If I Could Say What I Want To Say

by Sweetysweetssugarytreats

They were going on their initial paths, when at the last moment, while they were walking towards each other, Gintoki's yukata brushed against the fabric of Hijikata's jacket. It was the briefest of contacts and it lasted only a second, but even as the temperature was warm their forearms felt just a bit warmer. ...Or this is simply my version of how two dumb samurai fall in love.

11. Chapter 11

Author's Note: I'm so so so sorry for making you wait for so long! I feel so guilty, please forgive me!

But this summer has been really, really busy and some days I haven't even had time to breathe, let alone write. From now on the updates are going to be irregular and I'm really sorry about that, again, but I have no idea when I'll be able to post another chapter. By the way I decided to write about seven days of the little kids in total, so four more to go! Thank you for your lovely comments, they always make my day and I can't believe how many people are reading my story, you make me really happy!

And I know how frustrating it is to wait for the new chapter of a story and honestly I feel bad for being the one to make people wait, though this is the first time I understand how difficult authors actually have it, I hope I will have more free time to write in the future, but for now I tried to make this chapter longer since you guys had to wait for such a long time. I hope you'll enjoy the story and sorry again!

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Don't Worry If You Fight, You Can Always Make Up

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# Day 3

Everyone at Kabuki-Cho was having a good day.

Everyone except for six people in a certain apartment.

They hadn't been able to sleep during the night, not one of them. The thing was that the kids had kept them up. Shinpachi hadn't really but the other two had been crying all night long. No, it couldn't even be called crying, more like wailing, screaming and shouting. Gintoki, Hijikata and Otae were exhausted. It was five in the morning and the children didn't show signs of stopping anytime soon.

"What is it this time?" Gintoki grunted when he felt someone pulling at his shirt.

"Aghgah!" It was Shinpachi.

Gintoki didn't speak 'babyness' so he didn't have the slightest idea what Shinpachi was saying. He decided to take him and go look for something to eat in the kitchen since it didn't seem like they would be sleeping anyway. Meanwhile Otae was in Gintoki's room trying to put Kagura to sleep while Hijikata was in the bathroom, because Sougo had decided that he absolutely needed a bath. At half past four in the morning. And they still were there.

Once in the kitchen Gintoki sat Shinpachi on the counter, took out his little bottle of milk from the fridge, put it in front of the little boy and waited. He had learned that with Shinpachi it was better to give him what he wanted or they would go on loops forever. Otae actually managed to make him eat whatever he should, he on the other hand didn't have such luck. Of course Shinpachi was a good baby and did what he was supposed to, but sometimes he just needed what he really liked. Gintoki understood very well, if he went more than a week without any kind of sweets he would go straight into withdrawals.

"Do you want some milk?" The light haired samurai asked him when the only thing the baby had done was eyeing the bottle on the counter almost suspiciously. Shinpachi shook his head so Gintoki put it back. This time he took out one of those little containers that had baby food in them.

"What about this?" But the little boy made 'no' with his head again and that went back too. The samurai studied the contents of his fridge, trying to decide what the kid would like. As soon as he saw the carton of his favourite beverage his eyes lit up.

"What about strawberry milk?" He showed it to Shinpachi and the kid finally nodded his head. Gintoki took the sippy cup from the cupboard above the baby's head, unscrewed the lid and poured some of the pale pink milk in it, then closing it and putting it in the baby's awaiting hands, and Shinpachi drank from it greedily. The baby must have really craved something good, it seemed. He really had no idea how the kids could gulp down the kind of food Otae gave them, to him it just looked like something mushy and unappealing. Little Shinpachi was lifting the cup as he drank more and he almost fell on his back from tilting his head so much, trying to catch every last drop of the sugary milk. Gintoki put a hand on his little back, preventing his fall and laughing quietly.

"You almost fell you little chunky-monkey. Oh, hey, that's a good one." He thought out loud and it looked like Shinpachi liked the nickname because he started giggling. Gintoki patted his back gently after the kid finished his drink.

"Do you want to go to sleep now?" Shinpachi shook his head once again. "Alright then..." Gintoki sighed, knowing he would receive that response. Hoping for the best but expecting the worst, right?

And the worst was that he couldn't get his beauty sleep.

He looked at the clock and noticed it was a quarter past five. "Hey, what do you say about watching some TV? It's been days since we even turned the thing on and right about now there's a rerun of my favourite soap." He didn't think Shinpachi would understand what he was saying, but he felt like he owed the kid an explanation at least. Shinpachi made a "gha" noise that Gintoki took as agreement, he hoped it was, and then they were moving.

The samurai lifted him up and pretended to be the pilot of an airplane as Shinpachi had his arms wide open, making "vroom vroom" noises with his mouth, like he was flying. They made a final circle in the air and fell down on one of the sofas, the baby laughing the entire time as he snickered. He liked hearing him laugh, he liked hearing all of them laugh, it was heartwarming and it really made it worth anything he had to go through just to hear the sound. Gintoki got hold of the remote and turned the television on while keeping the volume low, after all just because they were up it didn't mean they had to wake the whole neighbourhood. Shinpachi was currently trying to climb onto Gintoki to watch better, his little hands gripping at his pajama shirt and pulling. The silver haired man sat cross-legged on the couch, positioning the little kid on his lap where he finally settled down with his little back against his stomach.

They watched the soap opera for a while with Shinpachi making weird faces during it, and honestly Gintoki found him more entertaining than what was happening on the screen. At one point there was a scene that had drawn in both the kid and the adult's attention.

"I... I have to tell you something." The man on the screen said as he turned his head to the other side, clearly reluctant (and dramatic) about telling the news.

"What is it?! I know you're hiding something from me! Tell me!" His wife yelled, pointing an accusing finger at him.

The man looked at her sharply. "You were right! I cheated on you with your sister!"

Little Shinpachi turned towards Gintoki and gasped, more than the woman had, with his eyes going wide and his little hands pressed on his cheeks, shocked. It was like he could understand what was going on and it made Gintoki burst out laughing.

An hour passed just like this and after a short while Hijikata joined them on the couch with Sougo.

"The husband cheated on his wife with her sister." Gintoki informed him like any good human being would, seeing as they were in the middle of the soap opera and Hijikata would have no idea what had happened.

"Really. I had no idea that might ever happen in this kind of show." The dark haired man told him in a monotone.

"I know, me too!" Gintoki exclaimed with wide eyes. Hijikata frowned at him, he had no idea if the other had caught his sarcasm and was somehow mocking him or if it was genuine surprise, but in the end he decided to not say anything because he was too tired. While Sougo, after seeing the other baby, wanted to be in Hijikata's lap too. He pulled on his shirt and directed his wide eyes at Gintoki and Shinpachi and then at him.

"What?" Hijikata asked him quietly confused about what Sougo wanted, as if the little boy would answer him verbally. The little boy flailed his hand in the general direction of the duo and then back to him. The dark haired man was still perplexed and slow on the uptake, running on very little sleep. What could the kid want that he kept on pointing at the others? He looked at the two, Gintoki was sat cozily on the couch and the other kid was sitting in the middle of his legs, leaning against the him and... oh- realization set in, Sougo wanted to sit like that too.

Hijikata didn't really feel comfortable with that, after all he had never had anyone sit on his lap before, even if the previous day he had come close with the kids suddenly being that upset, well, not so suddenly since he could admit it had been kind of their fault for arguing, but still, that had been an emergency. Right now the kid was asking (pointing) out of the blue. And this was still Sougo, even if it was a miniature version of him. Hijikata didn't know what to do until his gaze landed on the puppy eyes the child was making. They were so round and red and innocent... how could he say no to that? His resolve crumbled quickly, he would really be a heartless monster if he denied him. Carefully he lifted the small kid and a little awkwardly placed him on his lap. Sougo giggled as he leaned more against him and Hijikata guessed... that in the end it wasn't the worst thing. But he still couldn't believe he had Sougo in his lap, if his normal self knew he would probably make Hijikata commit seppuku and commit it himself too.

After that it was Otae's and Kagura's turn join them. The kids were entranced by what was happening on the screen while the adults tried not to let sleep take them after a sleepless night. Not even an hour of sleep. Nothing. Niente. Nada.

The room was quiet except for the low voices coming from the actors on the shows, but then a sound like a rumble was heard. They soon found out it was someone's stomach, more precisely Kagura's stomach. Well, what did you expect? Gintoki was starting to feel his appetite awakening too. "I don't know about you, but I'm kinda hungry." He regarded the other two adults.

"Mmh, it seems the children are too. Let's have breakfast." Otae suggested and Hijikata nodded in agreement.

Gintoki sat Shinpachi on his shoulders and got up, entertaining the kid on their second visit to the kitchen that morning, keeping a firm hold on his legs as the others followed. The samurai was getting the milk for the three ready, even if they still had some left he had wanted to try since he had seen the brunette doing it, while the other two put the kids on the high chairs in the other room. Otae was trying to keep her eyes open with some effort, Hijikata instead had his face resting on his palm and his elbow on the table, his head felt too heavy to stay up without any help. Gintoki was feeling as if he was doing everything in slow motion, every movement slowed down.

He hadn't been able to sleep very well since the day he had found out Hijikata had a particular... effect on him. It wasn't like he hadn't slept for entire weeks but he only could remember a couple of days during these crazy weeks in which he was able to really rest. He had woken up early more times these days than he probably had in his entire life. And now not only did Hijikata sleep next to him (which was amazing and terrifying at the same time because his heart decided to do weird things), but the kids knew how to be awfully noisy when they wanted to. And so Gintoki hadn't been able to sleep very well for these reasons, especially last night, and today was just- well, it was going to be a slow day. After various tries (and fails) at keeping his eyes open during the entire laborious and difficult process of creating the perfect milk (he just had to mix two ingredients) Gintoki deemed that the result was good enough. He checked the temperature one last time and went to where the others were, passing the bottles around the table. After Otae's approval the kids started drinking, and strangely enough they were slow too.

"I guess now it's the grown ups breakfast time." Gintoki pointed out as he was going back again when a voice interrupted him.

"Gin-San you can't always cook for everyone, it makes me feel bad. Let me help you." It was Otae, she was looking at him with a slight guilty expression. The blood in his veins froze from the horror.

"N-no, no, what are y-you talking a-about? I-I like c-cooking, I l-like food! Pff! Who doesn't l-like food? It's f-fine really!" He quickly replied, because Gintoki really, really, really, didn't want for her to partake in this activity. They had children to look after, if they were all sent to the hospital for food poisoning how would they do that!? Otae was looking at him uncertainly, a hand already pressed to the table as support for getting up. Gintoki really hoped for a miracle.

Hijikata was looking at the scene with interest. To be honest the fact that the Yorozuya had to do all the cooking by himself didn't sit right with him either. Yeah, the man might be a lazy idiot, a lot more often than not, but as they spent more time together and Hijikata got to know him he found out that the moron wasn't as bad as he had initially imagined him to be. Still bad, just... not as bad. The previous days, which Hijikata had thought would turn out like hell, had gone almost smoothly, save for a few accidents and last night in which he hadn't been able to sleep. Then he remembered what Gintoki had said about the Shimura girl cooking, and by the way the idiot's face became pale and how his voice was trembling maybe it wasn't a really good idea to let her make breakfast. He also remembered the strange, burnt things Kondo-San ate sometimes, when she decided to have mercy on him and give him some food, and how bad his Commander felt after the meal. Maybe it was definitely a bad idea to let her cook.

Hijikata coughed once on his fist to draw their attention and once he had it he spoke in his most neutral voice. "I can do it. If you want." Both Otae's and Gintoki's eyes widened at his words. The first looking surprised and the second was a mixture between awed and starstruck. Awestruck.

"Oh, if you insist... alright. Thank you, Hijikata-San. "Otae smiled at him. "I will stay with the little Bumble-Bees here, then." She turned her smile to the babies.

"I can help!" Gintoki offered and he almost seemed... eager? No, why would he be? Hijikata thought he must be really tired as he started seeing things that weren't possible.

But before they went Gintoki shook his head at Otae. "We definitely have to work on your nicknames."

Her eyes narrowed. "You call them chunky-monkeys. You are the last person on the planet who can tell me what to call them." She answered defiantly. Gintoki raised his hands and held his tongue to not start an argument, though he knew that his nicknames were far, far better than hers could ever be. He was just amazing at them, that was the truth.

Hijikata bit his lip at their exchange, thinking they really had a lot of imagination for coming up with those names. He got up and went towards the kitchen and coincidentally where Gintoki was still standing, and he was... Hijikata couldn't figure out if what the idiot was sporting was a smile, a smirk or both. When he reached him Gintoki didn't say anything but he had a look in his eyes Hijikata couldn't quite pinpoint. He decided to let it slide and went to the other room to start making breakfast as the other followed.

They didn't see Otae looking at them with a little smirk of her own. 'I wonder when those two stubborn men will figure it out.' She shook her head a little at the thought and continued to play with the children, contemplating how these next days were going to turn out.

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Gintoki and Hijikata walked into the kitchen, the silver haired man letting Hijikata go first, and people said he wasn't a gentleman. The area, which was in another room, was covered partially with two short curtains to make for a door at the side and a big, rectangular mirror above the large sink.

"What do you want to cook?" Gintoki asked him, the smile/smirk ever present on his lips.

"You're letting me choose?" Hijikata asked, a little surprised actually, since the other had decided to follow him here.

Gintoki shrugged. "Why not? 'Till now I'm the one who has been doing the cooking so I don't see why you can't do it today. And since I'm here there's no way you could poison us."

Hijikata narrowed his eyes at him. "How can my cooking be poisonous? Half of my dishes are with Mayonnaise!"

"That's exactly why they're poisonous!" Gintoki accused.

"You don't understand anything, your culture food is lacking!"

"My culture food!? If you go to a restaurant with one of your recipes the chef will faint from the horror!"

"Don't make me laugh! The best chefs in the world use Mayo for their dishes to give them the delicious taste they are missing! But I can't expect someone like you to understand what that means!"

"What do you mean someone like me?!"

Okay, this might seem like one of their usual bickering sessions but Gintoki could actually detect there was something beneath the surface. Hijikata had lost his temper a little quicker than usual. Maybe they were just more than a little tired, who knew that not sleeping well for a few days could have this effect? As aforementioned Gintoki was able to sleep two days ago, but not the previous ones. And he was sure one day of complete rest wasn't going to cover a whole week of staring at the ceiling and wondering about life and specific people and whatnot. All the while Hijikata and Otae hadn't been sleeping right for two days straight, and he wasn't sure how much Hijikata had been able to rest while in the hospital. Gintoki thought it was normal to be susceptible, but he remembered they shouldn't fight like this when the kids were around, he never, ever again, wanted a repeat of what happened during 'ice cream time'.

"Oi, let's just chill out. You remember yesterday, right? What happened with the kids?" Gintoki tried to calm the waters as he lowered his voice, his tone taking almost a soothing turn.

Hijikata's expression changed, it was clear he remembered. "Yeah, let's get on with this...but Mayonnaise is always going to be the best."

"If you say so." Gintoki scoffed but he couldn't help the little smile on his face. "Anyway, what are you going to make?" He asked curiously.

Hijikata directed his attention to the fridge as he opened the door and rummaged through it, looking thoughtfully at the contents. There were still some leftovers and other ingredients from when Kondo had prepared their meals just yesterday and of course to impress the only woman in the apartment he had bought way too much food. Hijikata thought he could work with that. He closed the door of the fridge for a second (because he never wasted anything not even a little energy) as he went to open the cupboards of one of the cabinets and found some other things he could use.

"Mmh... I think I can make some rice, miso soup, salmon and green beans." He quietly answered Gintoki. The light haired samurai's hunger only grew at imagining it and he also had to admit he was (very) impatient to try Hijikata's food, who had already set to work. First of all he took out a pan, opened a pack of rice and filled the pan with it, adding some water, covering the pan and putting it on the stove with the heat turned to maximum. After that he grabbed a little saucepan in which he added water too. Gintoki, who had been watching him until then, decided to help. He walked over to Hijikata and took the miso paste already on the counter, pouring it in the saucepan filled with water only. Hijikata was eyeing him oddly.

"What? I'm hungry. This way we'll finish quickly... and I had offered to help, so." Gintoki muttered the last part, understanding that an offer from him could sound untrue given his personality, but he really wanted to do it since it was Hijikata.

And Hijikata didn't say anything as he silently carried on with his work. He took hold of a wooden spoon and began stirring the mixture. Gintoki took another pot where he put the liquid dashi in. Once the miso paste was smooth Hijikata added it to the dashi, throwing in some tofu and seaweed too. Gintoki brought the now dirty pan on the sink, but when he returned and he was ready to stir the soup he had done it so quickly he hadn't noticed Hijikata was already there. And their hands ended up touching. They both looked up at the same time. Hijikata hadn't seen him either and Gintoki's only thought in that moment was that Hijikata's hand was warm. His face heated up more than the miso.

