The next day when Rory arrived at work, she opened her office door to discover a huge bunch of sunflowers were sitting on her desk. The beautiful yellow flowers completely stopped her in her tracks as soon as she saw them and she couldn't help but smile. There was really only one person that they could be from, and that person wasn't going to be her husband. James had never sent her flowers and with the current state of their relationship, she very much doubted that he was going to start now. She walked over and picked up the card that was attached to read what it said.
Two words that have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: What if?
There was no name on the card but there didn't need to be. Rory closed her eyes and clutched the card to her chest before putting it away in her desk drawer.
Rory arrived home later that day just as James was getting ready to go to work. He hadn't really said a whole lot to her since she arrived home from the office and so Rory had just fixed herself and was sat flicking through the channels on the TV when she heard her cell phone beep with a message. She leaned over to reach it from where it was lying on the table and immediately saw that the message was from Logan. Rory looked over the shoulder to check that James was still in the bedroom before she opened it.
"I want to see you x"
Five simple words. That was all it was but they were five simple words that made her stomach do a flip. She paused for a moment and tapped her fingers on the screen as she wondered what she should say. She knew that what she should do is reply and tell him she couldn't, that it was wrong but her head and her heart were pulling her in two different directions. Rory typed out a response.
"Where and when."
She pressed send. She took a deep breath and leaned back on the sofa waiting for Logan to reply.
"My place, whenever you're ready x"
Rory closed down her messages and walked into the bedroom to get changed.
"Are you going out?" James asked as Rory pulled a black dress out of her wardrobe.
"Oh, yeah," Rory said wishing she had come up with an alibi before she had walked in there, she was never very good at being put on the spot and her hands were already trembling with nerves. "I'm going to meet Kate for a quick drink," she said, not quite meeting his eye. Rory had never been a very good liar and she could tell by the look on James's face that he probably knew exactly who she was going out to meet but he didn't say a word. He just nodded in acknowledgement.
As soon as she was out of the apartment, she stopped and leaned against the wall outside. Despite everything she knew that James loved her and she knew that she was hurting him. The problem was she just couldn't help herself, she couldn't resist Logan, and there was such a strong magnetism between them. She hated herself for doing this to James. She felt sick to her stomach and vowed to herself that this would be the last time she lied to him.
Rory lay in Logan's bed wrapped in his arms. All her negative feelings had been soothed away as soon as she had reached his apartment and fallen straight into his arms.
"I should go," she said without making any effort to get up at all.
"No don't go yet," Logan said as he ran his hand softly up and down her spine.
"Okay," Rory said as she enjoyed the tingly sensation that it gave her.
"Rory?
"Yes?" she said as she turned herself around in the bed to look at him.
Logan stared into her beautiful blue eyes. "I want us to be together"
"What?"
"You and me, I want us to be together, properly. I want us to fall in love again, we're perfect for each other, we've always been perfect for each other. We're meant to be together and you know it."
"You know it's not that simple," Rory said sadly.
"It could be" Logan shrugged.
As Rory lay there listening to Logan say everything that she'd wanted to hear him say in the past few years, a sense of sadness swept over her. She could see that there was no way out of this situation that she had got herself into, not without hurting someone. She either had to walk away from her husband and break his heart or she had to walk away from Logan.
Despite the fact that her marriage was on pretty rocky ground and had been for some time, she'd chosen to marry James and she felt like she ought to see it through, or at least attempt to. She owed him that much, didn't she? Rory had made a vow to him and sure, she'd now broken those vows but as far as she knew, he'd never done anything to hurt her and she'd had a good life with him so far. He'd always treated her well and he loved her.
Rory knew that if she had any hope of salvaging her marriage, she needed to say goodbye to Logan for good. She just hoped she had the strength in her to do it and that he wouldn't hate her too much for it.
"I have to go," Rory said quietly but before she could get up Logan pulled her back to him and they made love once again, but this time it was far softer and gentler than they had been earlier. Rory closed her eyes to drink in the sensations; it was so much more than it had ever been. She didn't want to forget this feeling, ever. She wanted to be able to hold on to this memory.
As they were both just about to find their release, Logan leaned into Rory and whispered in her ear. "This means something Rory, you know it does".
Rory bit her lip and a lone tear escaped from her eyes. She did know, she really did know it meant something but she felt like she had no choice. She looked up and locked eyes with him as they both reached the precipice and fell over the edge together.
"I really do have to go now" Rory smiled briefly as she got up and got dressed.
