Clarke pushes her lips against Lexa's in a searing kiss trying to communicate the way she feels about her. Lexa sobs against her wife's lips she missed the way Clarke kissed her, she missed the way Clarke wanted her she missed them, their marriage she missed her life her happy life.
Clarke pulls back keeping her forehead against Lexa's and whispers "Give me another chance, give us another chance for better or worse remember?"
Lexa sighs and nods "In one condition"
"Anything" Clarke replies desperately.
"If it doesn't work, I'll leave Clarke it is clearly not-" Before Lexa can finish what she is saying Clarke smashes her lips against hers in a searing passionate kiss.
The kiss makes Lexa forget everything else, it feels nice to be kissed like that with fervor and passion. She missed it, she could feel Clarke's arousal but not her love.
Clarke's touches are needy in a different way, they feel void of emotions and foreign for Lexa which makes her a little bit uncomfortable.
She tries to push Clarke lightly putting her hand against Clarke's chest to pull away but Clarke won't let go of her. She even starts to guide her mouth down Lexa's body.
Clarke is putting everything in her power to show Lexa her wife how bad she wants her at the same time she is trying to thank her for giving their marriage, their relationship another chance but then she hears Lexa protesting "Clarke, please stop!"
Clarke panics, she pulls away from Lexa's body and looks up at her green eyes "Is everything ok babe?"
Lexa shakes her head "I…I'm a little bit tired" She smiles nervously at her and Clarke could tell there is more to it than just Lexa being tired.
"I just missed you, missed being intimate with you" Clarke confesses making Lexa feel guilty.
"I'm sorry"
"It's ok" Clarke reassures her wife.
"Want to cuddle? – You should go back to work" Both Clarke and Lexa say in unison and Clarke frowns "Are you sure? We just…I mean I'm not going to leave my wife to go back to work"
"It's ok Clarke, you can go I know how important it is for you and that it's a few days before the big day" Lexa replies with a smile. She wants to be alone but Clarke is afraid to leave, she doesn't want to do the same mistakes again.
"Are you sure? I can stay, nothing is more important than you…than our marriage not even my career" Clarke looks into green eyes.
"I'm good, you can go" Lexa replies because she doesn't know what else to say. She doesn't know why she feels awkward when being with Clarke. It is not the same anymore, she doesn't blame Clarke because she is clearly trying. She knows something is wrong with her too but she can't bring herself figure it out.
"Ok" Clarke simply replies before giving Lexa a sweet kiss on her cheek and leaving.
Palm Springs Hotel,
Dana wakes up and stirs, she spent a restless night with Tonya. That woman has a really good stamina and it bordered the line of a sex addict.
She is not complaining, she liked the sex as she didn't have much lately and she needed to release some tension she had but she was weirded about how shameless and easily Tonya was.
So now Dana is trying to get out of the bed without making much noise to avoid falling back in bed with that crazy woman.
However, it seems like Tonya is a light sleeper "Morning" Dana hears Tonya's morning raspy voice.
"Morning" She smiles nervously at the woman who is eyeing her lustfully while she is gathering her clothes scattered on the floor.
"Leaving already?"
"Yeah, I need to get out of this room" Dana chuckles nervously.
"But first let me order breakfast"
"I…uh, actually I want to have it with my friends…you know, the ones that came with me" Dana explains and Tonya pouts replying "Ok, give me five minutes and I'm ready to go"
Dana smiles at her nervously she feels like she is suffocating, she wants to be everywhere but with Tonya right now and the woman doesn't get it.
In one of the hotel's room, Alice wakes up hangover and it got worse when finds herself naked and a man at her side. Her eyes widen, she doesn't even remember who the naked man is. She looks for his wallet to check his ID but she finds nothing.
She tries to shake him up a little bit but the man is clearly not willing to wake up he growls at her and goes back to sleep.
The thing is that Alice doesn't take the pill anymore because she hadn't been with a man for a long time and she doesn't remember if they used a condom or not. Obviously not, as she already looked everywhere in the room for any evidence but to no avail.
Raven gets a call from Octavia, she stares at her phone for few seconds debating whether she should pick up or not. Then she decides to do it because she knows it will only make things worse if she keeps avoiding her and acting weird.
"I called to see if you're free to hang out" Octavia says shyly.
"I…well I'm back home. I left"
"Oh, ok. Then maybe when I'm back?" Octavia insists
"I'm not sure it's a good idea, O" Raven replies after a long moment of silence.
"Please, Rey!" Raven hears Octavia begging her in the way she never could resist her. However, this time Raven says nothing and keeps silent again.
"Rey" Raven hears Octavia's hesitant voice.
"I should hang up" Raven says before hanging up not waiting to hear Octavia. She doesn't want to be used by Octavia because she knows first relationships of a lesbians in a closet always end up being experimental ones. Lexa looks at her phone sadly and whispers a 'sorry'.