Hijikata was speechless, Gintoki's hand felt almost as warm as his own face, the blood rushing to his cheeks immediately. He wanted to take his hand away, maybe even apologize because he hadn't seen him or something, but there was also a small part of him that wanted for his hand to be trapped under Gintoki's for half a minute, or maybe half an hour. And he didn't know why, except... it felt almost safe, in a way. Because Hijikata- even if he didn't still have the complete grasp of the concept or how it came to be- didn't feel weak or incompetent next to Gintoki. When they fought together there was a mutual understanding between them, they knew exactly how to move without hindering the other, and they protected each other, even if they didn't want to admit it. They were strong together.

And they were rivals, but along the way things were starting to change. Hijikata didn't exactly feel like he had felt at the beginning anymore, when they had first met. It was different now, it was turning into... something else. Hijikata had never felt his heart beating so fast because of an enemy or a rival, but Gintoki being near him was enough to make him a little dizzy. Gintoki was still looking at him and Hijikata felt his hand move, slowly, carefully, as fingers closed around his and the contrast between the coolness of the wooden spoon and the warmth of Gintoki's palm was making his heart beat just a little faster. And Gintoki moved their hands, making a slow circles in the mixture with the spoon, before his palm slowly left the back of Hijikata's hand, sliding away like a caress and dropping it to his side once again. Before Hijikata knew it he was already on the other side of the room, leaving him to look at the empty space as if nothing had happened. Hijikata, not really knowing what to do, lowered his head, his fringe hiding his eyes. His face felt like it was lit on fire and his stomach was doing somersaults, which he blamed on the hunger he was surely feeling.

All too soon the other man neared again, this time with another pan and he looked at him confusedly. "It's for the salmon." Gintoki had told him when Hijikata's expression hadn't changed. And he suddenly remembered that they were supposed to be cooking breakfast. He turned his full attention to the spoon in his hand, gripping it tightly and continuing to stir as he gave a nod to Gintoki to show him he had understood. Hijikata thought that this hunger was really strange, making him forget about what he was doing. While Gintoki was occupied with that the Vice Commander had decided to do the remaining part and went to take the green beans, the sesame seeds, soy sauce, sugar (just a little bit to balance the taste) and salt. He left the ingredients on the counter and put the beans to steam while taking a bowl to prepare the dressing and putting the remaining ingredients in it. He folded the sleeves of his shirt and began to mix with his hands. Hijikata felt eyes on him but he continued unperturbed, at least that's what he told himself. But after a few seconds he felt footsteps approaching and a presence behind that made him irrevocably tense.

The silver haired man spoke in a tone so low it was almost a whisper. "It looks good. In fact, everything you're making does." Gintoki was so close Hijikata could feel his warm breath washing over his neck, it sent shivers down his spine. And the compliment, which he wasn't used to receiving, especially from him of all people, made his knees quiver just a little. "Do you need a hand?" Gintoki then asked, pointing at the bowl.

Hijikata swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. "...It's fine." And he told himself that it was fine, it really was.

"I insist." Gintoki countered, setting to help. But the fact was that Gintoki wasn't helping like a normal person would do, which would be to work side by side. No. Instead he stayed behind Hijikata, getting a little closer and putting his arms around him, without touching, so his hands could reach for the bowl.

To say Hijikata was surprised would be an understatement. Oh and he was also petrified. In a random moment of clarity he was ready to turn and ask the other man just what the hell he thought he was doing, but Gintoki suddenly got even closer and Hijikata felt a pressure on his shoulder as his head came to rest there and the dark haired man's back brushed against a strong chest. His mind clouded with memories of when they were in that small storage room in a similar position, only they weren't in any immediate danger, and he had Gintoki's arms around his waist actually touching him now... he was embarrassed to even think this was remotely resembling somewhat a back hug.

Hijikata just hoped that Gintoki couldn't hear his heart trying to make a hole through his chest from how hard it was beating.

The silver haired samurai whispered into his ear. "Now I can help you."

Hijikata could now feel his heartbeat pulsing in his ears...shit... the Yorozuya's deep voice, a little rough from sleep (or lack of) did weird things to him. He lowered his head, staring into the bowl, but he couldn't help his eyes straying to his hands, their hands more precisely, because Gintoki's were actually nearing his. He didn't have a clue about what to do in this case. He thought he could simply push the other man away and tell him he could do this by himself... but... as he felt the warmth radiate from him- deep inside Hijikata knew that he had... longed for this closeness. He didn't understand it himself, but it seemed every time they were close Hijikata felt some kind of different... and not in a negative way. And when they were apart he felt almost like a pull towards the other.

Gintoki's touch was so foreign to him, his skin was left with traces of fire every time his hand touched Hijikata's. But it was so familiar at the same time, as if he had known all along what it would be like. What Gintoki would feel like.

Hijikata didn't think what he was feeling was happening because of the hunger anymore.

After pondering for some time, thinking of everything that could go wrong, thinking how much this was wrong, how much he shouldn't do it and how crazy it was, he... just... let go. A great contributor to this was the fatigue wearing him down, too, which Hijikata blamed for letting himself press back against Gintoki, slightly, and the warmth encompassed him as he felt it everywhere. The other man moved a little to better accommodate him and tucked his chin on his shoulder until Hijikata could hear him quietly breathing. It was as if his senses were heightened and he could feel everything, from Gintoki's sweet scent to his soft curls, to his strong chest, to his warm fingers, which had gone inside the bowl at some point alongside his own, and even with the mixture Hijikata could feel the caress on his skin. And it amazed him how it didn't even feel dirty from the food, quite the opposite. And in the back of his mind he thought he had kind of missed feeling like this with the other.

After the past weeks he had a really weird feeling growing inside him now, because when Gintoki wasn't with him it felt strange but in a weird, bad way. Those days he had spent at the hospital, when for over a week he hadn't heard or seen the one who had saved him- who he had been slightly getting used to seeing almost everyday the previous week- had made him feel something he had always pushed to the back of his mind. But what had really surprised him was that the other could make him feel this way. That Gintoki's absence could make him feel... lonely.

He was used to the feeling, with his job he didn't really want to grow close to anyone, except for his team, which had been inevitable. And he had to admit that even if he had a closed-off personality he sometimes did it on purpose, not getting close to people. Staying alone was better because you only had to watch out for yourself. And he supposed that if in the end he ended up dying only a few would be affected, to anyone else it wouldn't matter, he believed that some might even be happy if the Shinsengumi's Vice-Commander finally disappeared. Hijikata kept his gaze down low, his eyes covered by his fringe, but not from embarrassment this time. Questions spread in his mind like pollution in the water.

...Would it affect the Yorozuya if he died? Would he feel anything at all? He was sure Gintoki would certainly not laugh at his grave, he had found out that when it came to matters like death the other samurai was a serious person with moral and principles, so he wouldn't do that. But somehow knowing it was not enough, because, would he even care? Why would he since Hijikata wasn't anything to him, anyway. He remembered when Gintoki had come to the hospital, after he had saved him, but was that because he felt like he had to, right?

A sudden fear gripped him, taking hold of his stomach and making his breath hitch. Maybe in the samurai's mind Hijikata was just a weakling who needed protection, nothing more. He was starting to doubt himself and the words he had heard Gintoki say in that room. And then when Gintoki had thought Hijikata had been asleep as he talked to him, had that been just to ease the samurai's conscience? Maybe talking to Hijikata's comatose body just served to clean his small sense of guilt instead of a sincere feeling. Was that all there was to it?

And why was he suddenly feeling... disappointed?

With these thoughts circling around his head like crows he unconsciously gritted his teeth behind a closed mouth, with lips forming a thin line and hands balled up into fists. He tried to keep the change in demeanor as minimal as he could, but the feeling inside his chest was expanding, making it a little more difficult to breathe or think normally.

He hadn't noticed Gintoki looking at him through the mirror all along.

"I'm not really an expert on food but you might be crushing our breakfast."

The white haired samurai's voice was soft, as if he knew what was going on and was trying to lighten the mood, to calm him. But how could he know? Hijikata lifted his head and saw Gintoki, or rather Gintoki's reflection, staring at him through the mirror. His eyes were so, so red Hijikata's knees almost gave out under him and he froze.

Gintoki's eyes were burning him.

Hijikata then saw his own reflection too, his hair disheveled, his skin pale and his eyes tired, with dark circles visible underneath. He was a mess. How could the Yorozuya even stand to look at him? He was disgusting. And Hijikata really didn't know where all this insecurity came from because he had never had these kind of thoughts before, at least not regarding the other, but it was difficult not thinking about it with Gintoki right here, looking the exact opposite of him. Because to Hijikata he looked immaculate, with his silver curls, high cheekbones, piercing eyes and the rest of him. And Hijikata was lost. He felt like such an idiot and his expression was showing it. He lowered his gaze once again and looked down, his hands slowly releasing their tight grip.

"What's wrong?" Gintoki then surprised him with the question, still in uttered that low voice. Hijikata didn't want to look up or else he was afraid he was going to spill out everything that was going on through his mind right now, and that was a bad idea. Because there was one recurring thought that was repeating itself over and over.

'During that week at the hospital... were you feeling lonely too?'

"Nothing." He answered instead.

"Liar." It seemed he had been caught. Hijikata would have blamed it on the exceptional observation skills he knew the other possessed, but he knew he had been the one to let it show, even if involuntarily. However the silver samurai's tone wasn't accusing, no, it was still soft and slow and nice, and suddenly Hijikata's stomach dropped because he knew he didn't deserve what Gintoki was offering him right now, he really didn't... He didn't deserve Gintoki.

"You're not very good at lying, and I know something's going on." The light haired man continued. "So just tell me what's the matter... we can solve it." Hijikata saw through his fringe the reflection of the other's eyes. He was still looking at him in that intense way. He didn't want to tell Gintoki what he was thinking, he was sure he was going to be laughed at.

"I told you, it's nothing. Let's just get this over with." He dismissed quickly, focusing on the meal again but Gintoki stopped him, holding his hands in place. And Hijikata did not let himself think how it made him feel inside.

"No." Gintoki denied him, still with that voice. "Not until you tell me what's going on in that mind of yours." Suddenly the Yorozuya took a step back and spun Hijikata around, taking him to the sink, his hand holding Hijikata's again and he couldn't even feel the little bits of food on their skin anymore. Everything was just... Gintoki.

He washed their hands gently and Hijikata wasn't able to move a muscle, as if he had turned into a solid, inanimated mass of being. And the way in which Gintoki cleaned carefully his fingers under the lukewarm spray of water- it was too much for Hijikata. The feeling of warm hands in his lingered even when the other went to grab a towel. While drying his hands, still delicately, the dark haired man wondered if anybody had ever done this for him before, but in his mind he couldn't come up with anyone except for Gintoki.

After drying his own hands and putting the towel away somewhere to the side, Gintoki returned his full attention to Hijikata, expecting an answer, only a foot of distance between them. "You know, I'm not going to move until you answer my question. So you only have one choice." Even if his voice was quiet it was firm and Hijikata didn't dare look him in the eyes.

Shit, it seemed like they were always interrupted when it felt like there was going to be a confrontation, so why the hell was no one interfering now?

He saw Gintoki's feet move as he took a small step closer. And it was weird seeing him like this because he was wearing his green pajamas, not his characteristic yukata which Hijikata had been used to. And he looked so relaxed. And Hijikata was in his pajamas too and they were in Gintoki's apartment, looking after three children. For two days they had lived together and by now Hijikata almost knew this house like the back of his hand.

And it had the atmosphere of a home in all the ways... but this just wasn't Hijikata's home.

Because he could never be part of it, could he?

And that was okay, that was okay because of course he wouldn't- shouldn't- be part of what the other samurai had. They were mere acquaintances after all, who sometimes had disagreements and sometimes were forced to work together. Just that. So why was this uncomfortable feeling in the pit of his chest taking over him?

Hijikata smiled a little, it didn't reach his eyes. "Seriously, nothing's going on." Why did he feel so bad lying to him? And since when did white lies make you feel this guilty? ...Or maybe this wasn't as white as he thought.

All of a sudden Gintoki did something unexpected, he closed the remaining distance between them in a swift step and gently bumped their foreheads together. Hijikata froze on the spot. Slowly the tip of Gintoki's nose brushed against his, in a way that Hijikata could describe only as tender in that moment, the touch was ghost-like but it still sent goosebumps raising all over his skin. And their foreheads were still pressed together as he was staring at him with eyes full of something Hijikata couldn't understand. And he might have forgotten how to breathe because all that red was suffocating him.

"You can tell me, you know?" Gintoki's voice was no more than a low murmur dissipating in the space of the room and echoing inside Hijikata's mind. "If you have a problem... I could help. If you want. Because we have to stay positive for the kids these remaining days and..." His eyes became concerned. "I don't... like seeing you like this." The last part was whispered in such a low, gentle voice Hijikata's heart skyrocketed.

"...I...I-just-" Well, it seemed now it was his turn to be a little baby, just like the other had yesterday. Oh, how the roles had reversed.

"What is it?" Gintoki prompted.

He was cornered now.

Hijikata didn't want anyone to know about what was going on in his mind, especially him. But he also knew he had to fight the problem head on to overcome it. Wasn't that what he had always done or at least tried to do?...and if Gintoki ended up laughing at him, so what? It wasn't his fault for... feeling this way lately. Quickly, Hijikata took two steps back and the cold air replaced the heat from Gintoki's body. The other man was looking at him like he hadn't expected the sudden move, like he was feeling... rejected? No, no that wasn't possible. It was just Hijikata's mind playing tricks on him now.

"Why-" He took a deep breath, the words rushing in all at once inside his brain, wanting to spill out of his mouth. "-why didn't you... come at the hospital?"

Gintoki's eyes widened so much Hijikata was almost worried his bulbs were going to fall off. "W-What?" He stammered.

He kept his gaze firm. "...You heard me."

"I-I.. wait-" Gintoki passed a hand through his curls, still looking at him with that surprised expression. "Is this what's bothering you?"

Hijikata turned his head to the side and didn't say anything for a moment. Gintoki took it as a yes.

"...forget it." The Vice Commander added in the end. He was already pulling away even further but the other samurai grabbed his arm to stop him, something that now was starting to become common between the two.

"I..." Gintoki started but stopped. He was looking at him uncertainly, no more words coming out of his mouth.

Hijikata wasn't stupid, he knew what pride meant for a man, for a samurai- especially one like Gintoki. And maybe if the roles were reversed... he might have done the same. He still remembered those kind words whispered in that pale room smelling of antiseptic and emptiness. And the memory of that gentle hand running through his hair was what had made him fall asleep when the painkillers hadn't worked during the cold nights.

But then Gintoki thought he had been asleep.

He wouldn't have done it otherwise, if only he had known Hijikata was awake. He would have never told him those things and if Hijikata had been really asleep he wouldn't have heard anything- and he didn't know why but the thought was so crushing that suddenly it wasn't because of the red that he couldn't breathe anymore. Because Gintoki was okay with Hijikata never knowing.

And suddenly it wasn't okay anymore.

None of this was, because even if he didn't expect it to, even if he had no idea why, even if it shouldn't feel the way it did... that hurt. That was the part that hurt. As the feeling inside his chest took hold of him Hijikata abruptly shook Gintoki's hand off of him.

"Then why did you save me?" His voice raised slightly but he couldn't help it, he needed answers. He needed to know. "During the raid why did you come to our rescue? Wasn't I just a pain in the ass for you? Isn't the Shinsengumi just a group of tax-thieves paid to take all your money away?" He knew he was starting to get irked and his voice kept increasing in volume, but the words were already tumbling out of his mouth. Everything he had felt these past weeks was coming out of his mouth- the frustration, the anger, the sadness... the loneliness. And it hurt. Amidst the red, hot rush going through him Hijikata distantly asked himself why it seemed like in the end he always ended up in pain... was this the price to pay to lead the life he had chosen?

"Why did you do it?! What did the Shinsengumi do to deserve your protection?" He continued, anger clear in his voice this time.

And suddenly the man in front of him was the one who had always mocked them, the one who stood tall and proud and didn't spare a thought to look at anyone else. The one not affected from anything. So why had he lowered himself to help them? To help him? Had he done it on purpose just to throw it back in his face how weak he was? What was his reason? Why?

As those red eyes stared back at him in Hijikata's mind they melted into this man he didn't understand the motives of... the one who was untouchable. And for some reason that snapped something ugly inside of him.

"What did I do to deserve your protection?!" Hijikata almost yelled as his eyes became meaner.

They weren't blue anymore, they were ice and Gintoki felt their cold run all over him. He didn't like being looked at like this, not by Hijikata. But the next word stopped him in his tracks, unforseen. As the pain that Gintoki felt in that moment was.

"Shiroyasha." Hijikata spat.

There was a trace of venom laced in his voice, in his ice cold gaze and Gintoki's face fell. This was the first time he saw Hijikata angry, this angry, and it couldn't even compare to that day in the alley. Gintoki frowned as all the questions replayed in his head. How could this moron even think he was going to let them die!? It was true that he called the Shinsengumi names and they bickered most of the time, but he had a great amount of respect for all the Shinsengumi's members, for Hijikata the most. When something bad had happened, even before, he had intervened, and he knew he would do it again in the future. Because how could he let anyone hurt Hijikata? Nobody had that privilege, not even Gintoki himself. But as he looked at the dark haired man right now... he felt like he had just done that.

