A/N: Arrives a month and a half late with an update and some Starbucks.
At first, I was delaying updates because I wanted to let my story circulate for a bit longer and get more readers, but that soon turned into me being lazy (I mean, it is summer, after all). Now that I've given it some time, I'm ready to get moving! My main goal for the next couple of chapters involves much cute and fluff - dates! I'm also taking my chance to let them explore their gender and their sexuality in the same go, especially now that I've had some ideas about how they might go about exploring their femininity and intimacy while identifying as such.
As always, feel free to leave your reviews! I especially welcome the thoughts of trans/nonbinary individuals and other possibilities or critiques you've got about how I'm doing this.
Enjoy!
She says she has to get clever about the way she moves.
Sometimes, Kaoru thinks, this is still just a dream, an illusion - nothing more than ideas that make his palms sweaty and his heart race (but have never yet come to frutition). How is he supposed to believe, after all, that his twin sibling had wanted this just as long as he has? That their kissing and touching is a mutual act of something bigger than themselves, that they are both being swept away by the same sensation?
Impossible. Right now, he thinks it's still impossible, gaze fixed to the floor while his fingers are still gripping his towel to his waist. Only when a pair of hands cusp his hipbones does reality dip inches into the phantasm of his thoughts.
"Need some help?"
What little cover he had between him and Hikaru - gone. The towel ends up atop his head, where his scalp and back recieve a gentle rub.
"Feel good?"
Kaoru says nothing, instead giving a pleased hum while leaning into the touch. His response is recieved in the form of a chuckle.
"Something's on your mind."
"Something's always on my mind, nii-san. I thought you knew that."
"Smartass." Both of them let out a light snicker. Now the towel is resting somewhere on his lower back, warmth replaced by hot breath tickling all along his neck.
It's enough to make him shiver.
"What? It's true."
"No it's not. Big difference between you 'just thinking' and you getting lost inside your head."
Pause.
"What's wrong, Kaoru?"
Nothing, he wants to say. He's fine, just convinced that what he wanted most - this unlabeled romance - is a concept slipping right from his fingertips. That's all.
Instead, however, a shaky breath slips up from his throat as Hikaru inches closer, lips now tickling along the juncture of his neck. A few kisses are planted there with care, arms snaking around his brother's waist.
"I don't think sighing is an answer." Though he can't see it, he knows full well the elder is sporting a smirk. How easily undone he was by this man's touch.
"Tease - "
"Don't you like it?"
Honey-tinted irises meet, both pairs laced with affection and yet-simmering desire.
"I love it." And you, Kaoru thinks, but whether or not this whole affair is real, he doesn't quite have the courage to say that out loud.
"Kaoru."
Tell the truth, tell the truth. That's what Hikaru wants, what his whole body language whispers to him as a palm starts to caress along his chest.
So he does.
"I'm scared." He bites down on his bottom lip. "I - I really like all of this and I don't - "
"Kaoru." Never did he think he could love the way his name sounds so much until it slips from those lips like honey. "You still think I don't want this? Want you?"
Before he can say anything further, that wandering hand winds up cusping his cheek and drawing him in for a hard kiss. Somewhere between the loss of Hikaru's towel and the edge of the bed is when he wakes up from disbelief - porcelain legs are spread out with come sticking to his thighs, lips raw and puffy from the attention they've recieved by inviting kisses.
"M-more."
"More what?" God, he can hear the grin in his voice and it's enough for him to tangle his fingers in damp locks, tugging hard.
"More. Touch me more. I - I want you."
And a familiar sensation of stretching hits him, bodies rocking together as if they'd never had the pleasure of meeting before.
†
Summer days are wrapping itself around them as a murky haze, keeping them dancing as days fall off the calendar.
Company became an all-consuming need that was never satiated.
Many mornings are a ritual in and of itself - hands are already wandering beneath the sheets, both bringing each other closer until hips are rocking together to that same edge. Any plans made ensured their time was always spent with each other - movies, parks, festivals - put a name to it, and they were there, fingers tangled up together with matching smiles.
Concern is expressed, of course. Whenever Yuzuha is around, she wonders why they stay cooped up in that room half of the time. Tamaki wants to know how come they're always out together and not 'spending more time with daddy and the dear family.'
Their response? Excuses.
It's a selfish thing, to be sure, but neither twin can explain it. Every moment spent felt like something that was always meant to be there, moments they wanted to keep going because (somewhere) in their hearts they are afraid of this feeling dying out with the summer months. If they can enjoy it for what it is, while they have it -
Everything else is background noise.
†
"Fuck."
Which is why July is hardly emerging when the first real concern of this abstract romance occurs. How could they expect something as integral as gender to just disappear?
"What should we do?" Kaoru plays with her nails while she sits on the edge of the mattress. She doesn't want to see the amount of dissatisfaction in Hikaru's eyes while she studies her reflection (for she always hated seeing her twin fumble with dysphoria).
"I don't know." Her response is agitated, lips pursing into a scowl. "I just...I feel weird right now. Kind of like - like I'm not looking at me."
Silence chases them around for a moment, until -
"We don't have to do anything like that, Hikaru." Standing up, Kaoru approaches the mirror, offering a soft smile. "Sex isn't everything. We can still - "
"I know, but I don't care." Hikaru turns to look at her sibling, letting a sigh escape. "I mean, you're right, but maybe I really like getting intimate with you. "
Her porcelain visage was a vibrant red, making the younger chuckle while she takes her sister's hands in hers.
"Then let's start figuring things out for ourselves. I know you wanted to pretend this was a phase, but I don't think it is."
"It'd be so much easier to just be normal."
"Who said this wasn't normal? It's just different, that's all." Kaoru taps her fingers on Hikaru's knuckles, thinking over her next words. "Besides, I think we can make this work, and figure things out. If it's not going to 'go away', then we can make ourselves more comfortable at least."
"Well…" Gears start to turn. "Haruhi's dad is a transvestite, right? And she doesn't care what the fuck people use for her pronouns. We could ask them..."
"Yes, but we should figure some things out before we do. And besides..."
Kaoru glances over towards their door, knitting her brows for a moment before a wry smile crosses her lips. Hikaru was just confused.
"What are you looking at?"
"Remember that time we dressed up for Haruhi because we thought she was going to run off to Lobellia?"
"Like I'll ever forget seeing the boss in a dress." But the feeling of proclaiming her other gender, and the act of dressing up brought a lot of comfort.
"And when we were younger? We used to dress up all the time before - "
" - mother said we were too old and needed to quit playing around with her make-up, yeah, yeah."
She turns back to Hikaru, her smile having widened considerably.
"Let's go on a date. Today I think I want to go down to the shopping district."
