Laughter of the Broken
"Speaking"
'Thinking'
"Demon/Summons speaking"
'Demon/Summons thinking'
A/N: Ok, first off you guys are FREAKING AWESOME! Your reviews seriously make me feel like I'm on top of the world! As such, I'd like to thank and reply to some of the ones who have written.
The Fanfic Stealer: Thanks for telling me that little tidbit of information, because seriously, I always thought it was. Now why did Mr. N-Stache use it though? Eh.
Tristan76: Seriously? My fic is that funny? Damn, better be careful with this power or people are gonna end up in hospitals dead with smiles on their faces! Then there would be an investigation… which means they'd find this story.. then they'd find me… I'm gonna need a safehouse, some fake I.D's and an abandoned doughnut factory.
Sage of Asgard: Thank you oh blessed one for this bountiful harvest of pancakes!
And Starfire99: Eh hehehe… Didn't notice I spelled Temari wrong but is it really that big a deal I put Subaku before her name? I mean, there are plenty of other stories that do the same thing I did but I've never seen someone call them out on it.
Mellowsmilie:… I can understand your want to make love to a schoolboy… and did you just call me Mr. Slave?... Oh my god its Kurumu!... Or something close to that! Run for it Ko!
Ok now that that's done… LETS GO! TO THE FANFIC! *Starts spinning the world of LotB*
Feeling dizzy, sick and extremely disoriented a certain warrior stopped and clutched his head,
Ko, seeing Senso had stopped walking next to him, turned to his brother figure. "Eh? Whats wrong with you Sens? Asked the child familiar.
Senso merely rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms before he glared up into the sky. "Some fucking asshole thought it would be funny to spin the fucking universe!" he shouted at the blue sky angrily.
"Uh… are you sure we should be breaking the fourth wall this early in the chapter?" asked Ko nervously.
"Pfft, like it matters, damn moron probably thought it'd be funny and just added it in," Senso responded as he started to walk again. Unfortunately, the writer decided that the character should learn his place and proceeded to exact their revenge.
A whistling sound could be heard, steadily getting louder andlouder. Confused Senso and Ko looked up and saw… well they saw a really big rock falling towards them… I mean, it was a freaking big rock! Like fucking humongous! I mean this rock was just so-
SMASH!
The writer is cutoff as the big rock (Fucking huge rock! I mean click-click ok I'll be quiet now...) landed directly on top of Senso while it completely missed Ko by an actual centimeter. On the rock were four simple words.
GET ON WITH IT!
Ko blinked before he laughed, completely unaware of the hand that was trying to claw its way out from under the rock.
When he finally did notice, he saw a very pissed Senso, well he saw the war clone's right arm and shoulder along with his furious face that was covered in dirt and some bruises. "If you're done laughing how bout you get this thing off of me!" he shouted.
Ko just smiled and approached the rock. Clapping his hands together, the child started to gather chakra to his hands and, slowly, metal gloves appeared over his hands along with claws over his nails. Finishing the weapon was an extremely long chain made of bladed links that connected both gloves. Grinning, Ko reared back with both fists and stood back on his left foot, the right ready to step forward. Senso watched in anticipation as Ko's face became neutral, his eyes closed and body still as a statue. Then…
Tanned eyelids snapped open to reveal piercing blue eyes. "HYYOOSSSHAAA!" Ko yelled as he stepped forward and his fists connected with the boulder. "Ko's Big Attack! Double Power Punch!" yelled the young man, and with that exclamation, the boulder shattered into gravel and scattered all over the place. Senso grunted a thanks while getting up. Ko just shrugged and started walking again before he stopped and turned around. "What were we doing again?" he asked in an innocent voice.
Senso merely rolled his eyes and picked the smaller familiar up by the back of his shirt and placed him on his shoulder. "We're collecting information, remember? Boss said to get any and all information on any possible opponents he'll be facing while he goes to meet his new sensei for the next three weeks while the Scarecrow trains the Uchiha," Senso responded.
Ko blinked before grinning then nodding his head in understanding. "So who should we look for first?" asked the child.