Palm Springs;
Alice goes back to her hotel suite but finds no one, she studies her surroundings and understands that they must have moved to another room or maybe they just left. The first thing she does is calling Raven but the brunette won't answer. So she decides to try her luck with Lexa.
"Finally" Alice lets out when Lexa picks up.
"Hey" Lexa chuckles.
"Where are you? I just came to the room but it seems that neither Raven nor you are here!" Alice asks curiously.
"Well, we left. We're back home" Lexa replies.
"Oh! Is everything alright?" Alice can feel Lexa's voice a little bit off.
"I'm fine" Lexa cuts short.
"Ok, I'll see you when I'm back" Alice adds before hanging up.
Just as Alice hangs up with Lexa, she hear a knock on the door of her hotel suite. She straightens her hair and clothes hoping that it is the man she slept with and that somehow she told him her name and where she's staying.
Unfortunately, when Alice opens the door she finds Dana.
"Dana?" She frowns.
"Hey" Dana waves nervously at her "Is Octavia here?"
"Euh..no? She's not! Why would she be here?" Alice asks confused.
"I just thought that maybe she spent the night here with you guys..I mean with Raven" Dana rectifies prompting Alice's interest.
Dana instantly regrets seeing the face Alice is making.
"No, Raven and Lexa left already" Alice smiles.
Dana quickly leaves not wanting to give Alice the time to question her about Raven and Octavia. She takes her phone and calls Octavia.
"Hey, where the hell are you?" Dana asks the second Octavia picks up.
"I…emm…having a drink, why?" Octavia stutters.
"A drink?" Dana lets out surprised "I thought you don't drink? And it is barely…Ok where are you?" Dana asks worried.
"By the swimming pool" Dana hears Octavia.
"I'm coming"
Minutes later, Dana finally spots Octavia by the swimming pool, the first thing she does it take her drink away and helps her standing up "Let's go to our room"
"Our room? You didn't spend the night there" Octavia comments tipsily.
"I know, I'll tell you about it later" Dana replies, she knows Octavia needs her now.
"I spent the night with Raven" Octavia blurs out as they get in the elevator.
Dana knows that things didn't go as Octavia wished otherwise Raven wouldn't have left and she wouldn't be dragging Octavia back to their suite away from alcohol.
After they get in and Dana helps Octavia out of her clothes and back in new ones, Octavia tells her about everything that happened with Raven since they have been kids to the last hour she talked to her on the phone and just hang up on her saying that they shouldn't hang out together.
"What should I do, Dana? I want her" Octavia pouts.
Dana smiles "You're asking the wrong girl, I've no game at all. I don't know just…tell her how you feel…for real and see what happens"
Octavia is silent for a moment then looks at Dana "I will do that" She gives her friend a firm nod.
Clarke's house;
Clarke gets home earlier than usual, she has something in mind. She wants to spend a romantic evening with Lexa and pamper her. Clarke left Lexa take a nap before leaving back to work so by now she won't be tired that's what Clarke hopes.
"Lexa!" Clarke calls out as soon as she gets in looking for her wife wanting to see her and spend some time with her but Lexa is not answering. Clarke looks for her around the house but doesn't find her then she checks by the swimming pool and finds her there earphones on and eyes closed.
Clarke tries to not startle Lexa and caresses her arm softly to get her attention. Lexa opens her eyes and finds Clarke smiling at her.
"Hey, I'm sorry I didn't hear you coming" Lexa says taking off her earphones.
"That's ok" Clarke replies before pecking her wife's lips "I'm gonna make dinner for us" Clarke smiles at Lexa she wants to pamper her tonight and have a romantic dinner as they used to have she made sure to buy Lexa's favorite scented candles and few things that may help them later that night.
"Don't!" Lexa hastily says "Raven invited me for dinner she needs someone to talk to so…I am not going to be around for dinner" Lexa says not meeting her wife's eyes.
Clarke's heart breaks she knows Lexa is lying and avoiding her and she is again using Raven. Clarke can't help feeling jealous even if she knows she shouldn't because Raven is only Lexa's friend. Well, her best friend lately and maybe Lexa is the one who needs to talk to someone, someone else than her wife. So instead of insisting she just forces a fake smile at her and leaves.
In fact, Lexa is not invited by Raven she just made up an excuse to not be alone with Clarke again who is trying to act as if nothing happened, as if they did not lose a baby. So Lexa takes her phones and texts Raven.
Lexa: I just used you as an excuse and now I'm going out.
FYI: I'm supposed to have dinner with you tonight!
The next morning;
When Clarke wakes up she is surprised to find Lexa's side of the bed empty, Lexa usually wakes up later. Clarke goes to the bathroom and showers then when she gets back to the kitchen she finds Lexa all dressed up waiting for her.
