"Palms sweaty, knees weak, arms spaghetti"

I was standing outside the 7/11, the store was playing Eminem. Why? I don't know, but the lyrics were strangely relevant to the current situation.

Situation meaning my first date.

I looked down at the dumb outfit I took an hour to pick out. Like, I couldn't tell if it was cold enough for a sweater, but then what if I became too warm and started to sweat? Ugh, so many factors I had to consider. But, I'm pretty sure Bubbles is having a worse time than me, from what I know about stereotypes, girls take forever to get ready.

I want to change my outfit. This dumb shirt looks terrible on me. Ohhhh shit, I am wearing two different shades of black. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.

"Boomer?"

Well, too late.

I looked up to see Bubbles, her hair in the usual pigtails, they looked a little curled, but I don't know if it was on purpose. Oh my God, she is wearing her school uniform.

She didn't even try to dress up.

I over dressed.

I'm so dumb.

"H-Hi…" I tried to act casual, but how to dates?!

Like, is there an E-How?! I need help! Would Sparknotes have anything on this?! It helps me with my essays all the time! Maybe I should go home and check Yahoo! Answers...

"Boomer" Bubbles giggled, "Don't be nervous, I don't bite."

She held out her hand, giving me a reassuring smile. Her hands look so tiny, but those little babies could break my fingers off if she really wanted to.

"O-okay…" I didn't want to grab her hand, mine were all sweaty and gross.

But she didn't pull back, she kept it out there. I relented, lightly grasping her warm hands.

So soft…

"Got to get snacks first." She winked as she led me into the 7/11.

Man, I never noticed how shady 7/11 actually looks. Looking inside, there's all these guys with neck tattoos and skater punkz. I mean, they probably are good people…

Maybe.

Wait-

"Huh? Don't they sell snacks at the movie theater?" I asked, following her into the candy aisle.

"Yeah, but I can't afford that pay fifty-dollar for a snickers and starburst life." She started picking out.

True.

.

.

.

"So what are we going to watch?" I asked, we were just entering the building, hiding the snacks in Bubbles purse.

Dude, this is illegal, right!? Oh God, I can't report my date to the police, that would be like, the least smoothest move ever.

"Uh let's see, " She took out two tickets, "The Green Inferno...Buttercup gave me some tickets she won a while ago."

"Do you know what it's about?" I asked her, sounded like a weird movie.

Was it about a green tornado of organic beasts with the might of the great Titan Gods of old reclaiming Olympus from Zeus once aND FOR ALL!?

Probably not.

"I don't know." Bubbles shrugged her shoulder.

"Tickets please." Bubbles gave them the tickets while I stood by, sweating and trying my best to look casual but fuck! We are criminals, my first misdemeanor is sneaking food into a movie theater.

I mean, I destroyed buildings before.

And put all of humanity in danger.

But I was like, five.

I'm a changed man.

"Can I look inside your purse, miss?" The ticket man asked Bubbles.

OH SHIT FUCK ASS WHORE!

WE ARE GOING TO GET CAUGHT!

I CAN'T GO TO JAIL!

BRICK WILL BE SO UPSET!

"Okay, thank you…" Before I had the chance to plead innocent, Bubbles was leading me into the theater.

Wait, why didn't they arrest us?

Bubbles must've been able to read my face because she opened her bag for me to see. Atop all the goods was some plastic covered squares and tubes.

"What are those?" I honestly had no clue what they were for.

"Tampons and pads." She looked up at me, sort of smiling confused.

"I always put them atop, they always make men uncomfortable."

"What are they used for…?" Like, a pad is for wounds and stuff, but what in God's name is a tampon?

"It's for...um…" Bubbles thought about it for a while.

"So girls have periods." She nodded her head, affirming the truth.

"Like...they end sentences…?"

"...no."

"..."

"..."

We stared at each other like that for a while.

"Ah, you don't have in girls in your family?" Bubbles realized my ignorance.

"N-no…"

"Well…"

.

.

.

"SHOULDN'T YOU BE DEAD?" I asked, astonished.

Like, that's fucking brutal, girls bleed out for a whole week but continue on without any regard.

"How?!" I was genuinely concerned for Bubbles.

"It's normal." She laughed, patting my shoulder.

"B-But, I like…" I looked back into her purse.

"So tampons are like...plugs?"

Bubbles started to laugh her ass of.

What did I say?

.

.

.

The movie theater was quiet, there was only us and a few lone viewers. It was kind of creepy actually.

We sat down, getting comfortable. The movie theater just installed reclining chairs. They were amazing, like, better than the chairs I own.

Bruh, I can sleep on this baby.

"Do you want some twizzlers?"

Oh goD, I ALMOST FORGOT I'M ON A DATE!

Suddenly the realization hit me.

I'm alone with Bubbles in a dark movie theater.

