Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon

A/N:

I'VE MISSED YOU ALL SO MUCH.

Sorry this update took sooooo long. School is slowly killing me. WHY MUST I GET UP AT NINE A.M. WHY??? Your reviews are what keep me alive. Let's beat my other story, ne?

I've had mixed reviews about the whole Kaido/Jedite thing, but I'm sticking to my guns. ::grin:: To all of you who were worried about how old he was… hah, yeah. I imagine him to be probably 10-11 years older than Rei… so maybe 27 or 28 (he was young when he was with Risa in my mind). Mamoru, K and Nephrite I'm imagining around 22. They are all too old for the girls they are pursuing, but… that's what makes it so scandalous can't you seeee?

Hahaha.

Shut up you know you love it.

Anyway, feel free to give me feedback. And hopefully you like this chapter. :-)

Woosah,

Mels

P.S. omgomgomgomgomg.

Chapter Eleven: Usagi

It was 11:30 p.m.

The after-party was being held in an old, abandoned warehouse, which has been a frequent spot for many illegal parties throughout our high school years. Above me in one of the upper lofts, Seiya's band was playing loud music through thick speakers on the main floor. I clutched Rei's hand with my own as we weaved in and out of the crowd. People were drunk. They were dancing. They were gossiping about tonight's play. They were yelling Seiya's name. I tried not to think about it as I heard his voice rising through the noise of the party.

"You think you know everything, but do you see me bite my lips—?"

"Where are we going?" Rei yelled from behind me.

"Upstairs!" I replied, finally reaching the stairs that would take us to the upper loft.

Rei still seemed agitated, almost impatient, and I was worried about her being in such a crazy environment when she was obviously still emotionally overwhelmed. I heard a group of girls screaming Seiya's name and I tightened my hand around Rei's wrist.

"You keep fighting me, but my eyes are free—Do you know who tender kisses are for—?"

"Remember when we would come here in ninth grade?" I hollered over my shoulder, attempting to block out the image of screaming girls flinging themselves at my rock star boyfriend as we climbed the stairs.

Rei shrugged. "I guess," was her only reply.

"Reveal to me where tender kisses land, on tainted skin—is this what sin feels like?"

We reached the upper-deck of the warehouse and I instantly saw Seiya on an impromptu stage, singing wildly into a microphone. I couldn't stop the excitement I felt at seeing him up there in nice black slacks with no shirt on. He was sweating. He was a rock star. He was my boyfriend.

Kind of.

I suddenly felt a very strong pat on my back and I heard Makoto's thunderous voice come from behind, "You'll NEVER believe what I just saw!"

I swirled around to face her, honestly grateful to see that she looked healthy and happy, despite what I had heard about her fainting spell. She waved at Rei and Rei actually smiled at her.

Minako popped up abruptly behind Mako, her eyes narrowed suspiciously at her tall, brunette friend. "Don't believe a word she says!" she hissed.

Mako winked at me confidently and swung an arm around Minako's shoulders. "Come on, don't try to deny it. I happen to know for a FACT, that Minako was recently spotted in a secluded corner MAKING OUT with Yaten. She's been doing it ALL NIGHT LONG," Mako stated bluntly, grinning at me through the shrieks of denial that Minako began spewing.

"I have NOT been doing any such thing!" Minako cried, pushing Mako away and pacing back and forth. She tossed her golden ponytail over one shoulder indignantly, looking just like the actress she was. "Can't a girl SIT on a guy's lap without the world coming to an end? I swear, it's like MINAKO what are you doooing on Yaten's lap? And I'm like, HELLO? I'm sitting. Is that A CRIME? We're not having SEX in front of you, we are just SITTING together. And so what if we kissed? That's not MAKING OUT ALL NIGHT LONG MAKO!"

I started laughing out loud, forgetting for an instant, that my stomach was squirming. Minako was strutting around, continuing her raving. Mako and I were laughing too hard to speak. Somewhere between my giggles I noticed Rei, who remained strictly standing, arms folded, her eyes holding an unplaceable anger. Seeing the misery so clearly written in that violet gaze made my laughter die down softly. I tried smiling at Rei but she continued her frowning.

