A/N: This was a kind of emotional chapter where a lot of good things happen. But are they really that good? We'll see...
I don't own DC Comics affiliated characters.

Chapter 11: Can't Fight It Anymore

Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor

Reaching for the phone because I can't fight it anymore

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind?

For me it happens all the time.

"Need You Now," Lady Antebellum

I was reading the latest People magazine in Pam's living room while she was out at the grocery store. It had been rather peaceful since we got back from Boston. Upon finishing my favorite thing in the magazine (the crossword puzzle – I can't get enough of those), I closed it and put it on the coffee table in front of me. Feeling the boredom already starting to settle in, I decided to quell it by turning on the television. I flipped the channels until something caught my attention.

"Hello, I'm Jessica Burns. Breaking news in Gotham today – the Batman has caught the Joker."

I was frozen. I…hadn't imagined that this day would be possible. I kept on listening to the news report.

"Last night, the Joker was attempting to plant a bomb in the Wayne Enterprises main headquarters when the Batman, who apparently had known of the scheme in advance, managed to secure over 75 Gotham police in the area. The Joker was caught, tried, and immediately placed back in Arkham Asylum. 2 years ago, he managed to escape from Arkham with the help of his notorious sidekick, Harley Quinn, formerly known as Dr. Harleen Quinzel, a brilliant and young psychologist at the time. Dr. Quinzel has been missing since the explosion of an unknown warehouse a few months back, and the Joker offered this to say about the incident."

Then I saw his face on-screen. They had him back in the restraints, and the reporters and guards were all crowded around him. I cringed. I knew how much he hated those things. I had heard enough of it when I first met him. I couldn't look away from the screen. This whole scenario was just surreal.

He smiled in that crazy way he did, "I want to let the public know that Dr. Harleen Quinzel is not a criminal. She did everything under my influence. I had her drugged the entire time on psychiatric medication I had stolen from Arkham when she helped me to escape. I request that Arkham Asylum give Har – Dr. Quinzel her job back post-haste. She deserves it, and should not be penalized for my actions. She is a good woman who made a mistake. I hope she is watching this right now, so she can feel at ease, and know that I never meant to hurt her."

His eyes were sincere…or, well, at least I thought they were. I could never tell. I felt my heart skip a beat. He was doing this all for me? He got himself caught to get me my job back, to get me off the hook? I was sure as shit that I had never been on any psychiatric medication. It was a perfect cover story, though. He had clearly thought it through.

The camera cut back to Jessica Burns, "Arkham Asylum has issued the statement that they wish to speak to Dr. Harleen Quinzel, and that she come out of hiding, because she is no longer under arrest by the city of Gotham. Our news team would also like to apologize to Dr. Quinzel for libelous accounts against her during this time. Please stay tuned for updates on this matter."

The report continued to other current events for the day. I stared at the television without listening. It really…really was that easy…? Just like that, I was handed my life back. I didn't have to be Harley Quinn anymore.

I wasn't quite sure how I felt about that. I had lived my life like this for so long. Could it really have been 2 years since I first met him? Over a year since Maggie and my parents died? It was unbelievable. I could go out in public again, and not get arrested on the spot. I could be a normal person, have a life and have a job. I could be a psychologist, what I set out to be. I could move on.

Somehow, this all seemed too good to be true. I just had to ignore it, though. I was going to take any semblance of good fortune that came my way, regardless of the consequences. I've only had to deal with heartbreak and anger for the past 2 years. I finally caught up with karma.

Suddenly, Pamela came running in, grocery bags in her hands, "Harley, I just heard on the news! I'm so happy for you!" She dropped the bags onto the ground, and ran to me, embracing me tightly, exclaiming, "You can be yourself again!"

I laughed, thoroughly happy for once in my life, "I know! I can be me again!"

Pamela pulled away, looked at me for a moment, and without any warning at all, kissed me.

My body went into shock for a split second. What the hell?! I pushed her away, "Pam! What the fuck was that?!"

Her face was completely red, "God, I'm so sorry, Harley! That…wasn't meant to happen."

I wiped my lips, "No kidding!"

"I'm sorry!" she repeated, her eyes starting to fill with tears, "I really am! It won't happen again!"

"Pam…" I just stared at her, "Are you…do you…like me…as more than a friend?"

Her silence pretty much answered it all.

I had always had the gut feeling. I had just pushed it to the back of the mind, saying that I was being stupid and reading into the friendship too much. But now…of course, I get good news and then my life gets complicated. That's just my luck, as usual.

"Pam, I…can't ever like you that way. You know that." I said, shaking my head, "I just can't."

"Why not?" she asked, "Why can't we try?"

"Because…God, I can't even believe I'm having this conversation!" I threw my hands up in the air, "Good Lord, Pam, I'm as straight as a god damn arrow! I thought when you said you gave up men, that you just didn't want to date them, not…oh, God." I shuddered.

"I'm already embarrassed enough. Just stop, Harley." Pamela fiercely wiped at her eyes, "I just thought you might want to give up on men, too, seeing as all of them have been disappointments."

"But I still believe in them!" I exclaimed, "I still want to find someone! I have my life back now, Pam! I can go meet somebody and move on with my life. I don't have to deal with heroes and villains and all that bullshit anymore! I can be a normal person!"

"You will never be normal." She snapped, "You're never going to find anyone, with them knowing your past and your affiliation with a convicted felon! They're going to think you're fricking insane!"

