekked upstairs to the good doctor's office. It was like going to the principal's office in school. You were all nervous even when you had done nothing wrong. She poked her head in the door, "Good morning."

"Come in and close the door," Arkham ordered.

Sage did as she was told, her smile falling only a little.

Arkham turned his computer screen toward her. The Tipster site was up and there was a picture of her exiting the Iceberg Lounge with Johnny close behind. Sage's eyes went wide and she wasn't smiling anymore.

"I used to think this website was pure ridiculousness and I told the staff not to pay it any attention but when one of the nurses showed me this," he said gesturing to the screen, "I couldn't ignore it. There are all kinds of gossip on here about you and Mr. Crane!"

Sage hung her head and tried her hardest not to cry.

"I have gone through all the security tapes and there is no evidence of you abetting Mr. Crane's latest escape and there is no evidence you started a relationship with him while he was incarcerated, but there is clearly evidence you are involved with him now. I have no choice but to let you go. The board has also decided your license will be revoked."

"Will I be incarcerated?"

"No. While it is inappropriate it hasn't crossed into illegal. You haven't quite stepped into Harleen Quinzel country yet my dear and I hope you never do. I hope you learn from this and get rid of that felon. Move on, meet a sane person."

Sage got up out of the chair and headed for the door. "Thank you Dr. Arkham."

"What for?"

"For making my life so much easier." She smiled, gave a little wave, and practically danced out of the asylum.

"There's a website?" Eddie asked in disbelief making his way to his computer.

"Yup. We checked it out this morning. There's more on there than what we get," Selina explained.

Eddie quickly pulled the website up and nearly dropped the phone. "Why?"

"You should look at the subscribers, they're from all over the place."

"But why are people subscribing to this lunatic?"

"Like you don't hold your breath every time your phones beeps, hoping the Tipster broke the story that Holly and Dick broke up," Selina joked.

"Shut up." He scrolled through the pictures, thankful he didn't see one of him. "At least I'm out of the news."

"Lucky."

"Yeah, there's a great one of you flipping off your boyfriend."

Selina rolled her eyes and looked over at Bruce who was busy at his computer, trying to track the Tipster off the website. "It happens."

"Trouble in paradise?"

"No. Maybe. I don't know yet," she admitted. "This is getting too deep for me. I'm going to go."

"Aw but we were just scratching the surface," Eddie joked.

"Hey, I got a riddle for you. What's black and blue and red all over?"

"My sorry ass if I don't drop this conversation?"

"Bingo."

"Goodbye."

"We should go to Venice," Harvey said as he clicked away on the computer.

"Ok. Let me get my magic wand and wave it around," Ivy replied.

"I'm serious. It's the perfect place to get away from all this madness."

"I think you're still delirious from the blood loss last night."

"We need a fresh start," Harvey told her.

"You want to move to Venice?" Ivy slapped her magazine down onto the coffee table. "That's ridiculous! All our friends are here! Our lives are here!"

"I don't want to move there I want to go there for a vacation! Jesus!"

Ivy just stared at him, dumbfounded.

"We go for a couple weeks, maybe more if we like it, and just relax, get back to you and me.

She crossed her arms over her chest and stared at him in disbelief.

"Don't look at me like that."

"So is this like our honeymoon then?"

Harvey got up, walked over to the couch, and scooped Ivy up in his arms. "Exactly. A honeymoon." He started kissing her neck, causing Ivy to wiggle in his grip.

"Alright I give! When do we leave?" she laughed.

"In three weeks. I already booked everything."

"Cocky much?"

Harvey smiled at her. "No, I was just going with or without you."

"And who would you be taking if I said no?"

"I don't know. Maybe Talia Al Ghul."

Ivy leapt out of his arms and punched him playfully on the shoulder. "Ass."

"They fired me!" Sage yelled excitedly as she burst through the door jumping up and down.

"What?" Johnny cried.

"They fired me and revoked my license!" She did a little dance into the kitchen to get a glass of water.

"I'm going to repeat, what?"

"There's a Tipster website and apparently the nurses read it. The website had a picture of us walking out of the Iceberg and Dr. Arkham decided it was bad for business to have me working there. They pulled my papers because of the fact that you're my patient."

"They didn't arrest you?" Johnny asked in disbelief.

"Nope. Said I technically didn't do anything illegal so." She shrugged.

"And you're happy about this?"

"I thought I'd be upset but after everything was out there in the open I felt relieved. I mean, being a psychoanalyst was great and all but it wasn't my thing. Let's face it, I wasn't that great."

"So what are you going to do now?"

"Live off the trust fund for awhile until I find something. Or not. I don't know and for the first time I don't care. I have plenty of money and an amazing man to share it with," she answered gleefully.

"Must be nice being rich," Johnny joked.