Gintoki didn't want to make him think that, to let him hurt, to let him think that he was a heartless person who didn't care about anything, because he cared. And he cared about him. He opened his mouth to clarify, to try and solve the situation somehow- but a ring cut him off. It was Hijikata's phone. And of course he would keep it with him all the damn time!

Hijikata, unaware of his thoughts, took the offending object in his hand and answered. "Yes?" When he heard the voice on the other side his tone turned quieter, back to normal again. "Ah Kondo-San... I understand... now? It's fine, don't worry. Yeah, I missed working anyway... alright... I'll be there as soon as I can." And with that he snapped the phone shut. Without looking at Gintoki he walked past him, his shoulder bumping against his on purpose.

Gintoki could still feel the remnants of frustration hanging heavily in the air around them as Hijikata walked away.

And he was left alone, more confused than he had been before, wondering how the conversation had gone so wrong from only minutes ago when it seemed like everything was fine? The thoughts were running wildly through his head. He wanted to make this right, he wanted to go to Hijikata and maybe apologize, tell him that it was fine, that everything was fine, that- something. Anything to make the ice melt from his eyes. But even if he tried to move his feet were stuck on the ground.

He didn't know how long he stayed there, maybe a minute or an hour, time didn't matter anymore. Not until he heard the front door close. And Gintoki felt... sad.

---

The light haired samurai finished preparing the breakfast they were supposed to cook together. He couldn't help but leave a plate on the side for Hijikata, he thought that maybe when the other man came back later he might eat it. If he came back at all. After setting the table he joined Otae and the kids, eating silently and not looking up from his dish. And he couldn't help but think that it tasted really good, Hijikata had practically done everything on his own and if he had been Gintoki he might have even complimented him for the food. But he wasn't here.

"...Gin-San." Otae called to him.

Her voice was careful but he didn't need careful now. He was confused and sad and at some point anger had taken over him, too, and now he was feeling everything at once. So... this was what way you got in the end when you decided to show something more, something deeper- when you decided to show gratitude. Well, what a nice way to say thanks!

"What?" He asked, trying to keep his tone as neutral as possible, however it was clear that the brunette knew what was going on. She had probably heard them.

"Is everything alright?" Otae asked worriedly.

"Everything's fine." Gintoki murmured but her expression didn't change. The woman's attention shifted from him for a moment because Kagura wanted to try something from her plate and Otae gave her a spoonful of the miso soup that she seemed to really like, but her gaze quickly returned to Gintoki again.

"You know it's going to be okay, right?" She told him in a calm voice. This time Gintoki lifted his head to look at her as she continued. "I'm sorry but your tone wasn't exactly subtle, I heard what you were saying. I even took the children to the other room so they wouldn't hear, because they started sensing that something was wrong. Fortunately Hijikata-San came to say goodbye before going to work." She smiled then. "You should have seen them Gin-San, the kids didn't want to let him go. He had to hug them to calm them down and promise that he would be back soon. He was sweet, I didn't expect that."

At least he hadn't been an asshole with her and the kids, if he had Gintoki would have started a fight with him for real. Instead, like Otae had said, he had been... sweet. It wasn't their fault after all, it was only Gintoki's. He sighed and glanced to the side to Sougo and in a moment of sudden affection he gently patted the baby's head. While he was occupied with this Otae put her hand on top his free one, that had been resting limply on the table.

Her hand was warm, a nice contrast to the cold he had felt before. Gintoki would never tell her this but he was so damn thankful that he had her here. She actually knew what she was doing, not the same could be said for him, and she was very reliable. It was reassuring to have her by his side. And even if she was younger than him she was by far more mature. It had taken some time but after getting to know each other they understood now, and when one of them needed help the other was always there. Gintoki considered her a dear friend, with her he felt... safe. And not in a weak kind of way, on the contrary, he felt reassured with her. Because even if he went and did the most stupid thing Otae would still be here, with her crazy strength, her poisonous eggs and her welcoming smile. Waiting for him to come back. And it was really nice having a good friend like her. Friends like her, Zura, Sakamoto, Kagura, Shinpachi, Otose (who he considered more of a mother figure), Tama and even the Cat Woman were what he considered his family now.

He had discovered a long time ago that home wasn't the place where you lived but the people you loved. And they were his home... maybe he was a fool to think that Hijikata might belong somewhere among these lines too.

"He is just stressed, that is all. Please don't take it personally." Otae continued in a soothing voice, squeezing his hand gently. "How could he be mad at you because you saved his life and his faction? That's preposterous... I think Hijikata-San said those things only because he was suddenly thrown in a new situation and it was a shock for him. Thinking that he has to live with his rival for a week-" Gintoki swore he could hear the smirk even if she didn't have one. "-to watch over his subordinate who turned into a baby and two other kids. Add to this the fact that he hasn't been able to work- which he seems to really enjoy- or sleep- which is a necessity- and this is the result. It would take its toll on anyone. I know you have gone through the same, but your ability to adapt to any kind of situation is honestly impressive and not everyone is capable of it. For some people it might take more time." She gave his hand one last squeeze and retracted hers as Gintoki was left a little speechless.

He could feel his anger dissipating quickly. Thinking about it everything she had said made sense. Gintoki was the first to feel cranky without sleep, he could definitely understand when others felt like that too and he knew how much Hijikata loved his job, staying away from it and from the Shinsengumi must be hard, especially when the Gorilla had practically forced him to live here for the time being. With his little devil subordinate to look after. And adapting so suddenly to a new situation wasn't easy for anyone, despite what Otae had said Gintoki still felt insecure about this too, he was just better at hiding it. ...He felt a little guilty now for being angry in the first place.

He turned wide eyes at the girl and blinked once. "Wow... you've thought about this a lot."

"Not really. It only took me a minute." She was still smiling, as if what she had explained just now had been the simplest thing.

"You're... something else." Gintoki exhaled as he took his glass of water and drank a gulp, suddenly feeling his throat dry.

She smirked a little. "I know." Then her eyes became... mischievous. "And do you really think I haven't noticed what is going on with you two?"

Gintoki choked on the water. "W-W-What!?" He asked as he tried not to spit out anymore liquid than he already had.

Otae shook her head at him, as if she was both amused and disappointed from his shock. "Oh please, don't look at me like that. I don't know exactly what happened but things have changed and you are not enemies anymore." She shrugged a little. "Not that you really were from the beginning, but it's clear now that you are something... more." She added carefully, testing the waters.

The only thing Gintoki could do was blink as he felt his face somehow turn warmer. She took that as a good sign and continued. "Gin-San he has his pride and so do you, but don't let this get between you. I think Hijikata-San is going through more than he is letting on... you know that better than anyone, don't you?" Otae was now smiling kindly again and after her words Gintoki's guilt was mixing with the hope to make things right between himself and Hijikata. She seemed to notice this as she spoke her next words. "You can talk to him later and you will be able to solve this. Everything is going to be alright. Maybe even more than alright."

By now Gintoki wasn't even surprised anymore by what she knew. It had been kind of obvious she would eventually find out (she was observant like that) about this anyway. Whatever this was. And it looked like she was enjoying herself, a little too much. But it was even clearer how supportive she was and Gintoki felt waves of relief and gratitude wash over him, though even he himself wasn't exactly sure why. But he sighed again as he thought of something, his heart feeling a little heavier.

"...How can I talk to him later? I don't even know for how long he's going to work." He phrased the sentence this way because he didn't want to say out loud that he actually didn't know if Hijikata would even come back.

"Well, today I have to work too-" Gintoki's face suddenly filled with panic and she was quick to reassure him. "-just two hours and a half during the afternoon, don't worry. However, even if we are capable of watching after the children on our own in my opinion it's best if two of us stay with them, at least today. Since we weren't able to sleep and we are tired we could unintentionally make a mistake that could endanger them."

Gintoki got that, actually he still felt kind of bad about the day before when sleep had taken over him without him even noticing. Thankfully Tama had come to the rescue, but he knew that they couldn't always bother her or Otose, they had their work to do. What he didn't understand though was where the brunette was going with this.

"We still don't know how long he's going to be away for or even where he is."

But Otae seemed to be one step ahead of him. "Are you sure about that?"

She took out her cellphone, Gintoki didn't remember seeing it before. "Unfortunately, or maybe in this case fortunately, a uh-" Her gaze landed on the kids for a second. "-a silly gorilla said that he couldn't stand a day without... hearing my voice." She shuddered a little at the apparent memory and he pitied her for a moment.

"When I had bought a phone for work-" She continued. "-he somehow found out my number and kept on calling. Like any other sane person would have done, after trying everything, and believe me I tried everything-" She was looking at him dead serious in the eyes and Gintoki really believed her a he nodded at her words, always more intrigued.

"...I destroyed the phone."

Gintoki snorted at that.

Otae sighed. "But he bought me another one, long story short after four more cellphones in the end I decided to just keep this one, I couldn't do otherwise since I need it. Obviously threatening to go to the police wouldn't really be effective and, well... sometimes he might have interesting information. To get to the point... if I called him right now he would be capable of telling me the exact position and schedule of all of his men, among other things." She smirked. "I don't really think finding Hijikata-San is going to be that difficult, you know?"

Gintoki was almost gaping at her before he let out a few snickers. "You're an evil genius Otae, you know that?"

She tilted her head a little, smirk still in place. "What can I say? I learnt from the best."

There was a moment in which they looked at each other with a completely straight face. And then they burst out laughing. The babies' attention snapped to the adults and after seeing the two they decided to join in and laugh too. The weight Gintoki had on his shoulders lifted and he felt better. He was going to talk to Hijikata and hopefully they would come to an understanding. The feeling of the happy family returned and engulfed him.

They were going to be alright, maybe even more than alright.

---

After eating and joking around with the kids Gintoki suggested to go and play at the park, since they couldn't really do it yesterday. The sun was shining and it would be good for them and all that stuff people said about fresh air and kids that he didn't really understand. While Otae dressed the little ones after changing them as he washed the dishes and once everyone was ready they took what they would need and with Sadaharu leading them they were out of the door in a heartbeat. People were milling about in the busy streets and if it weren't for the three kids currently sitting on the stroller this would be one of their usual days.

Shortly after they arrived at the park, a different one from the previous day. It was nice, with the sakura trees shedding pale pink petals above their heads and the green grass seemingly extending for miles. They laid down a blanket in which they carefully positioned the kids, sitting too as Sadaharu run around a little and simply enjoying the atmosphere.

"Isn't it nice? It was a good idea coming here." Otae voiced out what he had been thinking.

"What did you expect?" Gintoki smirked. "I always have great ideas." She rolled her eyes at his answer but it was clear she was amused from the little smile on her face.

"Oh hey, look." Gintoki suddenly pointed somewhere ahead of them with his pointer finger and she followed with her gaze. "It's that man who's always shirtless."

Right in front of them, a few feet away, there was a middle-aged man who constantly came to the parks of Kabuki-Cho. He never had a shirt on and sometimes he even went around in a swimsuit, always laying down in the grass because apparently he wanted to take a tan.

"Oh, yeah." Otae nodded. "I can't remember why isn't he on the beach anymore?" She asked as they saw the man turn on his back, sprawled out on the ground.

"Cause he had tried to eat a living whale that had washed ashore with his chopsticks, after he said he couldn't find any good restaurants around, and they banned him." Gintoki answered around a yawn, not really affected after he had heard the story more times than he could count.

"Yeah, now I remember." Otae nodded distractedly, not affected either. Kagura was making some funny faces at her and she decided to tickle her, the little girl's laughter filling the place and Gintoki was smiling as he looked at the scene, until-

"Dada?"

Gintoki and Otae froze for a split second. Then their attention snapped to the source of the voice. Shinpachi.

"What did you say?!" They both asked at the same time.

Gintoki had his pinkie in his ear, trying to clean it as best as he could. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Shinpachi just looked at them as he tilted his head and repeated the word.

"Dada?"

"Did you hear it too or am I hearing voices?!" Gintoki exclaimed at Otae, shocked at this turn of events.

"No, I did too! It's his first real word as a baby! Quick get the camera!" The girl all but screeched.

Gintoki nodded so fast he thought his head was going to snap."I know! I-" Then he stopped and turned to her. "- wait, what camera?"

Otae looked at him simultaneously as if he had just grown another limb and as if she wanted to punch him for his stupidity. "You really think I wouldn't have thought about this possibility!? I have put the camera in the pocket of the stroller just in case, now quick go and get it!" She gestured at the strollers hastily, wanting to stay near the babies in case they said anything else.

"Okay, fine!" Gintoki agreed as he got up in search of this camera she had taken.

He was back in record time as he fumbled with it only for a little sat back down with them, pressing the recording button. Otae was near Shinpachi and she tried to speak as slowly and clearly to him as possible.

"Shin-Chan, can you please repeat it for us?"

Shinpachi blinked. "Dada." He simply said.

Both Otae and Gintoki exulted in joy. Whoever looked at them thought that they were either over-excited parents with their kids or just crazy. Or both.

"I told you he was the most clever in the group!" Gintoki all but shouted, for some reason feeling proud of himself.

"You didn't tell me anything!" Otae countered. "But of course he is, Shin-Chan is my little brother after all!" She cooed as she hit Gintoki's shoulder in excitement.

Gintoki looked over at Otae with his usual dead fish eyes. "And that is linked... why?"

She glared at him. "Don't you even dare! We both now I'm the intelligent one here, he was going to take after me." She turned her head to the other side, clearly feeling satisfied of herself.

Gintoki laughed in a mocking manner."Oh yeah, right!" He narrowed his eyes at her. "It's because of all the time he has spent with me! He's absorbing my brillianceverness." He answered back defiantly.

Otae raised an eyebrow at that. "Does that word even exist?"

Gintoki raised an eyebrow back. "If I say it, it means it exists."

She deadpanned. "Of course." But then she smirked again. "Anyway, he still took after me and we both know that."

Gintoki scoffed. "Keep on dreaming." He whispered under his breath.

"What was that?" She asked in a warning tone.

"Nothing ma'am." He said quickly.

"That's better."

But they heard something else.

"Where Dada?"

This time Kagura had spoken and she was looking at them as if expecting an answer. Gintoki and Otae exchanged a look, bewildered, then returned their gaze to her.

"...she can speak too. She can speak too!"

"Holy... moly!"

Gintoki was almost pulling at his hair as Otae was trying to record everything, their loud exclamations carrying on to other parts of the park. By that point Sadaharu had returned and even if he didn't understand what was going on the dog was happily wagging its tail and licking at the babies' faces, making them giggle.

A little away from them the kid pulled on the dress of his mother. "Mom? What are those people doing?" He asked her as he pointed at Gintoki and Otae, who were practically rolling around the grass in joy by this point.

"Don't look at them! Those are what we call 'stranger danger'." The woman advised her son as she covered his eyes.

"Yeah." A voice joined in and the two looked behind them to see the middle- aged man taking the sun with only his swimsuit on. "There are definitely weird people around these days." He nodded at them and grinned, most of his teeth either yellow, black or missing. The woman almost screamed as she pulled her son away from there.

Meanwhile Gintoki and Otae were reeling with joy, when suddenly former turned to the latter. "But she's calling for this 'dada' too."

Otae furrowed her brows as she gently (and excitedly) asked Kagura if she could repeat what she had said once more.

"Where Dada?" The little girl said it louder this time.

"Who's Dada?" Gintoki asked confused and Otae shrugged her shoulders because she really had no idea.

"... Dada." This time it was Sougo, he had a finger on his lips and his big, reddish eyes seemed sad.

"Oh my... they all spoke in the same day... same day! This is like the greatest achievement for a mother!" Otae took a hand to her heart, camera raised high.

"Wooo..." Gintoki shook his head, more than a little shocked. Then he blinked and turned to Otae. "Wait but you're not really their-"

"If you finish that sentence I'm going to chain you to the shirtless man for the rest of the day."

"-this is amazing! Can you believe they all said their first words in the same day!?" Gintoki asked excitedly, quickly changing tactics because he knew she actually would. Otae seemed satisfied with the answer as she nodded her head so quickly Gintoki was almost convinced it would fall off. But thinking over it he had actually thought he would hear 'gha' for the rest of the week. "...So... they all know how to speak, huh?"

The grown ups, though still enthusiastic, were even more confused now. Who could it be they were talking about? An idea crossed Otae's mind. "Oh beautiful-" She stopped herself in her tracks before Gintoki could, because she knew if she started she wouldn't stop. "-darlings. Can you please look at me? I need you to understand."

She tried to speak as clearly as possible. "Now I will point at myself-" she was gesturing all the while, so even if the words were difficult they could still understand. "-and then at Gintoki, and you say the first word you want. Is that okay?" The three kids nodded.

"Very well!" Otae grinned as she slowly pointed to herself, trepidation clear in her voice. "Then... who am I?"

"Mama!" The three shouted at the same time.

Otae's eyes filled with tears that she quickly blinked away. She took hold of Gintoki's sleeve in a death grip as she pulled to get his attention, making him fall face first into the blanket. But it wasn't like his attention could have been anywhere else, only on what was happening in that moment in front of them.