Senso just smirked as they continued to walk along the back roads of Konoha. "Tenten is off limits because she's family so no luck there. Shikamaru is just smart with his family's jutsu so that's easy," he began listing off the contestants, "Shino will be a bigger problem so we definitely need to watch him. That Kankuro kid is a puppetmaster so all we gotta do is smash the puppet, most likely just summon the hyenas to take him so again, no problems,"
"So we're going to go and spy on the bug guy, the mummy, the insane sandman and the princess with the blind eyes," Ko affirmed, nodding to himself. "Right then! Who do we go after first?" he asked excitedly.
Senso stopped in the middle of the street and was silent as a blank expression came over his face. Ko thought he was thinking, but that was all shattered when Senso gave a cry of frustration.
"WHERE THE HECK ARE WE GONNA FIND THESE GUYS?" he screamed.
Ko merely laughed before patting the warrior's head happily. "No worries Sens! I'll get us there easy!" he said.
"Yes!" Senso said in agreement, the fires of renewed determination now in his eyes. "Alright Ko! Lead me to our first target!"
"You got it! Go that way!" Ko said, pointing at a building to their right. With an excited grin, Senso dashed in the direction before smashing through the wall, leaving behind human shaped outlines and echoes of Ko's laughter.
Hot springs
"Ah," sighed a female voice as she slid into the warm outdoor springs of Konoha. "Nothing like a nice soak to relieve the stress of the day, right Kimiko?" asked the woman to her friend.
"No doubt, but I can think of several other things that can relieve the stress just as good, Shina," said another female voice.
"Hm? Like what?" Shina asked. Her friend replied by splashing her in the face with the hot spring water. For the next few minutes the two girls engaged in a splash war, both shrieking and giggling and neither aware of the perverted cackling and furious scribbling of a pencil on paper that came from behind the fence.
"This is perfect! Just perfect!" giggled the man that was peeping on the girls as he continued to scribble away in his notebook. "Ooooh! Very nice indeed! Easiy D! Maybe even G!" he giggled again while he wrote, completely oblivious to the two people behind him.
"Having fun Chie?" asked a voice with amusement. Chie stopped his writing as he recognized the voice and turned to greet it, only to pale at finding out who was with the voice.
Standing there was Naruto Uzumaki grinning like there was no tomorrow. That in its own right is unnerving but it was the person, or rather, woman next to him that had Chie sweating bullets.
"Yes Chie, are you enjoying yourself? Asked the voice of Anko, it's sickeningly sweet tone doing nothing to hide her obvious fury and desire to murder the clone.
"Also, why aren't you helping Tenten train? I distinctly remember promising her that YOU would help her with her swordsmanship and her upcoming battle with the Nara?" asked Naruto, tapping his chin with one of the needles in his glove. "My mind must be screwing me with me again because I also remember going to check on Tenten's training but instead I found her angrily attacking a training dummy that was in the distinct likeliness of you, but that's just silly!"
If Chie had been sweating bullets before, now he was sweating guns. Being the embodiment of logic, he knew that his best chance was to offer a reasonable explanation as to why he wasn't training Tenten and why he was peeping instead. Unfortunately, Naruto was insane and Anko hated peeping toms. So the only logical conclusion Chie could reach was this.
Run or be subjugated to extreme pain.
"Well the reason I'm here and not with Ten- CHANCE!" he started before shouting and vanishing into his shadow.
Naruto just grinned before shaking his head. Anko however frowned in annoyance that her prey escaped and was about to track him down when Naruto's voice stopped her, "No need to even worry about it Hebi-hime," he chuckled.
Anko gave the man a disbelieving look. "You're really gonna let him go just like that?" she asked.
Naruto just laughed before he started walking again. "Chie won't be coming back here and he'll most likely head back to Tenten. If he doesn't, Vixen-chan will find him," Anko blinked before she cackled evilly. In any event, that pervert was gonna get what was coming to him. Running to catch up to her companion, Anko fell in step beside Naruto. "So why are we at the hotsprings anyway? You're not trying to look at me naked are you Naruto-kun?" she asked seductively.