I knew I had to make more of an effort to bring her into our conversations—to make her feel like she was part of our group again. It was my responsibility; I had invited her.

"So was Mamoru at your dad's party?" I blurted out suddenly, dragging my eyes away from her and back to Seiya, who I secretly hoped would be looking in my direction. He wasn't. It took me a few seconds to really realize what I had asked but by then the words had been swallowed up into the hum of the crowd. I looked to see Rei's reaction and the expression on her face made me regret what I said almost instantly although I wasn't sure why.

"Mamoru is a bastard."

I giggled nervously, trying to figure out if she was being honest or not.

"He makes me laugh," I replied vacantly.

"Mamoru? He's hot," Minako interjected, suddenly becoming interested in our conversation and dropping her raving about Yaten.

"And rich," Mako pointed out, nudging me in the ribs.

"He's fucking my soon-to-be step mother," Rei interrupted, scowling, "He's a bastard. And he's a bastard that's completely hung up on you, Usagi."

I eyed Rei cautiously while playing with the end of my hair with one hand. I had known Mamoru for almost four years now but I had never suspected him having any feelings for me. Unless, of course, that feeling was annoyance, which he often expressed was my most prominent effect. And since when did Rei become so blunt? Was she drunk?

"What! No way," Minako argued. "He's just flirtatious. Plus I've heard he sleeps with everyone…"

"Sounds like you," Rei shot back, glaring at Minako.

"Excuse me?" Minako barked, "That is none of your business."

I coughed, trying to stop the heated moment between my two friends. "Rei, what makes you think Mamoru is…?" I trailed off, unable to finish. I was trying to appear nonchalant but was failing miserably. Already my fingers were twirling the ends of my hair fretfully around and around again.

"It's obvious, baka. He's like a puppy that follows you around." She said, turning her glare away from Minako and back to me. "But I swear to God Usagi, if you even start… He's a rich son-of-a-bitch playboy," she warned.

I shut my mouth to force myself from asking anymore questions. I was already pushing the limit with Rei. If I wanted to keep her talking with me then I had to change the subject again.

Suddenly I noticed Ami come stumbling out of the mess of the dance floor. She was wearing an overly large wool coat and had dark circles under her eyes. I waved at her and she waved back meekly as she headed over towards us.

"I thought you weren't coming tonight," I said loudly over the roar of a new song, which sent the crowd into a round of wild hollers.

Ami shrugged half-heartedly as if that was offering any kind of answer. When she saw that I wasn't satisfied she said, "We all have to celebrate Minako's success, don't we?"

Minako grinned proudly. "Indeed we do. I was fabulous after all."

I noticed Rei roll her eyes and then Ami said, "Almost everybody in here is screaming Seiya's name."

"Who the hell is Seiya?" Rei asked.

I sighed, letting the ends of my hair go and muttered, "Just this guy I'm seeing."

"Whatever. He's totally your boyfriend," Minako declared, smiling at me and batting her eyelashes.

"You have a boyfriend?" Rei demanded.

I looked towards Mako for support while shifting around uncomfortably. "Well, sort of."

"He's in the band," Mako piped up.

"Your boyfriend is a rock star?" Rei scoffed, smirking at me. "God Usagi, could you become anymore of a cliché?"

"He's not really my boyfriend," I said defensively, looking towards the throbbing dance crowd. "He just kind of… you know…"

"Are you sleeping with him?" Rei asked pointedly, interrupting me.

I sat there for a full ten seconds dumbly, unable to answer her question. I could see the judgment laced in her eyes. That pitted stare reminded me of someone, and with a sickening lurch in my stomach I knew it was Mamoru I was thinking of. He, too, had thought I was foolish for being with Seiya. Of course, neither of them knew Seiya like I did, or the way he made me feel. But somehow, with her glare piercing into my inner doubts about my relationship with Seiya, I felt small and unsure. The worm of doubt I tried to suppress started eating away at my stomach and I knew I needed to see Seiya, to be in his arms again to make this feeling go away. I noticed that Minako and Mako had fallen silent and were waiting attentively for my response as well. In fact, several people around us had done the same, watching me for some sort of answer. As dozens of eyes flooded my field of vision I suddenly didn't feel like I could take it anymore.

