It was turning to November, and Hogwarts, was now life-size snow globe. The mountains were now snow-capped, and the Quidditch field was being defrosted every day (despite the fact that they really didn't spend any time on it anyway). But for Harry, this was the best time of the year. Ever since the troll battle, Hermione had become more relaxed about breaking the rules, and had even helped Harry and Ron to try to plant a dungbomb in Snape's office.
As they were nearing his office, Snape found them, and they huddled around the dungbomb suspiciously. "What is that behind you Potter!" yelled Snape, who would never miss a chance to take points off of Gryffindor. Hermione said some incantation, and the dungbomb disappeared.
Harry stepped away from Hermione and Ron as he said, "See Professor. Nothing."
It looked like Snape was at a loss for words, but quickly regained his composure saying, "Your shoes are untied Potter. Five points…from Gryffindor."
"Professor they're not untied!"
"Ten extra points for denying a teacher!" He walked down the hall and said to some first year Hufflepuff, "Your shoes are untied." The Hufflepuff looked down and Snape said, "Five points from Hufflepuff for being so gullible!" He then huffed down the hall ferociously; Harry could tell he was a bit more tense than normal.
"How does it feel Harry? First Quidditch match and you're just a first year!" Ron bellowed merrily as they decided to go to breakfast.
"Gulp… uh… I don't know," replied Harry nervously.
"I think you will probably end up with no fewer than two weeks in the infirmary," skeptically gleamed Hermione.
"Every Quidditch player knows it's a rough sport," Hermione continued, "Just think of Ludwig Lichtenheart, chaser of the Swiss-Ticking Carronades. A rival gave him a nasty broom hex that sent him to the moon! Sadly he burned up on re-entry. There was also-"
"Alright Hermione I get it!" shouted Harry.
Breakfast was very boisterous that day, especially for Slytherin and Gryffindor. Flags and confetti of the rival houses cheered on their teams (literally, this is Hogwarts after all). The ceiling was enchanted with a giant noble lion combating a sleek serpent with a green tint. Apparently, McGonagall and Snape had cast them and were eying each other competitively, as the ruckus above shook the Great Hall. The serpent immediately hissed at Harry as they came to their table, a thunderous roar ensued from the Gryffindors. The lion meantime took advantage of the moment by sending a fist into the snake's face.
Everyone ate to their full, talking about the exciting match that awaited them but more so the fact that they get to miss their last two classes of the day. Harry was relieved it was Potions and Herbology, but winced that he still had to trudge through Defense against the Dark Arts and Binns' sleeper course on History of Magic.
Off they went to Defense Against the Dark Arts, curiously finding Quirrell outside the classroom bickering with the taller bat-like Snape.
"Quirrell, my patience is receding." droned Snape. So is your hairline, thought Harry but he didn't want to give his position away.
"B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-But…" Quirrell's vicious tongue stuttering sent volley after volley of saliva into Snape's face. Quirrell looked embarrassed, as the spit shine drooped from the goth's face and landed on the stone floor with an unpleasant splat. Snape calmly took a handkerchief and wiped his stone-face. He seemed ready to strangle Quirrell in his own furtive way, but Dumbledore was prancing along, admiring the school as the HRH gang watched in bewilderment. Dumbledore froze, and exclaimed "Professor Snape! Stop quarreling with Professor Quirrell… I made a funny!"
"G-Good one Headmaster!" laughed Quirrell; Snape rolled his eyes in the meantime. He stopped suddenly, realizing that Scarface, Freckle-boy and Smartygirl were staring at him. His lips puckered, ready to further more take house points, but they were already in Quirrell's classroom before he could utter a single syllable.
Professor Quirrell stepped up to the front of the class and said, "Wuh-we are going t-t-t-to learn a spell tuh-today." The whole class jumped into the air excitedly! They hadn't learned a spell for three months!
"S-s-s-so open you b-b-book-ksssss to p-p-p-page t-t-two." Hermione had already turned there and had her hand raised. Quirrell pointed toward her.
"Uh…sir, this spell only stops –er- plants, from moving."