Naruto chuckled before turning to her. "Trust me, I'll see that soon enough,"
Anko blinked and scowled at him, "And why is that?" she swore that if he said anything about her being easy, he'd get it good.
"Because you interest me, and I'm gonna make you interested in me," he said casually. Anko, not expecting that response just blinked with confusion stamped on her face. "As for why we're here, Kakashi said my new sensei would be here, more specifically, next to the women's hotsprings,"
Anko growled as she heard that, "I still can't believe that bastard left both of= his students just to train the Uchiha," she spat the name like it was poison. Anko had little love for the late clan. "And he even has the gall to just ship you off to find some pervert! How do we know this guy will even have anything to teach you?" she ranted.
Naruto just shrugged, "Sasuke needs the help more than I do and the pink banshee's a failure, I'm pretty sure Kakashi's waiting for her to either die or give up," here Naruto grinned, "I've got a betting pool on her dieing, you want in?" he asked.
Anko looked surprised before she smirked. "I'll bet five hundred that she gives up," she said with a smug grin.
Naruto laughed at that with Anko soon following suit. They spent another ten to twenty minutes searching for what may be Naruto's teacher but alas, no luck. They had spent most of the morning searching for this guy before finding Chie, and had only found the geta wearing familiar because of his perverse giggling. That had been a clue given to them by Kakashi.
"God damnit!" Anko finally exploded in annoyance. "We've searched everywhere for this guy! I'm starting to think the Cyclops sent us on a wild goose chase!"
Naruto merely shrugged, "Kakashi said to check out areas where women are either naked or wearing little clothing, follow the sounds of perverse giggling and if in none of those places, head to the bars,"
"It would have been better if he gave us an actual description of the guy!" Anko shouted, "All he gave us was the description of every pervert known to man! Oh wait not every pervert," she said sarcastically, "no he gave us the description of the SUPER PERVERT!" the purple haired woman then proceeded to cross her arms and scowl into space, lost in her own little world of how she was going to kill Kakashi.
Naruto stared at her for a minute before a devilish smile came to his face and a scary glint entered his eyes. "Kukuku…" that… Kukuku… just might work," he whispered to himself. Quickly putting on his usual smirk, the grey haired boy quickly walked up to Anko.
Sensing someone behind her Anko quickly turned to see Naruto right behind her. "Hebi-hime, I think this search has got you a little stressed out," he whispered to her. Anko blinked and was about to respond that she felt fine when the man in front of her spoke again, "Why don't we take a dip in the hot springs in one of the private baths?" he suggested with a small smirk.
Anko's eyes widened slightly at that, She felt her face heat up, her heart beat a little faster and her breathing become a little erratic. Somehow, she was still able to grin and say, "Sounds good to me!"
Private Hotspring
These kinds of places were rented out mostly to couples, private partys or those who were self conscious but still loved a good soak now and again. As such, the private bathing areas of the hotsprings cost quite the pretty penny. Yet Naruto, an orphan, hated by the majority of the village people was casually seated in the hotspring, waiting for a certain purple haired kunoichi to come out and join him.
Now you must be asking, how in the hell does someone like Naruto afford this? Doesn't he live in the Forest of Death, making him essentially homeless? The answer is quite simple. Naruto's a terrifying psychopath willing to kill anyone to get what he wants… ok most anyone, there were a few exceptions. As such, the blonde merely threatened the place's owner and voila! Instant hot spring relaxation at half price!
'Wonder if threatening to use his arteries as ramen noodles was a little to far… wonder how that tastes?' thought the demon boy. As he sat there thinking about cannibalism, Naruto completely missed the entrance of a certain woman. He did however, feel the presence of someone behind him.
Tilting his head back the grey haired boy let a grin form on his face as he stared at the upside down and smirking face of a towel clad Anko. "Enjoying the view?" she asked casually.
Naruto chuckled at her and shifted over to the right to make room for the woman. "I always enjoy the view my little viper, so long as it something that interests me," he replied as the woman slipped off her towel and tossed it into the man's face.
Naruto laughed as he removed the towel to see Anko had already submerged her more intimate parts by the water. "Aw that's hardly fair Anko-chan," he said in a mock pout.