Remember, act natural.

Girls like confidence.

"YES!" I shouted, spitting a little bit on her face.

She grimaced as she wiped it away.

Fuck me.

I fucked up.

I spit on her face.

Worst date ever.

I'm going to be called Boomer the Sprinkler at school now.

Good God.

I'm going to have to drop, move to a different town.

Get a new identity.

Own a cat.

Meet a nice old lady.

Take care of her in her old age while all her kids abandon her.

Inherit her fortune.

Return once more to save my brothers from their financial burden.

Okay.

I got a plan.

This is good.

"Boomer!" Bubbles called out, poking my cheek.

"H-huh?" I looked over at her, she was giggling with her dumb cute face.

With her cute button nose and sparkly eyes and perfect complexion and-

"Boomer?" She grabbed my nose this time.

"Do you want Twizzlers?" She asked once more.

"A-ah, yes!" I squeaked out.

I was staring at her face for too long. She probably thinks I'm a freak now.

I'll have to drop out, move to a different town.

Get a new identi-

"The movie's starting." She whispered draping her arm around my shoulders.

She's so warm.

And smells good.

Maybe this wasn't such a bad idea.

.

.

.

So far the movie seems like an intense eco-friendly movie. Like, these people really want to take the rainforest seriously.

And that one dude is a dick with his asshole girlfriend.

Oh, they're heading back from their protest…

Well, that plane looks safe for rusted wings and terrible pilots.

.

.

.

"Oh my God…" I silently gasped to myself as they threw the man on the table.

Wait, what are they doing?

OH MY LORD!

I cringed, hiding my face in Bubble's arm, wait fuck.

I looked over at her, her face seemed tense.

What if she likes this kind of movie?

I can't puss out now!

OH THERE GOES A LEG!

IT'S NOT LIKE HE NEEDED THAT OR ANYTHING!

This is how I puke up the twizzlers.

.

.

.

"They're going to be feasting on him for a month-"

WHO SAYS THAT?

.

.

.

I heard Bubbles gasped as I gawked at the screen.

"No, don't do it…" I heard her murmur.

One of the girls in the movie was sneaking out of their cage.

There is no way she is going to make it…

OH MY GOD!

SHE WAS IN LESBIANS WITH THAT OTHER CHICK, OMG THAT WAS SO CUTE!

Please don't die.

Please don't die.

.

.

.

SHE DIED.

GUESS HOW THEY FOUND OUT?

THEY FUCKING ATE HER ON ACCIDENT.

HOW DID THEY KNOW IT WAS HERE.

A GIRL ATE HER TATTOO ON ACCIDENT.

NOT JUST A GIRL BUT HER FUCKING GIRLFRIEND!

WHY!

JESUS CHRIST TITS!

HER GIRLFRIEND BROKE A BOWL AND STRAIGHT UP CUT HER THROAT.

JESUS.

THAT'S SO METAL.

.

.

.

What kind of Scooby-Doo bullshit is this?

They managed to get all the cannibals high via some sweet weed, that Butch might need to look into.

Guess how they did it?

THEY PUT IT IN THE FUCKING THROAT SLIT GIRLS THROAT.

THE FUCKING CANNIBALS ALL ARE TRIPPING ON SOME CANNABIS INFUSED HUMAN FLESH.

.

.

.

Dude.

Ants?

For why?

Brutal.

.

.

.

OH GOD, NO I HAVEN'T HAD SEX YET!

I CAN'T WATCH THIS.

I WILL NEVER HAVE SEX IN MY LIFE.

SOMEONE SAVE HER.

OH GOD.

OH GOD.

OH GOD.

I gasped, clutching onto Bubble's arm.

I didn't notice but she was holding mine just as tight.

.

.

.

SWEET BABY JESUS, PRAISE.

THE CHILD SAVED HER, PRAISE.

SEX IS STILL ON THE TABLE FOR THIS GUY!

.

.

.

When the movie was over, I walked out of there fucking wrecked.

My face was pale and stomach nauseous.

One would even say that my palms were sweaty.

My knees weak.

Arms comparable to the durability of cooked pasta.

I couldn't think of anything to say after we left.

There was just silence between us.

What was there to say?

I don't even want to tell people I watched it.

There is probably honestly a future serial killer watching that movie.

Bubbles was just as wrecked, I could hear her mumble a few things but that was it.

I looked over at Bubbles, and I realized something.

She didn't want to watch it either.

Her face was pale and she looked wiped out.

There was a lost look in her eyes. She was there but her spirit left her for better things, like puppies, flowers with no cannibals.

"We should watch a Pixar movie next time…" I joked.

She looked over and gave me a weak smile.

"So there's a second date…?"

Well shit.

Looks like it.

.

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AN: chapter finally.

Praise

I'm not dead ;-;

Don't watch Green Inferno.

Trust me.