Rory leaned in to kiss Logan as he walked her to the door of his apartment. It was a soft and tender kiss, filled with emotion and she could barely look him in the eye because it hurt too much.
Logan pulled away from her. "Why does it feel like you are saying goodbye Rory?"
Rory swallowed but she couldn't bring herself to speak because she knew if she opened her mouth or tried to say the words she was going to cry. She kissed him once more and turned and walked away from the man that she would always consider to be the love of her life.
Even though it was some distance, Rory decided to walk home to her apartment rather than catching a cab, mainly to give herself some much needed thinking time. She sat alone in Central Park. She could still smell Logan on her skin.
Rory what been faced with what seemed like an impossible decision and she had been sure that what she needed to do was leave Logan behind, she made that decision before she'd even got to his apartment that night. She had been positive it was the right thing to do but then they had made love for the second that time that night and she couldn't ignore how perfect it had been and how it had made her feel.
Now all sorts of messy thoughts were going through her head and she needed to know what it was she really wanted. Pushing Logan aside for one minute, if he was taken out of the equation altogether, did she want to save her marriage? She wasn't sure she really knew the answer.
She headed home and jumped straight into her car. She knew where she needed to go to try and work everything out.
A short while later, she crept into the house which was all in darkness and quietly walked up the stairs to the bedroom.
"Mom" she whispered. When there was no response she tried a little louder. "Mom" she repeated.
Lorelai opened one eye "Rory? My god, you scared me. What are you doing here? What's the matter?"
"I need to talk to you" Rory whispered. "Can you come?" she beckoned.
"Okay, I'm getting up," Lorelai said as she sat up and dropped her feet out of bed.
"What's going on?" Luke mumbled without looking up.
"Ssh, it's alright Luke go back to sleep, it's just Rory," she said as she threw on her robe before following her daughter downstairs where they both sat on the sofa.
"What's going on Rory?"
Rory opened her mouth to speak but as soon as she did, she found that nothing came out. Instead, she just dissolved into tears which very quickly escalated into huge almighty sobs.
"Oh, my God Rory, what's the matter," Lorelai said pulling her daughter into a tight hug.
Rory just shook her head, she couldn't speak right now, the words wouldn't come.
"Ssh, oh my baby girl, it can't be that bad. Whatever it is it can't be that bad" Lorelai said as she kissed Rory on the top of the head. It didn't matter how old her daughter was, she'd always be her baby girl.
"Everything is a mess," Rory said without looking up.
Lorelai stroked Rory's head soothingly. "I'm sure it's not"
"I cheated on James," Rory said quietly.
"What?!" Lorelai exclaimed.
Rory pulled herself up straight to look at her mother. "I slept with Logan."
"Oh, Rory," Lorelai said sadly, knowing that Rory's feelings for Logan were complicated and ran deep. She knew that being in this situation would be tormenting her daughter something terrible but she also felt bad for her son-in-law, who had only ever treated Rory with love and respect.
"I don't know what to do mom and I need you to help me"
"Oh I can't tell you what to do Rory, you know that"
"I was all ready to say goodbye to Logan tonight, I walked away from him, it was going to be the last time…" she paused.
"So it happened more than once?"
Rory nodded a little ashamed of herself.
"Ew, hang on, you've had sex with him tonight? Have you showered" Lorelai looked at her daughter incredulously "You could have warned me before I got up close and personal with you." she joked which made Rory laugh a little through her tears.
"I needed to end it with Logan to try and save my marriage. Things with James are horrible at the moment, we were meant to be trying for a baby and then he got all suspicious about me…"
"With good reason seemingly," Lorelai said.
"Mom" Rory rolled her eyes "We've barely talked in weeks. And I hate myself for what I am doing to him, but it's Logan you know."
"I do know" Lorelai nodded "But I don't think that's something you could use in your defense to be fair."
"Do you hate me?" Rory asked "I'm a terrible person so I understand if you do"
"Of course I don't hate you" Lorelai sighed "Rory, the only person who can straighten all this out is you. I mean is there even a decision to make? Because if there is you really need to go with your gut instinct" She said before adding "Do you love James?"
"Yes"
"What I mean is, do you love him or are you IN love with him because they are two very different things, Rory. Are you in love with him?"
"Oh. No, I'm not" Rory shook her head slowly. "But I do care about him, even though it might seem like I don't".
"Well, are you in love with Logan?" Lorelai asked.
"I…don't know" Rory bit her fingernail. "I think so, yes," She said quietly.
"And then there's the million dollar question - do you think Logan is in love with you? Because if he's not and you throw your marriage away on a whim, what are you going to be left with Rory?"
