I have absolutely no idea where this one came from. It started out as one thing, and turned into another.
I should do a trigger warning for this one. So, there's a warning here for mentions of prescription drug use, threatening, NOT self-harm though, but the way i worded it makes it look it.
"Hey you." Adam smiled, walking into the room he shared with Kurt. "What are you doing?"
They were back in Lima for some important meeting that Finn had called. He wanted all of the old New Directions back together to help out the new ones. All Adam could get out of Kurt was that it was for Nationals. His boyfriend had been a complete wreck since the almost-wedding.
"I'm trying to find a song that's right to sing." Kurt admitted, holding up sheet music for Adam to look at. "Finn wants the old members to sing to the new ones to show them just how we won last year."
Adam took the sheet music, noticing the mood Kurt was going with. "Something tells me you didn't win on this though." He sat down next to the frustrated Kurt. "Sweetrose, you've been off ever since the wedding. If this is about Blaine,"
"It's not…about Blaine." Kurt turned to look at Adam, giving him a sad smile. "It's about me."
"Well, what about you?" Adam asked. "I see nothing wrong," he laid his hand gently over Kurt's forehead and eyes. "You don't have a temperature…"
Kurt laughed light. "It's not physical. Look, every song I have ever done…it hasn't been for me." He set down the sheet music he was holding and leaned over to peck Adam lightly on the cheek. The older man turned his head to steal another kiss before wrapping his arm around Kurt. "I mean, even at the Winter Showcase, that was for NYADA. I even sung a song for my dead bird. But never just for me."
Adam hugged Kurt tightly, not saying anything as Kurt continued his rant. "And, what happened at the wedding, even that wasn't for me. How could it be? I transfered for my dad, came to New York for Rachel, lost a friend for Blaine…none of it was for me. Because…" I don't deserve it, was left unsaid.
Adam picked up one of the sheets Kurt had set down. He heard what Kurt was saying, and he knew how Kurt felt. "They've really broken you, haven't they?" He placed the sheet into the pile before turning on Kurt's laptop. "I want you to listen to this. REALLY listen to it. Then find your song." He pressed play, and stood up next to Kurt's bed.
Kurt listened intently to the music, almost missing when Adam began to sing. He would've missed it completely if it wasn't for the beautiful sound that was his boyfriend's voice. "Catch your breath, hit the wall, scream out loud, as you start to crawl. Back in your cage, the only place, where they will, leave you alone."
—-
Dalton wasn't salvation. It was prison. He hid it well, but Kurt knew exactly why Pav would not sing. Blaine and Wes told him that Pavarotti was his voice, and with his voice silenced, Pavarotti wouldn't sing. But what could he do? Go back to McKinley? It wasn't an option. He could only pray that one day, Pav would start singing.
"'Cause the weak will seek the weaker till they've broken them. Could you get it back again? Would it be the same?"
—-
Kurt sat silently in the hallway, not wanting to move just yet and upset his shoulder. The locker slams were getting to be too much, and soon the bruising would spread to where it would be noticeable no matter what he wore. He was just glad that it wasn't something vital, such as his head, hitting the lockers. That had to account for something, right?
"Fulfillment to their lack of strength at your expense, left you with no defense; they tore it down. And I have felt the same as you, I've felt the same as you, I've felt the same."
—-
He didn't know what was worse. The bullying, or the silencing. If his recent trips to the Lima Bean told him anything, he would chose the silence. No matter what he tried, Sebastian would just tear him down. His time with Blaine, at Dalton, had broken his only defense. And he was left with nothing.
Adam's eyes locked with Kurt's as he sang to him. He knew the message, whatever it was, was getting across to Kurt. He began to think it wasn't smart, just picking a song to sing without choosing a set message, but the way Kurt focused on him said everything was perfect. "Locked inside, the only place, where you feel sheltered, where you feel safe."
—-
He stopped texting Chandler. Avoided the others in Glee at all costs, even took to just hiding in his room when he was home. Blaine singing that song had a harder effect on him than he anticipated. The glares of the rest of the club just wouldn't leave him. He sobbed as he remembered the only thing that kept memories of his mother's last day away. He didn't want to go back to them, but the pills made him feel so safe, so numb.
Kurt felt Adam's hand brush against his wet cheek, and leaned into the touch. His eyes squeezed tightly shut as he tried to stop crying. But he never stopped listening. "You lost yourself, in your search to find, something else to hide behind."
"The fearful always preyed upon your confidence. Did they see the consequence, when they pushed you around?"
—-
"Sup fairy?"
"Did you tell anyone?"
"I'll kill you!"
Kurt's eyes fluttered opened. It took him a second to remind himself that he was safe. He was in New York, in his apartment shared between him, Rachel, and Santana. The arm around him wasn't Karofsky, ready to toss him into either a locker or a dumpster. It was Adam, protecting him. But the fear didn't go away.
"Refuse to feel anything at all, refuse to slip, refuse to fall." Adam brought his hand up from Kurt's cheek to card through his hair. "Can't be weak, can't stand still, you watch your back 'cause no one will."
—-
When the bullying started at McKinley again, Kurt told no one. The jocks were more discreet about it now, knowing that the glee club was looking out for him, and his boyfriend was in Dalton's Fight Club. But they thought, if no one knew about it, it wasn't a crime. Kurt just put on a smile and went around like nothing was wrong. Why include the others in it? It was, for most of them, their last year. Why ruin it? Besides, he was getting into NYADA, right?
"You don't know why they had to go this far, traded your worth for these scars, for your only company." Adam used his other hand to trace over one of the barely visible scars on Kurt's cheek, moving down to the one on his neck, and stopping on the one on his shoulder. He knew the story about each one, and paid special attention to all of them.
"And don't believe the lies that they have told to you,"
—-
"Lima loser"
"Who would want to date you?"
"I knew you couldn't hit the note."
"Kurt,"
"Freak"
"Homo"
"You're amazing."
"Cheat"
"It's your fault."
"Not one word was true. You're alright, you're alright, you're alright."
Before Adam could finish, Kurt flung himself into the older's arms. Adam was ready for it, and wrapped his arms tightly around Kurt, holding him close as he cried. He guessed that possibly the whole house could hear them, but it didn't matter. Let them hear. "Sweetrose, be selfish for once. Blow three grand on a new wardrobe, bitch out your old glee club, hell move to Mexico! So long as you do it for yourself."
Kurt began to quiet down, and as he did, he pressed a light kiss to Adam's neck. "How about this? I do one thing for Finn, sing. After that, I get to be selfish by using the money I got saved up to take us to see your parents? I know they want to meet me. And I want to meet them too."
"So long as it's for you, we can do whatever." Adam agreed. "And yes, you do have to be selfless and sing. But who said you couldn't be selfish at the same time?"
Kurt smiled, remembering just why he fell in love with Adam. "If I really want to be selfish, I'd be a bitch and sing a song about all the times Rachel threatened to leave the club, but came back the next day."
"The bitch came back, the very next day." Adam mock sang, getting Kurt to giggle as the younger wiped at his eyes.
"Alright, come on my loveable boyfriend. We have a song to pick and a father to calm."
He may not be fully alright, but with Adam, he was healing.