"D-Did you hear that?" Otae asked in a loud and trembling voice.

"Of course I heard!" Gintoki nodded quickly as he sat down again.

Then Otae gulped as she took a deep breath. "Gin-San... I don't think I deserve this role. But is it wrong that it makes me feel happy?" She asked, more subdued this time, looking at him with warm brown eyes full of adoration but also hesitance. Gintoki understood as he smiled gently at her. He still had no idea what he would be to them, something good he hoped. But he might have a grasp on who this Dada was.

"Sorry, I got a bit carried away..." Otae rubbed her eyes as she let go of his sleeve and pulled herself together. "Alright let's continue." Otae pointed at him now. "Okay little beautiful, amazing creatures, you glowing, sparkling angels that came from above and-

"Otae-" Gintoki interjected a little amused, knowing she wouldn't stop if he didn't intervene this time.

"-sorry." She apologized, getting quickly carried away once again. But she couldn't help it, they were just so precious! She cleared her throat and assumed a neutral expression, though it wasn't really working. "Can you tell me who this is?"

"Papa!" The three of them screamed at the same time.

Otae pulled at his yukata from the excitement, making Gintoki fall down again. But he wasn't even annoyed as he got up and smiled a genuine, beautiful and kind smile at the three kids. His heart felt kind of full and he ruffled their hair softly. Otae smiled sweetly at them. Shinpachi, Kagura and Sougo were so adorable as they were looking at them with those pretty, round eyes and her heart was melting. But she now had to ask the most important question.

"And who is Hi-ji-ka-ta?" She said each syllable slowly so they could fully comprehend the name.

"Dada!" The kids shouted and threw their hands in the air.

Alright, the last one had been obvious but it was still nice hearing it. This meant the little kids trusted them enough to see them as parent figures. Well, that and because they were the ones who had been around them the most, Gintoki supposed. He still thought that he was the one who didn't deserve this term of endearment, but it made him happy hearing it. And the fact that Kagura and Shinpachi trusted Hijikata enough to call him that, and of course Sougo doing the same with him and Otae... it was... it was astonishing really. Gintoki felt his heart squeeze.

Otae turned to him with the same smile she had had in the living room when they were talking about Hijikata, maybe a tad brighter. "...It seems we are officially a family now Gin-San!" She whispered excitedly.

Gintoki grinned as he laid down on his side, looking at them. "Yeah, a family."

Gintoki wasn't going to lie, he liked the 'official' sound of it. Even if he had already thought about them this way, now it just felt more real.

.

.

.

They tried to make the kids say more and they got some jumbled words out of them, but in the end there was still the same question coming out of their little mouths. Otae studied their expressions for a moment and then went to retrieve her phone.

When she came back she directed her gaze at Gintoki. "I think now it's a good time." She nodded at him as she pressed a few keys on the device.

Gintoki didn't want to admit that his heart was beating quickly. "Are you calling the Gorilla?"

She showed the small screen to him and Gintoki read: "... Crazy ... Stupid ... ... ... ... Gorilla ... ... ..." And there were some words he couldn't say out loud because the kids were here. He had to say he was kind of impressed, Otae had certainly used... imagination with some of the terms. He nodded and she pressed the calling button, holding the phone as far away from them as she could. Gintoki raised an eyebrow at her, not really understanding why. Only after one ring the voice on the other side answered.

"MYYY LOOOOOOOOOVVVVEEE!"

People at the park were looking at them curiously. Gintoki's ears beeped from the loud sound and now he understood why. The kids had started giggling. He swore they laughed with anything that had to do with the Gorilla.

Otae took the phone to her ear and answered calmly. "Say another word and that will be your last." This time there was no sound from the device and Gintoki snickered a little as he imagined Kondo's terrified face, though if he was in his place he would be scared out of his mind too from her threat. She took a deep breath. "Don't get your hopes up. I have only called because the beautiful ange-" Gintoki gave her a look and Otae corrected herself, knowing she would start another endless string of compliments otherwise... she could always do that later. "I mean, the children want to know where Hijikata-San is, since they got used to him being present."

There were some noises and a muffled voice on the other side, much quieter this time, and after maybe half a minute Otae nodded. "Alright." She ended the phone call as Kondo was still speaking, probably trying (and failing) to flirt and she turned to look at Gintoki with a mix between a smile and a smirk. "He is at the court near the center of Oedo. Apparently they caught someone powerful who called their lawyers in or something like that, I didn't really hear that part. Anyway, Hijikata-San and the whole Shinsengumi are going to be there until five o'clock at least. After they are going to take the criminals to a prison near Oedo and it's going to take some time because of all the documents they have to sign. No one can return to the Shinsengumi's headquarters unless it's an order from the Commander or Vice-Commander, so who knows? Hijikata-San might be there even before then."

Gintoki was amazed from her answer. He looked at her in awe, then he started laughing. "With a phone call you got to know not only where one of the best Shinsengumi's members was, but also their schedule and everything they have been up to until now? All information that is actually secluded to citizens." Gintoki shook a little his head, impressed. "You know, a lot of people would kill for this, Zura included, and you didn't even care for most of the things Gori told you."

Then a sudden thought crossed his mind. "Let's sell the information and become rich, we'll split 60/40. For me.

Otae sighed. "I already told you, it's not my fault he blabbers about what he shouldn't. And no. First of all- I would never sell precious information for money. Secondly- we both know if we did this you would take all the money and escape before I could find you." She stated with a raised eyebrow.

Gintoki shrugged lazily at his failed plan. Where was the lie though? "True." But out of the blue she smirked and he narrowed his eyes slightly, confused.

"What?"

"Oh, nothing." She waved a hand dismissively but her eyes were still mischievous. "I was just thinking about the part where you said 'one of the best Shinsengumi's members', why Gin-San, I didn't know you admired him this much?" She took a hand to her mouth and feigned surprise.

Gintoki's face flared as he became aware of his mistake. Crap! He hadn't meant to say that out loud! He only thought about it from time to time but it had slipped!

"S-Shut up it's n-not like that! In the Shinsengumi everyone is good! Have you seen the training regimen they have to go through?! Of course they'll choose the best members! No, in fact all of them are the best! Haha...ahah... hahaha!"

No one believed him.

Otae gave him a 'Please-I-know-what-you-are-really-thinking-about' look and he gulped as she turned to the children.

"Hey lovely, beautiful sweethearts-" She stopped herself this time. "Dada is going to come back in a few hours. Papa will drag him home, so don't worry!"

"Yaaahhh!" Apparently they liked the perspective of that. Otae looked for something inside the strollers again and took out a big, red ball. Gintoki was starting to think she might have taken Doreamon's pocket. "Who wants to play?"

Shinpachi raised his hands up so high he fell on his back, laughing.

.

.

.

They stayed at the park until the afternoon, eating some lunch in one of the restaurants there because Gintoki had managed to convince Otae not to bring with them any homemade bento boxes, for obvious reasons.

During their meal a young woman passing by looked at the kids and complimented them.

"Aww they're so adorable!" She looked at them. "And you are such a cute couple!"

Otae choked and Gintoki spit out water... and it was difficult to know who was laughing more. They were too amused at the sheer possibility that someone might think they were together. Not that there was anything wrong with that but they were so used to seeing each other as good friends and brother and sister that it was just too incredulous for them. The woman was looking at them confused.

Once they calmed down Otae explained the situation a little. "Oh no, they aren't our children. We are simply returning a favour to some friends of ours." She smiled at the stranger and Gintoki thought that there was actually some truth to her words.

"Oh, I see." The woman said a little surprised.

"And we aren't a couple, just friends." Otae added as she turned to look at Gintoki with kind eyes and a playful smile. "He is in love with someone else."

Gintoki, who had then been drinking some water just like before, choked once again.

He tried to breathe normally and survive what could have as well been a heart attack. Why did she drop these bombs on him?! Did she think it was funny or something?! (Yeah) He was sure he became red from head to toes. He didn't know what was worse, the fact that Otae had said it with normalcy, as if it wasn't something out of this world, or the fact that... he felt a slice of truth in those words, hearing them from someone else's mouth.

Frankly, it was terrifying to think about so he pushed it to the back of his mind. The woman apologized and all Gintoki could do was give a forced smile as she and Otae exchanged a few more words and she left with a wave to the kids, who waved back. Gintoki proceeded to glare at Otae until she gave in and bought him dessert. At least he had gotten something out of his embarrassment, though his heart still felt a little... heavier.

They stayed for a little longer, deciding then to go back home. The ride back was almost quiet, Gintoki still participated in the conversation, but he his head felt dizzy with too many thoughts. Once at the apartment they put away their stuff away and the kids were playing in the living room as he fell on the couch, sprawled. Otae sat more gracefully next to him.

"Why do I feel so tired?" Gintoki voiced out loud his question in a whine.

"Because you didn't sleep last night." Otae provided.

He nodded lazily. "That's true."

"And because you had a fight with Hijikata-San and now you feel sad."

"I don't!" He immediately denied.

"You so do."

Gintoki was going to answer back but when he turned to her even if calm her face was almost scary, he wasn't the only one who hadn't slept after all, and she had to work too. This meant she was more irritable than usual. And for Otae that was not good. He was going to let her win, only for today. An alarm went off and the brunette looked for her phone before turning the annoying beeping sound off, which reminded Gintoki of another experience he had the day before and he shouldn't think about, unless he wanted to become a living tomato.

"I have an hour before I have to leave. Go find Hijikata-San." Otae informed him, almost in a monotone.

Gintoki shot out from the couch. "Are you snickerdoodling kidding me?!"

She gasped in surprise. "Oh, you remembered not to cuss in front of the children. Good job Gin-San!" She smiled brightly as if she hadn't just dropped another bomb on him.

"Don't change the subject! Do you have any idea how far I have to go!?"

"You can take your scooter and you will be fine." Otae assured him. "Would you rather I had set my alarm ten minutes before I had to go? I tried to give you time." She was giving him the sore eye.

He crossed his arms and grumbled. "...Fine."

"Now go quickly, find him and solve things. Good luck!" She gave him a thumbs up for good measure.

"You're saying it as if it's easy!" Gintoki complained, the situation seeming unfair to him.

"It is. You have to work hard enough to get what you want, but in the end it's worth it. And it won't seem so difficult once you have what you wished for." It seemed like she was reciting one of those cards they sold to little kids and old people. Gintoki sighed as he scratched at his scalp. Well he was still going to have to confront Hijikata, so it was now or never he supposed.

"Fine." He repeated and patted the three children on the head before going to sit in the entrance and put his boots on. When he was done opening the door he heard Otae.

"Gin-San." He turned to face her. "It's going to be fine. Two people who care about each other in the end will always find their way back to one another." She smiled sweetly. Gintoki blushed and didn't know how to answer except for a little nod in that moment. He went out, closing the door quietly behind him.

"...Mama." A quiet voice spoke, it was Sougo. Otae continued to feel fuzzy with the warmth spreading in her heart because these little creatures were the sweetest thing she had ever come across.

"Yes darlingsweetiehoneysugarplumpbeautifulamazingadorableprettyangel?" Okay, she had needed to say it or she would have exploded. Sougo blinked a few times, as if confused and Otae giggled a little at the adorable baby as she softly caressed his chubby cheek.

He seemed to remember why he had called for her as he asked in a feeble voice,"...Papa?"

"He went to get Hiji-uh... Dada." She told him, still having to get used to saying it. She smiled warmly at him. "Don't worry they will be back soon, do you want to play with me while we wait for them?" Little Sougo nodded and smiled radiantly.

Otae swore these babies were going to be the death of her.

---

Gintoki was racing on the streets with his faithful scooter, trying to avoid any cars in his path and going as fast as he could to maybe have some time to spare. Nowadays it seemed like every time he used his scooter he always had to go at the speed of light.

Ten minutes had passed when he parked near the court and got off his precious. He was walking to the entrance as he saw two members of the Shinsengumi that were talking, noticing them from their uniforms. Sadly none of them was Hijikata.

'Maybe he's inside.' Gintoki thought hopefully.

He was walking forward as his ears caught what the two officers were saying. "-and it was so cool, you should have seen the movie too!"

"The one you went to see with the Vice-Commander?"

"Yeah! Speaking of him, where is the Fukucho?"

Gintoki stopped in his tracks and took a step backwards, fortunately the other two had their backs turned to him and didn't notice anything.

"Didn't you hear before? He was called by the Commander."

"Really?"

Now Gintoki was discreetly following them, his curiosity fully piqued.

"Yeah, he had to go back to the barracks for some paperwork or something like that."

Wow, it was just like in a manga or anime where the main character was given information by random strangers to finally be able to get what he wanted. Amazing.

"Man, this case has been really stressful, it's finally over! How can the Vice-Commander do all of this and still look after Captain Okita?"

And there went Gintoki's wave of guilt intensifying again.

"I have no idea. But he's the Vice-Commander for a reason after all. I hope he'll bring the Captain to the barracks one of these days."

"Yeah, me too. Hey, about we go see that movie?"

"Now?"

"Why not? We're not supposed to be back until six and I don't know about you but I don't think I'll be able to face Hijikata-San's wrath alone if we go back early."

"You're right, let's go."

They went in another direction until they disappeared from sight and Gintoki immediately went to his scooter, turning on the engine and heading to the Shinsengumi headquarters.

.

.

.

.

.

In less than half an hour Gintoki was finally there.

And even though he hadn't run since he had been on his loyal vehicle he was a little sweaty. He would blame it on the weather but really, it was because of his nerves. Now he had to infiltrate without being noticed. Which was as easy as making Kagura eat since the place was almost completely deserted. With a racing heart Gintoki started his quest for Hijikata's room.

'Stupid Shinsengumi, I melt during the summer and they have air conditioner here.' He thought bitterly as he walked along the corridors. True, it still wasn't summer but the days weren't exactly cold either. And even if he should have noticed the conditioners when he had been here before, Gintoki had been more focused on Hiji- on other important matters. Yep, completely different and important matters! And now he had to remember where the moron's room was. Sougo had told him once, when he had dragged him in one of his 'pranks' against his Vice Commander. After various twists, turns and some time, Gintoki was finally able to arrive in front of what looked like an ordinary door. He put his ear near it to hear if there was anyone inside, but there was no sound. He decided to just go with his gut, usually it worked, and silently slid the door open all the way. He guessed this was his now or never moment.

It was the right room because Hijikata was standing a few feet away, on the yard, his back turned to him and a cigarette in his hand. For a moment Gintoki was mesmerized by the shapes the smoke created as it disappeared in the air.

He thought Hijikata looked so cool like this, with his silhouette bathed in the rays of sunlight.

Gintoki could only see his back but he thought in that moment he might even look beautiful.

He took a step forward and the small noise it made was apparently enough to be heard because in the next moment Hijikata turned around. And stopped. He was so surprised, shocked even, that his cigarette fell from his lips.

"What the fuck are you doing here?!"

Yep, this was definitely the right room.

Gintoki took his usual stance with his arm folded in his yukata and greeted back. "Yo."

"Don't fucking 'yo' me! What the hell are you doing here!?"

"I came to talk about things. And the kids." Gintoki answered calmly, not really put off by his tone.

Hijikata's expression went from angry-surprised to worried-surprised. "Did something happen?"

And with that concerned tone and face Gintoki could only think that right now he looked like a real dad. His heart did a few acrobatics.

"Actually it did, but it's nothing bad. They... said their first words." He waited for Hijikata to absorb the new information. "And your new title is 'Dada' by the way. Congratulations on being an 'offcial parent' now." And really, it was meant to be sarcastic but there was a hidden truth behind those words that unconsciously came out. "...The kids were asking for you because they're now used to you being with them."

Hijikata blinked, he stared for a while. "...I see."

He looked to be lost in thought. But Gintoki couldn't have that, not right now.

"I didn't come here to tell you only that." Hijikata was going to speak but he beat him to it. "I came here to talk about what happened this morning."

Hijikata scoffed and turned away as he took another cigarette from the pack in his pocket. Now that Gintoki paid more attention he noticed a distinctive smell of smoke in the room. He didn't know for how long Hijikata had been here but he sure as hell had had a few cigarettes.

"If you came here just for that... then there's nothing to talk about. You can go back." The Vice Commander was back to his cold self from that morning, but his tone was quieter, there was not real bite to his words.

"What do you mean 'just for that'? It's important and we have to talk about it!" But Gintoki still couldn't help the irritation seeping in his voice because to him it was a lot more than 'just that'.

"We have nothing to talk about. You can leave." Hijikata replied in a calm, dismissive tone.

For a moment Gintoki almost didn't hear what was hiding beneath the surface.

Which was why he closed the door behind him. He had not seen a soul since he had been here, but maybe those idiots from before had changed their minds and would come back. And he'd rather have no one hear them right now because he decided he was going to say something he never thought he'd say out loud to anyone. And he only needed one person to hear it.

"Oh, but we have plenty to talk about and you're going to hear me out because this is important." Gintoki muttered as he closed the distance between them in a few, quick steps and stood in the porch next to Hijikata outside of his room. He snatched his cigarette in a show of annoyance (but also because he was a little worried, no one should smoke this much, it was bad for the health and Hijikata had had surgery not too long ago), and crushed it on the ground with his boot.

