NB: I just wanted to apologise. Two halves of this chapter got spliced together mid sentence (probably due to some lazy editing on my part.) Meaning that this chapter made no sense, I've edited it now and I still have no idea how it happened. I'd recommend rereading this chapter; there's a lot more coming soon. Thanks for bearing with me. Enjoy!
I awoke to the morning sun bleeding into my room. I saw the whole group around the foot of my bed. I was still pissed off at them, but they seemed to have dropped whatever issue they had with me. I decided to at least act as though I had too.
"Morning." I yawned.
"Should we tell him?" Shizuka giggled.
"Tell me what?" I asked, suddenly worried.
"You slept for a whole day!" She announced. My eyes widened.
"I guess you were pretty tired." Saya teased.
"You could say that, yeah." I agreed.
"What did you guys do for fun without me?" I joked.
"We went to find some supplies." Kohta said.
"Did you find much?"
"No, most of the places have been picked apart. After what happened at the school everyone's been needing supplies."
"Was there enough around here?"
"Yeah, there's enough food to keep us going. We're low on ammo now though."
"That's what I was afraid of."
"We'll see what we can find."
"Good, if you guys see any of the medicine I use for my back I'd be grateful if you could bring back as much as you can."
"I'll see what we can do."
"Don't worry too much yet. The morphine's holding me over for now." I said.
"Do you feel like walking? I made some breakfast and we can eat at the table if you can make it." Saeko suggested.
"Sure. I need to talk to Kohta alone for a minute first. I should probably be on the move if I can." I said, smiling.
"Ok. See you at the table." Saeko said, leading everyone out of the room. Kohta stayed.
"Everyone was pissed at me when we got here. You all ditched me. What's with acting like nothing happened now?" I asked.
"They're trying to put it aside and keep going. Takashi and Rei haven't said a word to anyone since we got here. They're not doing well. They need you to hold it together right now."
"I thought that might happen. How are you holding up? You weren't doing much better yourself when I last saw you."
"What do you mean?"
"The standoff with Yang's dad."
Kohta's face darkened.
"I knew I'd have to kill a man at some point. It's only going to get worse. But... It takes its toll."
"It's okay. I would have pulled the trigger if you hadn't. You only killed him through a technicality."
"That doesn't make it any better."
"I know. I killed three men the other day. That's not something I'm going to forget. But we have to accept that this is the world we're trapped in right now. We can try as hard as we can not to kill other humans, it's still going to happen."
"That's still not helping."
"Look, Kohta. You're a good person at your core. That's not going to change, no matter how much you get put through. The fact that you feel bad shows you're still going to be that good person throughout all of this. But we're going to have to keep doing this. It's unavoidable, but we all need you more than we could possibly tell you. It's our job to hold ourselves together."
He hung his head.
"Thank you."
"Come on, let's go get something to eat." I said, struggling to pull myself out of bed. I dragged the stand with the IV drip with me. It worked well as something to stabilise my walking with too. I took small, hesitant steps towards the kitchen. Kohta matched my pace and we reached the kitchen together. The group was congregating around a large wooden table. I felt like a child taking their first steps again as I awkwardly sat at the table. Saeko produced bowls of ramen and placed them in front of everyone.
"How did you cook this?" I asked.
"The same way you always cook ramen." Saeko said, confused.
"But the hob on the oven wouldn't work anymore, right? Or am I just being crazy?" I asked.
"Oh, we found a portable cooker that works with bottles of flammable spirits. It's not the best, but it does the job." Saeko explained. Saeko brought the last few bowls of food out and set them at the table. It smelled amazing. Everyone made their own sounds of approval at the food. Saeko took her place and we dug in.
The warmth of the food made me feel a lot better. I finished my food quickly.
"How are you feeling?" Shizuka asked.
"Better rested. Still weak though, feels like the beginning of a steep slope." I responded.
"You'll probably start going down that slope quickly today. The illness is short-lived but intense."
"Perfect." I said, sarcastically.
"At least you'll be feeling better again before long."
"Yeah. This stuff's good, by the way. Is it morphine?" I asked, pointing to the drip.