"Yuh-yes Mrs. Granger-ger-ger-ger-ger. I find it-t-t-t hard to draw certain puh-puh-plants when ever they move clo-clo-closer t-t-t-o the Sun that they chuh-chuh-cherish so dearly." Everyone knew this was going to be a long year. After Hermione had jinxed the plant to stop moving, Quirrell decided that they should draw the plant, for the rest of the period.
After that affair, where Harry had been given a 'dreadful', for his, "Wuh-wuh-wuh-weak inter-ter-ter-pretation of the puh-puh-pedals' soo-soo-sooo-soooo-thing beauty", Harry didn't even want to see what Ron had been given. Harry avoided him, because Ron usually took it out on him, all the way to History of Magic class.
Ah, some good sleep time, thought Harry. "Hello class…" said Professor Binns, "today we will have everyone present their self-lectures to the rest of the class."
Oh no, thought Harry, I forgot!
"So…Lavender Brown, would you please present your lecture to the class?" Lavender Brown stepped up to the front of the class, carrying a small scrap of parchment.
"Ahem." Professor Binns fell asleep on his desk.
"The reason why the Goblin Parliament of 1648 was important is because it gave Goblins rights, and now one of them is in the Cauldron Sisters!" Most of the girls shouted happily as Professor Binns woke up.
"Uh." Binns looked around, "So how do you think Lavender did?" Most of the class shouted their approval, except for a few Slytherins, who included Draco Malfoy, were holding up signs saying: THE CAULDRON SISTERS SUCK!
"Average," declared Professor Binns.
So the class droned on like that, with Harry writing down a bit from every speech. Ron was booing everybody's speech, so he could take them down with him. Then Hermione came up and started to do her lecture, which actually was thirty minutes long, and included her making charts appear out of mid-air to prove how Goblins had become recognized as another race of people and been given many different job opportunities. Harry copied down as much as he could, but Hermione was rambling on so much, he couldn't get half of it down. Everyone clapped happily, except for Draco. Professor Binns considered giving her an 'E' and Hermione looked horrorstruck. But she ended up with an 'O'. She went back to her seat looking like she was going to cry.
"Harry m'boy, you're up." Wheezed Mr. Binns, soon falling back to sleep again. Harry gulped as he trudged to the lectern. He stood erect, trying to look serious, forcing every spasm in his body to concentrate.
At the end of his speech, Harry felt he did pretty well, since all the students looked stupefied.
There was silence.
Then a single applause, unmistakably from Ron, echoed throughout the room. Ron's attempt to make everyone join in was foolhardy; nobody clapped. Ron's weakly applause disappeared, as a trickle of sweat slid down Harry's cheek.
"You copycat! The part about goblin-made underwear was my idea!" shouted a student.
Another bellowed "Yeah! You took my sources of the first goblin ever to do disco!"
Poopicus yelled, "Harry even took my statement where goblins originally used feces as tooth brushes!"
All of a sudden, the class was in an uproar. Surprisingly, Mr. Binns was still asleep through the entire ruckus. Only when Draco threw a vase at him, which went right through his face, did Mr. Binns awake. The crash silenced the room.
"Uhhh…So… How do you think Harry did?" The class exploded in outrage.
"Dreadful." Remarked Mr. Binns, bending his pointy nose to the parchment he was scribbling on with a quill. Harry walked back to his seat. Well… I tried. He thought. Then it was Ron's turn. Harry hadn't seen Ron practice his speech, yesterday, and wasn't surprised to see that he wasn't carrying any paper with him. Ron cleared his throat, and held his head high. Binns was already asleep.
"The reason why the Goblin Parliament of 16-eh something-8 was important is because it existed!" No one said a word. "Eh- Professor Binns?"
Binns woke up, "How did you think…eh-"
"Ron."
"Yes, Ron did." The only sound that greeted Ron was the chirp of crickets. "No response at all!" said Professor Binns, his eyes narrowing, "then you get a 'troll'."
Ron was so depressed at lunch that he didn't even talk to Harry about Quidditch.
"I can't believe I'm failing every class." No one paid attention, as Hermione was reading, The Flyin', the Snitch, and the Earlobe.