"Neither is having sex in my tower without telling me," she shot back with a grin.
"And how exactly did you find out about that?" he asked before a lecherous smile came to his face, "Sounds like someone's been peeping," he giggled, "You know, we would have asked you to join us," he stated.
Anko turned crimson at that. Kyuubi had said almost the same thing except she had included a few… details. She shook her head a bit at that, what the hell was wrong with her? She was Anko Mitarashi damnit! Yet every time this insane little gaki and his vixen have the audacity to make her blush like some prim and proper little princess with their invitation! Besides, Anko does not share what is hers, and if she does SHE takes the longest turn!
She glanced over at Naruto who seemed to be dozing off. This got her a little more peeved. That bastard! He gets all suggestive with his offer to bathe privately together and he has the balls to fall asleep in her naked glory? Oh fuck no! Time to show this brat his place!
Slowly, Anko started to rise out of the water, the slight sounds of disturbed water not escaping the enhanced hearing of our psychopathic hero. Curious, Naruto looked over and his eyes nearly popped out of his head, for before him was a sight any hot blooded male would kill to see.
Anko stood tall, her body glistening from the reflection of light on her soaked naked body, and oh what a body it was! Fair unblemished skin coupled with a flat stomach and legs that seemed to stretch for miles. Couple with this nice full breasts with cute pink nipples and a neat and a neat and trim… well lets just say Anko was a naturally purple haired woman. All of this provides quite the image and Naruto, well all he could really do was stare in amazement and no small amount of perversion.
Anko slowly approached Naruto in a way he never imagined possible. The phrase "with a sway that should be illegal" failed to describe the way she approached him in. In a sense, it was almost like she was slithering/dancing closer to him, her entire body shifting and swaying ever so slightly as she approached, a sexy smirk on her face.
Anko reached her target and bent over to look into Naruto's eyes, her arms pushing her impressive bust up for the demon boy's viewing pleasure. Slowly her left hand came up and wiped above Naruto's upper lip, before coming back with her digits the color of crimson.
"Having pervy thoughts Foxy-kun?" she purred. The grey haired male blinked before feeling where she had, and coming away with slightly red hands.
He had a nosebleed.
He was pulled from his viewing when he heard a slight moan and sucking sound. Shifting his gaze back to original focus, he saw Anko sucking her left hand's fingers while the right, slowly caressed her body, teasing towards but never touching her most intimate of areas. With a pop, Anko released her left index finger and licked her lips as she stared at Naruto hungrily.
"Your blood is still as delicious as ever," she said softly, "It's so rich and wonderful, it makes me so…" here she trailed off as she slowly took Naruto's bloodied hand and began licking and sucking all of the precious life liquid off of it.
However before the mood could progress one single sound broke the silence.
It was a giggling sound, followed by the frantic scribbling of pen on paper.
There was a pause as Anko mentally debated between killing the hidden pervert, or continue anyway and put on a show for some lucky son of a bitch. Deciding to go with the latter, she attempted to return her ministrations, but alas, Naruto was gone.
Anko stared.
…
'Did he just?' she asked mentally.
…
"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU WITH A FUCKING SHOEHORN YOU LITTLE PISS ANT!" she roared in pure fury, the water around her literally boiling with the power of her rage.
It was at this moment a scream of terror permitted the air followed by cruel laughter and the sound of something musical and solid smacking against the skull of a human. Seconds later a man fell into the hotspring where Anko was.
Seconds after landing, the man leapt out of the water with a cry of pain from nearly being boiled alive.
The man was tall, that much was obvious. He had slightly tanned skin with a single wart on his nose and he had long spiky white hair tied in a low ponytail that reached to his lower back. If this was not strange enough, then his attire confirmed it.
He wore a red cloak with two yellow circles on the shoulders while under that he wore a short green kimono with matching loose pants and underneath that was what appeared to be fishnet armor. On his forehead was a horned head protector with the kanji for oil on it while two red streaks went under his eyes vertically. Finishing this ensemble was a pair of geta sandals and a large scroll strapped to his back.