"Yes. I think we might have to use it as a substitute for your back medication until we find more."
"I don't have a problem with that." The morphine made all of the colours I was seeing seem a little brighter than usual and I was feeling a strange warmth from it. I felt an urge to lay in the grassy fields outside of the dojo. It was a beautiful spring day despite the rain we'd encountered a few days ago.
"How are you holding up?" I asked Alice.
"I'm ok." She said, bluntly. I looked at Rei and Takashi. They were both completely spaced out, staring at their food and picking at it a little without really eating it. I would have been worried about them, but I'd been through the same thing and I'd reacted similarly for a while. I just managed to push it aside for now, I knew it would come back to haunt me later. I sat at the table, waiting for everyone to finish their meal. There was an eerie silence now. We were all haunted by what had happened at the school and in this peaceful place, I couldn't help but have it come flooding back to me.
There was one thing I had the clarity to decide upon. I had to get to Hokkaido and find Yang. I couldn't atone for what I did to her father and the fact that I had lied to her about it made me feel worse. But I wanted her to trust me, and if she knew what had really happened she wouldn't be able to trust me. I recalled Tsai's wistful smile as he described his daughter to me. He knew he might not see her again. That crazy, stubborn bastard had nothing on me except for confidence in his bluff. If he could have just told me, I would have let him go. But there was no way he could have known that. If he confessed I would have been wielding all of the power. As long as he kept his bluff up and hoped I died first, he had a chance that he could count on more than the chance that I would have been merciful. In his eyes, at least. The bullet that hit him was a relief and a horrible weight on my soul at the same time. It wasn't the last life I took either. The three men from two days ago. They were pigs, but killing them was extreme. But that was different, Rei's mother was a demonstration that they would have killed us as soon as they could. I had zoned out completely.
"Tatsuzo? Are you ok?" Saeko asked. I looked down and saw that my hands were twitching severely.
"Yeah. I'm fine." I swallowed and felt a horrible pain in my throat. Shizuka was looking concerned now. I coughed into my hands. My throat was feeling really raw now. I heard Alice scream and I looked at my palms to see that they were covered in blood. Even Rei snapped out of her distant stare for a moment to look at me. I stood up and stumbled as I made my way for the hallway.
"Excuse me." I mumbled. Shizuka caught up to me and supported my side. I rested some of my weight on her and dragged myself into the room, hurriedly. I fell onto the bed and coughed blood again. It splattered the white bed sheets and some of the wooden floorboards. I was far beyond caring about that now. Shizuka dashed off to get some supplies. I heard Saeko trying to comfort Alice, unable to make out what she was saying over Alice's hysteria. I began convulsing on the bed and struggling to breathe. It felt as though a huge weight had been placed on my chest. My arms and legs were throwing themselves around uncontrollably. I heard an audible crack as I arched my back and kept convulsing. I saw what I presumed to be Shizuka re-enter the room, it was hard to tell as my spasms made clear vision impossible. I continued thrashing until I felt makeshift restraints hold me to the bed. I was now twitching furiously, feeling feverish and weak. Something penetrated my arm and the convulsions began to slow and stop. I blacked out completely.
When I regained my vision I saw no traces of anyone in the dojo. I looked around, still restrained in the bed. I saw something enter the room. It was a large creature with a tarantula-like body about the size of my torso and a disfigured human head, covered in yellow or greying skin in patches. Some of its skull was visible underneath the patchwork face. It crept into the room and its head made a full rotation before locking onto me. It hissed and crawled up the nearest wall. Each of its eight legs about the length of my arm, covered in hair. The top half of its head dislocated from the fixed lower jaw and revealed a long, thick purplish-black tongue, which darted out at me. It didn't quite reach me. The creature shrieked and scuttled at me, retracting its tongue. It approached the foot of the bed and crawled on top of me. The tongue came out again and brushed against my face. It felt wet and rough.
I snapped out of my nightmarish fever dream with a startled yell to be greeted with Zeke licking my face.
"What's wrong?" Shizuka asked concerned as she dashed into the room.
