Chapter 9: What I Didn't See

Ashley's POV

I went back to the apartment building and tried busying myself with some mindless paperwork but it is not working. I want to talk to Spencer. I need to talk to her. But I am trying to think of a starting point that will not potentially piss her off. The last thing that I want to do is make her think that I am only fishing for information. Or even worse, make her think that I am only one more person that is out to get her. I definitely do not want that to happen.

The way I see it, I am currently in a no win situation. No matter what my reasons are for showing up at her door, she is still probably going to think that there is some kind of alternative motive behind it. An alternative motive that definitely does not favor her opening up to me and me getting to know her. And it is not as if I could blame her if she did think that way.

I mean how exactly do you approach someone and try to get them to open up when there is an obvious wall that has been built up by her to protect herself from anymore pain? There is no easy way to go into this. Right now she sees me as Kyla's curious friend. And I may be curious but I am seriously reconsidering this whole friendship thing.

I don't know why, but I feel like I need to get to know her better. I feel like maybe there is something there that I am not seeing or that I just don't want to see. It's as if Spencer is trying to see where I am coming from. Trying to figure out what has me so intrigued by her mere presence. And I don't even know why. Spencer is just another girl who seemingly got dealt a rough hand in life. So, why do I feel this need to get closer? Why do I want to know everything about her? I just don't get it. Spencer has me completely enthralled and I have absolutely no idea why. I mean I have only said like ten words to this girl in three days. She obviously wants to be left alone. So why do I even care?

God this is so frustrating. It makes me want to scream. But what would be the point in that? It wouldn't actually get me over to the elevator and up to the top floor. I have been in the office for an hour now pretending to go over rental agreements and maintenance requests. Acting like I am actually doing something when all I am doing is thinking about Spencer. Then when I finally get the nerve I make it half way to the elevators and turn back. Am I seriously nervous about talking to Spencer? I do not get nervous. Ever. So what the hell is my problem?

Aiden and Kyla have been continuously calling me and I have been continuously ignoring said phone calls. I have nothing to say to them and I really do not want to hear what they have to say. All we ever do is go in a circles about this. It's getting a little repetitive and annoying. When I asked them about Spencer on Friday night, they all looked at me like I was crazy. I seriously think that they wanted it to be a dream. That they wanted Spencer to be a figment of their imagination. Funny thing is, if I hadn't been around, they probably would have tricked themselves into believing that she was a figment of their imagination. That is, until someone smacked them upside the head and told them to open their eyes.

On the outside Spencer seems tough, but on the inside, she's scared and alone. I know this because me and Spencer…we're a lot alike in that way. Maybe that's why I feel this need to be in her life. Maybe that's the reason for the connection. Yeah right, Davies. Keep dreaming. You know damn well that it is something more than that. You just can't put your finger on it. Not yet anyway. But at least I made it to her floor this time.

I am walking down the hall and the butterflies in my stomach are flying around like it's half price day at the local five and dime. My hands are shaking a little and I know that I cannot really talk to her until I get control of myself. Turning around isn't an option at this point because I have already made it to her door. What if she's not home? What if she slams the door in my face? What if she won't even open the door once she sees that it's me standing on the other side? I didn't think about that.

Jesus…stop thinking already and just fucking knock already. Stop being a baby about it and do it. You wanted to come up here. It was your choice. You can't turn away now. Nervousness or not, it is now or never.

I close my eyes, take a deep breath and lift my hand up, making a fist and knocking lightly on the door three times. Good job, Ash. Now…we wait! Or rather me and the millions of thoughts running through my mind right now wait. Wait for Spencer to come to the door just to shut me down. Wait for her to flip out on me for being Kyla's spy or something. Just waiting to be turned away and laughed at for even considering coming to talk to the town's ghost. Waiting to be….

"What do you want, Ashley?"

Jesus Christ! She scared the hell out of me. When the hell did she open the door? She's just standing in the doorway leaning against the frame with her arms crossed across her chest, wearing track pants and a black beater. Staring at me intently with eyes of indifference. Watching my every move with sheer concentration. She raises an eyebrow and stands up straight, walking slowly back into the apartment. Her eyes never leaving mine. Waiting for my response…wait…I haven't answered her yet. God I am such an idiot sometimes. She goes to close the door and I stop it with my hand.

"I'm sorry. You just caught me off guard." She opens the door back up and leans back against the frame.

"So, what do you want?"

"I just wanted to talk?" That's a great way to start things you idiot.

"About?"

"Everything that's going on." What are you a moron?

She stands straight up and uncrosses her arms. Looking at me with uncertainty in her eyes. I knew that was a dumb move. God, I wouldn't be surprised if she just sucker punched me right now. Way to be blunt Ash.

"Why? I'm sure Kyla and them have told you to stay away from me."

"Yeah…well…I'm not one for taking orders."

She smiles slightly and turns walking back into the apartment. She left the door open though so I guess I am taking that as an invitation to come in. I follow behind her and close the door quietly, taking a minute to get my thoughts together.

I walk into the living room and see her standing in front of the window, looking out over the town. The sun is beginning to set outside and she looks almost at peace. The setting sun is shining through the window, illuminating her in a silhouette of light. Delicately tracing every one of her features and encompassing every fiber of her being.