"Absolutely amazing." She dropped down onto the couch and planted a kiss on his cheek. "You'll get used to it."

"Being a kept man…sounds good."

"It seems everyone is warm and cozy in their homes today which leaves me with nothing to talk about. Oh wait! Here's something on the interesting side, Oswald Cobblepot has been spotted buying a bouquet of what appear to be lilies. I wonder who the lucky lady is. Maybe Eddie should lock the door."

"My Christmas wish come true," Eddie mumbled snapping his phone closed. "God please take my girlfriend!" He walked out of the bedroom and into the kitchen to pour a cup of coffee.

"Where are you going?" Scarlet asked eyeing him.

"Nowhere. Just felt like being dressed."

"Hmph."

"Did you see the latest? Oswald is buying flowers for someone."

"Slow news day huh?"

"They're lilies," Eddie continued.

Scarlet glanced up from her magazine, shrugged, and went back to reading.

"Aren't lilies your favorite?"

"They're a lot of girls' favorite. They're a popular flower. I do believe Holly is fond of them too," she replied nonchalantly.

"Holly likes lilacs."

"You would know."

Eddie sipped his coffee. He didn't want to fight anymore.

"So you're not going out today?"

"Expecting someone?"

"No, just asking."

"I wasn't planning on it but suddenly I need some fresh air." He got up from the table and left her sitting there.

"Hey I know I got to work tonight but how about we grab an early dinner? I was thinking that little Chinese place with the crab ragoon you love so much," Holly said pulling her hair back into a ponytail.

Dick sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. He knew this moment was going to suck. "We need to talk."

Holly stopped messing with her hair and turned around to look at him. "Really?"

"Look Holl…"

"I make one catty remark and you fly off the handle," she interjected.

"No! It's not the bitchiness. It's the moping and pining for Eddie, it's the fact we have nothing in common, but mostly it's that I love Barbara and we're getting back together," Dick explained.

She picked her hair brush up off the bathroom counter and hurled it at him, followed by the hand soap, her toothbrush, a large bottle of lotion, and her blow dryer. "I knew it! I fucking knew it!"

Dick blocked his face and bolted out of the bathroom but Holly was on his tail. She picked up the vase on the hallway table and hurled it past him into the wall. "You want to talk about pining and moping! The only reason you asked me out was because she was dating that loser and the second you told me they broke up I knew you'd bolt!" There was a picture of her and Dick from Christmas hanging on the wall, she grabbed it and threw it at him. "Every time you said you loved me it was a load of bullshit!"

"Holly stop!" Dick rushed her, grabbing her hands and holding them behind her back. "Just stop. None of that is true. I genuinely like you, I love you, I just don't love in that way. At least not anymore."

She started crying and collapsed against him. "I hate you."

"No, you don't. Face it, you don't love me either." He rubbed her back and kissed the top of her head. "I don't want to lose you completely, I love spending time with you and if you give her a chance, I'm sure you and Barbara would be good friends. And this is the start of making things right. You need to be with Eddie. Then Scarlet can go makeup with Oswald and the world will be at peace."

Holly laughed. "I'm sorry I threw things."

"I'm sorry I suck as a person."

"Yeah, you kind of do."

They pulled away from each other and smiled. "It's not the end, it's just the beginning," Dick told her.

"I know."

"It seems Eddie has nothing to worry about. Ozzie's flowers are for a different bird. It looks like he has a new mystery brunette. And look who else we've found, Harley and Joker walking out of McDonalds. Careful Harl, those fries will go right to your thighs."

"What a bitch," Alice said looking at her text.

"What did it say? Although I'm sure I can guess," Eddie sighed.

"It says Ozzie's flowers are for some brunette and Harley and Joker were spotted at McD's, and then she made a catty comment about the fries and Harley's thighs."

"Didn't Harley call you fat?" Jervis asked.

"Yeah but she was just cranky because we were wearing the same dress," Alice replied.

"No, she genuinely doesn't like you anymore. People are saying you're a young Harley, implying she's old," Eddie explained.

"Oh, well, can't fault her for that."

Eddie and Jervis just stared at her.

"What? That would be totally hurtful if someone said that! I'd react the same way."

"I don't understand women at all," Jervis replied.

"I'm pretty sure we're not meant to," Eddie told him.

"Oh my pink puffy poodle puppies!" Alice exclaimed jumping up from her chair.

"What the hell?" Eddie asked. "What are pink puffy poodle puppies?"

Jervis shrugged. "I just go with it."

"Shut the front door! You're not going to believe this!"

"The door is closed," Eddie replied confused.

"No, never mind, just shut up and listen. Holly just texted me and said that Dick is back with Barbara!"

"I bet she's pissed," Jervis whistled.

"She was but now she's chill with the whole thing. But isn't that great?" Alice cried looking at Eddie.