"Nothing. I had a nightmare."
"Long nightmare."
"What do you mean?"
"You've been out for five days."
"What?!"
"You slept your illness out."
"What happened?"
"You basically slipped into a coma."
"What?!"
"A coma."
"I... I know. I just..."
She nodded.
"A coma? For five days?"
"Pretty much. You were still displaying your symptoms the whole time. You would have thought someone had been murdered in here with the amount of blood you coughed everywhere!"
"Uh... Sorry, I guess. And thank you so much for looking after me."
"Don't worry. It's my job!"
"Are Takashi and Rei doing any better?"
"Still haven't said a word. Just staring into the distance."
"Damn it. How's everyone else?"
"Everyone else is ok. Except for being worried sick about you!"
"Where is everyone?"
"Trying to find ammunition. They should be back soon. How's your back?"
I tried to move a little. It was excruciating.
"It's killing me."
"I'll see what we can do about that. Anything else bothering you?"
"Not really, no. I feel pretty well rested, actually."
"You were doing nothing but sleeping and coughing blood for five days!"
"Shame I missed the party."
"You were the party!" Shizuka stepped out of the room for a while and came back with a syringe full of morphine. She injected it into me and the colours in my vision bloomed again. I got up and found myself able to walk properly for the first time in a while.
"I'm off for a walk. Want to join me?" I asked.
"Sure. Let me get Alice first."
"Alice is around here?"
"Well, they wouldn't bring her with them if they didn't have to. They wouldn't put her in danger with no need."
"Fair enough."
Shizuka returned with Alice holding her hand tightly. Alice looked afraid of me. My mind replayed the moment of me running around the school with Alice on my shoulders twinned with the moment I coldly executed the last of the three thugs and she had begun to cry. I felt awful; I had never wanted to subject her to that. I wanted to show her that it was ok. She looked at me as though I was a monster. The same way the small boy outside of the school had looked at me. I walked outside silently. Shizuka could tell that Alice's fear was bothering me a lot. I had killed four men, and they wouldn't be the last. I knew it was a necessity, but I wished with everything I could that it wasn't. It was still peaceful outside. The long grass was swaying gently in the light breeze. It was pretty warm outside and most of the flowers were in bloom. A few of the plants were beginning to wilt already. It just served as a reminder that nature doesn't need humanity. It created creatures whose sole purpose was to consume us, which were now roaming the city below us hungrily. Just as Shizuka had predicted, I could see the rest of the group approaching over the hill.
Kohta, Saeko and Saya were chatting happily as Takashi and Rei were behind them, holding hands but barely acknowledging the existence of the other. Kohta waved at me and smiled.
"How did you do?" I asked as they reached us.
"Pretty well. We got..." Saya trailed off as she looked at me and made a strange, nervous sound. I looked down to see I had forgotten to wear a shirt.
"My eyes are up here, Lady Saya." I said, trying to wind her up.
"Uh, s-sorry."
"Don't worry." She gulped and continued.
"We got a few boxes of pistol ammo for you and Saeko. A couple of bits and pieces for our other weapons and some food."
"Great."
"I've got something for you." Saeko said, grinning.
"Should I be worried?"
"Maybe..." She said, playfully. She led me into her room and handed me Tsai's double-barreled shotgun and a wooden training sword.
"You left this at the school. And the bokken is to check that you're ready to move around again." Saeko explained.
"Thanks." While part of me really didn't want to see the shotgun, I was grateful for it.
"Are you ready?" She asked.
"Ready for wha-" I began as she slammed a training sword into my chest. I was knocked back and crashed into the wall. I got up and backed away, putting the shotgun down before raising a guard. I was waiting for her to make a move first. She swung at my side and I deflected it easily. I backed away again into the main room, where the sparring is supposed to be done. I readied myself and blocked an extremely low strike but she raised her sword away before I could fully recover and struck the back of my neck gently, but with enough force to knock me over.
