Max's Misgivings
"Look at it this way," said Max, who was starting to lose his patience. "You're going about your job, and you look up and see your partner with their arms around some person, who you find out is your partner's ex-lover. How would you feel?"
Millie bit her lip. She could see Max's point of view completely. But she was annoyed at his accusations, and she didn't like the idea of not being able to hug her friends. She tried to sound calm and reasonable.
"I would feel confused and wonder what was going on. But then I'd be reassured once I'd spoken to you and found out that you stopped anything happening, like I did when he tried to kiss me…"
"He tried to kiss you?"
"Yes, but I stopped him. I've explained to you, nothing happened!" she protested.
Max stamped his foot on the ground in frustration. Gee, she could be stubborn. Why couldn't she just say she was sorry instead of getting on a high horse. "Fine." He said finally. "If that's how it is, I may as well just get going."
Millie rushed across the sitting room as Max started to head towards the door. "Wait, Max. Don't run off like that! We have such little time together, let's make the most of it."
Millie pulled him down to sit with her on their couch. He grumpily put his arm around her and said, "You really hurt me, you know."
Millie looked up at him and saw the hurt in his face. Her eyes were soon full of tears as she realised how she had made him feel. Soon the tears were flowing freely.
"I didn't mean to," she whispered.
Max sat on the couch and held Millie tight. He couldn't quite understand why he was the one comforting her when he felt she had been in the wrong, but he couldn't stand to see her crying. He almost felt like crying himself when the vision of Millie standing in the street hugging Mick Jones popped into his head, which it seemed to be doing often. Every time he had that vision he relived the feeling of utter emptiness he had when he saw them together. She said that Mick was just a friend, but part of him couldn't believe that. Not in light of those hints she had been dropping about their relationship. All the pieces seemed to be falling into place. The end appeared inevitable.
As she sobbed onto his chest, he looked above her head at the home they had set up together in the house that was once his alone. Could he return to his old pre-Millie life? He looked around the room and imagined it without things like the photo of them together on the mantelpiece, the vase her grandma gave her, the piano and her little cupboard of sheet music. All of these things had only been in this room a few short months, but to him they now seemed to belong there. Max decided to try not to think about these things. Millie was with him now, saying she loved him and that she wanted them to be together. And he just had to believe that. But then he had to ask himself, was he being a fool? Was she just taking advantage of the free board and regular sex?
A red-eyed, wet-nosed Millie raised her head and looked up into Max's eyes. He moved in towards her to kiss her. Her tears made the kiss seem warmer and wetter than usual, which he found somehow erotic. She kissed him back with equal passion. There was one aspect of their relationship you could count on: their complete physical understanding and desire for each other. Max looked at the clock on the wall and sighed. He and Millie just had one hour together until Will came back to collect him, and they were nearly forty minutes through that.
He and Millie kissed again, both evidently hungry for each other. Max was in a quandary. He was still angry at Millie and didn't feel especially loving towards her, but he really wanted sex. Then it occurred to him; he feared she'd used him, so why shouldn't he use her? Perhaps he could work out some of his anger through sex? He tried to think of her as simply a collection of female parts, an anonymous set of components designed for his pleasure. He grabbed her face with his hand and kissed her on the mouth, without tenderness or even looking at her. He was keeping his eyes closed in an effort to forget it was her at all.
Hands, mouths, legs went everywhere and clothes were removed. He felt his hips being encircled by her legs, which pulled him sharply in towards her. Much to his surprise he felt his animalistic passion for her being met and equaled by her own need for him. He looked down on her and felt that the saddest thing of all was that even in the midst of his spite and anger towards her, she was completely in tune with his desires and inclinations, and getting off on them as much as he was. All the emotion he had been suppressing came flooding back. He couldn't see how it was possible to ever find anyone else with whom he shared such a natural, physical connection.
He paused for a moment to give her time to tell him to get a condom, but she was silent. That was all the permission he needed…
A short time later Max and Millie lay naked and spent on the couch, holding each other but still feeling a little awkward. Max looked at the clock and thought it was lucky that Will was late. They both got up and started to prepare for Will's return.