The man groaned and sat up, completely oblivious to Anko and her fury. "God dammit!" he cursed, "Who the hell hits a guy with a bass guitar?" he muttered to himself, "And where the hell did he get it? He and that hot chick Anko were just about to become the stars of my next book!" he declared crying anime tears.
Anko immediately knew who this guy was and had already summoned a whole slew of snakes to bind the unfortunate peeper. Jiraiya, who was having trouble breathing, looked at the naked woman and immediately his eyes popped out of his head with his tongue and jaw on the floor,schooling his features, he put on a lecherous grin and cocked an eyebrow at the girl. "You know, I'm not really into this kind of stuff but if it's with you, I think I can manage," he declared.
Anko merely rolled her eyes, "Only in your dream Jiraiya," she drawled with no small amount of anger and venom in her words.
"Aha! So you have heard of me?" he declared before a giant poof of white smoke enveloped him. When it cleared, it revealed Jiraiya standing on the back of a red toad the size of a bear. "Yes! Let all evildoers quake in fear!" he declared while starting to dance, a strange kind of kabuki music playing in the back of the. "For the great toad sage has arrived! My name makes all the woman swoon and all the men bow in respect!" here he started hopping around on one sandaled foot "For I am the one, the only, the greatly respected and loved, JIRAIYA!" he yelled loudly.
Anko merely gave him a blank look and said, "Please, your just a pervert." She deadpanned.
Jiraiya took on an affronted look and yelled back, "I'm not a pervert! I'm a SUPER PERVERT!" he yelled proudly. Unfortunately, Jiraiya had just unknowingly lit a bomb with an extremely short fuse.
Naruto sat in a tree, a telescope in hand as he watched the scene unfold. He watched (and heard- the guy had a very loud voice) as Jiraiya declared himself a super pervert. A grin spread acroos his face as the snake woman then proceeded to attack Jiraiya with a… where the hell did she get that big ass rock? And what was she going to do with that curling iron?
"Huh, and they call me sadistic," Naruto said as he watched through the telescope with one hand while the other was taking notes. A high pitched shriek filled the air and Naruto grinned, "Whole new definition for the phrase hot shit," he cackled as his tail came up with a box of popcorn that soon started disappearing down the ninja's gullet. "Best plan ever," he mumbled around a mouth full of popcorn.
Couple hours later
After Anko had finished torturing Jiraiya, the two had dragged the man to a wide but shallow river with few trees growing near it. It was mostly stone and barren earth that surrounded the banks. Currently, Jiraiya was sitting on the ground in the lotus position, a bored look on his face while Naruto sat across from him. Anko stood behind the toad sage, in case he tried to run.
"Ok brat, mind telling me why you dragged me here and who the hell you are?" asked the white haired man in a bored tone.
Naruto chuckled slightly, "I dragged you here because the one eyed wonder ninja told me that you'd be my sensei for the chuunin exams," he replied evenly.
Jiraiya raised a brow at that, "And why would I do that? I've got better things to do than babysit a brat," he stated.
"Like peeking on women and couples?" asked Anko.
"Exactly, how else am I supposed to find research for my books?" Jiraiya asked while thumping his chest. Completely ignoring the murderous look from Anko, the pervert turned his gaze back to thhe grey haired boy. "Well? You going to tell me why I should help you?" he asked.
Naruto shrugged, "Hatake told me to tell you this," he cleared his throat and in an exact duplicate of Kakashi's voice said, "You owe it to his father,"
Jiraiya raised a brow and started to feel a small amount of dread build within the pit of his stomach. "And who exactly are you?" asked the white haired man. While to many it would seem he had asked it casually but to Anko, she saw the dread in it and how Jiraiya's body tensed ever so slightly.
He was nervous about the answer.
Naruto grinned. "My name is Naruto Uzumaki,"
Jiraiya stared at the demon boy with what would be the perfect poker face but on the inside he was recoiling in horror. He needed to talk to Sarutobi, but that could wait. First, he might as well give the kid some training and a piece of his heritage.