"You always act defensive when we spar. Attack me!" She said. I got up and raised my wooden sword again. She took a defensive stance and I swung a half-assed strike. Her block moved but wasn't broken. I knew how I could win against her now. I struck her block again, with more force and knocked her training sword to the ground. She looked surprised as it clattered against the wooden floor. I spun around and swept my leg underneath her. She fell, but I continued moving and outstretched my free arm to catch her before she hit the ground.
"Alright. Now let's try that again, shall we?" She said, brushing herself off. We both stood and raised our swords, neither of us taking a particular approach this time. We both threw opposite swings and met in the middle. She was striking vertically downwards whilst I was making a horizontal slice. I put my strength behind my sword to force hers away. She lowered her arm, but recovered quickly and threw a strike, which bounced off of my rushed attempt at a block. I attempted a diagonal slice. My sword made strong contact with hers, which rattled through my injured arm. She fired off a lot of quick strikes, which I struggled to keep up with, but managed to block out of luck. I kept up with her for a while, swinging when I could. My scratched arm was beginning to ache and weigh me down. I defended fairly well in spite of this until she hit my stomach and knocked me over.
"I never could keep up with you." I spluttered and coughed as I said this. She offered me her hand and helped me up.
"Thanks. I should probably talk to Takashi now; he's in a bad state."
"You should talk to Rei too."
"No, I know what she's like. That'll push her away more."
I walked into my room.
I was dying for a smoke now. I couldn't find my lighter or the packet of cigarettes. I walked outside to see Takashi smoking.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"Why do you care?" He said, aggressively.
"I don't mind. Just didn't think you were the type."
"I wasn't. I didn't think you would be either."
"I'm full of surprises."
He laughed lightly.
"That's true."
He took a drag and coughed a lot.
"You need some practice."
"No shit." He coughed.
"You'll get there. Can I take my stuff back? I'm in the mood for lighting up myself."
"Sure." He handed me the lighter and packet of cigarettes.
"I've got spares around somewhere. I'll give you what I've got if you take to it."
"I've been doing this for a few days." I looked at the packet. He'd smoked more than I would have usually.
"Damn. You're going through these quickly."
"What does it matter?"
"It doesn't. I'm not judging. It's just better not to get addicted."
He snorted.
"Hypocrite."
"I'm not addicted. I'm on maybe three or four a day. I don't really need it." I said, defensively.
"Whatever you say."
I lit up and took a drag.
"That's how you do it." I teased, blowing the smoke out again.
"Shut up!"
"I'm just teasing. You'll get there. I was the same for the first couple of weeks."
"I thought you'd start giving me an earful about responsibility and all that shit."
"I'm not about all that. Besides, I had the same thing from everyone I know. I'm not perfect, but I'm no hypocrite. I can't stand hypocrisy. Everyone else in the group will give you the responsibility crap themselves. I don't need to say anything."
"Why are you here?"
"I want to help you out."
"With what?"
"Your depression. You haven't said a word to anyone except me or Rei in almost a week."
"Do I need to?"
"No. You just need to get yourself together and accept it."
"My mother died in front of my eyes! How can you say that?"
"Because I went through the same thing! I lost my parents and my sister! I didn't do this."
"They weren't your real family though were they, Levi?"
"Fuck you. They were more my family than my actual parents ever were!"
"That doesn't make them your real parents."
"No. But they were my real family."
"You know nothing about the pain of losing your real mother."
"She'd lost herself to heroin long before I was born. She was lost from the moment she gave birth to me. Stop being so melodramatic. I know your pain. I'm not thrusting responsibility on you, but you owe it to everyone to hold your own shit together. At least until you're alone. Then you can do whatever the hell you want. It's not like I care."
I walked away and lit a new cigarette. I puffed at it furiously. I had never finished a full cigarette so quickly before.
