A/N: I wish I had a really good excuse as to why this update took forever and a day, but all I can say is that life kept getting in the way. I'm sorry and so grateful to all of you who kept telling me that you love this story and were waiting patiently for the next chapter. So here it is. I hope you still love it.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.
Chapter 11 - The Father Figure
It has been the longest eight days of my life.
Alright, that's probably an exaggeration but it's not far from the truth. I feel like I'm starting to come unhinged. My nights have been mercifully dreamless but that just means I spend more time tossing and turning. I'm not use to being so restless at night, not that I'm complaining. Clearly having actual sex with Blaine eased my sub-conscious enough to stop torturing me with dream sex. But it has been a week without any physical contact with Blaine. I think I'm starting to suffer from a new form of withdrawal and my anxiety is rearing its ugly insecure head again.
I know I'm being stupid. Its not like Blaine rolled out of my bed and back out of my life. We've texted back and forth almost constantly throughout the last week. Our schedules just have not worked out and we haven't been able to get together. Now its Saturday night and I'm preparing for another performance of Grease and he's performing his set at The Dreamers Lounge. Yet another night will pass without us seeing each other.
I sigh dramatically. And then laugh at myself. Its not like the week has been all bad. Our texts are flirtatious in nature and I've learned lots of new things about him.
He's addicted to New York bagels. He eats at least one a day.
Even when he's not working on the train, he loves to ride them and people watch. He says some of his best songs were written on New York City trains.
And the best one of all is that he found a small coffee shop near his apartment that he swears is a dead ringer for The Lima Bean. We've agreed to meet there as soon as our schedules allow it.
Thinking about The Lima Bean, also reminds me that this week brought a mind blowing revelation that I never saw coming. It all started with a simple phone call home to talk to my Dad.
"Hey Dad." I tucked my feet under myself on the couch, knowing this was going to be a lengthy phone call.
"Hey Bud. How's everything? I saw the reviews. Congratulations, everyone loves your show." I can hear the pride bursting through my dad's voice and I am again reminded why I am the luckiest son ever.
"What..oh yeah, they were great. I'm um, surprised you saw them." I stammer because the show was the furthest thing from my mind right now and maybe that was foolish, but it certainly wasn't the reason for my call.
"You know we do have the internet out here in Ohio. I do know how to use it." He teased me.
"Oh, I know Dad. I wasn't surprised that you had seen the reviews. It just, uh, wasn't the reason I called you." Honesty was always the best policy with my dad. Even when I tried to hide or gloss over things, he saw right through me.
"Well then, I will stop singing your praises, so that you can tell me." The line went silent.
I took a deep breath. My dad has always supported me, even when he knew I was making a bad decision. He has always let me live my life and been there to pick up the pieces when I fall apart. My history with Blaine was no different. He never tried to tell me what to do, he never suggested that I call Blaine, or go see him when I was in town, he just held me tighter every time I cried or woke up screaming Blaine's name in the middle of the night.
I can't help but wonder now, what his reaction will be.
"Blaine and I are together." There, I've said it, out loud.
"When? How? I need details, Kurt!" There is something in his voice I can't place. I expected him to be surprised, to be worried, to warn me to be cautious. But I can hear what sounds like desperation in his voice. Surely, I'm misreading him.
"Its a funny story actually. He works part-time as a train conductor and was covering a shift for a friend of his, which happened to be on my train. It took all week of us seeing each other each morning before we actually spoke." No need to tell him that in fact, we didn't speak but rather he sucked me off gloriously. Yeah, some details my dad just did not need to know.
"And you've seen each other since?" His voice is hesitant and a bit shaky. I suspect he might be crying, but that seems like a bit of an overreaction, even for my dad.
"Yeah, Dad. We've been on a couple of dates and we text all the time." I pause when I hear him sniffle into the phone. "Dad, are you okay? I know this is a bit of a shock, I didn't mean to upset you."
"Oh Kurt. I'm not upset and it isn't a shock to me at all. In fact, I've been waiting for this phone call since the day I knew Blaine had left for New York." And then it hits me. The sound in his voice that I couldn't place is actually relief.
"Wait. You knew he was here? Why didn't you tell me? How did you know? What else have you been keeping from me?" I try to calm myself, to tone down the accusations in my voice, but I fail miserably.
"Whoa, buddy. Just relax. I'll explain it all to you now that I know he found you." I can hear my dad shuffling around a bit, probably getting more comfortable. I guess this is going to be a much longer phone call than even I anticipated.
"I guess he hasn't told you yet that he came to see me a few months after you broke up." I'm not sure if he's asking me a question or merely stating a fact he already knows.
"No. We haven't really talked about his life in Ohio after that Christmas." I respond quietly. I don't want to distract my dad from telling me his story.