"Morning" Lexa says looking at Clarke.
"Good morning" Clarke replies feeling a sting in her heart, Lexa's voice is cold.
"I made you coffee but if you want you can joins us at the Grounders. Everyone will be there" Lexa says looking everywhere but at her wife.
Clarke clears her throat before answering "Thank you, I'll need it I have a long day ahead of me. Say hi to the girls on my behalf"
"I will" Lexa replies before leaving Clarke sipping her coffee alone in their kitchen.
Raven is more than happy to find Luna and Alice already sitting at their table, at least she won't have to deal with Octavia.
She joins her friends as promised and waits impatiently for Lexa to arrive because all Alice is talking about is the amazing sex she had during the weekend or something like that.
Raven is not focused on what the two cousins are saying. She is rather throwing glances at the café counter where Octavia is working behind and from time to time she meets her eyes but Raven is quick enough to look away not meeting her ex best friend's eyes for mlre than a second.
"God! It's going to be the hardest weeks in my life" Alice lets out anxious.
"Did you have an E.H.C?" Luna asks her cousin.
"Of course, I did. What do you think I'm that stupid?" Alice replies with a frown feeling offended.
"Well you did sleep with a stranger without using protection so yeah-"
"I was drunk" Alice interrupts defending herself.
"Thank god Tonya doesn't have a dick" Dana sighs bringing the attention to her for a second.
"Drunk or not you might be pregnant" Luna looks back at her cousin then Raven elbows her and throws her a threatening look "Lexa is coming! No baby talk or pregnancy topic"
Luna looks at Raven then at Alice "Alright! Mouth sealed" She promises.
"What did you do again All?" Lexa asks teasing her friend.
Alice smiles nervously at Lexa before saying "Nothing important" She waves it away looking at Octavia behind the café counter "I'm going to bring another coffee"
"Well good morning ladies" Lexa says confused at Alice's behavior.
"Morning Lexa" Raven and Dana replies in unison.
"Good to see you again" Luna says standing up to take Lexa in a hug "I missed you"
Raven eyes Luna behind Lexa's back hoping that she won't say anything stupid about Clarke and what happened while they were in Palm Springs.
Luna gives her friend a reassuring look, she might be angry at Clarke but she is not going to break her friend's marriage. In addition, she promised to keep her mouth shut if Clarke fixes it and she has just enough trust left to give her the benefice of the doubt.
Lexa sits with her friends with a heavy heart and the silence is awkward. Dana feels out of place so she breaks the silence "I have a girlfriend now!"
Both Raven and Luna raise their eyebrows at her and Lexa smiles weakly "Congratulations Dana"
"Why are you congratulating her?" Luna frowns.
"Well, Dana is in the closet and if she has a girlfriend now it means she is about to make her coming out to the public, right?"
Dana smiles nervously while Raven is staring daggers at her thinking that she is talking about Octavia.
"Yeah, I came out in the panel...it was..emmm...crazy! Liberating but crazy"
"Who is the lucky girl?" Luna asks.
"Tonya, of course" Dana replies shyly and Raven is confused she thought Tonya was just a one night stand.
"Ah! Tonya!" Lexa exclaims and Dana nods "I know she can be a little bit too much but she is amazing"
Raven is suddenly relieved hearing that Tonya is Dana's new girlfriend and not Octavia. She turns around when she sees Alice is walking back to their table with Octavia at her side.
She quickly pushes her chair back and stands up to leave "I'll be right back"
Raven walks barely avoiding to touch Octavia's shoulder on her way but she doesn't look at her. Octavia does, she does look into Raven's eyes trying to meet them but the older brunette walks away and Octavia knows she left because of her so she gulps the knot in the back of her throat and forces a smile to her friend Lexa "Hi Lexa"
"Hi Octavia" Lexa smiles back at her friend knowing that Octavia's smile is a fake one.
Barely a minute later, Octavia excuses herself and leaves. She wants to talk to Raven face to face. She wants to know why she is avoiding her and she wants to know why she coldly refused to hang out with her.
Octavia storms into the bathrooms and finds Raven standing at the sink looking at herself on the mirror. Raven sighs when she sees that it is Octavia who followed her into the bathroom.
First, Octavia starts by checking if there is anyone in the bathroom with them before walking back to the door and locking it. Then she looks back at Raven and breaks the silence "Look at me Rey!"
Raven shuts her eyes instead, she is tired and not ready to talk to her yet. She doesn't even know what to say or how to act around her anymore.
"I said look at me not close your eyes" Raven hears Octavia's voice getting firmer.
Raven splashes some water at her face before opening her eyes again and looking at Octavia from the mirror.
"Wow! You don't even want to look at me properly? What the fuck did I do to deserve this?" Octavia gestures at Raven but the brunette keeps silent.
