"Deserves it! I daresay he does. Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all ends."
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

Cricket and Trashcan Carla both asked to see me. I went to them and brought both of them into the General's quarters in The Castle Proper.

"Ladies," I said, gesturing for them to sit. They both took a seat and looked at each other nervously. As I sat behind the large table, facing them and the doorway. Cricket looked strung out, as always; too skinny by far and the ever present reddened lids around her eyes, but, I noted that she wasn't shaking today. Carla was on the thin side too, but she didn't do chems. She looked like and was one tough old gal. Her mousey brown hair was cut short and she wore a padded jacket and slacks with practical walking boots. Her features were sharp and a bitter expression had been worn for so long, it was permanent now.

"Do you have something for me?" I asked.

"Yeah," Trashcan Carla spoke first, "We talked, Cricket and me, and we both had the same exact man who came to us. He offered money to spy on you and on any news of your plans or the Brotherhood's."

"How much money? Did you get a name? And when did this happen?"

"A thousand caps. Yesterday for me. And, no, I didn't get a name. He just said he would find us when he wanted to. He was tall, strong, tough looking. Like a merc." Carla said.

Cricket chirped in, "He had kinda a military cut, dark brown hair, blue eyes, leather armor, laser pistol and a plasma rifle. Awesome plasma rifle. Haven't seen that model around anywhere. I'd love to get my hands on one though." She sighed dreamily, "Oh, and he approached me three days ago. I was on my way to Taffington. He only offered me 800 though." She frowned at Carla, "Why'd he offer you more?"

Carla shrugged and didn't answer.

I wondered what chem Cricket was on this time. Probably Daytripper or some other anxiety relieving chem. Certainly not her usual fare.

"Good. Very good," I said thoughtfully. "I am going to give you some information that I want you to give him next time you see him. And I'll pay you too. Three thousand caps apiece. I will get the information to you soon. Please see Walter Greene next door for your pay. And thank you both for coming to me. This way, maybe you'll get pay from both sides, eh? I expect you know what you will get from me if you betray the 'Wealth again, right?"

Cricket nodded solemnly.

Trashcan Carla scowled at me. "Don't get yer panties in a bunch, Z," she said. "We don't have anywhere to go. The 'Wealth is our home. I'll do what you ask me to, and I'll take your caps and his too."

I gave them my handwritten vouchers to give to Greene for their pay. And rubbed my forehead, then scrubbed my face with my hands. I just sat and thought for a while.

Then, I went out and sought my war council.

MY announced tour of the settlements was out there. On Diamond City radio as well as Radio Freedom. Even Goodneighbor's radio broadcast, which usually only did old Silver Shroud programs from before the war and now hosted and aired by Kent Connolly. I was bringing the children with me as living symbols of hope and harmony for our new Commonwealth. And everybody I knew thought these twins were adorable and they could soften the crankiest heart. It was a good PR move, according to Preston who believed this kind of thing was so important for morale and unity. We had my itinerary sent out with my expected arrival dates for each settlement.

I contacted Cricket and Carla and gave them the specifics of the tour - the numbers of armed soldiers we were bringing with us and those who were not fighters. I told them to share it with their mysterious merc.

The night before our planned tour was to start, I dreamed.

I was in the cemetery, wondering whether to make Danse a memorial cross when someone touched me.

I whipped around, my knife already in my hand. I let it slip to the ground unheeded when I saw. It was him.

"What are you doing here, Z?" he asked me curiously. He was in his black BDUs, partially unzipped. His ever present laser rifle in its harness on his back.

I could smell his warm scent and I was instantly aroused. I reached up and stroked his exposed chest. I leaned forward and kissed the spot I had just touched. He was so hot. He was running a terrible fever. I needed to tell him that, but the words that came out were different.

"Wondering if I should mark your grave," I said solemnly, even though my other self that was not dreaming was thinking that was a dumb thing to say because he's right in front of you, fool!

"Not necessary yet, soldier," he smiled and then he took me in his arms. He pulled me down atop what was a fresh grave now and made love to me, right there on the spot I was thinking of putting his memorial cross on. We sank into the soft, newly placed earth and it was cool comfort from his fevered flesh. Every thrust brought more and deeper pleasure than the one before it – impossible but it kept getting stronger and bigger.

That part of the dream was so real, that the earth shattering orgasm woke me up, wrenching me inside out and leaving me trembling in its wake.

Then realizing I was quite alone, I started to quake, tears running freely down my cheeks onto my pillow, and I wanted nothing more of life at that moment than to go back to sleep – go back to him. It felt so real, and I swear I could still smell his scent and the scent of our lovemaking, before it faded away the next minute. I whispered to him that I loved him and begged him to find his way back to me or lead me to where he was - but there was no returning to sleep.