"I have to go," I said quietly, turning away from everyone looking at me.

"She's off again," I heard Mako mutter.

"Where are you going…?" Minako called but by then I was out of arms reach and weeding my way through all the people dancing, jumping, thrashing around. I headed towards the stage, where Seiya was alive in front of the crowd—sexy and unattainable to the dozens of girls surrounding him.

Except me.

I smiled up at him and he caught my eye. "I love you!" he yelled spontaneously into the microphone and everyone around me exploded into cheers. Even as the girls around him screamed "I love you" back, he kept his eyes pinned on mine. He loved me. There was no doubt about that, was there?

Seiya smiled confidently and I tried to smile back at him, letting the music fill up the noise in my head. But my insides were in knots.

What was wrong with me?

I waited outside for him.

It was freezing, of course, and I wasn't dressed for the weather at all. I cursed my choice of clothing, a short skirt with pumps, as I absentmindedly aligned the heels of my shoes with the cracks in the pavement.

"Hey there gorgeous," a voice said.

I turned to see Seiya come outside, wearing a hooded sweatshirt with his nice slacks. He was grinning at me and breathing deeply, surely from all the singing he had been doing.

"Hi."

He wrapped his long and lean arms around me and for one brief moment I felt warm and safe in them. But then he let go.

"How's my babe?" Seiya asked, rocking back and forth onto the balls of his feet. He was full of energy, his eyes alight with the liveliness of living his dream. I watched as he tapped his fingers together, drumming them to an imaginary tune I would never hear.

"I'm cold," I said, debating whether I should tell him about my other mixed up emotions. "I'm worried about Rei…"

"God Usagi, you are just so beautiful," he interrupted, coming up and kissing me abruptly. His warm mouth surprised me, but it was inviting and familiar. I loved the way he tasted, especially in the cold night air.

"You were great out there," I mumbled, as he kissed my cheek, my temple, my earlobe.

"Ah, jeez I know what you mean!" he said enthusiastically, smiling broadly and running his hands up and down my arms to keep me warm. "It's just… amazing! I can't describe it. Being up in front of that crowd. God. It's fucking wild."

I smiled, but my heart wasn't in it. I adored his eagerness, so fresh and young. But why, why, why couldn't I stop this feeling in the pit of my stomach? I had to say something. I had to get Rei's burning eyes out of my head.

"Seiya…" I started, shivering under his grasp. "Are you my boyfriend?"

I wanted to swallow up my words the instant they left my lips. I felt so dumb, like a little girl hopefully clinging onto a guy who could never be hers. I blushed almost instantly, and his hesitance made the pit in my stomach grow. Was he with other girls? Was I just one of many? Did he fool me into thinking I was the only one?

"I love you, Usagi," he said, not answering the question. Again his lips met mine and I got lost in their tenderness, even though his whole body was alive with energy. I didn't know what we were, but it felt so right to be in his arms it had to be something, didn't it? He broke away from me and raised an eyebrow. "You worry too much, you know that?"

"I know," I said softly, looking downward.

"Want me to walk you home before the next set?" he asked, blowing warm air into his hands and avoiding my eyes.

I paused, wondering why he thought I would be heading home already. Was it because he wanted me to go home now?

"I-uhm, no. I'm heading home with some of the girls," I lied.

"Alright. Well I'll call ya later sometime, ok? Be safe." With one last kiss, he jetted inside the warehouse doors, leaving me standing in the cold alone.

I hated the idea of leaving him at the party with tons of girls screaming his name, but for some reason I couldn't go back inside. I didn't want to face Rei or her judgments. I didn't want to deal with Ami's sullen sorrow, or Minako's need for attention. Tonight, I wanted to be with him, just him… but it seemed his music, the crowd, all the girls who worshiped him would always make him stay even when I wanted to leave.