"Why is that great?"

"Because dumbass! She's single! Go propose or at least ask her out! Oh my stars! If you get married you'll be my brother! Oh and then if Jervy and I get married you two will be brothers!"

Eddie blinked a couple of times and tried to shake the ringing out of his ear. The girl was screaming like a banshee. "You are forgetting one thing."

"What?" Alice and Jervis asked in unison.

"Scarlet. If I dump her I'm more than sure she'll castrate me."

"True dat."

"And now that Oswald is with some other girl I'll never get rid of her."

"You could kill her," Jervis offered.

Eddie thought about it for a moment. "No. I couldn't."

"You could have Joker kill her."

"I could."

Alice grabbed a pillow and started beating Eddie and Jervis with it. "You're not killing Scarlet!"

Ivy and Selina sat at the bar of the Iceberg, sipping their drinks and spying on Harley and Joker in the corner.

"So what time is Bruce getting here?" Ivy asked.

"8:30," Selina replied.

"Only two hours late," Ivy joked.

Selina snorted. "I'm so sick of this."

"Have you talked about it?"

"You ever try talking to a man about anything? They're not too responsive."

Ivy nodded in agreement. "Still, you should try."

"When are you and Harvey leaving?" Selina asked changing the subject. She had grown tired of the spotlight.

"Three weeks from today."

"Are you excited?"

"You know what? I am. At first I was apprehensive but the more I think about it the more I can't wait to go."

"You'll have fun," Selina assured her.

Holly walked behind the bar to relieve the other girl. "Ladies, what are we drinking tonight?"

"Everything and anything," Selina replied handing her the empty glass.

"You're pretty chipper tonight," Ivy commented.

"Dick and I broke up," Holly replied. "Here, royal flush."

"Shouldn't you be upset?" Selina asked taking the drink.

"Naw. We're just better friends than we are a couple. Besides, we all know I'm in love with someone else."

"Speak of the devil." Ivy nodded toward the door where Eddie and Scarlet were checking their coats.

"How are you going to shake her loose?" Selina asked.

"I don't know yet."

"If we paint the walls white we can get that cute little jungle animals border from the home store and then we can get the matching wall stickers too," Joker explained while pointing to the piece of paper he had with the sketch of the baby's room. "The rocking chair goes here, crib over here next to the changing table…"

All Harley heard was a strange buzzing noise and the word baby. It was like a scene from a horror movie only she was hoping it was a nightmare and Freddy Krueger would pop out at any moment and cut her chest open.

"If we can get pregnant by mid March we could have a Christmas baby!"

Baby, buzz, baby, baby, baby, buzz, buzz, baby, buzz, baby, baby, buzz, baby, buzz, buzz, buzz, baby.

"Just think, you'll be as round as Santa Claus!"

Suddenly, something in Harley's mind snapped. Her eye started to twitch and she developed this strange tick that made all her muscles jump at once. She felt the foam forming in her mouth and she let loose. "ENOUGH!"

Joker stopped pointing at the paper and stared at her open mouthed.

"NO! No! No! No no! No! We're done. This is done. The baby is done. I tried to go with it but I can't. I would rather shave me head and join a Tibetan order of monks on a mountain than have a baby. I don't want a freaking baby! You know what I want? I want to be able to come home, throw you on the kitchen table, and just go at it like a porno! I want to go out until 3 in the morning! I want to rob a bank, tussle with Batman, go to Arkham, and break out to do it all over again! All things we can't have with a baby!"

"But I thought…"

"You thought wrong!" She reached into her purse and pulled out her birth control. "I've been secretly taking these," she shook them for emphasis causing them to fly all over the place, "to prevent babies."

Joker slouched in his chair and tried to hide his face. Everyone was staring.

Harley sighed and dropped back down into her chair. "I'm sorry."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You were so excited about having a baby I didn't want to rain on your parade."

Joker looked around him. "And this was better?"

"Sorry, I lost my mind."

"I was beginning to have second thoughts anyway," Joker admitted.

Harley tossed her now empty birth control packet at him and laughed.

"Hey Holly," Selina called.

"What's up?"

"Is this a roofie in my drink?" Selina asked pointing to the pill in her royal flush.

"What the hell?" Holly fished it out and laid the pill on the bar. "What is that?"

"It looks like a birth control pill," Ivy told them.

They looked around them, noticing several more on the bar and floor.

"Alright then," Selina sighed.

"I have to pee," Scarlet said suddenly jumping up from the table.

"Lovely," Eddie replied. That was the first conversation they had had since he came home from Jervis's.

Scarlet made her way over to the ladies room and then deviated quickly into Oswald's office. She closed the door behind her and leaned up against it. "Hello."

Oswald looked up at her. "Hello. Sit?" he asked gesturing to the chair in front of him.

"Thank you."

