Sirius sat with him in his room, watching him sleep soundly. He looked so much like James that Sirius fought a few tears that threatened to glide down his cheeks. He reached out and smoothed the ever-messy hair, smiling as it popped right back out in a hundred different directions.
Moony had asked him to stay with Harry tonight, and after a rather stunning revelation he'd agreed. Moony had explained everything clearly, but nothing seemed real right now. Snape, some big hero as far as Dumbledore was concerned?
Something was wrong.
"He should be fine until morning, if you want to sleep."
Sirius looked up to see her figure gracing the door. Her arms were crossed and she was staring at him neutrally.
He swallowed. "What did you give him?"
She walked into the room. "Essence of Lilliard. Cyrus makes it himself, and I dare say, it does its job well." She sat down on the bed beside Harry and smoothed his hair.
"He looks so much like James, doesn't he?"
Sirius still stared at her, his eyes unmoving from her face. "Yes."
She looked at him. Seconds passed, and she took a breath.
"I'm sorry."
He frowned. "For what?"
"Everything you've been through. Having to face what you did alone."
He looked down, and pursed his lips. "And what about you? You've been here the whole time?"
She swallowed, and lifted her chin. "Yes."
He nodded. "Nice place."
She shifted. "Sirius..."
"I… don't know what to say to you after all this time. I've thought about it a thousand times, but… I never really thought I'd get the chance." He smiled, and she found herself smiling back.
"You're not well, are you? You look so tired, and frail." She shook her head. "What did they do to you? What happened to you?"
"Dementors." He became solemn at the mention of them. "There was nothing they didn't do to me. It's like having everything you love stripped out of you, one lash at a time. Everything that means anything- hopes, dreams, memories-" He shook his head. "Nothing I say can describe it."
She watched his responses carefully. "And the veil?"
His eyes seemed to cloud with terror. "Don't… don't speak of that curse."
She reached out on a whim and put her hands over his, and noticed with a shock that they were wiry and cold, so unlike the hands she once loved, not the large, strong ones that had held her to him on many a night. They were now tattooed, and so thin they seemed like a child's, and she ran her thumb over his knuckles. "You're not well. You don't even look like yourself."
He watched her fingers trail over his, and moved closer to her. "When you found I was innocent… when I was… dead," he spoke carefully, as if the words caused him physical pain, "did you for a second wonder about what could have been? Did you hate Pettigrew as much as I did for ruining what we had?"
She refused to look at him, and he face was tight. She shook her head. "This shouldn't be happening, Sirius."
"Just… tell me. Did you wonder, for one second, if things had been different..."
"You could have told me Peter was the Secret-Keeper. Why didn't you tell me?"
"To protect you. James and Lily and me were the only ones who knew. I didn't want you in the middle of it. Besides, you had enough to worry about, with the… wedding…"
"Please, don't."
He let out a strange laugh. "We'd be married, right now. Do you know that?"
"Stop it."
"And Harry… he'd be with us… provided we didn't have James and Lily back…"
"Sirius, there are so many things that seem so wrong now. Please don't make this any harder. We were not meant to be. We should view this as two old friends reunited after a long absence."
He smiled wanly, and gave a small nod. "You're right."
She released his hands, pushing them gently to him. "Some things were not meant to be."
Sirius looked at her for a long time, and then found the ability to speak again. He smiled. "So," he said, "who is he?"
"He?"
Sirius tilted his head knowingly. "I know that look. He. The one you are thinking about. The reason you feel so guilty for being here now."
She blinked, and looked down casually. "His name is Quinn."
"Ah." He looked at her under his eyebrows. "Does he love you?"
She closed her eyes. "Yes."
Sirius breathed. "Does he make you happy?"
She fingered the silk of her robe, nodding. "Yes, he does. I care for him very much."
"Well, I hope he knows how lucky he is." He rose and walked around the bed to the windows.
Evie felt a pang of guilt, and watched him stand there, looking out at the sky. She stood.
"Come here."
He glanced over his shoulder. "Why?"
She had opened a cabinet hidden in the wall, and had taken out a tall bottle. She uncorked it, and poured some dark blue liquid into a goblet.
"Drink this. You'll feel better, I promise." She held it out to him, and he eyed it suspiciously.
"What is it?"
She pushed it towards him. "Dumbledore himself gave me this potion years and years ago. Trust me. You'll wake up tomorrow feeling like a new man."
He sniffed it, then took a swig. It was surprisingly warm, and he raised his eyebrows, holding it up to her. "Thank you," he said, "old friend."
She looked for disdain in his voice, and found none. She gave him a smile. "Goodnight, Sirius. It's good to see you again."