I started walking towards my house, burying my hands into my thin navy jacket as I turned towards the empty streets of Tokyo. It was freezing outside, and trying to warm up my legs with quick strides only made my feet kept slipping on the slick pavement.

"I hate this," I muttered to nobody, tears thoughtlessly falling down my cheeks.

I thought about Seiya. He was earnest. He was charming. He was willing to say "I love you" in front of a whole screaming crowd. He was for real, he had to be. There was nothing false about being in his arms. I thought about his shining eyes, how joyful he seemed singing in front of a crowd. I thought about how eager he was to kiss me, to remind me how beautiful I was. But then why... why couldn't I officially be his? Why did I feel like he had rejected me? Why was I stuck in this limbo, walking home alone on a Friday night, thinking about everybody else he was with instead of me?

I don't know how long I kept walking, but I didn't care. I winded my way down narrow streets, avoiding the overcrowded boulevards of downtown. For some reason, I wanted to be alone.

"Hey Odango," I heard a voice call out.

I turned to see Mamoru in a sleek black car. He came to a halt in the empty street and grinned at me through his rolled down window.

I instantly started wiping the tears from my eyes, but he didn't seem to notice. "Need a ride?" he asked.

"No," I said harshly, turning away from him.

"What do you mean no? You're in a ridiculous skirt and it looks like it might rain…"

As the words left his lips I noticed a small, floating flake of snow fall in front of my eyes. I stared at it in wonderment, forgetting for a moment about my shivering, my saddening, my restless feet standing still.

"It's snowing," I mumbled, my eyes turning upward, where I saw light-colored clouds among patches of dark sky. Everything seemed lighter with the shine of the city lights hitting distant clouds, filling up the sky with a glowing quality. The snow began to fall quickly, but it took lazy paths, creating swirling patterns in the sky. Was it a coincidence? Did it usually snow in autumn? How did Mamoru always seem to find me when I was trying to be alone?

My view was suddenly obstructed when Mamoru's concerned face filled my field of vision. He had gotten out of his car and was looking at me solemnly. "Are you alright?"

I blinked up at him, and I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks. I hadn't even realized I was crying again.

"I said your name four times," he said after I remained silent.

I didn't answer, turning to see his car idly sitting in the narrow and quiet street, his headlights shining. In the path of light I could see an endless tumble of snowflakes swirling down softly before disappearing to the darkness that surrounded our feet. Was it a coincidence?

"Hey," he said again and I snapped my head to look at him. "What's wrong?"

His dark eyes seemed genuine in their concern for me, and for one brief moment I thought what it would be like to tell him everything. I had an unnerving urge to bury my face into his jacket and burrow under his strong arms to forget everything I could about my life. I wanted it. I wanted him to comfort me, even though I knew it was foolish.

But then I saw his lips fold into the smallest of smirks and instantly I recoiled from him, fixing an untiring scowl on my face. Chiba Mamoru was the last person in the world I would want to tell about the mixed tangle of emotions inside of me. He was arrogant and critical, no doubt musing about what could possibly be troubling a small and shivering high school student on a Friday night. I doubt he would even care. It was all just a game to him.

I tried to ignore the rapid thudding in my ribcage, which seemed to grow louder with every moment. As I sat there staring into his stormy eyes, I secretly longed for them to shut me up, to make my restless feet stop moving for once.

But then I turned around and started walking away from him.

"Just forget about it." I said, already walking across the street through his shining headlights. I thought about his infuriating way of picking apart my most intimate faults. I thought about that irritating smirk. I couldn't handle it tonight. Not tonight.

I felt a hand on my wrist.

He said my name, but like all the other times he had said it that night, it was lost in the fog of my mind.

"Can't you just… wait? Just wait, Usagi."

"For what?" I choked, too terrified to move from my spot and also too terrified to stay.

"You always run away… I can't…I can't keep watching you go," he said quietly. I noticed a lone snowflake fall onto the bridge of his nose. I didn't move. I didn't breath. He continued, "Do you even know what you're running away from?"

We stood there motionless, as the snow came floating down between us.

"What do you mean?" I asked, afraid of the answer.