I got up, showered, and prepared to start the tour.

THE EXPECTED ATTACK came. Ayo's raiders hit hard at Murkwater, which was the third stop. They were expected. We had men hidden well ahead of time in the woods surrounding the sites before my tour people ever arrived. As soon as the attack came, Luke Forsythe shot off the BOS signal grenade and the Minuteman signal.

Arthur and I and our chosen warriors had been waiting outside the Vault for a nearly a week now. When we saw the smoke signals from Luke, John Hancock and Roonie crept up and took out the outside guards' they were deadly and silent. There was only two more in the tunnel on our way through the vault.

We were too quick for anyone to have raised the alarm. I used my pip boy to open the seal and we were in.

Deacon was waiting for us, a dead raider at his feet. He gave hand signals that indicated there were four more guards ahead and to our left.

Roonie and John Hancock silently took down two more guards with combat knives, quickly, without the guards ever seeing them, while two of Arthur's Knights killed the others. More noisily than Nick and John did, I noted.

Deacon said aloud now, "There are only maybe two more. I will lead the way to Ayo. He'll have his two coursers with him, though, so be careful."

With Arthur and me right behind him, he guided us quickly through the maze of corridors.

Arthur and I dispatched the poor remaining fools who seemed to be in a drugged stupor, sprawled out comfortably on the floor. They never even knew we were there.

Deacon pressed the control toggle and the next door opened.

Justin Ayo looked at me and his mouth dropped open in astonishment. Vivian, I assumed this was the woman Deacon had told me about, was on his lap. His two coursers brought up their rifles.

"Tell your coursers to stand down, Ayo," I said. We have 20 soldiers here. It's over."

"Stand down," Ayo said with hollow eyes, "Stand down, Xavier and Weslyn."

"Yes sir," Weslyn said and Xavier echoed.

There was silence for several moments. I broke it

"I am giving you a choice, Dr. Justin Ayo," I said looking at him coldly, remembering Danse, Ron Rosner, Leonard Young, Thad Breguette, and the rest of the dozen Minutemen killed at Egret Marina. And the Knights Arthur had lost. For us.

He glared at me with hate in his eyes, and sneered, "What kind of choice? How I die?"

"No. Life or death. Choose life, Justin. The Institute facility is gone forever, but your co-workers survive and are helping to rebuild the world above ground. Give up your fixation on the past, and help build a future for everyone. You get one shot at this, Doctor. Choose well." I stared at him flatly.

The woman, Vivian clung to him and was shaking and weeping, "Justin," she said, "let go of it please …let's live. Please, Just. You are too fucking smart to give up and die. And if you do go, you bastard, I'm going with you."

Justin Ayo squeezed his eyes shut, and held the woman tightly.

I wondered - which was stronger in him? His need for vengeance or his survival instincts? Death would be quick and final. But maybe here, he had already begun creating a life for himself that was tolerable. Would he decide that life was worth living?

"I choose life, Z," he said quietly. "I surrender."

Vivian let out a sob of a breath and embraced Ayo. He held her and patted her back.

Arthur was looking at me like I was a mad woman. He was thinking of his brothers and sisters that now lay interred in The Castle cemetery.

"If I may have a private word with you, General?" he asked, his face devoid of emotion now, except for two facial twitches.

"Yes, Elder." I turned back to Ayo and Vivian. "You'll both come to The Castle and be my guests before we decide where you would do the most good for the Commonwealth. Your coursers – well you may have to re-do some programming. They will come too." I nodded at Maggs and Eli and their men who had Ayo and Vivian covered.

Arthur found a resident's quarters and waited for me there. I came in and closed the door. I rubbed my forehead and frowned. I didn't want to argue. I had had to face my own demon that wanted nothing more than to slice Ayo up into teeny tiny bits with the sweet sword that Arthur had given me.

"Why?" he stared hard at me. He was angry.

I sighed tiredly, "The man is insanely smart. His soul is tarnished by hatred and the need for vengeance for what he perceives as an unforgiveable crime committed by yours truly. If he will give that up, it will not only save his soul, it has the potential to help countless people. My need for personal vengeance is something I can shed. Can you, Arthur?" I looked him right in the eyes and did not look away.

His eyes never left mine. He grimaced as though struggling with the words that he wanted to say but was trying to stop. Then, something broke and his words poured out, "I have never even imagined anyone like you could exist. By Hardened Steel, woman, I love you," he pulled me to him and kissed me passionately. "I have needed you so much…" he moaned into my lips.