"I really don't understand why you're avoiding me!" Octavia lets out hurt, Raven feels her heart aching at Octavia's tone.
A heavy silence settles between the two ex best friends. Raven is looking blankly at Octavia from the mirror not daring to meet her eyes without anything between them and Octavia is standing still behind Raven looking painfully at the woman she loves.
After a long moment Octavia adds "Do I mean that little to you? Do I even mean something to you anymore?"
Raven doesn't know what to respond. She is speechless. She feels trapped between having Octavia loving her and then getting her heart break because she might be just her first time, her experimental girlfriend helping her with transitioning into the new world and being only Octavia's friend and lose her for good.
Octavia lets out a sob not being able to contain her tears anymore. This is not what she was expecting to get before coming here after Raven.
When Raven sees Octavia's tears her heart aches and she can't stop herself from turning back and saying "Don't cry…please!"
Octavia wipes her tears and walks out of the bathroom. It takes Raven a few seconds to react and running after her.
"O please wait" Raven says to Octavia who has a hand on the doorknob of her office.
Octavia freezes before looking back at Raven. Raven can see the pain in her eyes and feels a tug in her heart a painful and guilty one "Please!" She tries again when Octavia opens the door and gets into her office leaving the door open behind her for Raven to get in.
Raven smiles happy that Octavia gave her a chance to apologize and maybe talk to her. Raven gets in and closes the door behind her looking at Octavia who is now sitting in her desk wiping her tears trying to recollect herself.
"I'm sorry!" Raven lets out softly "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you…and yes you mean to me…a lot actually and that's why I…that's why I can't just be your experiment" Raven shakes her head her own eyes start to well up in tears.
"I want more…I love you, O I really do…" Raven chuckles nervously not believing what she is saying "I love you not like we were teenagers but more…I love you and I want us to be something more than just-" Raven sighs before resuming "I wanna be more than your first experiment I wanna be more than the woman who opens your eyes to the new exciting things. I want to be your forever…why not!"
Octavia is about to speak when Raven raises her hand to stop her "I know that you'd never break my heart but I don't wanna lose my best friend I want her back. I don't want to lose my best friend again after we break up…that's it. That's why I don't want to hang out with you because I know I'll just fall harder in love with you then you'll leave me when you find the right person for you, the right woman, when you find real love"
Octavia is looking at her in disbelief, she was not expecting Raven to pour her heart and sentiment like that. In fact, she never did not even when they were teenagers. Even if Raven is clearly telling her that they can't be together, she can't help feeling relieved that she doesn't hate her. Raven loves her and she wants more but she doesn't want to lose her which means she genuinely loves her. Octavia somehow manages to keep in her mind only the positive things Raven is telling her instead of lingering on the negative ones.
Of course she wants to tell her that she is more than a first experience to her, she will never be able to break her heart because she has been in love with her since they were teenagers and that much Raven deep down knows it.
"I love you too" Octavia replies just as Raven is about to leave. Raven stops head down not facing Octavia and feeling too exhausted and ashamed to walk on her best friend the woman she loves and who loves her back.
"I'm sorry" She blurs out defeated "I can't do this…maybe one day we'll be able to be with one another without compromising our friendship"
"Raven, Please!" Octavia says and Raven shakes her head "I don't wanna lose you"
"You won't…I won't break your heart! I love you, I've always been in love with you...please stop running away from us" Octavia says while walking closer to Raven.
"You don't know that" Raven replies hastily.
"Exactly, Rey…we don't…who says that I will be the one to break your heart? Why not the other way around…after all you did, you broke my heart once when you left and here I am today again trusting you, willing to try again to give you my heart" Octavia grabs Raven's elbow to turn her so she can look at her. Raven turns but doesn't meet Octavia's eyes.
"Please" Octavia tries again "I am willing to try because I know it is going to be different"
"Different? How?" Raven asks skeptically.
"Different because I know that you love me and I love you…different because we're not teenagers anymore and different because I know what I want now" Octavia explains.
"I am not sure about that" Raven comments looking up into Octavia's eyes "what do you want O?"
Octavia looks at Raven for a moment before answering "I want you". It doesn't surprise Raven she barely reacts "I doubt that"
Octavia frowns "Why are you doing this?"
Raven sighs she doesn't want to say what she really thinks because she might hurt Octavia's feelings "I just know how this is…I've been there O! The first time it is entertaining exciting passionate but quickly you get bored and want to experience more with another girl…that's how it is and I don't want to be that girl for you"
"So you're saying that you want to be with me but not now…not as my first?" Octavia asks feeling anger boiling inside of her "So you're telling me to go fuck some random girl before going back and ask you out? Is that what you're saying because this is how it sounds"
Raven pinches the bridge of her nose and shakes her head "It's not like that…"
"Then what?"