"You really have no idea," Mamoru murmured, a sort of wonderment written across his face. It twisted into a devilish smirk. "I swear to God Usagi, you're so stupid."

I furrowed my brows, unwilling to look at him with that self-importance smeared across his face and dripping down the corner of his lips. He was basically oozing with the kind of chilling confidence that made my head spin. How could he speak so personally about me? How could he think it's a game, even now, as I was standing there almost crying in the middle of the street?

I wanted to say something. I wanted to shut up this quality running in the back of my mind. I wanted to make him stop.

But he kept going.

"Not only are you stupid," Mamoru drawled sardonically, "But you pout. Constantly. You're doing it now."

"I'm not," I said, biting back tears.

"You are. You're almost crying."

"Well what do you expect from me Mamoru?" I yelled suddenly, the anger creeping on me without me even realizing, "Whenever you show up you're a complete asshole to me. You act so arrogant I can't stand it. You know NOTHING about me!"

"I know more than you would think," he said, ignoring my overly emotional response.

"Don't even kid yourself! You think I'm just a stupid, careless rich girl with a beautiful life."

"You are."

"You don't know the first thing about my problems," I snapped, my eyes involuntarily flooding with tears as I thought about Rei and Seiya.

"Problems?" And he laughed.

I hated that laugh. I hated it. I hated it.

"Yes."

He set his eyes on mine, his grin fading as he realized how serious I was about all of this. He sighed and finally said, "Tell me them, then."

"Excuse me?"

"Tell me your problems. If they are so tragic, then spill them out. Let's hear it."

"Shut up," I said loudly, realizing that he was mocking me once again, "I'm not telling you anything."

"That's because you have nothing to tell," he started smugly. "You are a stupid, careless rich girl with a beautiful life. You have two loving parents. A multitude of friends. And a type of power over every room you enter that anybody would envy."

I opened my mouth to reply but then shut it. His voice had taken on an indisputable quality that caught me off guard. I studied his stance, which had suddenly become more flustered as he shoved hands into pockets only to remove them moments later. When he started pacing I realized that he had wanted to say this to me for a long time. And even though I tried to tell myself that I didn't care, that what he thought of me meant nothing… I couldn't help it. I did care.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I ventured quietly, keeping my eyes pinned on his agitated gaze, which couldn't seem to stay on mine for more than a brief moment.

"Don't you notice that every time you enter a room, people are looking at you? They nearly flock to you for God's sake. Are you that oblivious? You're only 17 and you could have any guy you wanted."

I took in a deep breath, trying to disregard the severity of his words but not being able to. I ran them over and over again in my mind, distantly knowing that he wasn't just talking senselessly. Seiya's gaze was in my mind, pinned on me among a crowd screaming girls. If I could really have any guy I wanted, then why didn't I have him? Rei was in my mind too, saying "he's completely hung up on you… he's like a puppy that follows you around…"

"And you?" I asked, my voice floating among the snow in Mamoru's headlights.

"What about me?" He croaked, suddenly falling still in his movements and landing his eyes somewhere near my left foot.

"Any guy I wanted? Does that include you, Mamoru?" My mouth was moving but my thoughts seemed to wander down with the light pattern of the falling snow. It wasn't until I turned to see him that I knew my question hadn't sounded all that innocent. I watched as Mamoru's eyes widened and he darted them to my face and then back to my foot.

There was a moment between us where I sat frozen for his eyes to meet mine again. I stood there, shivering and wondering if I had crossed the line, if he would look up at me and say "yes" and how could I react to that? I squirmed around uncomfortably until his response came from his bowed head, muffled by his jacket collar.

"No, of course not," he said roughly, his head snapping up suddenly and meeting my gaze. The look in his eyes scared me. There was a type of contempt I hadn't seen before, although I wasn't sure who or what it was directed towards. That one wild look, paired with the delicate flurries of snow made my stomach do a flip.

