Hi everybody.
Sorry this chapter has taken a bit longer than the previous ones. Had a bit of trouble with part of it. Hope this makes up for it though.
Have a good day!
Excuses.
Chapter 10.
Leaving Wilson's office, House made his way to his own as quickly as his damaged leg would allow. His fellows were all on clinic duty, so he knew he was unlikely to be disturbed; nevertheless, he closed the blinds on the windows and locked the door before sitting down behind his desk. He sat in the dark, leaning back in his chair and staring at the ceiling. The pain in his thigh caused him to reach for his Vicodin bottle resting on the table. He flipped the lid off with his thumb and swallowed two of the white pills. As he waited for the painkillers to kick in, he permitted his mind to focus on Cameron.
Beautiful, sweet, intelligent Cameron. It would be a lie to say that he didn't have feelings for her. Whether he wished to act on those feelings was something else entirely.
House's mind mused on the possibility that he had misunderstood. Maybe he had gotten it wrong and she didn't really like him anymore. Maybe she truly was, as she said, 'over' him. Thinking back on his conversations with Chase and, subsequently, Wilson, House knew there was no mistake. Chase had as good as told him that Cameron still had romantic feelings for him and then Wilson's summary of his talk with Cameron had confirmed it. She liked him. He liked her. He just didn't know what to do about it.
Thinking rationally, he and Cameron were just too different to be in a relationship that any serious hope of lasting. Thinking personally, he wasn't sure he was willing to risk it. If he allowed himself to fall for her, make her the singular most important person in his life, things would never be the same. And House hated change.
If – and this was a big 'if' - he did decide to act on it, enter a relationship with her, and he ending up losing her... well, he just couldn't do it. He had already gone through that with Stacey and he had no desire to repeat the unpleasant experience.
For all the poems and prose that had been written centring on the subject of heartbreak, House, for one, couldn't see what it was about that excruciating agony that romantics believed made it poetic, made it worthy to be immortalised in script. The last thing he felt like doing after Stacey left was writing down his personal humiliation for the world to see his weakness. Quite the opposite- instead he had felt like drinking himself into oblivion and shutting out the rest of the world.
Unfortunately, his Vicodin pills (Here, House clenched his fist around the small, yellow bottle) didn't mix with vast quantities of alcohol, so, not wishing to suffer any horrible, painful complications, he contented himself with the pills, hoping the painkillers for his leg would be successful in eliminating the pain in his heart. When one didn't work, he took two, then three, until he found himself in the position of having to admit the truth- he was addicted.
And the pills had failed to make him forget the aching pain in his chest.
House pressed his hands to his eyes and slumped forwards, his elbows sharply coming into contact with the desk, causing a jolt of pain to travel up his arm. Luckily, the Vicodin he had just taken deadened this pain almost immediately.
House rested his forehead atop his folded arms and closed his eyes.
Over the past three years or so, though, he had noticed that the desperate ache didn't seem so unbearable anymore. Little by little, it appeared, his heart was healing. And the times it had felt less painful, he had observed with some interest, and rather a considerable amount of alarm, were the times when Cameron was nearby.
She was his painkiller. She made him forget. And, House realised with a shock that made his stomach plummet, he was just as addicted to her as to his Vicodin.
That fact left him with just two options. The first, and by far the least problematic, was to simply stay away from her. A Cameron detox, if you will. The only problem with that plan was that the thought was unbearable to him. He couldn't stand the idea of not seeing her every day.
The other option, it seemed was his only alternative. He could tell her what he knew about her and Chase, he could tell her that he knew that she still had feelings for him, and he could tell her he felt the same way. The pair of them could be together.
Why did that option appear to be much more difficult and dangerous than the first one?
Cameron sat up on her stool and stretched. Hearing her back crack she winced; she really shouldn't spend so long hunched over, it wasn't good for her.
She laughed ironically. Since when had something not being good for her stopped her? It hadn't done her any good to marry a dying man but she had done it. It hadn't done her any good to force House to take her on that ill-fated date, but she had done it. A child could have seen that it wasn't a good idea to force him so far out of his comfort zone. He was bound to have reacted badly- House and a restaurant with a dress code just didn't mix. She really shouldn't have been surprised when he bit her head off for trying to delve into his feelings too deeply.
She wouldn't make that mistake again.
If things did work out between her and House, which she sincerely hoped they did, she would be content to just sit with him and watch television. Go somewhere like the monster truck rally again, rather than a stuffy restaurant.