"Oi! What the-"

Gintoki took Hijikata by the shoulders and pushed him against the nearest wall- not strong enough to really hurt- because he was tired of his questions being evaded so he would make him listen to what he had to say, whether he liked it or not. Hijikata stopped as his eyes widened from the surprise.

Now or never, huh?

"You want to know why I didn't come to the hospital during that week and a half? I'll tell you then. And I'll also tell you why I saved you." He lowered his voice to a calm murmur, because as many contrasting things as he was feeling right now he did not want this to be from anger.

He slowly loosened the grip he had on the other man's shoulders, simply touching him, feeling the warmth of his skin through his clothes. It had not even been a whole day since they had last seen each other but Gintoki felt like he already missed this. Now that he had his full attention he looked directly into his eyes. He was going to tell him things he had not told anyone, that he had the courage to say only when Hijikata had been asleep. But... he trusted him.

Gintoki's heart raced for another reason.

"...The reason why I didn't come was because-"

...Okay, this was more difficult than he had initially anticipated as he stared into the ocean blues those endless pools were made of. But he had to do this. He had to show Hijikata just how much he wanted to make things right between them. Just how much he... cared. He took a deep breath and let it go softly.

"-because... I was scared."

There. He finally admitted it out loud to Hijikata, now that he was awake. And Hijikata's eyes widened impossibly so and his mouth went agape. Gintoki would have found amusement and some sort of satisfaction in being able to cause this reaction from the usual stoic Vice- Commander's face, but right now his nerves were eating inside at him and his ability to notice anything else was practically non-existent at that point.

"Before you say anything let me finish first." He ordered quietly, sure that if he was interrupted he would not be able to continue. "...when I first heard that those stupid amanto had that crazy weapon with them- I couldn't hold myself back. My legs were moving on their own and I had to do something... I-It's true that I never say it and I always call you names, but honestly... I think that what you guys do is pretty amazing. You always put everyone else before yourselves and I don't think that another police force quite like the Shinsengumi exists out there."

Gintoki was looking at the sea blue of Hijikata's eyes, so drawn to them every time, and finally the colour was back to what he was used to see.

"And when I heard you were there I knew I had to do something... when I saw what they had done to you Hijikata- I..." Gintoki exhaled softly, still staring into his eyes as his heart was threatening to spill out of his chest, as much as his words were. "...I thought you were gone. That I… had lost you. I really thought I had." He confessed quietly.

To say Hijikata was speechless would be an understatement. If he did have any strength left to fight before, it was gone now as his heart gave a painful thud at Gintoki's words.

"And I couldn't allow that, because I..." Gintoki dropped his gaze, trying to focus on the present as he caught a glimpse of the past in one part of his mind. His attention was back on Hijikata once again. "...I have lost more important people than I can even count in my life. So I had to do everything I could... to save you." He almost smiled at him. Then he remembered another part of their fight that morning. "To answer your other question... you aren't a pain in the ass, not really." He chuckled a little. "Actually... you have never been. Yeah, we fight, sometimes we fight a lot, but it's all good in the end and more times than not I end up having fun too... It seems like my life never gets boring when I'm around you. It's the opposite. And these weeks I understood that this is something... different."

Gintoki smiled in a kind of way that made Hijikata itch to get closer to him.

"Two weeks ago I understood... that you are an important person in my life." There was a whirlwind inside his heart. "And yeah, it took some shitty amanto and an almost death experience, but hey, you know first hand how stubborn and oblivious I can be." He ended with a small, soft smile that was as vulnerable as it was genuine.

Hijikata didn't really know what to do except crawl in a hole and maybe stay there. He couldn't believe what Gintoki had just told him and emotions were clouding his brain. One of the most prominent was embarrassment, if from his own reaction or from Gintoki's words he didn't know. But he might still be in shock because even if he had given him the cold shoulder Gintoki still decided to come back, to look for him and try to explain things. Because he just said that to him Hijikata is... important. His eyes stung with emotion he did not think he was deserving of, but still felt nonetheless.

Gintoki leaned closer, just slightly, until their foreheads touched. It was like relief and Hijikata closed his eyes at the sensation running through him, but he quickly opened them again because he did not want to lose a single moment of this.

"...I actually came to the hospital." Gintoki continued quietly and Hijikata's breath got stuck in his throat. Not because of the information that he already knew, but because Gintoki was telling him. He wanted for him to know. "I was there a week after you were admitted and I... I said this kind of stuff to you when you were asleep... because I couldn't bring myself to do it otherwise. And I know, it's a cowardly way to do deal with it, but as I said I was... scared." He confessed, more than a little uncomfortable at the word and the thought in itself. He breathed out sliently, letting his palms move from where they were, going down Hijikata's shoulders until he reached his arms and lightly grasped at them. He breathed quietly with Hijikata's eyes drawing him in.

"Hey..." Gintoki began slowly. "Just do me a favour. After everything that's been going on lately... if something like this happens again just- just talk to me. And I promise we can see things through." He looked at him for a moment more, before leaning back.

Hijikata's breath hitched again, this time because he thought the other man would go away. But the silver samurai exhaled softly and without letting himself hesitate he loosely wrapped his arms around Hijikata's neck, who froze, and hid his face there.

By now that had become one of Gintoki's favourite places.

This was the real, first time he hugged Hijikata, he had only come close before, and electricity shot out through him at the thought. People talked about butterflies in the stomach but to Gintoki it was a permanent zoo that was going wild inside of him.

"...I didn't mean to make you feel bad." He whispered lowly against Hijikata's neck, hoping to convey how sorry he was even if he didn't exactly say it.

And what could Hijikata say now? He was feeling a string of different emotions, all mashed up together, it was honestly overwhelming. And the hug he was receiving... if Hijikata was not careful he had the strange sensation he might melt on the spot. He swallowed, even if his throat felt far too dry, and after a moment more of thinking he slowly lifted his slightly trembling hands, gripping at Gintoki's shoulder blades and holding tightly onto the fabric of his yukata as he pulled him closer.

He wanted to return the gesture. Gintoki had swallowed his pride just to talk to him and Hijikata was now convinced more than ever that he did not deserve it. Gintoki should have come here to yell at him or- maybe even punch him for what Hijikata had said, but instead he had done nothing but speak sincerely and pour his heart out... and now he felt bad.

"...I'm sorry." Hijikata finally whispered.

Gintoki froze. "...What?" He asked shocked, not sure if he had heard correctly.

"You heard me." The dark haired man replied quickly, automatically, used to not showing weakness. But he stopped, reminding himself what Gintoki had just done, and he deserved to be shown some weakness- or what they both considered as weakness- in return. It was only fair. "I'm sorry..." He mumbled, deciding to tell him his 'little secret' too. "Uh... don't get mad but I actually heard you... when you came to the hospital I-I was awake."

'...Oh shit!' Gintoki thought panicking. He wanted to disappear in that moment.

Hijikata felt him tense and the guilt added up inside him. Even if being awake then had not been on purpose. He slowly brought a hand up between Gintoki's shoulders blades and even slower he slid it up into his silver curls, passing his fingers through the strands, feeling the softness, and then letting his hand settle into his nape as he spoke once more.

"I wanted to say something, but you started speaking and I- I couldn't really stop you. So...I knew why you didn't come to visit. But I guess I was frustrated and I took it out on you when I shouldn't have. T-The thing is... when I didn't see you, at the hospital-" Hijikata took a deep breath to calm himself and say what he needed to. Gintoki had done it already and if Hijikata had to step on his pride to try and make things a little bit better, then... he would.

Oh and his competitive side might actually help in this case since he didn't want Gintoki to be one step ahead of him, even on something like this.

"-I felt... lonely." Hijikata finally admitted, though with some difficulty and more fear than he would have liked. "It's happened before and I got used to it pretty soon until I forgot how it felt. But since you had been so-... these past weeks l-like you said something changed. So, when I didn't see you anymore it was- well- I... felt... alone." He finished quieter than he had began. He couldn't believe how difficult it had been to even think about it, but most importantly he couldn't believe he had said it. To Gintoki. And the man in question lifted his head to look into his eyes. And to Hijikata the red seemed just a little more dull when Gintoki gave him a hint of a smile.

"I know I-... felt that too."

Hijikata let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding. "...Really?"

"Yeah... I wouldn't lie about this. Those days have been a few of the longest in my life." Gintoki huffed a laugh. "...I couldn't sleep because of that."

Hijikata's heart raced as his eyes softened. "...me neither." It was one of the few times in his life when he felt understood. Almost unconciously he tightened his grip. "...S' fine." He whispered quietly, wanting him to know that things were fine now, that Hijikata felt fine and that he should too. That things were fine between them.

"Is it?" Gintoki asked and Hijikata could detect masked uncertainty in his voice, though there was his usual lazy, lopsided grin on his face and for some reason that reassured him.

"Yeah." Hijikata nodded. Then a wave of paranoia and anxiety hit him again. "Are you... angry? That I heard you?" He asked lowly, wanting to know how Gintoki felt about that, because even if unintentionally Hijikata shouldn't have heard what Gintoki had said, not in that way.

Gintoki smiled a real smile this time. "Nah." He shrugged and Hijikata's shoulders lost the tension. "No, I'm not." He reassured more serious and Hijikata felt relief coursing through his veins.

Hijikata was taken slightly off guard when a bout of laughter came out of Gintoki, quiet at first but then the chuckles became louder, as if he was as relieved as Hijikata felt and he was pouring it all out this way. And the Vice Commander couldn't help it, in his defense Gintoki's laugh was contagious and he felt at ease, finally, and ended up joining him. A few seconds or maybe minutes passed like this, until they were eye to eye again and having disentangled themselves in the process.

"So, we're good?" Gintoki wanted a last confirmation.

Hijikata looked at him for a moment, then he gave a genuine little smile. "Yeah."

Gintoki's heart filled with a new kind of emotion and was it just him or was Hijikata even more handsome when he smiled? This time he couldn't help it, it wall all Hijikata's fault and of that adorable little smile that made him press his face against the crook of his neck again, startling the other man.

"W-What are you doing?" Hijikata asked surprised.

"M' tired. Let me just stay like this for a little, okay?" His heart was speeding up as he lied, though not completely because he really did feel tired. But he also wanted to be closer to Hijikata. "Friends do this." Gintoki added quickly, not wanting to give him the impression that he might be thinking about something else and hoping the other would believe him.

"We aren't friends." Hijikata said a little too quickly, his face heating up at the thought. It wasn't like he did not believe it, but more like he did not want to, because what would that bond with Gintoki imply? And why did that feel like so much and made his heart beat so fast?

"We're raising three kids, living under the same roof, and fighting and making up. If we're not friends then what are we?" Gintoki grunted quietly. He would never admit it out loud but he was actually trying to snuggle closer to Hijikata without him noticing. It was just... nice being this close.

At Gintoki's question there was actually a word that came up in Hijikata's mind from how that had sounded, but he immediately pushed it away.

(couple?)

"Fine." Hijikata muttered instead, hoping to be convincing. Since he couldn't do anything about Gintoki's position (and didn't feel like doing anything about it), even if cautiously, his arms returned to where they had previously been.

And they held each other for what felt like forever.

.

.

.

.

.

Gintoki was the first to break the silence and Hijikata had relaxed so much he jolted a little at the sudden, deep voice filling the room. "I have to ask you something else."

"What's that?" The Vice Commander asked in the same quiet tone Gintoki had spoken in.

"...Otae is going to work today too and-" Gintoki looked up at him from his shoulder in a way that made only his right eye visible and his hands tightened slightly on his jacket. Hijikata slowly leaned more of his weight against the wall, watching him and being careful of Gintoki's arms around his neck. "I know you're tired too, but it's been so long since I've slept well and I really need one hour of it or I won't be able to function." He finished quietly and Hijikata now noticed he looked kind of miserable.

"Don't take it the wrong way, I enjoy being with the kids-" Gintoki continued "-but I need some peace and quiet for now. So, just for an hour, could you go and look after them? I promise you can sleep as much as you want afterwards, you can even come here and spend the night, I just need to catch up on some sleep." His only visible eye seemed to be pleading and Gintoki wasn't one to plead, he knew.

Hijikata was struck with everything that had happened today. He looked at Gintoki, his pink lips, his cheeks a rosy colour and his curly silver hair framing his face in such a way that Hijikata's heart was bumping out of his chest.

He had given up hoping Gintoki wouldn't hear it.

But if Hijikata hadn't been so focused on his own he would have noticed Gintoki's heartbeat racing too.

The red inside the light haired samurai's eye was swirling around with the rays of the sun shining in it and making it glint, as if to trap him inside. Hijikata wasn't sure he would complain about that. He observed him for a moment more and... how could he say no after Gintoki had gone through all of this? And Hijikata berated himself because it had been everything thanks to his stupidity, like always. Gintoki had stepped on his pride just to make amends with him. And if that wasn't a miracle Hijikata really didn't know what it was. His eyes softened. He closed them and let out a silent sigh, then lifted his hand with three fingers showing.

"Three hours." He said.

"Huh?" Gintoki was so surprised he got up from his (very comfortable) spot against Hijikata.

"I'll give you three hours of sleep. That's it, then you're going to be on watch of the kids." Hijikata announced seriously as if he was explaining the rules to his faction.

Gintoki's eyes widened in shock. "Are you serious!?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" He asked back, still in that serious tone.

After the initial surprise Gintoki felt happy because he was finally going to taste some sweet wonderful, undisturbed sleep. And three whole hours of that! "I promise I'm going to let you sleep as much as you want when you get back! Okay, now I just have to find a cheap hotel where to go and it's done!" He started mumbling to himself as he was turning around, ready to set his plan in motion.

"Wait." Hijikata called to him.

Gintoki stopped.

"A hotel?" Hijikata asked confused.

He nodded. "Yeah."

"...Why?"

"Because there's too much noise at the apartment and normally I don't have a problem with that, but today I just need somewhere quiet and since I don't have anywhere else to go a hotel seems like a great choice, the cheaper the better of course." Hijikata was frowning a little and Gintoki was perplexed, why was he making that face? To him this seemed like a great idea.

Hijikata looked away and took a deep breath, not sure how to say what he wanted to say next. "Y-you... well... I mean- to go and look for a room now might be difficult and you must feel tired so... you c-can maybe, yeah- you could s-sleep... here." He stammered out as he nervously passed a hand through his short hair.

Gintoki was thinking that from all the surprises he had received today he should be in a permanent state of shock. Was Hijikata really letting him sleep here? For real? What had he done to deserve all of this he really hadn't the slightest idea. Gintoki couldn't see Hijikata's face, only his back, since the other had decided to turn around, but he could see the shell of his ears and they were a little red. He thought this was the most adorable thing he had ever seen in his life and he wanted to say something nice, maybe show gratitude or something along those lines, he was almost tempted to say 'thank you' and he was usually never tempted to say that.

But what came out from his mouth was-

"This looks like a scene from a Shoujo Manga."

...Yeah... Way to go Gin-San...

Fuck! Why was he always such an idiot!

Hijikata turned around surprised at Gintoki's answer.

How could he have such an idiotic mouth?! How could he say something like this now?! Maybe he was a little nervous from how things were turning around, but this was just stupid. But now he couldn't just take back what he had said, it wasn't in his character after all. He decided to try and make things better, somehow.

"You know- like one of those scenes where the girl gets invited into the boy's room? And she's both happy and embarrassed to be there and she gets very shy, but still curious so- wait!" Gintoki had a sudden realization and he needed to clarify. "I'm not saying I'm the girl!"

If possible Hijikata looked at him even more confused than before.

"Nuh-uh, absolutely not! I was reminded of that 'cause I had seen something similar on a chapter of Jump one time. Ah-ahah-ahahah!" Gintoki finished all in one breath and cold sweat was running down his back.

Hijikata looked at him for what felt like hours and he was starting to think he would withdraw his offer and maybe tell him to fuck off and honestly Gintoki would understand at this point because wow, he was really an idiot.

Hijikata's eyebrow twitched as he suddenly asked-

"Are you saying I'm the girl?"

If Gintoki hadn't been so dumbfounded he would have snorted at Hijikata's honestly offended expression.

"What?" Gintoki asked confused, then it clicked. "No, no, no, what I'm saying is- I didn't mean to say you were the girl or that I was, b-but you see..." He looked around, trying to find a way to explain this as he studied Hijikata's room and Hijikata himself, then he grabbed his wrist and dragged him inside.

"Oi what-"

"I'm trying to show you."

Once they were inside Gintoki slowly let go of him and they were in front of each other again. "You remember your nerdy side, right? The Tosshi one?" Which Gintoki liked because that Hijikata, even if he was a little weird at times, knew everything about manga, comics or anime and Gintoki agreed with a lot of things he had said. He was also shy and polite, which was cute, and he particularly liked the fact that Tosshi called him Gintoki-Shi. Maybe because he wasn't used to being called like that, especially by Hijikata, but he enjoyed it a little too much.