"Alright brat, I'll train you but you have to do something for me first," he stated while crossing his arms.
"While I don't really care if you watch or not, I'm pretty sure Hebi-hime doesn't want to star in your next novel, mister Icha Icha," Naruto replied while standing up before taking up a thinking pose, "Though I can't say the same for Vixen-chan," he mused.
Jiraiya blinked owlishly before a lecherous look took over his face. However the killing intent from Anko quickly made it vanish. "Nothing like that kid," he stated before removing the scroll from his back and unrolling it, "I want you to sign your name on the toad summoning scroll," he declared.
Naruto gave him a blank look, "Why would I want to do that?" he asked in a bored tone.
Jiraiya blanched at that. "What? What do you mean why?" he sputtered, "Do you know how many ninja would kill to sign a summoning contract? I'm offering you the toads here. One of the most diverse summons around! Their perfect for combat, recon and are excellent messengers!" he explained. "The toads are powerful and even the Fourth Hokage signed with them!"
Naruto merely gave him a disinterested look, "So? I already have a summoning contract," he stated causing The old man's jaw to drop.
"Already have a…?" he shook his head and frowned, "Oh yeah? Then what contract?" he demanded.
"Hyenas," Naruto stated as he laid down and stared at the sky. Anko watched with amusement as Jiraiya became more and more annoyed.
"Hyenas?" he asked, "They can't be all that great, since I've never even heard of them before, "Jiraiya stated haughtily.
Naruto sat up on his elbows and a smirk formed on his face. "I doubt Alala would take kindly to you saying that, nor would any of the other members of the pack," he stated.
Jiraiya just grinned, "Bring it on brat! I'm the Toad Sage of Mount Myoboku! These scavengers will be nothing compared to the power of the toads!' he declared confidently. 'Brat doesn't know who he's dealing with, besides there is no way he could have gotten his hands on a good contract, probably one of the lesser ones,' thought Jiraiya. He was feeling pretty good until Naruto did the handsigns and summoned a huge amount of chakra. Enough that could summon his boss toad two times.
"Summoning Jutsu! Alala!" cried Naruto as he slammed his hand on the ground. Not even an instant after his hand touched the ground did a giant poof of smoke envelop the entire area along with a gust of wind that had saplings and small trees flying out of the ground.
Shit! This thing must be huge!' Jiraiya thought as he felt the creature appear. However when the smoke cleared it revealed a figure neither Anko nor Jiraiya were expecting.
"Who dares to challenge me? Alala, mother of the Hyena and ruler of Bonde Kufa?" declared a deep but feminine voice. Towering next to Naruto was a woman about three inches taller than Jiraiya. She had richly dark skin, and she practically defined the word 'Amazon'. Her body was in perfect shape, not overly muscular or averagely fit. Her black hair was done in cornrows that reached just above her shoulder blades, but it never came in front of her face or in front of her ears. Her eyes were a light brown with a face that screamed royalty. It was as if her visage was sculpted from stone by master artisans. Her stance showed that she was a warrior and was further reinforced by her hard gaze and the eight foot spear in her left hand. This was what Anko took note of and she wasin awe of her. Jiraiya on the other hand took note of the features that most appealed to him.
As said before, Alala had a very well toned body and was very tall so she had the 'mile long legs' that went into a nice round and pert derriere. She also had the flat stomach and the icing on the cake for Jiraiya was her boobs, which were huge, firm and perky. She had a bust that could challenge Tsunade's! Another bonus was that she was wearing very little in regards to clothing. All she wore was two pieces of tan cloth that covered wrapped around her chest and kept her breasts from getting in the way while covering her lower regions was a simple loincloth of the same color. Other than that, she was wearing nothing, unless you counted the three black wood bracelets on each arm, the bone and leaf necklace, and the ivy band around her right thigh.
"I'll ask again, who challenges me?" she boomed, slamming the butt of her spear on the ground for emphasis. Seeing only an old man whose nose was bleeding profusely and a purple haired woman who seemed in awe the dark skinned woman turned her head to look down at a sitting Naruto. The demon boy merely shrugged and grinned back at her. The woman seemed to nod her head before walking forwards.