Raven looks into her best friend's eyes for a moment. She doesn't know what to answer to that because Octavia is right, this is what she just told her and this is what she thinks. Raven nods before looking away turning her back once again to Octavia and leaving. Just as she is about to close the door behind her she hears Octavia telling her 'Fuck you'
Raven doesn't go back to the table with her friends she leaves right away and Lexa doesn't miss it. Raven knows she just hurt Octavia's feelings but she couldn't help herself. She was afraid, afraid to finally be with Octavia while she is not ready.
When she thinks about Octavia she imagines their future together filled with love and laughs of many kids around them and if she ever surrender to her lust and desire to have Octavia now, she knows she will lose her for someone else that may be part of her dream.
At the CAC; Clarke's office;
Clarke is pacing in her office revisiting the last details with Monty when Niylah shows up knocking lightly at the door's frame.
"Hey there" Both Clarke and Monty looks at the direction of the door surprised that it is Niylah. Her work was done and she shouldn't be around today. Monty raises his eyebrow at the sight of Niylah looking hungrily and shamelessly at Clarke in front of him.
"Hi" Clarke replies with a smile on her face. Niylah takes Clarke's smile for an encouragement and walks in flashing a brief smile at Monty before leaning in and placing a chaste kiss on Clarke's cheek.
Clarke blushes, she knows she shouldn't but she can't control her body. She can't control Niylah neither and she can't help her lips curving in a smile nor her heart thudding in her chest.
She looks at Monty who nods silently and walks away leaving them alone but without closing the door behind him whereas he usually does. Clarke walks to the door and closes it then looks back at Niylah "To what I owe this surprise visit?"
Niylah sits on the sofa and smirks at her "Well why don't you come and join me" She taps her hand on the sofa next to her and Clarke chuckles shyly "I don't think it is a good idea, Niylah"
Clarke walks to her desk and leans on it crossing her arms over her chest and looks at her friend silently. Her friend, this is what Niylah became because who was she kidding? Niylah is more than just a co-worker. Niylah became in a short period of time the reason Clarke found back the pleasure to wake up the morning and go to work. Of course she loves her work but Niylah became like the cherry on the cake.
"Well, I just came to talk but it seems like you're avoiding me so…emmm…I hope we'll see each other again".
Clarke again smiles at Niylah not knowing what to say, she wants to see her again but she is not sure that it is a good idea because she makes her feel things. Things, she shouldn't feeling if she really wants to save her marriage and relationship with Lexa.
Clarke sighs feeling trapped "I hope so" She lets out almost in a whisper.
"Alright" Niylah stands up and walks to the door "I guess this is it…I'll see you tonight at the opening"
"Oh, you're coming?" Clarke blurs out.
"Yeah, I wouldn't miss that. It's your big day" Niylah winks at her again before leaving. Clarke bites her lips when Monty gets in.
"Clarke!" Monty tries to have her attention.
"I…I'm sorry Monty" Clarke replies startled.
"Clarke can I talk to you honestly? I mean not as your assistant but as a friend?" Monty politely asks Clarke who frowns "Of course, go ahead" She flashes him a big smile before sitting on her chair.
"Well, I seriously think that you should avoid Niylah because she clearly wants something more from you, more than you can give her being married"
"What are you talking about?" Clarke acts like she doesn't know what Monty is talking about that her friendship with Niylah is innocent.
"I just don't want you to mess up…you may be my boss but throughout the years we've been working together I feel more like your friend so that's why I allow myself to go there and warn you to keep it in your pants at least for Lexa's sake"
Clarke looks shocked at Monty, he never talked to her this way and not only he is almost scolding her but he is stating the truth. Niylah wants more and she knows it she just doesn't want to admit it yet to not have to let her go.
"Thank you Monty for you honesty and advice but don't worry I'm not going to let Niylah ruin my marriage and…one last thing I'm keeping it in my pants" Clarke replies 'More than you think' She wants to add but refrains. Monty doesn't need to know that she didn't get laid for that long.
"I hope so" Monty comments before leaving Clarke alone with her thoughts.
Clarke can't help feeling happy after Niylah told her that she won't miss the opening night. That she will be there, Clarke wonders what Niylah is going to wear. She can't think of anything sexier than what Niylah already wore. She is always dressed nice and sexy.
Clarke spends a good hour thinking about Niylah and trying to figure out why she can't get the woman out of her head 'Am I falling out of love? Am I falling in love with Niylah? Because this is how it felt when I met Lexa. When I kissed Lexa I knew instantly that she is the one..what if when I kiss Niylah I'd feel the same? Would kissing Niylah give me an answer to that? Will kissing Niylah feel the same as when I first kissed Lexa?'