He watched her leave, and it seemed to take a long time before she was out of his sight. He then found himself draining the goblet. He turned to put it on the table, then the room suddenly lurched to the right and spun. He tried to steady himself, but in vain, and before he could cry out he thudded to the floor, completely unconscious.
Severus sat at the table the next morning, and Draco sat across from him.
She had put another charm on the place, he could tell.
Draco was babbling about Quidditch. On and on he went about snitches and broomsticks and bludgers and everything else. Two guards had joined them, one of them Beckett, a smiling man with hair just as light as Draco's and eyes as dark as Snape's.
The two chatted, laughing and discussing the game as the other guard, a very young man named Theodore that seemed to be there entirely for Snape, sat staring at them with a grin on his face.
Severus was miserable.
Potter knew. Lupin knew. And so did everyone else Evie had managed to drag to this place. He breathed steadily, forcing himself to remain calm.
They would still hate him, of course.
They would always see him as the man who murdered Albus Dumbledore. No matter what kind of proof popped up, no matter what showed him to be innocent, there would still be that stupid Potter boy, blaming him and throwing poisonous words his way.
He was so lost in his thoughts he didn't notice that Draco and Beckett were leaving. "Where are you going?"
Draco turned. "A game of Quidditch."
Snape tightened his lips. "Stay with Beckett."
Draco nodded. "Of course."
They left, and Snape could feel the waves of cheer that threatened to drown him, and he spent the next few moments fighting it. He noticed that the remaining guard was staring at him, and he leaned towards him.
"Would you like a photograph?"
To his utter enragement, Theodore smiled broadly. "That's so funny. She said you'd hate it."
Severus sat back in his chair again, making a mental note to speak to Evie about her leaking vital information, such as his peeves, to other people.
He heard someone rap on the door, and took a deep breath. "I see you enjoy sharing all my 'quirks', as you call them , with your staff." He turned to look at her, and instead shot to his feet as he looked at none other than Remus Lupin.
The werewolf held up his hands. "It's alright; it's alright, Severus."
Snape swallowed, and remembered that Evie had taken his wand. He could conjure a good spell without one, though, and relaxed a bit. "Lupin. What brings you to the second floor this morning?"
Lupin forced a smile. "I wanted to apologize. For yesterday. I had no right in attacking you like that." He offered a hand. "I'm sorry."
Snape looked at it as if it were going to sprout teeth and bite him. Very carefully, he gave it a short wag and dropped it like a snake.
Lupin smiled. "Alright." He sat himself down at the table, and looked at Severus as if he should do the same. When he did, he instantly regretted it, because Lupin began talking to him as if they were old friends.
"Evie explained things pretty thoroughly last night," he said, pouring a goblet of wine from the pitcher. "I thought perhaps I should come down and let you know that I, for one, have a lot of respect for you taking all this on alone."
Severus's eyes narrowed.
"I also understand how hard it must be, having to bear all this."
Severus blinked. "Do you?"
Remus swallowed, taking his time in meeting the other man's eyes. "Yes, Severus, I do. I know quite a bit about bearing heavy burdens alone, as I'm sure you know."
Snape felt rage- real, hard, boiling rage- fill his veins. No, he didn't know what it was like. He never had to realize that he had killed the one person who cared for him, who believed him, who'd given him the chance to change what he'd wanted to change his whole life, and to be hated for it, and to hate himself for it…
"I appreciate your attempt at comradery," he said calmly. His life had perfected the art of keeping his outward appearance steady when his inside was in turmoil.
Lupin smiled at him again, and Severus felt like pushing his smirking face into the goblet as far as it would go.
Evie was in the room suddenly, and Severus knew she had picked up on his mood this morning. "Remus, Severus," she greeted, and took Draco's empty seat.
Snape stared at her for a long time, then shifted. "I see you've brought your friends down a floor this morning."
She met his eyes for a fleeting moment, and forced a tight smile. "Actually, Remus wanted to come down and see you. The others are still asleep."
Remus shifted. "We had a bit of drama last night."
Evie swallowed, taking her plate and filling it. "Harry took it rather hard."
The heat rose in Snape's face, and Remus looked at him quickly. "The others are actually quite alright- Evie showed them the Pensieve, and explained it all. And I assure you, Sirius will refrain from any and all comments that might tempt him."
Snape's eyes had widened, and in a sickening turn of his stomach, Remus realized that this was news to Snape. He looked at Evie, who had her eyes closed, and her head was bowed. She looked like she was praying, and, Remus thought, she probably was…
"What did you just say?" Snape said slowly, his eyebrow raised and his face registering that he didn't believe what he had just heard.