Her words stung, but I wouldn't dare show it, "Fuck you! I'm getting the hell out of this place. The Joker's in Arkham; Bruce doesn't want me anymore; I'm just going back to my penthouse and be rich and be a psychologist and not give a shit about you! I'm not your prisoner! And if you would, kindly GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE."

I then stormed out of the living room, leaving a stunned Pamela in my wake. I grabbed my suitcase, and packed whatever I had…which, well, wasn't much. It was only the clothes that Pam had bought me, some toiletries, and shoes. I zipped up the suitcase and saw Pam standing in my doorway.

"So, you're seriously leaving me?'

"Correction: I'm leaving this place. Not you. I never had any relationship with you. I thought we were friends, Pam. I thought we could be there for each other, but all you cared about was getting in my…" I shuddered again violently, "Ok, I'm just not going there."

I pushed past her, and made my way for the door, her following me, "Please don't leave, Harley! I will stop caring this way for you!"

I turned to face her, "No, you won't. I have to leave. That's the only way you'll stop caring about me. There is no other way in this world that you can get over these irrational feelings you have for me. Good-bye, Pamela."

I slammed the door behind me, and hit the button for the elevator. It opened with a ding, and I stepped inside. I saw Pam watching me.

I averted my eyes, and the doors closed, separating us.

…

When the taxi dropped me off in front of my apartment building, I had to stand there for a moment and just stare. It was a happy moment; don't get me wrong. It was just that I thought I would never see this place again.

I took a deep breath, and stepped inside. No one seemed to notice my entrance, or if they did, it didn't honestly matter to them. I went to the elevator, pressing the 'up' button.

I waited there, bouncing on the balls of my feet, like I always did when I was impatient or anxious. I just wanted to lie in my own bed again, feel like I was actually at home.

The elevator doors opened, and I pressed the button for Penthouse A.

A woman was there when the doors opened on that floor, apparently waiting for the elevator, too. It was Julia, my old neighbor. She was carrying the bundle that was their daughter, Margaret (or, well, Maggie for that matter). I glanced over at her, eyes narrowed contemptuously. This woman and her husband had sold me out to the police a few months back, causing me to flee to Bruce's and obviously the rest is history.

"Hello, Julia." I said politely, through gritted teeth.

"Hello, Harley." She replied, "I see you're no longer a fugitive."

"No, I am not." I said curtly.

"That's good for you. I hope you don't get mixed up in the wrong crowd again now that the Joker is in Arkham." Julia looked down as Maggie cooed and moved her hands about. Julia had such a genuine smile on her face at that moment; it brought tears to my eyes. I wanted to know what it was like to hold a baby that was my own.

"She's beautiful." I remarked, "She has your eyes."

Julia looked at me with surprise, like she hadn't guessed that I was capable of having a heart or something, "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Are you going to be living here again?" she asked as I turned to walk away.

"Yes, I am. I'm going to get my job back again, and start living my life." I said confidently.

She smiled in a strange, secretive way, "I wouldn't be so sure about that."

"What do you mean?" I snapped.

She shrugged in this very exasperating way, "Whatever you interpret that to mean. I have to go now; Maggie has a pediatrician appointment."

"You think you're so god damn smart, Julia, you and Kevin. Just remember that I know some very vital information about your past, and I might have to look up immigration in the phone book and give them a little warning…"

Her eyes widened, "You would not."

"I would." I said with the most sinister grin I could muster.

I stepped past her, and unlocked the door to my penthouse suite, closing the door behind me without any word to Julia. I was not going to pretend like we were friends; we were way past that ever happenings. Being cordial…I could do that, since we were neighbors after all.

Upon looking at my apartment, I dropped my bags on the floor in shock.

The police had torn the place apart, and had clearly never bothered to clean it up. It was going to take me a good few days to put it back together. I went into my bedroom, and saw that the bed was still unmade from when I had last been in it, and my clothing was all thrown onto the floor. I sighed deeply, and began to pick it up, folding it and putting it back in their respective drawers.

They hadn't been too careful with my glass objects, either. I gingerly picked up a picture frame, one that held a picture of Maggie and me at my graduation from grad school. I smiled at the memory. Maggie had been 18 when I graduated, and as per usual teenage behavior, she had bitched and moaned all the way to the ceremony. My parents told us to take the picture and pretend like we liked each other. What I remembered is that Maggie actually had put her arm around me in a sisterly fashion, squeezing it. She had whispered before my mom took the picture, "I'm really proud of you, Harley. But don't let anyone know I said that."

And I didn't tell anyone. Now I was beginning to wish that I had said it in return. I sat down on my bed, putting the picture down next to me. I finally let out the tears I had been holding in for the past day. I cried about losing my friendship with Pamela, I cried over the loss of Bruce, I cried over the fact that I could never tell my sister how proud I was of her at her own graduation. Most of all, my tears were almost joyous, of relief.

Everything was going to be alright now.

I wiped my tears away, refreshed and feeling like I had emptied all the bad feelings out of my system. I vowed to clean up this apartment, pull myself together, and go back to Arkham to get my job back.

It was going to be so strange, actually having a job again. Of course, I was never going to associate with the Joker again; that was imperative. I was going to thank him for what he did to me, but after that, all my connections to him were gone. I couldn't feel anything but pity for him, and treat him like the psychotic patient that he was when I first met him. I needed to let him be somebody else's problem now.

I knew that it was going to be hard to let go of everything that I had experienced with him. I had to deal with that on my own. I had been given a second chance, even if it was by the most unlikely source. I didn't intend to waste it by giving in to old habits.

Everything was actually (and finally!) going to be alright.