Hey everyone, it's been a while and I'm sorry about that I haven't been particularly well physically, but in truth I ahven't been so well mentally either. This is the first time I'm actually admitting to this, as I really don't want my family to wory. I have struggled with depression for aroundfive or six years now, and I have heard allot about mental health issues in the news lately and so wanted to do a chapter dedicated to this topic. After all Bloom is kind of badass in this fic and I wanted to address how she got that way. So please be wanred there are triggers in this, and so for those of you who don't want to read this, don't, I promise I'll try to make the next chapter much happier. Please if any of you are struggling with anything, know that you can inbox me. I tend to not talk, I want people to think I'm okay, and I guess that's something that I have to work on. So I'm really sorry for the long note and for the... Well you know, but I do feel that this is something that needs to be taken more seriously. I hope everyone of you are doing really well and hopefully are getting some lovely weather (warm or cold, whichever you prefer), and I hope to be back up and writing for you guys a little more regularly as soon as I can,
pumpkin x
Chapter 11 (I think it is at least)
Please see note above, trigger warning.
After ridding them of their clothes the females had spent allot of time shopping which meant that all the guys barring Palladium were at least a little bit pissed at me. Oh well. So I was giving them all a bit of space by going through a few boxes that were full of stuff that I had brought with me from Earth. I had magically shrunk them and shoved the boxes under the bed, which was great but since moving in with Griselda I felt a clear out would be a good idea. It had been a while. I grinned finding photo albums of me and the girls that were filled with some of the worst taken pictures of first year. I put them aside moving a couple of old scarves aside before picking up one of my oldest journals. Tears stung my eyes and I felt a little sick as I opened the cover. Inside were photos of inspirational quotes and some darker lyrics from songs that I used to listen to. When I was back on Earth I went through a particularly hard time which resulted in depression and self harm. I wasn't exactly proud of it and although I knew the others had seen the scars on my wrists, and the girls even seeing the ones on my legs, well, they never really asked and I didn't bring it up. A knock on the door brought me out of my stupor and I looked up to see my family staring at me curiously.
"May we come in?" Faragonda asked me and I nodded loking back down at the journal in my hands as they joined me sitting on the bed.
"What you got there Bloomie?" 'Thustra asked and I smiled sadly at her.
"A journal from when I was depressed. It contains loads of songs and stuff, even some of my darker thoughts from when I was right in the middle of it all. I never really wanted to be that way, and before I managed to pull myself out of it all my mind wasn't exactly filled with roses. It's kinda scrap book like on some pages 'cause sometimes I felt better venting all my negative emotions into something a little bit more creatively. Especially when I wanted to hurt myself, it helped ebb the want and although it didn't work all the time, sometimes it stopped me from doing stuff like that in that moment in time." Griselda wrapped her arms around me and I laughed a little wiping the tears away.
"It really got that bad?" Avalon asked softly and I took a deep breath looking up at them all nodding. I could see the sadness in their eyes and I knew that at one point or another each of them had gone through something similar.
"Yeah, on Earth mental health has a horrible stigma attatched to it. I don't know if that's because we don't fully understand the mind yet, or if we just have sticks up our backsides... I just didn't want to be weak anymore. It all esculated and before I knew it I was scarring myself silly, cutting deeper and deeper and that's when I went to see a professional. The advice she gave me didn't really work and I was still hitting rock bottom. It wasn't until I was laid in bed one night that I realised that I needed to stop thinking of myself as being weak, but as being strong enough to overcome it... After that I used every ounce of my stubbornness to overcome it. I want to say it was easy, but you all know I would be lying." They nodded understandingly at this and I leaned further into Griselda's hold.
"It wasn't easy, and on some days I feel as though I'm drowning instead of treading water but I'm having more better days then I am worse now. I'm not the same person I was back then. I'm stronger and I have an amazing family that let me play pranks on them." I grinned mischieviously at them and they chuckled at me, shaking their heads.
"So glad we can help." Du Four grouched without any real bite behind it. I was pretty sure they were glad that they could help, even if that meant that they were the guinea pigs. After all the only reason I was so badass and hardcore now. I didn't take everything so seriously and I was able to mess around and just relax. After I had started doing that and really tried, telling myself off and giving myself goals it made the difference. Life wasn't perfect, but it wasn't meant to be. And I was okay with that.