Evie breathed. "I'm sorry, I should have told you." She looked at Remus with a smile. "Severus hasn't heard the good news." She looked at her cousin, and his head hadn't moved from Lupin, but his eyes were cutting to her. "It would seem that Sirius Black is indeed very much alive. He seems to be under the impression that the Ministry is looking for him again, having to do with this veil he keeps mentioning." She went back to eating.
Severus looked at her, and she was blatantly refusing to meet his eyes. He felt his anger boil again.
Black was here.
He was here, in this house, somewhere, and he was alive.
All hope of this ever working were now gone, for the plain and simple fact that as long as Black was here, nothing he said to Harry Potter would do any good. The boy would listen to anything that came from his godfather's mouth with no question, no matter how wrong and untrue it may be, and once again, his task, the very task he was supposed to complete, would be in vain.
And if Black was here, then surely, surely, his lovely cousin, the one who loved her dear Severus so much, would begin to once again pull away from him, leave him alone again, for that bastard, and who knows? Maybe now that he was back, he would take the chance to finish the job he tried to do twenty something years ago at Hogwarts, because God knew that when Sirius Black wanted something, the bastard would go to any lengths to get it…
"Stop." She didn't even look up at him, just uttered the word, and he stood quickly and threw his napkin to the table.
"Perhaps I should borrow the guards' armor? Or have you already charmed the place so heavily that the attacks will simply bounce off? Merlin knows it worked so well in the library..."
"Severus, don't."
"You seem to like to surprise me, Evelyn. When were you going to tell me he was here? Or were you? I seem to remember you saying, not too long ago, that if you had the choice, you would make quite a different life for yourself than the one you had."
She continued to look away from him, and he let out a growl of frustration and stormed out of the room. Lupin looked to her guiltily. "I'm so sorry. I had no idea that he didn't know."
She gave him a weak smile, and rose slowly. "It's alright. I should have told him." She passed him, and placed a hand on his shoulder. "You should go back, in case Draco comes in."
He nodded, and followed her out. She was walking to Snape's room, and Lupin watched her enter.
He was standing at the window, looking out over the fields. She joined him.
"I was going to tell you."
He shook his head. "No, you weren't."
She swallowed. "I was. I just didn't know how."
"Where is he?"
"Upstairs, with Harry. They haven't woken up yet."
"Perhaps that is for the best."
She looked at him, and her lip curled a bit. She fought it back into a straight line. "Severus, Remus says that he's going to be alright with it. And I'm sure he is. Anything Remus tells him, Sirius will believe, and I'm sure that after all he's been through, things will be different."
Snape's chin seemed to rise. "Yes, Evelyn. But as you well know, Black seems to forget that he is a human being and not an animal when certain…" he raised an eyebrow at her, "temptations are around."
She looked at him for a few seconds, her expression unreadable. "Please don't dwell on these things, Severus. There are greater troubles on us right now than those in our pasts."
"Of course, for you… I don't believe you were the one who was almost killed…"
"Don't talk about this now, Severus, please. It's all in the past. And Sirius knows that what we were can no longer be." Her eyes fell for a second, and he turned to her fully.
"Why not, Evie?" he said, a thick, sarcastic tone to his coddle. "Is he no longer the prize that you saw him as all those years ago? Have Azkaban and a pass through death stripped him of all the charm that you once found so irresistible? Have all the riches he poured upon you run out, and he no longer appeals to the poor little lost girl inside you?"
Her eyes shot to him, and there was no softness in them.
"Sometimes," she said, her voice shaking, "I wonder how such vile, evil words can come from someone I love so much. But then I remember, that there were times I did the same. The day you came here, I said I would have left you to be with him. And there were times, when we were younger, that I wished you gone, no matter how wrong I knew it was, just so that Sirius and I could be happy, without your gloomy shadow over us all the time. Then came the Death Eaters. There was your outlet. And I begged you, I did, I begged you not to go. But deep inside me, in my heart, in the half that belonged to Sirius, I was glad. I was so glad that you had found something other than me to cling to, because for once I could live my life and not yours." He watched as a tear slid down her cheek.
"I've wondered a thousand times, that if I had not felt that way, that if I had thought of you and not me, if you would be where you are today. I've wondered that if Sirius had not become the man I loved, if you would be here today. I know you hated him, and I tried to hate him too- but it wasn't until I thought I was wrong, until he was sent to Azkaban, that I felt the guilt of sending you to your doom by my selfishness." She grabbed his shoulders. "Never, for not one second, did I not think of you. For sixteen years it has not been Sirius Black that haunts my mind, but the man that I loved first. You are my brother, Severus, more than anything else. And you and I are the last links to the times that you were happy, and did not hate so much." She smoothed his hair back in the way only she could, making him feel like a child again, and he felt his coldness and hatred retreat a bit, felt it slip away. She blinked, and it forced fresh streaks down her face.