Before he knew what was happening, Oliver Wood, and Angelina Johnson had picked him up and were rushing him out to the Quidditch field. They brought him inside of a tent decorated with red and gold.
"Okay team. As you know Slythr'n is oouerrr-,"
"-Biggest rival," Finished Fred.
"Rem'mber, stay alert an' ready, you can always end up in the inf'rm'ry like I did-,"
"-Every game last year," finished George.
"Remember Wealseys, protect the-,"
"-Potter," finished Fred.
"Could eou stop-"
"-Doing that," finished George.
McGonagall walked into the tent and said, "This is it team! Gryffindor deserves to win after all of the hard work that we've put into this. Gryffindor has to win, because we are the most courageous and noble, of all of the school Houses! Gryffindor has to win because Snape SUCKS!" Everyone agreed on that.
MEANWHILE
Inside a more sinister atmosphere of a tent, green-robed figures spoke with hushed voices, very serpentine and quiet. A figure dark and tall soon entered the tent with the rays from the afternoon sky brightening its green and silver curtains.
The figures came to attention. The bat-like silhouette scanned them and came closer.
"Group huddle." muttered Snape. Immediately the Slytherin Quidditch team huddled with their dark leader. He looked at all of their vigilant eyes, ready to win anything.
"Now," he said. "I'll make it short and sweet. Beat Gryffindor or I'll MAKE SURE ALL OF YOU FAIL POTIONS!" All the players gulped, as Snape made to exit.
He froze dead in his tracks. "Oh… I almost forgot." He whispered. "Slither slither yes we can, Yes we know, Snape's the man…" All the players soon joined in. "Slither slither make a pass, knock 'em down and kick their-"
"Teams should make their way to the field! Now WOOD!" came the voice of Lee Jordan, who was going to be commentating on this game. Harry walked up with the team to the exit. An eruption of cheers followed them out, as Harry looked out at all the filled seats. Among the banners were: POTTER FOR PRESIDENT, POTTER THE TOILET CLOGGER, WOOD IS GOOD, OLIVER SHOULD (finish a game eventually), and GET A DENTIST FLINT!
Harry knew he would love Quidditch. "Now shake hands team captains," said Madam Hooche, who was already flying above them. Wood stepped up to Marcus Flint, and held out his hand. Flint grabbed it and threw Wood over himself onto the ground with a thud. Oliver let out a disgruntled moan. There was a gasp from the arena, and they all looked for a penalty to be called. Meanwhile, Madam Hooche was rubbing her sore eyes with fierceness, completely oblivious to what happened. Once she noticed that Wood was on the ground she exclaimed "Oh no! Oliver Wood's hurt! Send him to the infirmary!"
After that mess up, Madam Hooche gave some stupid speech about how they should play fair, but Harry wasn't listening, and he was sure that the Slytherins weren't either. Hooche threw the Quaffle into the air, and Harry sped after it, before remembering that he was supposed to go for the golden one instead.
Angelina tried to steal the Quaffle from Flint, and he dropped the Quaffle to put Angelina into a headlock and punch her repeatedly. She fell all the way to the turf. Dumbledore screamed with delight at the cutthroat competition. McGonagall's face was agape as Snape silently whispered, "Yes."
But Katie Bell grabbed the Quaffle and raced toward the hoops, where she scored on the Slytherin keeper who was picking his nose.
"Yes!" yelled McGonagall.
He's not passing this term, thought Snape. Alicia Spinet grabbed the Quaffle after it had gone threw the hoop and attempted to pass it to Katie. However, she was swamped by Flint who broke off the end of her broom, and started beating her with it. Madam Hooche was turned the other way, waving at a charming 5th year boy from Hufflepuff.
He deserves an Outstanding, thought Snape.
McGonagall stood up and yelled, "How can you let cheaters like that onto your team SEVERUS!"
"Minerva, it is wise not to argue with the referee." replied Snape. Then the Weasley twins decided that they had had enough of it and came up behind Flint, clubbing him and knocking out all of his teeth. "Yes!" shouted Dumbledore with glee.
"That should fix your smile Flint!" yelled Fred and George as they high-fived each other. Madam Hooche happened to see that and threw them out of the game for ten minutes.