"Well, I don't think he'll mind me telling you all this. Especially since I waited until now. It can't hurt now." He pauses for a moment and then continues. "He was having some trouble with his car, so he drove into the shop that April. He walked into the office and when he saw me, I heard him mutter 'this was a mistake' and he turned to leave. I stopped him."
"Of course you did." I say, my voice full of understanding and gratefulness. Just because I had been a fool to throw Blaine away, didn't mean my dad had to make the same mistake. I should have known he wouldn't have.
"For what its worth, he looked awful. It had been almost four months but to look at his sad eyes and demeanor, I would have thought you had just dumped him yesterday." My dad said softly. I knew he wasn't trying to hurt me with that image, that he was trying to help me see that I had it wrong all along. He doesn't know how painfully aware I am of this already.
When I don't comment, he continues. "I don't remember all the details of our conversation, but I do remember him swearing on Pavarotti's grave that he never cheated on you. I believed him and I told him that. We never really talked about you. I didn't think it was fair. If you hadn't contacted him, then I didn't want to violate your trust in me. I just need you to know that before I tell you the rest." His voice is sincere and loving.
"I know Dad. I never thought you had. He knew exactly where I was and how to find me. I didn't think you gave him anything he didn't already know. In fact, I'm guessing you gave him something so much more important than that." I can feel the tears trailing slowly down my cheeks. Their warmth is comforting because I know what is coming now. I know exactly what my dad did. And then it all comes pouring out of him, like I had just popped the cork off a bottle under pressure. He had kept it inside for too long.
"I fixed his car and we agreed to keep in touch. He and I had both lost you to the big city. We found comfort in each other in a way that I was surprised by. Plus, I had already loved him like a third son. And he still needed a parental figure. His parents were as useless as ever and Cooper was never around anyway. He used to come by the shop occasionally, just to chat. He never came to the house. He said it was too painful, so I never pushed it. I was the one who made sure his car could handle the drive from Ohio to New York. I knew the day he left for Manhattan. I've been waiting ever since for you to call me and tell me that you found your way back to each other." He chokes on the last sentence. I'm stunned into silence.
I want to be angry. My younger self would have been. I can hear the tantrum in my head. My father, the man that yells at me if I don't tell the full truth about every fucking detail of my life, had an entire secret relationship with my ex-boyfriend. I want to scream and throw things and tell him I feel betrayed.
Except, that I don't.
Because deep down inside, I know I'm the reason why he didn't tell me. But I need to hear it from him.
"Why? Why didn't you tell me about all of this sooner?" I ask, sounding like a much younger version of myself.
"Kurt, I couldn't. It wasn't even Blaine. He never asked me to keep it a secret. But I just knew if I told you, you would be a mess. You would spend every second wondering when Blaine was going to knock on your door. You would stop living your life. And you needed to live your life. You've grown and changed so much. I was sad that Blaine waited to contact you, but I see now that maybe, he knew exactly what he was doing." My dad pauses for a moment, but I can tell he has something else he wants to say. "How are things between you now? I assume you called to tell me because it's not a small fling, but something bigger than that."
I laugh. "Oh Dad, you know Blaine and I could never be a fling. I love him. I never stopped loving him."
"Yeah bud, I know. I'm just relieved to hear that you know it too." I can hear the smile that is spread across my father's face.
We talked for a few more minutes. My dad filling me in on the Lima gossip and how Finn is doing. I really do need to call my brother more often. But at least my dad is happy to give me the highlights.
As we say our goodbyes, I feel myself getting choked up, which used to happen a lot when I first moved to New York. "Hey Dad, thank you" are my final words. He knows exactly what I'm thanking him for.
I haven't told Blaine yet, that I spoke to my dad. It doesn't seem like the type of thing I could just text to him.
Hey, heard you and my dad were moonlighting as father & son behind my back. Its cool.
I'm sure we'll talk about it. Just like I'm sure we'll talk about all the other things that are still unsaid. I just don't know when that will be. If this week has taught me anything, it's that our schedules are like a third person in this relationship. We have to find a way for everyone to get along.
Thank goodness the show is practically running itself at this point. Although, maybe if I'd had that as a distraction, I wouldn't be in such a tizzy right now. I don't do well when I have too much time to think.
Apparently, I'm not the only one aware of this fact.
"Whoa baby, you gotta get out of your head." Harmony approaches me quickly from behind. She wraps her arms tightly around me and rocks us back and forth.
"Its really that obvious?" I place my hand on her arm and squeeze.
"Oh yeah. I could hear you over thinking from my dressing room. You need to relax. I know you haven't seen Blaine since you and he," she grinds her hips forward into mine, "but its not like he hasn't contacted you. He didn't just sleep with you for old times sake and then run away."
"That's what I keep telling me myself. It helps for a few hours and then I get worried again." I break free from her hold and turn so that we are facing each other. "I just need to see him." I sigh and she nods her head in agreement.