When they had gone to see the monster trucks, he had completely captivated her. He was relaxed, enjoying himself and he was fun to be with. The look on his face when watching the mechanical beasts thundering around the stadium was held in her memory forever. He was like a child, totally absorbed, in awe of his surroundings and, for a moment he was caught up in the charged atmosphere, the contagious excitement of the crowd. He was swept away and nothing else mattered. She had felt truly privileged that he had seen her as worthy to share something he loved. Cameron wanted to make him look like that. She wanted to take his pain away, if only for a second. She wanted him to love her. If only their date had gone as well as that night. If only he hadn't tried so hard to keep her at arm's length.
Cameron sighed and rubbed her eyes behind her black framed glasses. She quickly stopped that train of thought in its tracks. She could drive herself crazy with 'if only'. She had to concentrate on the facts.
Fact: their 'date' could arguably be the biggest disaster of her life.
Fact: He had done everything in his power to keep her from getting close to him.
Fact: She was in love with him.
There. There were the facts.
Now, how was she going to deal with it? She couldn't just tell him that she loved him. The straight-forward approach hadn't really had the best results in the past. She had to persuade him he wanted her, before telling him that she wanted to be with him, too.
Cameron finished setting up the test she was working on and sat motionless for a minute. Rubbing her forehead, she thought for a moment. It would be a while before any of the tests were ready to produce any conclusive results, and she decided to go and work in the ER while waiting.
She stood up from her stool and pulled her glasses off, tucking them safely into her pocket and headed out of the lab into the deserted corridor. Walking into the foyer she saw Chase entering by another corridor. He seemed to have come from the cafeteria and he had a woman with him.
Cameron watched as he walked with the woman to the elevator. Chase said something to her and she laughed. Cameron smiled. It was good to see Chase wasn't brooding. It would have made her feel dreadful if he had spent the next few months moping. As the elevator arrived, the female stepped in and pressed the button inside, still talking to Chase. The doors began to shut and Cameron heard the pair say goodbye.
Once the doors closed, Chase turned around and instantly spied Cameron standing there. He quickly broke eye contact with her and started walking quickly towards the clinic.
That's strange, Cameron thought. It wasn't like him to completely blank her. Even if they were having an argument, he would acknowledge her presence, perhaps nodding to her if he passed. Cameron strode towards him, heading him off just before the entrance to the clinic.
"Chase? Chase?"
He stopped and turned to face her, although she couldn't help noticing he didn't quite meet her eye.
"Hello Cameron. Er... how has your morning been?"
"Fine. Who was that?"
Chase's face relaxed, relieved that she hadn't come to ask him about House. Clearly House hadn't let on about what Chase had told him or Cameron hadn't seen him for a few hours. Either way, Chase seized the opportunity to start a conversation which was not about the diagnostician.
"Her name's Vikki Tatum. She's a pathologist and she started working here last week. I've just been welcoming her to the hospital." Chase answered eagerly.
"That's nice of you." Cameron still couldn't shake off the feeling that Chase wasn't meeting her gaze. "What's she like?"
"Great. Really friendly. She was a bit short with me at first but that was my fault and we've sorted it out now."
Cameron frowned slightly as Chase looked towards the clinic. His eyes darted around as she watched and she got the impression he was quite keen to be away from her. She had to admit, she was quite hurt that he wasn't making any effort to keep the conversation going. She had hoped that they could remain friends, but it appeared he wasn't really interested.
"Well, I... er... I'd better go. Patients to see, you know." Chase laughed awkwardly and reached out an arm to push open the clinic door. On an impulse, Cameron grabbed his forearm, stopping him from going in.
"Chase, please. Look at me."
He did so, reluctantly. The look in his eyes was difficult to place, it threw her off. She had expected to see anger, or sadness, but to her surprise the predominant emotion in the blue depths was... What was that? She wasn't sure. She shook it off, bringing herself back to the matter at hand.
"What's wrong? You said you would be okay with my choice. Has something changed since this morning?"
Chase flushed slightly, a rose hue creeping up from his collar, a sure sign he was flustered.
"No. No, everything's fine, Cameron. You chose House and I can accept that. I'm a grown man, and I will get over it. Nothing's wrong, Cameron." He looked into her eyes and Cameron noticed that the unrecognisable emotion was more prominent than ever. Smiling in what he clearly intended to be a reassuring way, but which, to Cameron, looked slightly manic and frightening. "It's fine." He repeated.
Cameron nodded slowly, not quite believing him but releasing his arm all the same, and watched him disappear into the clinic. She turned away and headed in the direction of the ER lost in thought.