I stomped it out and went back inside, storming past Takashi. I needed to talk to Saeko, she knew how to calm me. I placed my cigarettes and lighter back in my room in a different place. I was fuming and feeling unstable. The men I had killed were still haunting me. I put my hands to my face and felt rough stubble. I took a shaver I had taken from the mall that had ended up in the other cart. I went into the bathroom and locked the door. I turned the tap on and splashed water on my face. I shaved my face and turned the tap on again to rinse the hair off of the blades and the few strands that clung to my face. A small trickle of a few droplets came out before it stopped completely. Out of running water now too. I took the razor blades out of the shaver and bashed them against the sink to clear them. I clutched at one and held it to my arm. I cut with it and that familiar pain should have returned once again. The feeling of the cold metal slicing against my skin was sharp and sudden, like a large and far more severe paper cut. But it wasn't there. I cut desperately, the lack of pain worrying me. The sound of my pistol firing started echoing in my mind again. I made an incision each time my senses reminded me of the men I had killed. I was in a frantic state. I stopped myself and looked at my arms. There were fresh, bleeding cuts overlapping with my existing scars. Blood flowed down both of my arms. I had done it more frantically than usual, no hesitation marks and the cuts were rough and disjointed. I waited for the blood flow to slow down and rushed to the room to apply some bandages that Shizuka had left in my room. After a while, the cuts stopped bleeding and I threw shirt and hoodie on to cover the bloodstained bandages on my arms.
I still didn't feel a thing. Clarity was returning and I realised that it was probably because of the morphine. I stopped panicking and took a moment to calm down before leaving the room. Saeko was in her room, polishing her sword.
"Did you get cold?" She asked me, looking up from her sword. It took me a moment before I realised she was talking about my covering up.
"Yeah. The fever's stopped now, so I'm not as warm." I lied. I hadn't really felt feverish since I'd woken up.
"Poor little Tatsuzo." She said, condescendingly.
"How was your talk with Takashi?" She asked.
"Not great. He did start speaking, but not in the way I hoped. I don't blame him; he still needs some time."
"And Rei?"
"I said I wasn't going to talk to her. She's just going to get more distant if we do."
"I don't think that's possible."
"You'd be surprised. We all have further to fall."
"What's wrong? I can tell something's bothering you."
"I killed three men right in front of Alice, and now she's terrified of me."
"She'll forgive you eventually. She saw her father killed in front of her, she'll begin to trust you again with time."
"But I've burned that bridge already. It'll never be the same again. I'm not going to forgive myself anyway." Saeko grabbed my arm and began to try and roll my sleeve up. I pulled away.
"Did you...?" She asked.
"I think you know the answer. You don't have to look to be sure." She gave a resigned sigh.
"I think I have the right to lose my mind a little. I took the lives of three men."
"You had to."
"That's never going to make it better."
"Maybe not. But I can still accept you. But you can't let this get any worse, otherwise no-one will."
"I've not been accepted since before we got here."
"We were all hurt and we took it out on you. Takashi had too much going on and you basically stepped up to his position. That made you our stress outlet instantly. It might not have been the right thing, but that's what we did. Takashi would have done the same thing. There were five men killed on the street that day. You weren't alone then and you aren't now."
"I don't think the idea of him doing the same thing is much of a comfort with his current state."
"He's not that damaged is he?"
"He's almost as bad as I am."
Saeko's eyes widened.
"Really?"
"Yeah. I'm going to take him out of here for the day tomorrow morning. Maybe raising hell in the city and talking stuff out will do the trick."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean grabbing supplies and doing a bit of destructive venting. Smash some things up."
"You think that's a good idea?"
"Yeah, we'll be cautious. Besides, it's been almost a week since the plane crashed. It has to be quieter around the city by now."
"There have been a lot less of Them around the city over the past few days..."
"Plus, we might be able to find a way to get to Hokkaido. I don't care if it's with a canoe. I have to get there." Saeko gave a small giggle.
"You're determined to get there, aren't you?"
"Whatever it takes. I'll die to get all of you there if it comes to that. I owe it to you, Alice, Shizuka, Rei, Kohta, Saya and Yang. I even owe it to Takashi."
"Of course!" She exclaimed.
"What?"
"You want to get there for Yang."
"That, and because it's safe there."
"How do you know that?"
"Because none of us have any reason to be here right now otherwise."
"You really believe that?"
"I have to. It's all I've got."
"That's not true. We've all got each other."
"That might have been true at first, but all I've done is hold us back and drive a wedge between everyone."