Raven's apartment;
Later that day, Lexa went to Raven's apartment to check on her. She had received a text from Clarke few minutes earlier telling her that she is home and is going to shower and get ready and asked her about her whereabouts, Lexa simply told her that she will be home in an hour or so. She needed to see Raven, she saw her walking out Octavia's office and leaving without even saying goodbye she knows something must wrong. She knows Raven might need her so she just drop by unannounced.
"Hey" Raven smiles at her best friend the second she sees her after opening the door.
"Hey" Lexa says back giving Raven a friendly hug "I hope I'm not interrupting anything'
"No, you're not" Raven reassures her while walking back to her living room.
"So are we gonna talk about it or not?"
"About what?"
"About you leaving Octavia's office in tears and not even saying good bye?"
Raven sighs "Do we really have to talk about it?"
Lexa shrugs "I don't know…I'm here in case you want to"
"What about using me as an excuse to avoid your wife?" Raven asks back.
"Well…it is not new really! I've been doing it for the past few weeks now" Lexa explains "she just…I feel like she doesn't understand me anymore she doesn't love me anymore…that's how I feel"
Raven feels her heart ache for her best friend "Did you talk to her?" Lexa nods.
"And what did she say?" Raven again. She wants to know if Clarke came clean.
"I gave her a chance…I don't know why but I couldn't not to…she was crying" Lexa looks blankly at the distance "I just hope things are going to get better even if deep down I feel like it's over"
"Don't give up so easily, Lexa" Raven takes two beers and hands one for Lexa.
"I know I shouldn't but-" Lexa shakes her head "what if she doesn't love me anymore…what if I don't love her anymore? Am I going to keep her from finding her happiness away?"
Raven gulps at Lexa's words and thoughts. Lexa already feels like Clarke is not happy anymore, she wonders if Lexa knows if she is unfaithful to her. She wonders if Clarke told Lexa that she has a crush or whatever on her co-worker.
Lexa huffs then forces a smile on her face "Let's not talk about me and my fucked up marriage. Let's talk about you and Octavia"
"Well, your marriage is not the only one fucked up. I mean I am too. I told Octavia that I'm in love with her but I don't want to be her first that I might want her but later…that she might go around then go back so we can try"
"What did you say?" Lexa lets out in disbelief.
"Yeah, I didn't phrase it like that but…it sounded like that" Raven grimaces.
"But! You weren't even drunk! What the hell was in your mind?"
"I don't know! I freaked out…she makes me do stupid things….love make me do and say stupid things" Raven takes a gulp from her beer before adding "I don't think I'd go back to the grounders ever again"
"Don't be dramatic" Lexa comments.
"Believe me it's that bad I'm not being dramatic" Raven replies.
"Ok, will I see you tonight?"
"Of course you will" Raven reassures her best friend.
"Good, I've to go back home to get ready" Lexa says putting the beer on the coffee table before leaving.
Lexa drives back home thinking about what she confessed to Raven. She might have thought and felt it but she never told anyone about her feelings concerning her marriage with Clarke.
She was a little bit shook by her own words. How did she easily admit that she thinks Clarke doesn't love her anymore and that she may let her go because she can find someone else to love.
When Lexa gets home she doesn't find Clarke anywhere and she could hear the shower on. She rushes in there in panic because it has been almost an hour and Clarke should be done showering. She finds Clarke curled into herself sitting in the corner of the shower while the water is running cold on her body. Clarke is shivering and Lexa could see the stain of her mascara and her eyes reddish. Clearly she had been crying.
Lexa feels her heart ache and quickly takes a towel and turns off the water and kneels down to help Clarke up then she covers her with the towel and Clarke leans in stealing a kiss from her wife. Feeling like she might need it to reassure her, Lexa kisses her back and wraps her arms around her rubbing her now covered back soothingly.
Clarke sobs and Lexa pulls back an arm still around the waist of her wife and cups Clarke's cheek trying to get her attention "You're exhausted?"
Clarke sniffs before nodding "I'm exhausted…I'm exhausted"
Lexa takes a deep breath and tries to give Clarke the most confident answer that may help her "I know you're exhausted but you just need to get through today and tonight and then you can crash. You deserve to just fall apart after all the hard work…ok?"
Clarke nods "I might"
"Well if you do, I'll take care of you" Lexa says and Clarke sobs again feeling guilty and not worthy of her wife.
Lexa wraps her other arm around her and hugs her tightly "You're going to be ok"
"Lexa!" Clarke lets out tired and Lexa tilts her head back to look into her wife's eyes.
"I really-" Clarke clears her throat before adding "I really want us to try again to have a baby…I want- I need us to start a family"
Lexa is taken aback by Clarke's words for a moment then she smiles at her and nods "Maybe in a couple of months, alright?"
Clarke smiles happily at her and nods, this is more than she was expecting. She wants to start a family with Lexa because she knows she is the love of her life despite the weird feelings she is having. She wants to start a family with Lexa hoping that it might bring back the passion and joy in their couple, in their life together after all the period while they were trying to have a baby, they were happy or so she thinks.