"Anything I can do for you?"

Scarlet thought for a moment. She had planned an entire speech but now she couldn't remember a word of it. She decided to cut to the point. "Who were the flowers for?"

He sighed, pushed all his papers aside, and focused solely on her. "Scarlet."

"If you're seeing someone its fine, I just want to know. You know about me and Eddie, I think it's only fair."

"I'm not seeing anyone."

"The Tipster caught you! You can't lie about it!" Scarlet cried.

"The Tipster saw me talking to Bernadette from the bank. I happened across her at the coffee shop I frequent. We chatted. I gave her the flowers to smell. There is nothing going on," he explained.

"Bullshit."

Oswald reached down under his desk and pulled the vase full of lilies up onto his desk. "Satisfied?"

"Why did you buy flowers?"

"Three years ago today, you started working at the Iceberg. I know you quit but I was hoping you'd come back."

"Oh."

He pushed the vase toward her. "I think of it as our anniversary. Last year we had champagne."

"You never bought Holly flowers," Scarlet remarked sniffing the lilies.

"I don't like Holly the way I like you."

"You told me we couldn't be together."

"I've decided life is too short to worry about what people will think. And if you'll have me…"

Scarlet lunged across the desk and kissed him, hard, on the lips.

"Where's Scarlet?" Holly asked cheerfully as she sat Eddie's drink down on the table.

"Making out with Oswald in his office. She thinks I didn't see her sneak in there. What happened to my waitress?"

"I wanted to see how you're doing so I told her I'd bring your beer."

"I see."

"So how are you?"

"Fine."

"Is it over between you two?"

Eddie shrugged. "It is if he decides to date her."

"Fingers crossed huh?"

"You have no idea."

"We'll have to got to singles bars together," she joked.

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Dick is back with Barbara."

"I'm sorry."

Holly shrugged. "It's life." She turned to walk away but not before she discreetly slipped a piece of paper into Eddie's pocket.

"So where's Harvey tonight?" Selina asked.

"Should be here in a minute. He wanted a nap," Ivy replied.

"Hi girls!" Roxy Rocket beamed as she took the stool next to Selina.

"Well look who's crawled out of the gutter," Ivy joked.

"Where've you been?" Selina asked.

"Arkham. Where else?"

"What brings you out?"

"I was bored. I needed a little zing in my life again," she replied.

"Lucky for us huh?" Selina said sarcastically.

"I hear you're dating Bruce Wayne. Where is the hunk of meat?"

"Working."

"And where's Harvey?"

"Here," Harvey replied gruffly as he stepped up behind Ivy.

Ivy mouthed a thank god.

"Let's grab our table," Harvey told her grabbing Selina by the arm. "You too."

"Hey Eddie, um I…" Scarlet began.

"Want to break up because you're with the Penguin now? Great. Toodles!" Eddie said excitedly jumping up from the table. "You can come by whenever and get your stuff!" He danced out the door, into a cab, and all the way home.

Selina walked into the Batcave. She was a little more than irritated. "Hi!" she cried in her fakest happy voice.

"Hey, I thought I was meeting you at 9:00?" Bruce asked turning to face her.

"8:30," she corrected.

"Either way."

"It's 2 in the morning," she told him dropping the happy voice.

"Oh, shit, Selina, I'm…"

She held up her hand to silence him. "Don't."

"I'll make it up to you."

"You can't keep doing this to me. I know work is very important to you…"

"I'm keeping a city safe," he said cutting her off.

"I know. I'm not criticizing you I'm trying to explain how I feel! You neglect me at every turn and you always say you'll make it up to me but you haven't. At first I didn't kind but now it's like I'm your welcome mat."

"I've been tracking down the Tipster for you."

"No!" Selina yelled. "Don't you dare! You are doing that for yourself because you don't want everyone in Gotham thinking you're a crook or a degenerate. You could care less if it was just about me and my friends."

"I put up with your friends!"

Selina balled her hands into fists and fought back the rage. "This isn't about that! This is about me being in a relationship with your butler because you keep running out on me!"

"Let's talk about this later," Bruce sighed turning away from her.

"That'd be fine if later ever came. You know, Harley went off on a psychotic tangent at the Iceberg and threw birth control pills everywhere yelling at the Joker. He listened. He contributed to the conversation. You're just deflecting everything."

The computer went off and Bruce growled. "I have to go."

"Of course," she snapped.

"Batman has to take priority!" Bruce yelled whirling back around to face her.

"And there it is," she said sadly.

"What do you want from me Selina?"

She thought about it and shook her head. "Nothing. Absolutely nothing."

"Then what the hell…oh." Bruce realized then that she was ending it.

"I can't love you and not get anything back."

"I love you."

"Not as much as you love the job. And that's fine."

"Don't do this."

"I wish I could say I was sorry."