I was tired and worn from unshed tears and missing Danse, and tired of fighting Arthur's undying passion. I should've instantly pushed him away. I didn't. I unleased my anger, my fear, my own passion and pain and kissed him back like a madwoman let loose. My grief was too heart-rending and was going to kill me if it got out. I wanted to lose myself for just a little while in this man's arms – this man who truly loved me.

I think we would have made love right then and there, had not the knock on the door come.

"We're packing it in, General and loading up the vertibirds," called Mags.

"Coming," I choked out, disengaging from Arthur's arms, and pushing him away with all my strength. I was shaking with desire, "No, Arthur," I turned away, my hand on my mouth, as if I could still feel him there and opened up the door and strode away. I would never commit adultery, and I would keep Arthur from it as well. It would destroy him in the end. Temporary escape from my grief was not worth his own soul nor mine.

Our tour group and our assault team all met back at The Castle. Arthur and his Knights went back to the Prydwen.

Our plan had been a little chancy. The settlers had to keep it a secret when the delegation arrived and realized I wasn't there, and neither were my children. There was only someone who kind of resembled me and was dressed like me and two adorable dolls that looked like my girls and the Warwick boy who was approximately Shaun's size that came to visit. For security's sake, no one was allowed to leave the settlement and the radio was carefully guarded until our baited trap had attracted Ayo's raiders. Our ruse depended on how quickly spies could spy or gossip could spread. We were lucky. Our plan had worked perfectly.

Preston had suggested that I do the tour for real now and bring the children. I told him I would think about it. Later.

A MONTH LATER

I watched as the Prydwen sailed off to the northwest, to her new home, taking Dr. Holdren back with them to tend and study the Eden Dome.

Clayton Holdren had gifted me with some ancient and carefully preserved and very precious seeds from Zimmer's labs and I had started a little herb and vegetable garden outside my kitchen door. The seedlings had sprouted and I tended them with care every day.

Dr. Ayo had started working with Allison Filmore getting things up and running at the quarry, now that she had the foundry operative. He was living in his own rooms at the Commonwealth Science Academy. His Vivian was still with him. Ayo did not like field work, and only ventured out when the weather outlook was clear. He did the brain work, and Allison carried it out. It worked just fine. Things were moving much more quickly than anyone thought possible.

Alana had removed the special programming to obey only Ayo from his two coursers. We told them they were free now as long as they brought no harm to any of our people. Xavier chose to stay at the CSA. Weslyn wanted to go anyplace as long as it was away from Ayo. We welcomed her to The Castle, if she wished to come. She did.

I had to prepare for the CPG meeting next week. The Constitution committee had accepted my recommendations and were ready to present the document to the representatives. If the majority accepted it, we had the law of the land in place. We would have something to work off of when the new issues came up. And there were always issues.

I had begged for a two year term, and the representatives voted it through, by a very narrow margin. With my luck, they would re-elect me at the end of the term.

Shaun was having a very hard time. He and Danse were always together, and Danse had included him in almost everything he did. Preston was trying to spend a lot of time with him, but from the expression on Shaun's face every time I surreptitiously watched him, it wasn't helping much. I tried to spend more time with him, and encourage him to keep making things. I suggested he invent a new board or card game. He looked at me and shook his head. The twins missed him too, but were young enough and self-centered enough that they were easily distracted by others' attentions. Lucy began to stick very close to Annie, who generated a homey feeling wherever she was.

I began to seek Danse in my dreams on purpose. I would think very hard of him. Then I would see his eyes, and then bring to mind different parts of him. His long, dexterous fingers, his round calves, his powerful biceps and pectorals. His wide full mouth. His hair, combed back from his brow. His voice. I would drift off.

Sometimes it worked.

This night as I went through my visualization ritual, something felt different. I fell almost instantly into a deep sleep and he was suddenly there.

"Z?" he asked, surprised, "Is it really you?"

"Of course it is, silly," I laughed. Then I stopped and really looked at him. "Your wound, your chest…"

"It's gone, Z. It healed. I don't know if Zimmer did something to me, or it was just another thing that made me different than other synths."

I touched him, "You're not feverish anymore."

"Back to normal. Healed," his voice was fading.

I tried to rush to him, but my fingers passed through his image and I was left empty handed.

"Danse, don't leave me!" I screamed out.

His ghostly image reached for me, but disappeared before he could touch me.

I woke and, turning on my lamp, I grabbed for my hand made notebook and wrote down everything I remembered.

After what felt like hours I finally, fell back asleep.

In the late morning, I was woken by two little imps trying to tickle me. I grabbed them and kissed their little bellies and had them screeching with laughter. Shaun looked at me with sad eyes and tried to smile.

He saw my notebook and looked at the page it was open to.

"Who is Zimmer, Mom?" he asked.