"What makes you think that?"
"I wondered how things would have been different if I'd blown my brains out in the mall. Or even earlier. The group I was with would still be alive. They would have taken you in, or some of them would have come with you at least. You would have gone to the police station earlier, and the school. You would have got on an earlier plane; one that didn't crash. Rei and Takashi wouldn't have lost their parents. Yang's father would still be alive. Those men wouldn't have attacked you. You would have gotten to Hokkaido and waited in safety with everyone else for this thing to die out. I would know for certain that you'd all live. Alice wouldn't have seen anyone get killed except for Them."
"But..." She paused, unable to fault much in my explanation.
"Exactly. I thought it through. I wish I could find a logical issue with that, but it's true. It makes me fear how much further I'll drag you all down with me before you see I'm basically dead weight and let me go. And I'm just as terrified of dragging you all down as I am of you guys letting go." Saeko didn't say anything. I wrapped my arms around her and held her close. I cuddled her for a good while before she spoke again.
"No matter what, we're not letting go. You should have seen how we all were when you were sick. We had no idea if you'd live, or if you'd wake up. Everyone was a mess. Even me." She said. I brought her even closer. I wanted to kiss her again, but I didn't.
"I'd better go talk to Takashi. Tell him about tomorrow. I'll get Kohta to come with us." I said after a while. She sniffed and nodded as she wiped her eyes. I didn't want to go, but I loosened my grip before I took my arms away completely and stood up. I found Takashi on his bed, staring at the ceiling.
"Look, I'm sorry about earlier. I shouldn't have said that. You've been the group punching bag long enough. It's not fair on you. I'll take my place again from now." He said. The last part sounded reluctant.
"You don't have to do that. If you're not ready for those responsibilities yet I can hold on a little longer. Take the time you need. I don't want to make it seem like I don't care, because I understand completely. We're all dealing with our own issues right now. I was going to suggest you, Kohta and me go into the city and get some therapy. Do some damage, act a little stupid, grab anything we might need and come back."
"That actually sounds great. Thanks."
"We'll get a chance to hang out a bit. I know you the least out of anyone in the group aside from Saya."
"Yeah, I suppose that's true. You're a mystery to me too if it's all the same."
"So you're in?"
"Sure." He smiled.
"I'll go tell Kohta. We'll just go some time in the morning. Whenever we're ready."
He nodded. I found Kohta at the dining table stripping my pistol apart and putting it back together. Alice was watching, fascinated.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"Checking the condition of the gun. I'll have to show you how to do it." He explained. He didn't even glance up at me.
"Sounds important."
"It is. What are you here for?"
"Does there need to be a reason?"
"Not really. It's just a little..." He paused as he finished putting the gun together.
"...distracting." He finished as he put the gun on the table.
"Sorry. I just wanted to let you know Takashi and I are planning on going into the city tomorrow to blow off some steam and I wondered if you wanted to join us."
"What'll we be doing?" I shrugged.
"I'm not sure, really. Just smashing stuff up and taking anything we need."
"Fair enough. Sounds like a good way to unwind in this world."
"Exactly. So would you want to come along?"
"Yeah. Why not?" He said, excitedly.
"Great. We're going some time in the morning. Whenever we're all ready."
"Perfect." Kohta picked up Saya's submachine gun and started a similar process to before. I left the room and I heard Alice start talking again. Zeke was padding around the hallway and barked when he saw me. I picked him up and scratched his belly. He rolled around in my arms, obviously enjoying it. I looked up and saw Rei giving a small smile. I smiled back. She stepped forwards and hugged me. I pulled away and put Zeke down before I hugged her back.
"It'll get better, trust me." I said, comfortingly. She nodded and held tighter. I was having a little difficulty breathing with how hard she was squeezing me. She realised this and let go eventually. I hated seeing her this broken. Even with what I had gathered about what had happened back at the school, she'd been strong in the face of losing her boyfriend Hisashi. She carried on to Takashi's room, obviously having needed whatever it is she had gained from our brief encounter.