I take a minute to look at her before I move any further. I realize that I have never really noticed how beautiful she is. I never saw the softness that lies behind the confusion, anger, and pain that she carries with her as a front. I realize that I never saw Spencer for who she really is. All I saw was the girl who managed to tear a hole through this town with just her presence. I saw a girl who was seemingly out for blood. I saw a girl that was a lot like me. But I never really saw Spencer at all.

And now I cannot keep my eyes off of her. I am committing everything to memory. Carving it into my brain for future reference. Not wanting to forget what I am seeing for the first time because I know that it could very well be my last.

I walk over to the window and stand next her. My eyes never leaving her as she continues to watch the sunset. I am too scared to move. To scared to speak for fear of taking her out of this state of tranquility that she seems to be in. I can hear her breathing in and out slowly. Quietly trying to regain her self control. Lost in thought and concentration.

"I missed the sunsets." She says quietly, still staring out the window. "I used to think that with every sunset came new possibilities. A new chance to do everything over and get it right. My dad used to say that today's pains are tomorrow's triumphs." She sighs. "I'm just not so sure I believe it anymore." She turns and walks over to the couch, sitting down.

I don't say anything. I wouldn't even know what to say. I watch her sit down and look up to me. Her eyes making contact with my own. God, her eyes are amazing. Nothing can compare. I'm pretty sure that she has the bluest eyes I have ever seen. They could put the bluest ocean or the sky on the clearest day to shame. They're so deep and they say so much in just one look. I swear that I could get lost in them without even having to try.

She is staring at me with this high intensity that has just brought back all of my nerves. She pats the seat next to her on the couch.

"I won't bite Ashley." She says softly.

I walk over and sit next to her. Our eyes locked in some sort of twisted staring contest. After a few minutes, she takes a deep breath and looks away.

"What have they told you?" She asks seriously.

"Nothing." I say as she looks back over to me with one eyebrow raised. "I didn't even know you existed."

She shakes her head and lets out a light chuckle. "I guess I shouldn't be that surprised. They've worked really hard to try and forget me."

"Why?"

"When my dad died I kind of went off the tracks so to speak. I was always getting into trouble and making my mother crazy because she couldn't control me anymore. I was a daddy's girl through and through and I guess they didn't like that very much."

She sits back on the couch as I hang onto every word that she is saying. Praying that she won't stop now. Praying that she won't reconsider and think that she made a mistake by letting me in the door. Praying that she'll find a way to let me in.

"Everything got really complicated really fast and soon things spiraled out of control and I wound up in jail for something that I didn't even do. I became this town's dirty little secret and I am tired of everyone being able to have these great lives while mine has been ruined because of them." She's frustrated. Maybe I can move things along.

"Why do they hate you, Spence? I don't get it. I have been wracking my brain trying to figure out what you possibly could have done that would cause so many people to want you to disappear, and I can't come up with anything."

"Why do you care? I mean you could lose your friends for talking to me."

I look at her and wait until her gaze reaches mine. I need for her to pay attention. I need for her to hear what I have to say because they don't matter to me. Their opinion doesn't matter to me. But she does. In this moment, the only thing that matters is her.

"I don't really care if I lose them. If they can't deal then that's their problem. But with you it's different. With you I can see what lies beneath this tough exterior that you put on and I'm drawn to you. I don't know why. I just am." I say honestly.

"I don't need your sympathy, Ashley. So if that's what you're trying to give me then you can just leave now. I have…" I cut her off.

"No Spencer. That's not it at all." I pause trying to find the right words. "You and me, Spencer. We're not so different you know."

"Oh yeah…How do you figure? You don't even know me, Ashley."

"Maybe not personally. But I do know you. I know what goes on in that pretty little head of yours. I know the inner struggle that you go through every day. I know that you feel alone and frustrated. I know that you have this wall up that you won't let anybody get through. I know that you were dealt a rough hand in life, and whether you deserved it or not is irrelevant because it doesn't make it hurt any less." I pause for a minute, making sure that I still have her attention. She is staring right at me, looking into my eyes. My tone softens. "I know that underneath this tough exterior, you are still just a girl who needs to be loved. A girl who deserves to be loved regardless of what has happened." I pause again. "I know you, Spencer. I know you because three years ago I was pretty much just like you."

She looks away from me and we fall into silence. I can hear the kids outside. I can hear the ticking of the clock that is on the wall. I am acutely aware of every small sound that no one notices until they are plunged into a deafening silence.

Her brow is creased as she is thinking. She is taking the time to think about what I have just said. Taking the time to think about how we could possibly be alike in any way. And I will give her that time. I will give her the time to get her thoughts together because, if nothing else, she deserves that much. But I don't want to lose her. I realize that if she is going to open up to me, then I am going to have to open up to her and share my secrets as well. I am going to have to trust her if I am ever hoping to gain hers. She looks at me again and opens her mouth like she is going to say something, but she closes it just as fast. Maybe I'll have to start things off and there's no other way than getting right to the point.

"Spencer?" I ask softly.

She turns her head to me. "What?"

"Why is everyone afraid of you? Why were you in jail?"

There's another one for you. I will post a few more later on today :) Hope you liked it!