Seiing the woman approach, Jiraiya quickly wiped his face clean and grinned. "Well hello there! My name's Jiraiya and-" he was cut off as Alala just walked past him, not even sparing him a glance. She stopped in front of Anko.
"Are you the one known as Anko Mitarashi?" she asked in a much quieter voice, though it still thrummed with power.
Surprised Anko nodded with wide and slightly confused eyes. The tall woman hummed in thought as she started looking the woman up and down. She circled Anko once slowly, her eyes focused and calculating. Stopping in front of the snake summoner once more, Alala bent forward and looked Anko in the eyes.
For what seemed an eternity, Anko felt like her very being was bared before this woman, that the matriarch in front of her was judging her entire person and everything that made it what it was. In reality, only a couple of minutes had passed.
Alala then stood up and took two steps away from the other woman. Suddenly, with amazing speed, Alala swung her spear at Anko. Reacting instantly, Anko bent backwards and dodged the weapon. Straightening again. Her eyes widened when she saw Alala throw a punch at her. Acting on instinct, Anko knocked the fist away and went for a spear hand to the other woman's throat. Alala caught it and grinned at the other woman.
"I approve of this one Naruto," she declared while throwing the hand away and walking back towards a grinning Naruto.
"Course you would! She is one hell of a woman, just like you Alala," he declared. Alala smiled softly and nodded then proceeded to smack Naruto over the head with her spear.
"That's for summoning me outside of battle, I've told you countless times before, only use that much chakra for battles!" she berated a laughing Naruto.
"But I did summon you for battle," he laughed.
"Then where is my opponent?"
Naruto grinned and pointed at Jiraiya. The man then in turn smirked and began to strut up to the woman. "Listen, I know we're supposed to fight but how bout i-" the man was cut off when he had to avoid getting impaled through his abdomen by the woman's giant spear.
"Oi! I was trying to-" once again he was cut off by Alala nearly decking him in the face with a straight right, followed by her trying to trip him with her spear. Jiraiya was able to avoid her by jumping to a safe distance, but the giant woman was fast on his heels and using a rapid series of thrusts with her spear to try and impale the toad summoner. "What the hell is wrong with-," Jiraiya was cut off by the fist that buried itself in his face. The pervert was then launched back first into a tree, broke through said tree, and ended up nearly breaking his back on a rock. Alala stated to slowly walk towards his downed body.
"Quit talking and fight," she spoke in her voice that was like dull thunder, "Or stop moving and die!" she roared as she ran at her target.
While the two fought, Anko was chatting with Naruto. "So that's Alala?" she asked nonchalantly. Naaruto nodded. "And she's the Hyena boss summons?"
"Yuppers,"
Anko stared at him, "Why the hell is she a human?" she asked.
Naruto just shrugged, "Human form," he stated nonchalantly.
The special jpunin stared at Naruto. "Ok, why the hell do authors give powerful female demons and summons a human form?" she asked.
Naruto gave her an odd look, "You want to read about the main character having sex with a fox the size of a mountain?"
Anko was silent before she sighed, "Forget I asked," she muttered. It was at that moment that Jiraiya was tossed on the ground in front of the two. They stared at the twitching and broken heap that was once the super pervert.
"Ouuu…" groaned the man before giving a cry of pain as Alala slammed the blunt end of her spear into the man's crotcht.
"Next time you summon me, make it worth my while," Alala told Naruto, "And be sure to treat this one right," she said pointing at Anko.
"Of course Alala," Naruto chuckled, "Oh, what do you think of this man?" he asked pointing at Jiraiya.
She glanced at him and shrugged. "He is powerful, and very entertaining to fight," she stated.
Naruto grinned. "Good, because I'm going to be learning from him," he stated happily. Alala laughed and gave the demon boy a bone crushing hug before setting him down.
"Visit us sometime Naruto, and bring your mates," she said before vanishing in a poof of in pain Jiraiya stood up and glared at the boy.
"I am going to run you into the ground gaki," he growled.