"I think I'll have a quick shower," said Max.
"OK, off you go," Millie sent him off with a quick kiss. She was worried. She'd enjoyed the sex, but Max still seemed distant somehow.
There was a knock on the door and Millie threw on a robe and answered it. It was Will, who rolled his eyes at the sight of her.
"Can't I leave you two alone for even an hour without you jumping on each other? No, don't worry, I'm going to wait in the car. God knows what I might sit on in there. Tell Max I'm waiting."
"He's just having a quick shower…"
"I'm covering my ears..." said Will walking away from her.
Max came down the hallway, hair wet, buttoning up his clean shirt.
He kissed her quickly on his way out the door.
"I'll try and call you soon," he said simply.
"See you later," she responded sadly. She watched him get into the car and drive away. She slowly shut the door behind her, wondering if things would ever be like they were again.
The Final Straw
The following Thursday was Leon's birthday and in accordance with the traditions of Sun Hill drinks were organised at the local pub. Millie hadn't joined the rest of the crew at the pub for a while, preferring to spend her free time with Max, but as he was away and as she really liked Leon, she thought why not? She left her car at the station and walked to the pub with the rest of the Relief.
As it was her first night out in a long time, she made up her mind she was going to have a good time, so she danced, sang a song or two and had quite a bit to drink. So did just about everyone else, so no one really made any comment on her high spirits. But all night she had this funny feeling, like she was being watched. She tried to ignore it, but as the alcohol started to make her less inhibited she started to look around to see who could be watching her. It didn't take her long to determine that the eyes that seemed to be boring into her were those of DS Matt Cooper. She looked over to him and he smiled at her. She smiled back, then turned away hoping that his attentions would focus elsewhere as the night progressed.
Matt Cooper sat at the table and watched as the supple, slender form of PC Millie Brown cavorted with her friends on the dance floor. There was no doubt she was a fine figure of a woman, Matt thought as he ran a finger over his frosty beer glass. And she was a good singer too. Really, she had an awful lot to recommend her. Matt could tell she had had quite a bit to drink tonight and wondered how she was getting home. Luckily, he had kept himself sober, and he had a car.
The night wore on and the Sun Hill crowd started to thin out. The stayers of the group, mainly the male member of the Relief, had a protective concern for the female officers, so when the time came for Millie to leave they fussed over how she was getting home. Matt Cooper overheard, and smiled to himself when he realised the opportunity to get Millie alone had finally come.
He approached the group. "Hey Millie, no need to get a taxi, I'll drive you home," he said.
"No," said Millie, who was so concerned by the offer she didn't even bother to pretend to be gracious.
Leon and Nate, who were both quite drunk, had been concerned that Millie wasn't properly over Max, and gave each other a conspiratorial look at Matt's suggestion. Why not set Millie up for a bit of fun? It would do her good to hook up with a new guy.
"That's settled then," said Nate. "Matt will drive you home."
"Really, there's no need," said Millie.
"I insist," said Matt.
"There you go Mill, he insists. Now come on!" Leon started to push Millie out towards Matt's car.
"No I'm OK," Millie tried to signal her concerns to Leon, but he was too drunk to pick up on them. So was Nate. They bundled her into the front seat of Matt's car with a satisfied look. Millie didn't know what to do. She simply didn't trust him.
Matt sat down in the car beside her. "You looked worried," he said reaching over and squeezing her knee. "Don't be. I'm a very good driver." He smiled to himself again. Now I've got you where I want you, he thought.
They drove off and made small talk. Millie tried to tell herself it would all be OK, that she shouldn't be worrying, but she couldn't get over that feeling of doom. What was it, she wondered? Was she afraid he wouldn't take no for an answer? Was she afraid of her reaction if he kissed her? No matter how good it feels I mustn't give in, she told herself. Think of Max. You know you love him. You belong to Max.