Hijikata blushed a little at his question but nodded his head and Gintoki continued. "So you might remember reading some manga or watching anime where the main characters like each other and they get invited into one of their rooms, or find themselves in them, they get all shy and embarrassed and things like that, but it's 'cause they're... happy. And when you asked me to stay here it kinda looked like one of those scenes? But I was obviously joking about that... ahahah." Not really, he wasn't joking at all, instead he felt so happy he could burst. But hopefully Hijikata would still believe the lie. He was still sweating from nervousness.

"I see." Hijikata said in the end and Gintoki breathed out in relief. "I suppose I have to go now." Hijikata continued, looking at the clock on his desk. Gintoki seemed to remember why he was here too.

"Oh, right. Otae is waiting at the apartment." He would lie if he said he wasn't reluctant and a tiny bit disappointed that Hijikata had to go now, but he would see him later so it was fine. Where had this urge to be with him everyday come from, Gintoki didn't know. Hijikata was taking what he needed and putting it in a bag when Gintoki popped a question all of a sudden.

"Where is the other futon?"

The dark haired man looked around and saw that on the floor there was actually only his. And really, he should bring out one of the spares he had inside his closet, or get one from the storage room where they put the ones if new recruits joined them, but he found he really didn't want to. He knew exactly what Gintoki was talking about before, he had seen enough manga and anime during his 'phase' and he... had kind of felt the same way when he had seen Gintoki's room... for some reason. He felt embarrassed being there but also as if his heart could never stop beating that fast and would he really be a fool in thinking that maybe it was the same for Gintoki? And right now he didn't really want to give him a spare because there was just something in making Gintoki sleep in his futon- when Hijikata came back here he would be able to... feel as if he was still here.

He thought quickly. "There isn't enough time to get another one, you said Shimura-San had to go work soon, right? So I have to go now too. If it's not a problem for you... you could sleep in this one?" Hijikata asked him as nonchalantly as he could, not looking at him in the eyes.

Gintoki couldn't believe what he was hearing. A problem? The only problem he could have was if his heart decided to fall off his chest from how fast it was beating! He really wanted to do something silly now, like hide in Hijikata's neck again and tell him to stay at least ten more minutes so Gintoki could get used to the fact that he wouldn't see him for the next three hours. But it was ridiculous. And what would Hijikata think anyway? Gintoki would just be a weirdo to him and one of those touchy-feely people, and he wasn't like that. Well, he hadn't been until Hijikata had come along.

He remembered the other was still waiting for an answer. "No..." He saw Hijikata's face fall and quickly added the rest of his sentence. "It's fine! That's fine with me."

"Oh... okay." The dark haired man sighed, thinking for a moment Gintoki wouldn't have accepted.

He took one of his cigarettes and lit it. He had craved them and after that case today, which he was grateful for because he enjoyed his work, he had smoked some. Not a lot though, because he didn't want to reek when he went back to the kids. He inhaled, and slowly exhaled, the smoke drawing patterns in the air. He went to grab the small clock from his desk and leave it on the floor next to the futon so Gintoki would remember to set the time. Then he went to stand in front of him.

Hijikata looked at him for a moment with hesitation, then put his hand on his shoulder, again. Gintoki's stiffness from the unexpected contact lasted only a second and he relaxed, feeling Hijikata's warmth, and deciding that maybe he wouldn't really seem like a weirdo if he tried to get a little closer too as he put his hand on Hijikata's nape, his fingertips brushing accidentally against the strands of hair.

"Sleep well." Hijikata whispered, his thumb brushing along Gintoki's jaw in a small moment of indulgent curiosity, just wanting to feel how sharp it was, but the skin was soft.

And Gintoki felt on fire. "...Yeah." Was all he could answer.

Hijikata nodded and pulled away, and it felt like he left the room in a second as he silently closed the door behind him.

Now there was only Gintoki, the presence of Hijikata still lingering. Unconsciously he started biting his lower lip nervously. He never thought he would be able to sleep in Hijikata's room, let alone his bed, but here he was. And now that he took it really in he noticed how clean the room was, not one thing out of place. Even the paperwork on his desk was in a tidy pile.

Gintoki breathed in, the smell of smoke filling his lungs and he found himself actually enjoying it for a change.

He slowly took his boots off, leaving them at the end of the futon once he was there. Gintoki then got on his knees and, slowly, he crawled on the futon, his knees sliding against the cover that he could feel was soft even through his clothes. Thinking this was where Hijikata usually laid down made shivers go down his spine. He swallowed. He stopped, took off his yukata and left it somewhere, he really couldn't focus on anything else but this right now. Gintoki lifted one side of the cover and slid in, making a cocoon for himself there. His senses were overwhelmed immediately by everything that was Hijikata. He could smell him, his strong, sweet scent, the nicotine mixing with the cinnamon and musk and cologne.

And after this Gintoki couldn't help himself. He turned on his stomach and sank into Hijikata's pillow, breathing in. He felt full and warm, his fingertips tingling from what he was feeling. He turned around and put the alarm on the clock. His left cheek was on Hijikata's pillow and he tried to get as comfortable as possible. Out of the blue the sentence Otae had said repeated itself in his mind.

'He is already in love with someone else.'

He felt his cheeks heat up at the thought. Gintoki didn't know what this feeling was, but he was certain that he had never felt anything like this before, with anyone. And it was exciting and frightening at the same time because it was actually happening with his rival of all people. But he had never been one to back down from a challenge anyway and honestly, he felt happy too. He found himself wanting to know where this was going to go. He hoped Hijikata one day would feel the same... maybe.

Okay, now he really felt like the girl from the Shoujo Manga he was talking about before.

If he hadn't been so tired he would have stayed up longer and tried to take everything in, but as it was he closed his eyes one moment and the next was overcome by sleep.

---

In the meantime Hijikata had arrived at the Yorozuya's. After knocking he heard muffled voices from inside and soon after the door opened, revealing the brunette.

"Welcome back Hijikata-San." She greeted him with a smile. Hijikata nodded at her and she moved from the entrance to let him inside. She slided the door closed just as he was bending to take off his shoes when Otae spoke again. "Since you are here then I guess you and Gin-San made up."

Hijikata choked on thin air. "Wh-What?!" Was it just his imagination or did she looked pleased at his reaction?

"It wasn't my intention, but this morning your voices weren't exactly... quiet. And even in another room I was still able to hear you, I'm sorry."

Hijikata frowned before he felt the embarrassment taking over him. Of course she would hear, he hadn't exactly cared much about keeping his volume in check, he hadn't cared about anything and then this happened. He felt like such an idiot, he was going to apologize but her change of tone startled him.

"I'm sorry about what happened." Her eyes were kind and empathetic as she continued in a low voice. "Gin-San can be stupid at times. Well, almost all the time." Otae added that still in a serious tone and Hijikata nodded because yeah, that was very true.

"But he's a good person-" She continued "-and he would never intentionally hurt someone he cares about, including you." Her voice was so quiet, almost a whisper now. He felt his face warm up as what she said registered. He could still see Gintoki's expression in his mind and hear his words.

Before he could stop it a stammered reply had made its way past his lips. "W-We solved it. It was m-my fault."

Her eyes softened as she smiled gently. "I don't think it was your fault. If I was in your position I would have done worse, but I'm glad everything is fine now." Hijikata could honestly say he was glad too.

As they were walking to the living room where the kids were playing with the giant puppy a word made him freeze on the spot.

"Dada!" It was what the kids had said as soon as they had seen him.

He had almost forgotten Gintoki had told him about it. He felt his chest tightening as a strange feeling came over him. Hijikata had never thought he might ever represent a father figure to anyone in his life... but apparently here he was now. And he certainly didn't think he was the right person for it, apart from the fact that he didn't know anything about kids, but because of his past and his persona too. However these little creatures were willing to trust him enough to see him this way, not only Sougo was but Gintoki's kids too. And he was being selfish now, he knew that, but he felt something akin to happiness at that.

Kagura and Shinpachi, as soon as they saw him, started crawling in his direction. Hijikata looked at Otae who smiled at him and he had to admit that her smile was starting to feel reassuring. He turned his attention to the two little kids who by now had their fists clutching at his trousers. Hijikata felt the tension starting to fade as he slowly bent down to be almost eye level with them and after a moment more of hesitation he gently patted their heads. Sougo came to the little group too, he took hold of his sleeve.

"...Dada." The boy whispered softly as he pressed his little face against his arm in what Hijikata could only assume to be a hug, and his eyes softened when he looked at Sougo.

And in that moment Hijikata was suddenly reminded of the times he had to look after him when they had trained on the countryside, years ago.

Watching over him, making sure he was okay even if he didn't admit it, letting him train with them even though he was the youngest of the group, being careful to not use all his strength when Sougo challenged him, having to make sure he ate everything even when it meant wasting his time and Kondo's and the whole group's just because Sougo decided to act all spoiled and not listen to anyone and make a mess and laugh until most of them were laughing too.

And walking him home during the evenings after they finished their sparring sessions since Sougo had been too young to then walk back alone and... having her waiting for them at the front door.

Hijikata felt his heart constrict again, only this time he wasn't sure it could be considered from happiness. Memories of the past were fogging his mind, but the warmth the kids were radiating pushed them all away, and if that was a good thing Hijikata didn't really know. Maybe it was from a sudden moment of weakness or maybe it was because he felt like doing it but he did something he had rarely done in his life but would do twice today.

He leaned away, for a moment their little eyes widened as they watched him and Hijikata could see the sadness behind them, which pulled at something deep in him, but the look was quickly replaced the next moment because he had opened his arms and enveloped them in a tight hug. His mouth moved to its own accord as it formed a smile and the next words. "... I'm home."

He told himself he said it because it was the polite thing to say, because that was the automatic response you had once you came back in the place you lived, however temporary that may have been. But he knew in his heart it wasn't because of those reasons. He had been convinced that this wasn't where he belonged, that he could never be part of this, that their world would end up rejecting him. But after everything that happened today he now knew he considered this his home.

Kondo-San had once told him 'Home is where the people you care about are'.

It was the first time Hijikata saw all of them as home.

---

A beep-beep-beep could be heard throughout the room.

The white haired samurai groaned and moved his arm from under the pillow and out of the cover, trying to find the offending object. Why did alarms exist? They should just burn them all! After some tries he finally found what he considered a mortal instrument and turned it off. He opened his eyes a sliver and slowly became aware of his surroundings. The first thing he noticed was that this wasn't his room. With his mind still fuzzy and confused from the sleep he had been rudely pulled out of- somehow this felt like a deja vu- he tried to remember where he actually was...

Gintoki shot up from the bed.

Images from what had happened came rushing in all at once, Hijikata pressed against him, his hands, his eyes, his words, just- everything. And he also remembered that he had been so kind as to concede him three hours of sleep when he didn't have any for himself. With his heart in his throat Gintoki laid down to press his face in Hijikata's pillow one last time, inhaling the intoxicating scent faintly overpowered by his own and he found himself relishing in the mix. He felt the zoo erupting in his stomach.

After a few more moments of indulging he finally got out from the very comfortable bed he was in. Quickly he grabbed his yukata and boots and put them on. He felt refreshed now. The samurai used the door in the yard, not wanting to run the risk of bumping into anyone in the hallway. Once outside he ran to his loyal vehicle.

.

.

.

'This must be some kind of record' Gintoki thought as he got off from his scooter.

He was back at the apartment in less than fifteen minutes. He all but rushed through the stairs and slided opened the door. And found Hijikata in the living room, playing with the kids. The dark haired man was currently sitting on the floor, Kagura was on his shoulders and Sougo and Shinpachi were hanging from his arms and he was clearly pretending it took a huge amount of effort to lift them, as if he was at the gym trying to lift heavy weights. It was such an unexpected sight it made Gintoki stop in his tracks and just... breathe.

He had never thought he would have seen something like this, never had given it any thought, but as he was watching them it looked like they were having a lot of fun, the kids giggling uncontrollably and the corners of Hijikata's mouth pulled up in a way that looked like he was trying to fight off a smile, Gintoki couldn't stop watching. He found himself almost wishing for this strange turn of events to last more, starting to really like this bigger family he found himself in.

"Having fun?" He asked after a little while, not being able to keep the smile off his voice.

They all turned around at his voice, taking note of the new presence in the room with surprise. His eyes strayed from Hijikata's wide stare when he saw the little kids move and Gintoki could almost swear their eyes sparkled as they started coming towards him. He thought it was adorable the way they were crawling on all fours to reach him, almost as if it was a competition. Gintoki was on his knees as soon as they were in front of him, crushing them gently into a hug and making them laugh out loud some more.

"Hey there little troublemakers, I'm home." Gintoki whispered, still the smile in his voice.

"Papa!" The kids all but screamed happily.

Hijikata took in the sight, feeling warm. So it seemed he had been given a title too. But now that he thought about it, it was kind of obvious he would receive one and Hijikata really thought Gintoki deserved that trust the kids were showing him. He deserved it probably more than anyone. Hijikata wouldn't admit it out loud, had barely admitted it to himself in the quiet of his mind, but he believed Gintoki was a better person than him and after today, after seeing him swallow his pride to try and make things right between them, that was only reinforced. He couldn't help but linger on the words the other had just said, that 'home' was clear from his tone that it indicated how he felt, and if his voice wasn't enough of a giveaway his eyes certainly were. Gintoki was home, where he belonged, and Hijikata felt it too because…

Because with Gintoki- he would let himself admit it, just now, in the silence of his head and in the chaos of his heart-

... he felt at home.

Hijikata was a little shocked and a little embarrassed to say that Gintoki looked like a real dad now and that made his heart speed up. The other samurai lifted his head then, their eyes meeting.

"How was it?" Gintoki asked out of the blue. Hijikata looked at him confused and he elaborated. "I mean the afternoon, these past hours with the kids."

"Oh. Good. We... p-played. A lot." Hijikata answered almost robotically. Though he felt strange saying that since he never 'played' with kids before. But he had never lived with Gintoki before either. And he definitely had never associated him with the feeling of home. Although he found himself feeling less and less weird about things now. He felt he might be getting used to this after all.

Gintoki smiled at him. "That's good."

Hijikata felt a little warm inside at his smile.

Just then Otae came out from the kitchen and her eyes landed on the newcomer. "Gin-San, you're here."

Gintoki turned his gaze to her. "Yeah, when did you come back?"

"About an hour ago." She answered with a smile after she saw him huddled up with the kids. "Since dinner is ready should we eat? It's been a fun but tiring day and I think Hijikata-San more than anyone needs to rest."

Gintoki's eyes landed on Hijikata once again and it was true, even if he had found him at ease and playing with the kids he now noticed the other man did indeed look tired, more than before. Gintoki was going to nod his agreement to Otae when something crossed his mind.

"O-Otae-Chan, d-did you c-c-c-cook d-dinner?" Gintoki asked terrified as he gulped nervously.

Otae sighed a little as she rested her palm against her cheek in that way she did when she was a little troubled. "I actually wanted to but Hijikata-San said that he would do it." Gintoki felt relief fill him as she continued. "Even if he had a full day he still made dinner for us, isn't that kind of him Gin-San?" She had a little knowing smile on as she asked him this.

Gintoki couldn't agree more with what she had said, he turned to look at Hijikata again and smirked a little at him. "Yeah, that's kind of him."

Hijikata lowered his head, Gintoki could see the slight pink covering the tips of his ears and honestly he just wanted to go over there and hold him for maybe a few hours, but with Otae's smirk directed at him he thought, maybe not now. He finally got up from his crouched position and as Sougo latched onto him he lifted him up in his arms. Out of all of them Baby-Sougo was definitely the most shy and affectionate one, such a contradiction from his normal self.

"Sooo who's hungry?" Gintoki asked the kids in a loud and funny voice.

"Mememeeeee!" They answered in an even louder one.

"Let's eat then!"

---

Dinner was delicious too, like breakfast had been really. They discovered this dish had more to do with Kondo, since he had bought the ingredients from the day before and had actually made Hijikata do it since he couldn't himself. And Hijikata, not one to really go against his Commander's orders, had went through with it. That's why it had more of a western style than what Hijikata would usually make, if at all, and he was pretty sure Kondo might have seen one of those foreign romantic comedies to try and impress the brunette once again.

What he had made was as simple as what it looked to be steaks with a light salad to the side and fried fries, but the way the food was positioned on the plate was as if it had a pattern and there was a dark sauce on top of the meat which just the smell of was making Gintoki's stomach growl in hunger. And also he had never thought that fries could look fancy but wow, was that thought blown away because everything looked like it had just come out of an expensive restaurant- with fries in the plate, so how?! And even if Hijikata said it was simple something so simple couldn't taste so delicious, it was impossible. Gintoki's taste buds were in heaven. Hijikata was really a great cook and what he wouldn't do to keep him here and taste his dishes for the rest of his life.

But right now the taste wasn't completely registering in his mind because as he was looking at Hijikata, who was sat across from him with Kagura and Shinpachi on his side while he had taken a seat next to Otae and Sougo, Gintoki couldn't really focus on anything but... mayonnaise.

That was the only thing visible on Hijikata's plate.

"If I wasn't so hungry I'd puke." Gintoki made his thoughts known out loud as he stared more at the abomination on the other's plate. Otae elbowed him on his side in what she probably thought was a light jab and he almost spit out the food he was chewing from the strength behind it.