"I just need a little time and we'll do it again…now come on' let's get you out of here" Lexa says pulling Clarke with her.
The opening night at the CAC;
Barely an hour later, both Clarke and Lexa are dressed and ready to go. Clarke looks at her wife with a bright smile feeling hopeful, excited and ready as never thanks to Lexa who managed to put her back on her feet.
"You look amazing" She comments eyeing Lexa.
Lexa blushes and smiles back at her "Thanks, you look exquisite too".
Clarke leans for a chaste kiss before heading to the door "We're taking my car, is that ok with you?"
"Yeah" Lexa nods happily feeling a little bit better than earlier when she talked to Raven. Maybe if she tries again and maybe if they start a family everything will fall back into place. At least that's what she hopes.
Few minutes later, Clarke takes Lexa's hand in hers and walks proudly to CAC where a line of reporters and journalists are already waiting for her and taking photographs of the VIPs present tonight.
One of the reporters approaches Clarke and asks her about the provocation's exhibition. She takes the time to answer few questions before getting in the CAC.
The night goes perfectly well at first, Lexa feels more and more confident about her and Clarke as her wife kept squeezing her hand from time to time to get her attention and peck her lips.
Lexa also feels loved again whenever Clarke would look at her with sparkly eyes while introducing her to some of the artists as her wife. Even if she knows it is part of the show and that she is used to it. Used to be the trophy wife looking all good and smiling to the cameras, Lexa couldn't help feeling a little bit enthusiastic thinking that maybe this is what was missing. Maybe Clarke needs some changes and happy events to make her feel happy.
But then, when Niylah showed up wearing a smoking hot red dress Lexa felt a shift in Clarke's mood. She released her hand and walked to her and Lexa was forced to follow her.
Lexa didn't miss the way Niylah's hand lingers on Clarke's waist and the way she is smiling at her. She feels something familiar tugging at her heart, something she hasn't felt for a while now, jealousy.
So to make things clear Lexa wraps her arm around Clarke and kisses her temple before looking at Niylah again "Oh! I wasn't aware that you were invited"
Niylah forces a fake smile before replying "Well, Clarke was nice enough to invite me"
"Of course, I wanted you to see our work" Clarke replies and Lexa wants to punch her in the face.
"Yeah, let's say we work pretty well together, don't we?" Niylah flirts and Clarke feels her heart about to explode. This is not happening.
"Well, I'm glad you made it. I've to go Marcus is gesturing weirdly at me it might be an emergency" Clarke leaves Lexa standing with Niylah. Lexa gives Niylah a threatening look before leaving too.
Lexa sees Raven getting in and walks directly to her then they find the rest of their group. Dana came with Tonya who was clinging to her the whole night and wouldn't give her at least five minutes to breathe.
Raven sticks with Lexa and Luna avoiding Octavia who was standing with her brother and Alice but then she gets angry when she sees one of the artists flirting with her while her brother is too busy checking out other girls. So instead of looking at them she decides to take a walk outside.
Lune soon follows her outside and she takes out a cigarette offering it to her friend knowing that if she got outside she might need one.
"Thanks" Raven smiles, takes the cigarette and lights it.
"How are things between Lexa and Clarke?" Luna asks out of nowhere.
"Well, I don't know really…I think things are going better? I don't know" Raven shakes her head not sure about the proper answer because just before the opening Lexa told her that Clarke might be not in love with her anymore and now she saw Clarke and Lexa smiling at one another like they used to do when she first met them.
"Fuck! Is that what Lexa said?" Luna asks again.
"Yeah…no I mean she didn't say that but did you see Clarke tonight? How she was looking at her?" Raven points out.
"Yeah I saw that masquerade and I saw her eyefucking Niylah too so it doesn't really count"
"Really?" Raven asks to be sure and Luna nods "She was devouring her with her eyes I mean did you see how she dressed? A red short dress I mean she looks part of the exhibition"
Raven huffs before turning off her cigarette and going back inside looking for Clarke. If she doesn't know her limit Raven is going to help her. When she spots Clarke, Lexa is with her and they are talking to an old couple so she waits for a moment and then when she sees Lexa heading to the bathrooms she takes the opportunity to tug at Clarke's arm gesturing for her to follow her.
Clarke fakes a smile to the old couple and follows Raven to a silent corner in the museum.
"What are you doing?" Raven dives right into it.
"What?" Clarke looks more than puzzled at her.
"You know what I'm talking about. You were eyefucking Niylah"
"I…I wasn't and it is none of your business" Clarke defends herself.
"Yes it is, she is my best friend and she is your wife for fuck's sake" Raven snaps at Clarke.
"Thanks for the reminder, I know that" Clarke deadpans before going back to show.