The show that evening goes flawlessly. I congratulate myself once again on gruelling hours of practice and my ability to spot true talent from a mile away. We only have 8 more performances of Grease and then it's time to cast our next production. Which incidentally, I still need to choose. I'll make the decision this week, I promise myself. When my head feels less full of soft brown curls and glowing amber eyes.
"You're doing it again." This time it's Rachel who catches me thinking too much. Clearly I need to take my overactive mind and hide in my office. I try to make my escape but Rachel grabs my hand.
"Nope. We are heading out for a girls' night. Harm is getting the cab right now. Let's go." Rachel says in her best do not argue with me about this because you will lose and end up crying voice.
I don't argue. We stop by my office so I can get my wallet and coat. Rachel keeps a firm grasp on my hand the entire time, like I might try to make a run for it if she releases me. I haven't figured out if I would, but it doesn't matter, I never get the chance.
We exit the theatre into the cool autumn evening. Harmony is tapping her foot to a song only she can hear playing in her head while she waits for us. She smiles widely at Rachel and then opens the door. Rachel slides in first, followed by Harmony. I love my friends for knowing me so well. I cannot handle the middle seat. Too much physical contact and wrinkling of my clothes usually occurs.
I guess Harmony already told the driver where we were going, which I'm still in the dark about, because as soon as I shut the door the cab shoots off into the night.
We drive a surprisingly short distance. I inhale sharply as the building comes into view but I don't have time to react before I am being unceremoniously shoved out of the cab by Harmony. I manage a weak squawk in protest but my heart isn't it. Nope, my heart is already inside the doors of The Dreamers Lounge. Because inside there is Blaine.
"Go see your boyfriend, Kurt. We've spent too many nights watching you mope before he came back into your life. We want to see that stupid smile he puts on your face when you come to work tomorrow. Got it?" Harmony shouts at me as she shuts the car door again and it quickly pulls away.
I don't pause, I don't second guess myself. I step up to the door and push it open with all the confidence in the world. And I am immediately rewarded with the sound of Blaine's voice. He's singing a song I don't recognize, perhaps its one of his own. I'm slowly drawn further into the club by that sound alone.
I'm surprised to see that most of the tables are occupied. I can hear the murmur of a few conversations, but generally the audience is hanging on Blaine's every melody.
His song ends and the applause is wonderful. He clearly has a lot of fans here. He knows it too and looks into the audience to acknowledge them. He spots me almost instantly, like he could sense my presence. He doesn't smile or linger too long on me. But I saw the subtle change in his eyes when he noticed me. It fills my veins with warmth and love, and every single stupid moment of anxiety that I had this week is erased in that instant.
I recognize the next song immediately. Even though he's playing it on the piano and the tempo is slowed way down. He looks toward me and nods his head ever so slightly. This song is for me.
"My heart stops when you look at me
Just one touch, now baby I believe
This is real, so take a chance
And don't ever look back, don't ever look back"
My mind flashes to an all boys' show choir in matching blazers and pretty faces. I see their lead singer with his gorgeous eyes and charismatic smile. I feel the instant attraction I had for him, for them, for the safety and security I felt there.
But then I'm brought back to this moment and I see the same gorgeous eyes and charismatic smile, but the song is slower now, more soulful and the feeling of attraction is so much more now. Its love and trust and faith.
He plays the final notes and the room is filled with applause once more. He thanks them all for coming and hopes that everyone will return for his set next week as well. He rises from the piano and locks eyes with me. He starts walking in a straight line toward me but then there's a small blonde girl blocking his path.
I see the confused look on his face and know that she is a stranger. She's talking animatedly with her arms and I see her slip a small piece of paper in his back pocket. I am appalled at her forwardness. That ass belongs to me. I consider coming to his rescue but a part of me is curious to see how he deals with it. If he's going to be as famous as I think he is one day, he'll need to know how to handle his fangirls.
Blaine reaches into his pocket and withdraws the slip of paper. I watch as he hands it back to her. He whispers something in her ear, and they both turn to look at me. I give Blaine my best adoring look and do my best to not give the girl my death stare. She nods and walks away.
He immediately refocuses on me and does not let anyone get in his path this time. I take a few steps toward him and am greeted by a smothering hug. The smell and warmth of Blaine surrounds me and I collapse a little into his arms.
"I missed you." I say sweetly into his ear.
"I missed you too beautiful. What do you say about going to my place right now, so that we can put an end to missing each other?" His voice is low and wrecked from singing. It does things to me, and I can only nod vigorously into his shoulder in response.
We exit the club arm-in-arm. He told me his apartment is only a few blocks away, so we decide to walk. The night is cool but his body is radiating heat into my side and I don't notice the cold anymore. We don't talk. We just walk huddled together down a street in New York City. And I can't help but feel this is exactly how its suppose to be.
A/N: The song Blaine sings for Kurt is Teenage Dream by Katy Perry (but you already knew that). I'd love to hear your thoughts on this chapter (or if you just want to berate me for leaving it so long), please leave me a review. xoxo