"That's rude. Hijikata-San don't listen to this idiot. The dinner is great and mayonnaise is a good dressing." She smiled at Hijikata, ignoring Gintoki's spluttering beside her.

Hijikata's eyes widened a little in surprise. "Finally... there is someone who understands the wonders of mayonnaise. Thank you." Hijikata nodded almost enthusiastically in gratitude as she chuckled while Gintoki was faking gagging sounds all the while. Hijikata was definitely starting to like a lot the Shimura sister.

"Ka-Chan!" The dark haired man turned his head at the name to see the little girl, who had apparently just called her own nickname, trying to reach for his plate. He looked back at his plate filled with the creamy substance and at her again.

"You want to try?" He asked her and he would lie if he said he wasn't a little excited at the prospect to convert another soul to the wonders of Mayo.

"Try! Try!" She repeated and nodded her head vigorously.

"Can I give some mayonnaise to her?" Hijikata directed the question to the only woman in the apartment since she was kind of the CEO about anything that had to do with the kids right now.

"Of course."

"Absolutely not."

Gintoki and Otae had spoken at the same time, their expressions couldn't have been more opposite if they tried.

Otae narrowed her eyes at Gintoki. "Hush. If Kagura-Chan wants to try then she can."

"Are you crazy? Do you want to poison them, woman!?" Gintoki retorted outraged.

Hijikata butted in at the comment. "I already told you this is heavenly food! She will only get stronger with Mayonnaise!"

"Are you kidding me!? I don't want to make a trip to the hospital because of food poisoning! Not even Sadaharu can eat that and he's a dog! And even if it was true why would I want her to be even stronger, so she could destroy my apartment?!" Gintoki exclaimed almost in one breath.

"Don't make me laugh! The only thing they will go to the hospital for will be from all the sweets you have been feeding to them!"

"Yeah, right! Chocolate is the thing they enjoy the most if you really want to know!"

"As if! As as soon as they will try mayonnaise it will change their minds!"

This felt good. It felt like years since they had bickered in this playful and not serious way, and none of the kids looked upset, instead they were enjoying themselves. And it was nice 'arguing' for silly things like this one. Seeing Hijikata not really angry, but trying to hide a little smile made Gintoki have a hard time concealing his own too. This was very nice indeed.

Hijikata took Kagura's pink spoon, (which Kondo had chosen when they had bought the things for the kids and not, as they had first thought, Otae), and put a small (giant) quantity of Mayo in it. Little Kagura already had her mouth wide open and waiting for the new discovery she was about to make with food and once again Hijikata thought about how this kid was really hungry all the time, because she was already on her third plate of baby food while the other two still had to finish their first. Once the spoon was in her mouth she blinked her huge, blue eyes.

Hijikata was eagerly anticipating her response while Gintoki covering his face with his hands in case she threw up all over the place and Otae, well Otae was normal. Probably the only normal one.

"Yum!" Kagura exclaimed, eyeing the empty spoon with wide and excited eyes and her answer hit Hijikata right in his heart. She was motioning for him to keep feeding her more and he happily did just that. He was filled with joy inside, there was someone else too who liked the delicious dressing. He knew he had a purpose in life! ...being part of the Shinsengumi was too, of course, it wasn't like Hijikata thought mayonnaise was more important than anything in the world... nope.

Gintoki couldn't believe what he had just witnessed. How could she not be sick after that!?

"I told you she was going to like it!" Hijikata triumphantly all but rubbed it in his face. But he looked happy and honestly Gintoki was glad to see him this way after the events that had occurred today, so for this time he let it slide.

Shinpachi was curious now too after having seen Kagura, while Sougo had looked at what the little girl had eaten and shielded his face with his small hands. It seemed he was the only rational one here beside him. Gintoki patted Sougo on the back.

"It's going to be alright little man, it's going to be alright." Gintoki told the baby in a solemn tone, as if a catastrophe was going to happen in the next ten seconds. Sougo extended his arms to him, it was still surprising that he would reach for him, and he took the kid out of his high chair and into his lap.

"Papa." Sougo whispered very quietly, Gintoki almost didn't hear him. He admitted even if he liked the sound of it, it was still a little weird being called like this, especially by him. With Shinpachi and Kagura too, but it was already different because he considered the two really close to him, they had lived together for a long time now. With Sougo, they went along pretty well and Gintoki liked him as a person, but he had never thought of him as really close. However now seeing his chubby cheeks and wide, reddish eyes looking at him Gintoki thought he could grow close with him too. Sougo then hugged him tightly, as tight as a baby could anyway, and Gintoki felt content as he patted him lightly on the back.

Meanwhile Hijikata had Shinpachi's spoon ready, wanting to see if he could convert him too. But when the baby ate the mayonnaise his face was blank for a second and then it turned into a grimace, his lips pressing together in a thin line as he shook his head and Hijikata's face fell a little.

"Ah-ha! I told you! See, he didn't like it one bit, good job Shinpachi!" Gintoki exclaimed satisfied, pointing at Hijikata. What? He had said he was going to let one slide, not all of them.

But Hijikata didn't answer back like he usually would, instead he actually looked a little... crestfallen. Gintoki didn't understand why, it was normal for people to have different tastes, not everyone liked everything and that was how things were, right? It was true that he also had given the kids some sweets, and they had all liked them but he wouldn't have felt bad if they hadn't... or would he?

Thinking about it he was kinda happy when people ate sweets, because they were good for you- everyone knew that of course and Gintoki firmly believed in it. Kagura and Shinpachi normally liked sweet things, especially Kagura, but seeing as how their personalities had kind of changed when they turned he hadn't been sure about their tastes now, but these past few days they had eaten everything he had fed them and that made him happy, so, maybe if they hadn't liked it Gintoki didn't know if he would have let it slide off that easily. And now Hijikata's dejected expression, with Sougo not even wanting to try his favourite food, was putting him in a difficult position.

Otae looked the scene and an idea crossed her mind after seeing Hijikata's gloomy expression. She patted Gintoki's shoulder until he turned to look at her. "Gin-San why don't you try it too?"

At his dumbfounded expression she elaborated. "We know that Shin-Chan didn't like the mayonnaise, but Sougo-Kun didn't even try and it's not a good thing for children to say no to what they think they won't like, well it's not a good thing for anyone, and he might do this with every other food. We can't allow that. Because he needs a lot of nutrients to grow healthy and strong so one day he will be able to fight even if he doesn't really need to, because look at them, who would ever want to fight with these incredibly beautiful angels-"

"Otae." Gintoki interrupted pointedly and even Hijikata had raised an eyebrow a little confused at the string of compliments.

"Right." Otae snapped out of it. "So, for the remaining days it would be better if they ate everything that was good for them instead of pushing away what doesn't sound appealing. And you can try to show him that it's not as bad as he thinks by trying it yourself. Isn't that right Sougo-Chan?" She gently pinched one of the baby's cheeks and he giggled a little, she might call him that the next days since he didn't seem to mind.

Gintoki blinked, taking a moment to process the information. "Are you actually serious?" He asked in a calm voice but he didn't really feel calm in that moment.

"Yes, I am." She answered without hesitation.

But Gintoki didn't want to try that disgusting thing! Unconsciously his eyes searched for Hijikata and when he met his across the table he looked almost hopeful. Nonononono! He couldn't do this to him! Not now! Gintoki turned his head away and closed his eyes tightly, trying to think of how horrible the mayonnaise was going to taste, not at all about the fact that maybe Hijikata might be just a little happy if he gave in...

No! Why was his brain betraying now! But the urge to see what expression Hijikata had right then was stronger than him. Slowly he opened one eye and saw Hijikata still staring at him. Okay he would admit that he liked being stared at by Hijikata... but not for this! Oh hell no, he was never going to eat that monstrosity! He closed his eye again, it didn't matter what Hijikata did or say, he would never put that thing in his mouth, he would never give in. And he would stop thinking about Hijikata's frown or his scrunched up face or the way his blue eyes looked just a little sad and... his eyes opened and he saw the corners of Hijikata's lips pulled a little downward and Gintoki thought it was his imagination but since when were his eyes so big and blue?

He sharply turned to Otae. "No! I'm never going to eat that, you can do it if you want!" But her smirk grew and he knew she had a plan.

"Alright then." She stood up and clapped her hands, the attention of the room's occupants on her. "Little Sweetiekins-" She looked pointedly at Gintoki who was ready to say his opinion about that -"shut up it's a great nickname-" and then back at the kids "-what do you say if we have a little... competition? It's going to be between me and this silly Papa."

"Hey!"

"Whoever can eat three fries covered in mayonnaise wins. What do you say?" The kids seemed to be happy at the prospect. Otae was still using gestures when speaking to them but by now she was convinced that they fully understood whatever they were told and she wanted to find out if it was like this for everyone this had happened to. A shiver of horror went down her spine when she thought she had to speak to that perverted stalker about this, but she had no choice because she was curious and maybe they had found out something more.

"Oi! You can't do that!" Gintoki protested at the fact that she had decided for him too.

"I think I can. Hijikata-San agrees with me too." She replied innocently.

Gintoki turned once again to Hijikata and his eyes still looked the same but his lower lip was pulled slightly out, or was that just Gintoki's imagination? But he looked so adorable... No, no, no he didn't! Because if he did then Gintoki would be able to give him everything he asked and wait- was this how Hijikata got what he wanted? Or was that just him making it up? Because if it really was Hijikata then it was so out of character but so cute. And if it was his imagination then wow, his head was turning into a mess, because was he really imagining Hijikata's cute side- but he was so adorable!

Gintoki was going crazy.

"You're not playing fair you know that!?" He told Hijikata or maybe he told himself, but the dark haired man tilted his head to the side and... shit. It was in that moment Gintoki knew he was going to do it, it didn't matter if he went to the hospital for a whole week afterwards, he was going to eat all the stupid mayo Hijikata was going to ask him!

Gintoki facepalmed.

"Fine!" He agreed reluctantly.

Otae clapped her hands delighted while the kids snickered and were they laughing at him or was that his imagination again? Meanwhile Hijikata's expression was his usual, except for a little smirk and Gintoki thought that maybe he was really going crazy but he might not be the only sadistic one right now.

"Why don't you start then? Since Shimura-San came up with the idea she can go first." Hijikata proposed, politely gesturing at Otae to start.

Oh, he even had the nerve to look pleased.

Gintoki's eyes narrowed. "You little-"

"Thank you Hijikata-San." Otae interrupted him before he said anything else in front of the kids, but she didn't look annoyed, probably because she knew the great struggle he was going through. That or she was enjoying herself. Gintoki was leaning more towards the second option.

Hijikata then passed Otae the bottle of mayonnaise, which she took with a "thank you" and put a small amount on the side of her plate. Gintoki was watching all of this attentively, wanting to know her trick. Because there was no way she was going to eat the thing, right? No one could except Hijikata, of course, and maybe Gintoki could point out the scam and he wouldn't have to die a premature death because of that yellow poison. Yeah, he was going to do just that.

Otae looked at him straight in the eyes as she took a fry, dipped it in that 'thing' and with a smirk... ate it... in three morsels. It was gone.

What?!

"Oh, this is good." She said with a fake air of wonder directed at Hijikata, pretending to be surprised, but her smug eyes were still staring Gintoki down. How? Just how did she do it?! She couldn't just eat it like that... right? Gintoki had underestimated her... this girl was a monster!

"Fries and Mayo together are one of my favourite things." Hijikata told her, almost smiling at the fact that she had liked it. Otae ate another and another one, continuing even after their little competition was over. Gintoki couldn't believe it! How could she eat them just like that?! He was left to stare with his mouth was agape.

"I think it might be one of my favourites from now on." She answered Hijikata, looking at Gintoki from her peripherals.

Gintoki was ready to say something but then he saw Hijikata's face. There was a small but real smile on his face. And he stopped in his tracks. He really liked it, it just made him feel something inside, and Gintoki wanted to make him smile too, even if it was for a stupid reason like this one.

Otae came over to him and gently lifted Sougo from his lap as she was talking to the Vice Commander. "Hijikata-San, you can come here and I will sit in your place instead with this little bear-"

"That's-"

"-shut up, he's just like a little bear, okay?" She cut Gintoki off, annoyed.

Then she assumed a normal expression again. "It will be easier like this since Gin-San might take a while and I don't think he is very keen on moving. And this way you will immediately see if he is trying to cheat." She finished with a knowing look in her eyes. And she was right, about the fact that he wouldn't move from where he was and that he might cheat if he stayed across from the others where they couldn't really see what he would be doing. And the thought of Hijikata being near him was nice, nice enough to make him feel a little bit better about what he would be going through. In that moment he didn't know if he wanted to be happy or angry with Otae.

"Sure." Hijikata agreed almost absent-mindedly as he stood up from his place, taking his mayonnaise with him while Otae moved to sit in his chair with Sougo and tried to clean Kagura's face, which was full of mayonnaise by now.

When Hijikata was next to him he pulled the chair a little closer to his and sat down, facing Gintoki. And he decided to do the same, so they were eye to eye with their knees almost touching. Hijikata put a small (big) amount of the scary (for Gintoki) substance in his plate. Hijikata was very curious about Gintoki's reaction, he wanted to know what he really thought about his favourite food. Maybe he would change his mind after this.

"You can start when you're ready." Hijikata stated in a calm voice, to Gintoki it sounded a little too satisfied.

The light haired samurai didn't particularly want to start, ever. But Hijikata was here and everyone was looking at him and as he had said before he wasn't one to back down from a challenge. And sure, he could have tried something, maybe improvise and have everyone's attention directed elsewhere as he got rid of the mayonnaise, but there was just something about the other man, how his eyes seemed to be looking only at him and... Gintoki didn't feel like letting him down, somehow. ...

Hijikata was really messing with his head, wasn't he? Gintoki silently sighed and looked down at the thick cream inside his plate. It didn't appeal him, at all, but maybe if he didn't breath near it and closed his eyes it would be okay, right? Right? Gintoki slowly took a fry between his thumb and forefinger and coated almost half of it in the mayonnaise.

"No cheating please." Otae's voice cut through his thoughts.

"I'm not cheating! Half of it is with mayo!" Gintoki exclaimed as he glared at her.

"It has to be at least three quarters." She pointed up with the corner of her mouth turned up. His scary glare had been ineffective dammit.

"And when did you decide that?!

"When I did it too. And you want this to be fair, don't you Gin-San? You wouldn't want to... lose to me?" She pretended to gasp in surprise and Gintoki gritted his teeth because she was right! If there was something he didn't like it was losing, to anyone.

"This is not happening! It's a nightmare... why am I even doing this?" Gintoki grumbled to himself as he covered three quarters of the fry and held it up for the girl to see, as if to say 'you're happy now?' And she just nodded a little still with that same expression.

Gintoki sighed loudly this time as if what he was going to do was one of the most terrible things he had ever been put through.

He was about to close his eyes when he felt a pressure on his knee. Gintoki looked down and saw a hand. Hijikata's hand to be more specific. And his thumb was drawing circles on his clothed skin and it was kind of shocking but Gintoki had to admit it was comforting. In a moment of slight panic, but more because he wanted to, he grabbed the sleeve of Hijikata's jacket with his free hand and held it between his fingers and somehow he felt already felt braver. Fortunately their legs and hands were under the table because Gintoki wouldn't feel very comfortable with Otae watching, or even the kids for that matter, and strangely enough with Sadaharu too who was taking a nap in the living room. It would just be weird for him.

"You can do it." Hijikata encouraged in what could be almost a gentle tone and for a moment Gintoki believed he really could.

He tried to keep his eyes open this time, he wanted to look at Hijikata. Gintoki slowly narrowed the distance between him and the 'thing', his eyes not leaving Hijikata's. In turn Hijikata was trying to not even blinking because he wanted to capture every single moment. He told himself it was because this might sign the day Gintoki might finally understand the wonders of Mayo and not anything else. As the little fry got closer (Gintoki had picked the smallest one on purpose) Hijikata's hand pressed more firmly from the nerves and his thumb gently scratched at the skin just above his knee.

Gintoki knew for sure the shivers running down his spine weren't from disgust anymore.

As the yellow liquid finally touched his lips Gintoki reluctantly opened his mouth and quickly took a bite. It hit his taste buds almost immediately and the taste was... it was not as bad as he had thought. It obviously wasn't the most delicious thing in the world but he thought it wasn't even the most horrible one. Maybe because the fries were actually amazing but he managed to swallow what was in his mouth.

"...How is it?" Hijikata asked both curious and hesitant, trying to gauge any form of reaction from his face.

Gintoki took a second to answer. "Eatable." Hijikata smiled that real smile again and Gintoki thought he could keep on eating fries covered in mayonnaise forever if it meant he would see it. And he was tempted now to buy Otae all the Don Perignòn she asked him.

"See, I told you!" Hijikata clapped his other hand on his knee, he looked thrilled.

After seeing him always serious or angry or spitting orders here and there, it was a nice change of pace seeing him so relaxed and maybe even happy, these days. Gintoki didn't think it was possible but it had happened. And right now he felt happy too.