I recognized the heavy rush of emotion that came itching in the palm of my hands after the typical flip of my stomach. I never knew how to react to this onslaught of longing for him, which seemed to crawl out of some pit in my ribcage that I never knew existed. His narrowed eyes and vexing glare made me want to start screaming radically—to make the game we play together finally end. I wanted to transform that hostile response into some made-up reality in my mind where he and I could be more than sparring partners, where I could honestly tell him my so-called problems and curl up underneath that crooked grin. But it seemed, the only way I could react to this disturbing hunger was to bite back tears and let confused, fumbled words fall from my lips into his hands so he could throw them back at me with the cunning wit that so infuriated me.

He was still glaring at me, waiting for a response. And with a wavering reluctance I relented to our tendency to fight instead of ever scratching below the surface of our relationship. "Well, if I can't have you then I guess your theory is bullshit," I said, secretly thinking the same thing about Seiya.

It was quiet a moment. Mamoru was back to pacing. He started to say something but stopped. When he turned to face me again, the same wild animal was alive in gaze, scaring me once again with my reaction to it.

"You really don't see it, do you?" He said loudly.

"That's because it's BULLSHIT," I said just as loudly, meeting that unbearable gaze with the only stubborn determination I knew how to deliver. Inside, the thundering in my ribcage was deafening.

"That's what's so goddamn annoying about you!" he yelled.

I blinked back tears, feeling the weight of his words hit me. He wasn't kidding this time. There was no sparkle in his dark gaze, nothing at all but a scary display of honesty, the type of honesty I knew I couldn't carelessly disregard like normal. It wasn't easy for me to even utter a reply so severe was my desire to run away, to leave him standing in the snow. But, like he had said earlier, I wouldn't know what I was running from.

Was I too scared to find out?

With a voice clouded with tears I managed a hurtful, "What?"

"God Usagi, you could have anything! Don't you even realize it?! The whole world could be yours with a simple flick of your wrist. And the most infuriating thing about it is that you don't even give a damn. You don't even NOTICE! You're so goddamn careless that you go on with your life, hardly glancing at those of us who hang onto every word you utter. And then you waste your time with losers like what's-his-name Seiya who won't even give you what you deserve. You have no understanding of the power you possess over anyone!"

"If that's true," I cried, my vision becoming increasingly blurry as I tried to fight what he was saying. "Then why can't I make you stop?! What have I done to you, Mamoru?"

"That's just it!" He yelled frantically, pumping one fist in the air for emphasis, "You haven't done anything. You're so goddamn innocent you have no idea… you have no idea…"

"Mamoru…" I pleaded, needing something… someone to hold onto. My whole head was spinning. How did things get so escalated so quickly? What were we even yelling about anymore?

"Stop. Usagi. I just… I can't… I can't stand to be around you right now."

Those words were harsh. If I stopped for even a moment I didn't know if I would be able to handle them. "I don't understand, Mamoru…"

"Say my name one more time Usagi and I swear to God… I'll lose it."

My head snapped upwards and I drew in a ragged breath. He was challenging me and I was sick of it. I was sick of the games. I wanted an answer.

"Why can't I say your name MA-MO-RU?!"

He closed the gap between us in two quick strides. His hands came up to my face, holding me pinned in his grasp, our noses touching. I had to stand on my tiptoes to meet his disarming stare, so intensely situated on me I had to turn my eyes downward to avoid the heat that was creeping into every inch of my body, making the tips of fingers tingle. And that's when I noticed his mouth, primly in view under my long lashes. He was waiting for me. Even though his whole body was shaking, he was waiting for my response.

"Say it again, Usagi," he said, his voice trembling almost as much as his fingertips.

Distantly I realized that this entire time he had been talking about himself. That the whole reason he was yelling at me was because he…

A snowflake fell.

It landed on his bottom lip.

"Mamoru," I whispered.

And he kissed me.

A/N:

O

M

G

I am going to burst. I must do some inner fan girl dancing…

Omgomgomgomgomgomgomg.

…

does a twirl

k. I'm done.

Now it's your turn. REVIEW DAMNIT. Before I go crazy. Before you go crazy. I really do like Seiya so I don't want him to come off as an evil guy. He's just... easily distracted haha. Hmm, what do you think?

Next up is Mamoru and trust me…. I'll continue on just where I left off ;-)