Naruto merely grinned in response. "Then why are you standing there, let's start training,"
Later that evening
The moon was a crescent that night, but it was partially hidden by the black clouds that dotted the evening sky. High above the ground on the rooftops stood a lone figure. The figure was female, with long red hair and scowling brown eyes. Her attire was strange, it consisted of a tan tunic, a purple rope belt, a black skull cap on her head with bandages wrapped around it to keep it their. She wore the standard black shinobi sandals along with black shinobi shorts. Currently she was standing their, her eyes roving over the landscape and her right hand tapping against her thigh in a nervous tattoo.
"Damnit, where the fuck are they?" she whispered angrily to herself. She glanced down at her attire and growled, "I hate this uniform," she grumbled.
"So sorry to hear that Tayuya-chan," spoke a voice behind her. Whirling around she frowned upon coming face to face to Orochimaru's right hand man and personal sex slave.
Kabuto Yakushi.
"However, I doubt Orochimaru-sama would appreciate hearing that, especially after all the effort he made into making it for you all," Kabuto declared while adjusting his glasses.
Tayuya rolled her eyes, "Whatever, where the fuck is everyone?" she demanded. The redhead despised the man in front of her.
Kabuto just shrugged, "They're preparing for the plan of course," he stated.
"Then why the fuck am I here?" she asked angrily.
Kabuto smirked, "It's simple really, I'm here to give you your job for the invasion," he stated. He ignored Tayuya's twitching brow and continued speaking, "Now, your job is simple, after Orochimaru-sama had defeated the hokage, you will drop the barrier and vansh,"
"This doesn't seem that much different from the old plan," Tayuya stated in a bored tone.
Kabuto smirked, "Ah, but instead of coming back with us to the base, you're going to stay here," he stated.
Tayuya's jaw dropped and then she exploded on Kabuto, "Why the fuck do I have to stay in this shithole? Can't you get someone else to do it?" she demanded.
Kabuto chuckled in his throat, "No, we need you to do a very important job, a job perfect for your skills,"
Tayuya narrowed her eyes at that, "What do you mean by that?" she questioned. "I don't see how playing my flute and summoning Doki will help unless you want me to start haunting this town, and if a green and yellow van appear with a punch of hippies and a talking dog, I'm going to kill the author!" she declared.
Kabuto stared at her. "What the hell are you talking about?" he asked. "Never mind I don't care or want to know," he quickly said. "We need you for your other talent,"
Tayuya was stone walled by that one. She didn't speak but just sat there, not believing what she just heard. Kabuto smiled and kept speaking, "Orochimaru wants you to collect as many samples as you can," he stated, "If you refuse," here he gave a wicked grin, "well you can't really refuse now can you? Have them ready by the time we come for the Uchiha," with that, the twisted medical ninja vanished.
Tayuya stayed there for a moment, trying to comprehend what she had just been ordered to do. When she did, a look of utter rage crossed her face and she would have screamed to the heavens and go try and get Kabuto, but she couldn't. Instead she simply vanished into the night, leaving not a trace that anyone was there. Only the stars and moon had witnessed this event, or at least, that was what she believed.
Had the fiery tempered redhead turned back, she would have seen a figure in dark clothing crawl onto the building before standing up and smoothing out it's trenchcoat.
The figure turned it's goggled and helmeted head towards the moon and sighed, "Verdammt, but Leader will want to know," sighed the figure. Reaching into one of it's coat pockets, the man withdrew a cigarette and pulled his mask down with a free hand. Bringing the cancer stick to his lips, he lit it with a casual snap of his fingers. Cold black eyes looked towards the sky, and he exhaled a cloud of smoke.
"Lästig," he muttered before slowly sinking into his shadow.
A/N: And so the plot thickens! Next chapter the excitement comes because next time… IT'S THE CHUUNIN EXAMS! Sorry, but I can't wait anymore and I thought 'Why not just leave them with a cliffhanger after starting the first match?' then my inner hipster said, "That's so mainstream, why don't you try being original for once? Go against the flow?"… For once I decided to listen to it, because I still haven't found a way to kill it… Anyway please review! Let's go Sancho, cactuses wont rape themselves!