Eventually they arrived at her and Max's house. Matt stopped the car, put his arm across the back of her seat and turned towards her. She muttered a quick thanks and jumped out of the car. He opened the door and got out too.
"Millie, wait," he said, coming around the car to her and taking hold of her hand.
The hand moved up her arm, then the other hand landed on the top of the other arm. She couldn't help but feel he was holding her a bit too tight.
"Let me go Sarge," she said, shrinking back from him, "I'm not interested..."
"But I think you are," Matt refused to loosen his grip. "How can you deny it? I've seen the look in your eyes. Come on Millie, just kiss me. Then we can see how you feel."
Millie struggled and Matt moved in closer. She was starting to get scared.
Both of them were startled by the sound of a voice that came from behind a nearby bush.
"I think you'd better let her go mate. I don't think she likes it."
Millie looked up to see Max standing there.
"Who are you?" asked Matt angrily.
"I'm her... neighbour," Max replied. "And I don't like the way you're treating her. Let her go."
Matt let Millie go and walked over and stood nose to nose with Max. "Listen mate, I think you can leave us alone now. I'm a police officer you know."
Max refused to budge. "Are you? So am I. I think it's time you got back in your car and drove off."
"Is that what you want, Millie?" Matt asked, still staring Max in the eye.
"Yes, it is," she said.
Matt sighed. "OK. I'll see you at work then."
"OK Sarge. Thanks for the lift."
Still looking at Max, Matt walked over to his car and got in. He drove off at speed.
Millie went to run into Max's arms, but he turned away. "Let's just go inside will we?" he said coldly.
Millie meekly followed him in.
Max had had enough. He had turned up tonight somewhat calmer and more loving towards Millie than at their last meeting - feeling slightly guilty for being so hard on her in fact. Tonight he'd hoped to give her a nice surprise by offering her an evening like those they used to have together. Instead he arrived to an empty house and was then confronted with the sight of her yet again in the company of another man, and after a night out enjoying herself too. He was deeply hurt. He couldn't help but think she didn't want to be with him anymore, that all of these situations with other men were because she wasn't ready to settle down with him. He decided it was time to make a pre-emptive strike.
"Max…" Millie began as they entered their kitchen.
"No, Millie. Let me speak. I think it's time you looked for somewhere else to live." Max spoke coldly and without even looking at her. He knew if he did he'd relent, or worse still, cry.
This was the last thing Millie expected. She expected anger, recriminations, possibly even tears, but never this. She couldn't believe what he had said.
"You're splitting up with me?" she asked, completely flabbergasted.
Max closed his eyes, "I didn't say that. I don't know. All I know is that this isn't working and I just can't face being hurt like that again."
"But Max, I haven't done anything wrong. I love you. I…"
"You may not have done anything, but that's twice now you've got yourself into situations where you could have, so easily. I think it's saying on some subconscious level that you don't want this relationship."
"No Max, I am totally committed to you. You couldn't be more wrong!"
"Come on Millie, have you ever thought you might be trying to convince yourself this is what you want? Where did that statement about us possibly deciding we might be better off apart come from? Something made you say that."
"Maybe I just needed to test things out, and I've done that now. I know what I want."
"Well maybe you've made me doubt what I want. Look, I'm feeling like I can't concentrate on anything else because of all this. Maybe we should have a break while the case is on and then think about things when it's over. In the meantime of course you can stay here as long as you need to."
Millie hung her head. She couldn't look at him. "Is this your final word?"
Max nodded. "Yes, it is. Now it's late and I'm tired. We'll set up the spare room for you."
That one came completely from left field for Millie. When he said it, she realised that she'd put the last of her hope in reconciliation sex, but obviously that wasn't on the cards.
For Max, this was the beginning of him reclaiming the house as his own. The worst thing about this whole situation, apart from the fear of losing Millie, was his feeling that things were out of his control. He reasoned it was his bed, why shouldn't he be the one to sleep in it tonight? Churning away inside him the whole time was his anger that Millie was still refusing to claim any responsibility for what had happened. She had never once said that what she'd done was wrong.