McGonagall was laughing her head off, as Snape clapped at the good refereeing. Katie called a timeout for her and Harry to talk about their strategy, as Snape was awarded Sportsman of the Year, for not complaining about any call last year, (They didn't mention that Slytherin had won the Quidditch Cup though.)
"So Harry, I'll try to play Keeper and get the Quaffle from them, and you try to catch the Snitch as fast as you can." Harry agreed, as Snape began to talk about the qualities he had that made him Sportsman of the Year.
"But I don't mean to brag," said Snape on the intercom.
"It's time for play to resume!" said Lee Jordan, as he shoved Snape out of the way. "What will Harry Potter do now that he only has one other teammate on the field?" Harry set off as fast as he could to find the Snitch, but he couldn't catch a glimpse of it. Katie was frantically trying to fight back the Slytherins but it didn't take long for them to score a hundred and forty points. Katie pointed behind Flint to make him turn around as she stole the Quaffle.
"THAT IDIOT!" yelled Snape, who had stood up from his chair. Everybody stared at him. He smoothed his robes out and sat back down.
Katie took off with the Quaffle yelling, "GET the Snitch Harry!" she took off and threw the Quaffle out of the stadium, before all of the Slytherins ganged up on her and pounded her to the ground. As the Slytherins looked frantically for the Quaffle, Harry looked frantically for the Snitch. Then he saw it, fluttering right over the stupid Slytherin keeper's head. Harry rushed for it, and knocked over the keeper as he tried to grab it.
"Whos it goin'?" asked Hagrid as he snuck up on Ron and Hermione.
"Terrible! Slytherin's been cheating the whole game!" yelled Ron, as Katie crashed face first into the ground. The crowd winced.
"Wha's 'at?" said Hagrid as he saw Harry's broom bucking mysteriously. "'Ell ya don't think anyone could'er jinxed 't."
"It's Snape!" yelled Hermione.
"Now 'Ermione Snape w'ldn't be durin 'at." Hermione pulled out her wand. "'Ermione whatcha doin'!" yelled Hagrid.
"Tackattack Totalus!" Suddenly, Snape was covered with at least a thousand different colored tacks, and was writhing uncontrollably in pain, running around like a hyena being stung by a hive of hornets.
"You deserve that Severus!" yelled McGonagall. Quirrell was having a fit of laughter at the scene.
"Think that's funny do you?" Snape yelled. His fist came into contact with Quirrell's nose, sending him headfirst into the bench behind him.
At that exact moment, Harry's broom stopped bucking as he almost grabbed the Snitch, but slipped, as it entered his mouth. He felt a giant lump enter his throat, as he fell off his broom. Soon Madam Hooche was over him muttering "Xrayium Stomacheemu. Harry looked up to see that his skin was now transparent, and the Snitch was fluttering in his belly.
"HARRY'S SWALLOWED THE SNITCH! GRYFFINDOR WINS ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY TO ONE HUNDRED AND FOURTY!" McGonagall started dancing, and Snape looked more furious than Harry had ever seen him. He took his frustration out by bashing the living daylights out of Quirrell. McGonagall in the meantime screamed her vocal chords out in Snape's face "Who's your Mommy! Who's your Mommy!" Yet, Quirrell's hoarse scream echoed the loudest.
Lee Jordan ended his commentary saying, "Gryffindor moves into second place in the Quidditch Cup. Looks like young Harry's gonna' have some bad bowel movements today."
Harry settled into Hagrid's cabin and started to drink some freshly brewed tea. Ron was still excited about Harry's victory, but as usual, Hermione's mind was way past theirs.
"I still don't get why Snape was trying to jinx Harry's broom. Maybe he was getting him out of the way so he could take what that three-headed dog was guarding?"
"Who told you 'bout Fluffy?" Hagrid demanded.
"You named it?" said Ron.
"Anerway you sh'dn't be medd'lin' in 'n affur th's bet'een Al'us Umbleodore and Nicholas Flamel!"
"Dumbledore has a sister!" said Ron
"Nicholas Flamel!" said Hermione
"Could I have some more tea Hagrid?" said Harry.
These nine words will give us twentyfive-thousand words!