"Sirius Black is not important to me now. My past is gone, and will never be reborn as he was." She took his face, forcing him to look deep into her eyes. "I care about you. I care about the promise I made to Albus Dumbledore. I care about freeing this world of the evil that threatens to take it over." She swallowed. "But I cannot do that as long as there is hatred here in this place."
His face seemed to be pained, and for a second he felt as though he might have to sit down, but he forced himself to compose. "It is not my hate you must fret yourself about, Evelyn. It is the boy's."
She nodded. "I know. And whatever it takes, I will make him understand. He is his father's child. And yes, Sirius may influence him, but Sirius will listen to Lupin. And I feel that he has changed."
He blinked, and his face seemed to lose age as he did so. "I never knew it was your words that Dumbledore spoke that night. I never knew that he had come to you, asked you for the key to open my strength. When he was there, on the tower, I heard you speaking, I heard you in my head, and I thought, I really did, that I had gone insane. And his voice, pleading…." He shook his head, and Evie saw with a jolt that his eyes searched the room in desperation, as if searching for something, and recognized it as the defense against tears she had seen him use many times in the past. "I heard your voice, speaking those words, and I hated him for that moment, because I thought he was using them against me, I had no idea they were actually yours…" his voice trailed off, and he looked back to her. "Why… why didn't you tell me so when I came here? If you knew all along of Dumbledore's wish, why did you test me over and over again?"
She touched his face. "I had to know that you trusted me. I had to know that you would confide in me. There was no point in my helping you if you felt that I would not trust you." She shook her head. "I had to know that it was my Severus that had come to me. I had to know that it was who I longed to see and protect." She pulled him to her, holding him close and placing her head on his chest.
"Please, trust me Severus," she whispered. "I would never hurt the one I love so dearly."
And after a few moments, ever so slowly, his arms encircled her, and with a look of shock and pain he looked out the window, wondering if he would ever again be the man he once was.
Harry opened his eyes on the muraled ceiling, and blinked.
He felt wonderful.
He felt rested, comfortable, full of energy, and most of all, happy.
Something was wrong.
He sat up, and couldn't really remember getting into bed last night, and knew something important had happened, but couldn't put his finger on it.
And to tell the truth, he really didn't care.
He rubbed his hair, and it still shot out in fifty directions, and he put his feet on the floor.
But it wasn't the floor.
He looked down, and saw Sirius lying face-down beside the bed, his hair splayed over his face. There was something… different about him, but Harry couldn't place it, and thought maybe it was the fact that he was lying spread-eagle in the floor.
He knelt beside his godfather. "Sirius," he said softly, giving him a nudge. Nothing happened. He bumped him a little harder. "Sirius!"
A grunt came from the heap on the floor, and Harry moved back to give the man room to sit up. He stirred, and Harry saw that his hands were flexing, and cocked his head.
Those hands were different somehow…
"Oh," Sirius groaned, pushing himself up off the floor, "oh, she tried to kill me."
Harry frowned. "Sirius, are you alright?"
Sirius looked at him, and the boy gave a cry and backed across the room like a crab.
"What? What? Harry, what is it?" His hands went to his face, and he felt his head quickly. "Did she make me grow something?"
Harry swallowed. "It's you… you're different… you look..." He shook his head, motioning towards the mirror. "Go… go look…"
Sirius clamored to his feet and stumbled to the mirror, and stopped short in front of it.
"Oh, my God," he whispered.
Years of Azkaban had taken the once handsome face of Sirius Black and made it pale and gaunt, taken the once blue-grey eyes and made them empty and dull, and had made him seem lifeless, even when he had been at Grimmauld Place after his escape. Not to mention his trip into hell itself, fighting amongst the terrors of the veil, and fighting the memories of his eternity in the darkness.
But the man looking back at him was not that man.
The man looking back at him was much like the one he remembered laughing with James and Remus many years ago.
He had aged, and his face was pronounced with lines instead of youthfully smooth like it had been back then, but color had re-entered his cheeks, and they were actually a bit fuller, and his hair was darker, not streaked with grey. He looked clean, and maturely distinguished, not unlike his father had at that age. He noticed his hands, and saw that the knuckles were less pronounced, and the tattoos were a little faint.
He grabbed his chest, and saw that the markings there had also faded a bit, and his bones were now hidden under some padding. His body was quite normal now, and didn't look like it belonged to a starved and tortured man.
He whirled around and looked at Harry, who had begun to smile a little bit, and opened his mouth to speak, but producing nothing but a squeak. Sirius swallowed hard, and gave a nervous little grin, rolling his shoulders.
"Well," he raised his eyebrows, "I suppose I should shave."