Dusk was approaching now, so I decided to light some candles. I checked the matchbox to see that we were pretty low on matches. I took my lighter instead. I opened it to check the lighter fluid, also needing a refill shortly. I lit the candles scattered around the place.
"Where did you get that lighter and why didn't you tell us you had it sooner?" Saya asked. I was startled and nearly burned my hand with the lighter as I jumped a little.
"I got it back at the mall. It's low on fluid now though."
"Why is that? It shouldn't be low already if you're just lighting a few candles." I just looked at her. She could figure this one out herself. She still wasn't getting it. I mimed smoking a cigarette with a sigh.
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"Why?"
"I don't know. Just kind of started doing it. Does there have to be a reason for everything?"
"There should be. It comes down to science and logic."
"I was a psychology student. There are behaviours we'll never understand as long as our race exists. Science and logic can't explain the unscientific and illogical. Explain all of this then." I gestured outside.
"There's a bacterium working with a parasite. The parasite kills those weakened by the bacterial infection and reanimates those killed by it."
"The dead brain wouldn't respond to the parasite. Even if it gave off electrical impulses somehow, it would just cause some kind of spasms, not reanimation."
"But it does. It has to."
"Well, explain this for me. Why do they eat people?"
"To spread the parasite."
"Not why they bite. They eat people completely too. You saw the picked apart bones and dead animals they were eating."
"For nutrition to keep going."
"Their digestive systems are completely dead. They don't need energy. They just keep going anyway. They eat things for no reason."
"How do you know there's no reason?"
"Because I saw one before I met you that had eaten so much its stomach had burst and its contents kept spilling out. It kept eating anyway. It wasn't processing anything at all and it was still eating. We've never known anything about science really. One discovery could prove everything we've ever known completely wrong. Science is on the edge of a knife, balancing between answering all of our fundamental questions and being completely wrong. Not everything needs a reason. No matter how far we get, there's still no explanation for some things." Saya's face dropped.
"It's instinct, Saya. Why do they have that instinct with no purpose? That's the truly terrifying thing about Them. They want to eat us for no reason other than to destroy us, they get no pleasure in the hunt, no sense of taste from eating things to drive Them to do it again, but they still do it." Saya looked shocked at this revelation.
"I suppose you're right."
"I guess the score's one all now. I told you this wasn't over." I teased. She smiled, but she seemed troubled by the thoughts that were now passing through her mind after this observation. I felt guilty then.
"Hey, don't overthink this. As long as we stay strong and survive, it doesn't matter." I said, calmly.
"Don't worry about me now. I'm just trying to think of a good answer. And I will. Just you wait..." She said, perking up again.
"Oh, I'm excited to hear what you come up with now!"
"I might be a while, but it'll be worth it." She said, determination in her face.
"I don't doubt it. You're a genius, remember?" She shoved me.
"Don't mock me!"
"I meant it too. You're way smarter than anyone else I've known. If anyone can get an answer, it's you."
"Damn right!" I was beginning to really admire her persistence and confidence, it really lifted my spirits. I left the candles and searched around for something to do.
I found a small notepad, clueless as to how it got here. I opened it up to see writing on the inside page.
"Just some things I've come up with. I'm excited to see what you do with it. Rei." It read. There was a pen inside the small metal coil holding the pages together. I flipped through the pages to see lyrics that Rei had written. They were poetic and beautiful. I soaked them in and studied them carefully. I considered myself decent at lyricism, but this was on a whole other level and I seemed to be incapable of writing anything other than abstract ramblings in Japanese. I noted down the first melody I had unwittingly improvised along with some of the music that had accompanied the lyrics I recognised from earlier, unable to write anything new since my guitar had been taken. I took the back pages to write some lyrics in English that I was beginning to come up with. Playing off of the themes that Rei's had touched upon in some of her words along with some more original ideas of my own. I also wrote down translations for the words Rei had already written in Japanese. In English the rhyming and flow of the words weren't quite right, but it was a fair reflection of Rei's writing nonetheless. I wrote deep into the night and fell asleep with the notepad resting on my face, and the pen still in the loose grip of my hand.