He finished what was left of the first and glanced at the next fry he was going to choose, absent-mindedly licking some of the mayonnaise that had gotten on his fingers. When he lifted his gaze he saw Hijikata quickly licking his own lips, probably out of reflex more than anything and most probably because this was mayonnaise, but Gintoki couldn't stop looking at him mesmerized. Wow, if he had known this was the reaction he'd get he would have... no! He couldn't think about these things, there were kids here! He had to focus! He took another fry, dipped it in the yellow sauce and this time stuffed it in his mouth to stop that train of thought. Hijikata's hands were still on his knees.

He heard the children cheering and he turned to them with his thumb up. "Almost finished!"

The light haired samurai grabbed the last fry and this time drowned it in the yellow substance, taking it to his lips and giving a small bite, his hand grasping Hijikata's sleeve a little tighter. Hijikata's palms slowly slid up a tiny bit until they weren't on his knees anymore and his thumbs were drawing shapes on his thighs encouragingly. Gintoki was melting under his touch. He knew shouldn't do anything out of place or... inappropriate in front of the kids or Otae, but a thought crossed his mind. When kids ate they were always messy, they knew it first-hand with Kagura here even in her normal form. So, maybe, if he did the same thing discreetly enough they wouldn't notice? Gintoki purposefully ate the fry from the left side of his mouth, the side facing away from the others.

He innocently dragged his tongue over the bit of mayonnaise left on his lower lip and he couldn't help the half smirk his mouth formed into. Hijikata was a little stunned to say the least but his lips seemed to almost mirror Gintoki's, though he couldn't be too sure because the next thing he knew were blunt nails slightly scratching and... shit, Gintoki could honestly say he likes this playful side of Hijikata as much as he likes any other side of him. In a last bite he finished his dare and Hijikata gently dragged his hands over his thighs before pulling away, Gintoki still feeling them somehow. The Vice Commander came closer until his lips were near his ear, the side of Hijikata's face hidden behind Gintoki's, for just a moment.

"See? It wasn't so bad after all." He whispered in Gintoki's ear in that deep voice with a playful edge to it and for a moment it was like back at the barracks, when he had seen Hijikata's back and he had thought he looked so cool. Their cheeks brushed and amidst all the things he was feeling he noticed how soft Hijikata's skin actually was, unconsciously his hand pulled on the other's sleeve. Hijikata let out a quiet chuckle as Gintoki's heart was going crazy with his warm breath tickling his ear and his voice resounding inside his chest. Hijikata then distanced himself, Gintoki's grip faltering and falling, but before he stood up Hijikata's hand skimmed against his, and apparently Gintoki had to get used from now on to his heart wanting to come out of his chest when Hijikata was near him or they were touching.

Otae hadn't lost a second of what was going on. She was happy things seemed to be alright now in comparison to that morning. She really hadn't wanted to eavesdrop on their conversation but in the end she was glad she had, otherwise that idiot wouldn't have known where to find Hijikata, and he surely wouldn't have come to talk to her even if he had thought she could have helped- always doing things by himself, so stubborn and selfless at the same time.

Otae understood Hijikata's reasons, why he had gotten angry and frustrated, but she also understood Gintoki's, and with two men like them it was going to be a little difficult at times. However the brunette was convinced they would be able to make it in the end, they both deserved to be happy and she was sure that together they could. Of course she was rooting for them, she secretly thought that they were such a cute couple together and a perfect match for each other. Otae was going to help them in any way that she could when their stubbornness became too much. She was pulled out of her musing when she heard the children babbling and clapping and remembered why she had moved seats in the first place.

"Right!" She exclaimed a little too loudly and all eyes turned to her. "Since we both did well I think this is going to be a draw, what do you think Gin-San?" She asked the light haired samurai.

The kids started clapping more fervently. "A draw!" Shinpachi exclaimed and Otae chuckled at him while Gintoki raised an eyebrow at her.

"The most important thing is to have fun, not to win. We have to give them a good example." She pointed out.

Gintoki wanted to say that the most important thing was to actually win and he would also give an example of people arriving in second place and if they remembered more if they had enjoyed themselves or who was the one who had won, but in the end he sighed after seeing her ever present smirk and just decided to finish what he had on his plate. He was 100% sure Otae hadn't really done it to teach the children something but for another reason and he was also sure she knew Gintoki knew.

Sougo had become curious after seeing Gintoki eating the mayonnaise, the little boy tried to catch Otae's attention by pulling at her kimono and pointing at the bottle. Otae gasped a little surprised. "You want to try too darling-?"

Gintoki gave her a look and she raised a hand in defence but had already stopped. It wasn't like Gintoki really minded, but if he let Otae pour out everything she wanted to say to the 'extremely adorable babies' like she had taken to referring to them they would stay here all night long, so he'd rather she would do it when they had time to waste.

Sougo nodded his head. She took his red spoon (this time she had been the one to choose it) and filled it with a little bit of mayonnaise (it was really a little this time). When it was in front of him Sougo slightly opened his mouth and closed his eyes almost as if he was afraid and Otae couldn't help but chuckle a little, like Gintoki, Hijikata instead was watching like the world was going to end. Not even in his wildest fantasies had he thought this might ever happen. When the yellow cream hit Sougo's taste buds he opened his eyes and... giggled.

"Mayo." He said with a small smile.

"Aww!" Otae cooed at him as she filled another spoonful when he gestured for more.

They heard a snapping sound, Otae and Gintoki turned and saw that it was Hijikata with his mouth gaping open, taking a picture with his phone. Shinpachi was playing with his food, Otae was feeding a giggling Sougo, there wasn't a spot in Kagura's face that wasn't covered in mayonnaise and it had probably been captured.

"...Memories." Hijikata simply said and Gintoki smiled while Otae's eyes brightened a little.

But as they were turning back to finish the dinner they heard a thud. It was Hijikata on the floor. The adults got to their feet and immediately went to him to see his still slightly gaping mouth, his fluttering eyes and his face turning slightly red.

"Oh... I think he's dead." Gintoki stated after a moment with his voice a mix between flat and concerned.

Otae hit him lightly on the shoulder. "Don't be dramatic. He just saw his subordinate finally accept the 'wonders of Mayo' after probably trying for years to make him change his mind. It must be overwhelming for him, even if said subordinate is now a kid."

Gintoki frowned. "He's the one who fainted because his subordinate-turned-kid just liked some mayonnaise and I'm the dramatic one?!"

---

With some ice, water and time Hijikata came back to his senses, a little dizzy maybe, but fine otherwise. Though still a bit shocked. Once they finished dinner Otae, from the worry, practically ordered for him to go to sleep while she cleaned up.

"Apart from the fact that you didn't sleep you even worked today." She had told him concerned and his job wasn't the easiest one out there, no matter what Gintoki said. But she avoided mentioning the fact that he had also just fainted because Sougo had liked the mayonnaise, afraid he would... well, faint again if he was reminded. Hijikata had tried to help, saying he wasn't the only one who had been working and she must have been tired too, but he couldn't argue with her. She wouldn't accept any other answer so the only thing he could do was slightly bow his head in gratitude and go to rest.

As he went out of the kitchen Gintoki had decided to go with him to the kids' (Gintoki's) room since he was a little concerned too, but also because he just wanted to spend a little more time with him. He laid out a futon from inside the closet and prepared it for Hijikata. He made sure to take the one with a blue cover and remember it so the next time he could sleep on it. Just the thought made his heart race.

"You didn't have to do that, I could have done it myself." Hijikata almost whispered in the quiet of the room, his voice sounding already sleepy.

"I don't mind. And I know you're tired so it's fine." Gintoki smirked a little then. "And I promised you I would let you sleep after all. It took a while but hey, here we are."

He felt bad Hijikata hadn't been able to sleep before, he really did. And Hijikata had been generous with him. To try and repay him of the gesture Gintoki came closer to him and slowly put his hands on his shoulders, massaging them. Hijikata was starting to relax almost as soon as he felt Gintoki's touch, which was kind of surreal since he didn't particularly enjoy physical contact, but somehow with him it was unlike anything he had felt before.

Gintoki then touched their foreheads together, he had lost count of how many times they had done that only today. "Dinner was good." He murmured and Hijikata felt his cheeks redden. Luckily the room was dark since they hadn't turned on the lights when they could still see.

"Even the Mayo part?" Hijikata asked, his voice sounded almost uncertain and his eyelids were feeling heavier with each second passing by. He was exhausted but wanted to stay awake just a little longer.

"...Yeah, even the Mayo part." Gintoki huffed a little and then grazed the tips of their noses softly. Hijikata couldn't help himself when a quiet chuckle (which some people might say was more a giggle), escaped from his mouth.

"Oh, so you like this?" Gintoki's tone sounded incredulous, accusing and delighted at the same time.

"Shut up, it's not like that. You just took me by surprise." Hijikata answered back in a whisper, it felt like he was going to break the atmosphere created if he raised more his voice. He tried to defend himself as he gave a soft punch to Gintoki's stomach, but then his fist opened, almost curiously, his fingers splayed over the fabric of the yukata and his hand simply stayed there. And even if Gintoki ate a lot of sweets Hijikata could still feel how strong he was and in a way this made him feel... safe. This time it was Hijikata who pressed their foreheads with a little more force than was necessary behind, in turn brushing their noses against each other and his eyes were almost closing now. Gintoki was the one who chuckled (again some people may say he giggled) this time.

"Who's the little baby now?" Gintoki asked, probably sounding like a smart-ass and satisfied of himself for the slight revenge on being called that the day before. But also a little breathless because they were so close and touching, and he hoped Hijikata didn't find out how ticklish his stomach actually was.

"Still you." Hijikata answered defiantly but there was a little smirk on his lips.

Unknown to them they both wanted to remain like this for a long time, simply staying with each other. But Gintoki knew that Hijikata needed to rest and he wasn't going to get that away from him, so with one last squeeze of shoulders and one last press of their foreheads he detached himself, bringing his lips to Hijikata's ear to whisper quietly.

"Good night."

Hijikata didn't know why his heart was beating faster at that. He nodded and let the hand on Gintoki's yukata slide off, all the closeness and words making him feel a little warm inside. Gintoki pulled completely away and walked to the door, glancing at him one last time before sliding it closed. Hijikata watched the door silently for a few more seconds, he felt good.

---

Gintoki went to help Otae wash the dishes, he knew she was worn out, he might be lazy but as if he would let her do all the work after everything she had done today. He thought that among them maybe he was the luckiest right now since his job didn't have a precise schedule and he was the boss so he could decide how much to work and when. After some initial resistance she gave in and let him and when he finished the rest of the room's occupants (minus Sadaharu) were already in their pajamas.

"You know-" Otae started when he had joined them in the living room "-Hijikata-San also insisted on being the one to cook dinner because he said he felt guilty about leaving before breakfast, and... I don't think the guilt was just because of the unfinished meal." She smiled gently at him and a little knowingly and he couldn't help but smile back at the implied meaning.

"You should sleep too now, I'm gonna stay a while longer with the Doozers." Gintoki suggested after a little time had passed. Otae raised an eyebrow at him. "What? That's a good nickname, definitely better than yours are." He countered.

"Better than mine? Are you serious right now-" But she couldn't finish her sentence because a yawn interrupted her. Actually she had just interrupted herself because it was her yawn. Gintoki smirked at her and she huffed.

"Fine." The girl relented. She followed his advice and went to rest on one of the futons they had taken out from before, so as not to disturb Hijikata. He went to play with the kids in another room so Otae could sleep in peace. Yeah, he was thoughtful like that. Gintoki didn't feel very tired anymore, the nap in the afternoon had been restoring. And he wanted to make sure the babies spent all their energies now so they could sleep well during the night too since it was bad for adults and children alike to stay up for more than 48 hours.

After a while of playing, of him talking and them babbling, of petting Sadaharu and trying not to make the fluffy dog eat his yukata while the kids weren't doing anything to help but just laugh, Gintoki felt he had achieved his goal as their sleepy eyelids began to fall shut. He took them to the living room again where their bedding was and tucked them in, but even if tired their eyes still blinked open. Since he remembered watching a few movies about it he decided a story before bed time couldn't hurt and tried to think of one he had heard somewhere. "Once upon a time there was...

.

.

.

Gintoki heard someone crying and he woke up. He looked to his left and right but the kids were sleeping, although as his vision cleared he noticed there were only two. With the full moon illuminating the room in silver light he glanced up and saw Hijikata on the couch, trying to calm Sougo. Otae was starting to stir in her sleep.

"Shh, it's okay. I'll take care of it, you go back to sleep." Gintoki whispered to her and she nodded and let out a quiet "thank you" before falling asleep immediately after.

He got up and approached the sofa, trying to make his steps a little heavier so both Hijikata and Sougo would hear him and not be startled. Gintoki cautiously took a seat beside them.

"When did he wake up?" He asked quietly

Hijikata took a moment to answer. "Just now. I went to the kitchen to get a glass of water and when I came back he was awake and crying."

Gintoki nodded. "I see."Hijikata looked like he was going to fall asleep anytime now. The light haired samurai looked at the clock and it read half- past two. "Is he... clean?" He asked carefully, not used to say it like Otae seemed to do normally.

"...Yeah, he isn't hungry either."

"Give him to me." Gintoki quickly decided and Hijikata obliged and passed Sougo over. He took the little boy in his arms and held the him carefully. Maybe he had had a bad dream or like Otae had said he was still getting used to this. Gintoki gently started rocking back and forth in place, stroking his hair all the while and whispering soothing words to calm him. Thankfully after a while Sougo's sobs started decreasing, his puffy and red eyes closing.

Hijikata had then moved a little to be more comfortable, his body was turned towards Gintoki since he was a little worried about Sougo and wanted to know how the other would calm him down. And he tried, he really did, but gravity was stronger and it pulled his eyelids down. His head was lolling slightly from side to side until it finally fell on Gintoki's shoulder with his right cheek pressed against the warm shirt. And he stayed there.

Gintoki, a little surprised, turned to see Hijikata on his shoulder. And he noticed how the dark haired man's face was so peaceful when he slept. He thought he was always handsome, but right now since his muscles were relaxed he looked younger, almost defenceless, and he looked beautiful. Gintoki swore to himself that whatever happened he would protect him. Looking at Hijikata's calm features, lightened by the light streaming through the windows, Gintoki's heart raced faster as he got a strange urge in the pit of his stomach. He thought that this time, just this time, he could give in. Just to know what it would feel like. He had never done it before.

He shifted a little and so did Hijikata, his head almost falling down until he woke up again with a little jolt, meanwhile Sougo was still sleeping quietly in Gintoki's arms, undisturbed. Gintoki didn't know why but he was suddenly reminded of the argument they had the previous morning, and it had happened because Gintoki had told Hijikata something important only when the other had been asleep, at least he had thought so. Then maybe, if Gintoki did it now with Hijikata awake things would be okay.

Hijikata blinked his eyes open but everything was blurry. However there was something he noticed standing out more than anything else, he wasn't exactly sure what in his still fuzzy mind but in the moonlight he could see two red circles in front of him, shining like rubies in the dark of the night. 'So beautiful' he thought. He didn't have any more strength in him as the seconds passed by, then he felt warmer.

Gintoki breathed in and closed the distance between them.

And softly, he pressed his lips to Hijikata's head. The kiss lasted no more than a few seconds, but for him it was enough. Hijikata's hair smelt of shampoo and something that Gintoki couldn't really describe, a distinctive scent that belonged to Hijikata only, what he remembered was exactly in Hijikata's pillow too when he had pressed his face into it. And Gintoki thought this it was better than he had ever imagined because his hair felt soft and smooth and his lips tingled from the action. He couldn't believe he had really done it. His heart was hammering against his ribcage, as if it was going to explode any second now and his face felt on actual fire. Gintoki felt... he felt good. And happy.

Hijikata felt something press on top of his head, something very soft. Suddenly a sweet scent invaded his nostrils, surrounding him, and he remembered it was Gintoki's but he wasn't able to think any further because sleep had come once again and the only thing he wanted was the warmth radiating from the body next to him as he relaxed even more.

Gintoki felt more than saw Hijikata's body go limp and his breath was coming out in slow and warm puffs of air against his skin. His lips were still feeling more warm than anything else on his body right now.

Gintoki glanced down at Sougo and whispered quietly to the little baby. "Maybe your demonic Vice-Commander isn't so demonic after all."

He chuckled when the only response he got was Hijikata leaning more into him.

---

. . .

Author's Note: Fun Fact (not really) When I was little I had to eat a little bit of everything too, but I have no idea what mayonnaise tastes like now because it's been years since I last tried it. And personally I don't like it, but I imagined with Gintoki being that close to Hijikata he might have either forgotten the taste or simply not found it as disgusting as he thought it was, choose whatever you like :D

And also, I felt a little bad writing about the fight between them but I just wanted something realistic and what happens when you feel too much all at once? You explode. And sometimes you do with the people who care about you and that's what I wanted to express with Hijikata, I just hope I was able to do it. And don't lie, lashing out to someone when we were feeling bad, especially to someone we didn't mean to, has happened to everyone... and honestly, I kind of like writing about them fighting and making up... so expect that in a distant future to happen again...

Anyway, thank you for reading until this point!