Lexa runs to the bathroom feeling the urge to vomit. Once she puke her guts she stands up and washes herself and looks at the bathroom mirror happily. It might have worked.
The insemination she did few weeks ago might have worked and she might be pregnant. She walks back and looks for Clarke but can't find her anywhere. Then she sees Raven getting back inside and she rushes to her.
"Hey, have you seen Clarke?"
"No" Raven replies before walking to Alice to let her know that she is leaving.
Meanwhile, Lexa decides to talk with Octavia and her brother because she hadn't seen him for a while.
"Hey, Bell. It's nice to see you here" Lexa says with a smile on her face.
"Hi Lexa! It's good to be back too and congratulations for the exhibition I'm sure you've helped a lot" Bellamy replies after pecking Lexa's cheek.
"Well not this time around" Lexa jokes "I was the one who made things worse I think" She adds honestly.
"That's fine, Clarke loves you and it is hard to be with someone who loves his work as much as he loves you. I've been there done that"
"Don't remind me" Lexa comments then looks at Octavia who was silent "are you enjoying your night, O?"
Octavia looks back at her friend and gives her a fake smile "Yeah! I really liked one of the artists"
"Oh, really? You're into art now?" Lexa asks genuinely making Bellamy laugh "what?"
"She was into the artist himself not his art"
"I am into his abs" Octavia deadpans.
"Wow, spare me the details and he is not…he is not worthy of you" Bellamy interrupts.
"Then who is?" Octavia asks sarcastically knowing that Bellamy always says that no one is worthy of her.
"Raven is" Lexa blurs out before she can stop herself.
"What?" Bellamy asks shocked then he looks at his sister "why didn't you tell me?"
Octavia rolls her eyes "There's nothing to tell and thank you Lexa"
"I'm sorry" Lexa apologizes "I've gotta go" Lexa rushes to the bathroom feeling nauseous again.
Few minutes later she comes out of the bathroom with a big smile on her face despite the way she was feeling physically. She was happy because it might have worked and it might save her marriage. She starts looking for Clarke again when she thinks about looking for her in her office, the only place she didn't check yet.
Lexa is walking to Clarke's office when she sees her with Niylah in a not so professional position. Niylah is backing her into her office she is about to kiss her or they are making out. Lexa can't tell because Clarke has her head back with eyes shut and Niylah's face is in her neck.
She turns around and rushes back to the exhibition eyes blurred with tears. She can't handle the sight of what's is going to happen and neither can she face Clarke and Niylah about what they are doing. The first thing her head ordered was to get away so she left, she left and went home.
Two hours later, Clarke get home and starts unbuttoning her shirt when she turn on the lights to change she finds Lexa awake waiting for her and still wearing in her dress.
"Lexa! I thought you'd be asleep by now" Clarke says walking towards her dresser while Lexa is trying to fight her tears back in not knowing how she is going to start or rather end it.
"Argg! The opening was amazing but I'm exhausted…I can't believe it is done I mean we worked for it for so-" Clarke is talking then she stops when she sees Lexa about to cry "babe! Are you ok?"
Lexa stands up and Clarke walks closer to her when Lexa steps back and lets out "I know..I saw it" Lexa shakes her head tears spilling down her cheeks.
Clarke's lips part then close, the way Lexa is looking it is obvious what she is talking about. Clarke starts feeling her own eyes welling up in tears, she walks to Lexa and tries to wrap her arms around her but Lexa yank them away and pushes her.
Clarke looks devastated at Lexa and walks back into Lexa's personal space but without touching her "I'm sorry" She says and Lexa can't help the sob escaping her mouth.
The sight of Lexa crying is shattering, Clarke tries to comfort Lexa but this time Lexa doesn't push her but slaps her and Clarke gasps. She knows she deserves it, she looks back at Lexa ready to hold her in her arms and Lexa lashes out at her screaming 'Fuck you! Fuck you' while trying to push her away from her.
Clarke persists and ends up wrapping her arms tightly around Lexa and pushing on their bed. Lexa feels defeated and cries while Clarke is kissing her everywhere while apologizing and telling her 'I love you's'
Lexa is angry, hurt and tired. She lets Clarke take whatever left of her, she lets Clarke make love to her for one last time her cries muffled from time to time when Clarke kisses her. Then she flips them over and straddles Clarke taking control of her body. She takes what she needs from Clarke too. It's not love making, it is sex. Hate sex, she leaves angry bruises everywhere on Clarke's skin before packing few clothes and leaving.
The next morning Clarke wakes up with a banging on the door, she opens her eyes and looks at Lexa's side but doesn't find her. She puts a robe and walks to the door.
As soon as she opens the door, Raven's fist meets her face before she can know what is happening she growls at her "Don't you fucking dare come close to her again! You'll get the divorce papers in few days and you better fucking sign them"