Author's Note: Yes, Kelsey, you are the main reason for this chapter. If anyone understands the T.S. Eliot reference, you are fantastic. I think this is my favorite chapter so far…
"We all need someone. Someone. Even if you're lost in the world you just need one person. To keep you right."
His voice echoed in the deafening silence of this flat. I needed something. Some type of noise or distraction. The fire may not have been the best idea but it was better than the cocaine.
I liked having a fire especially when it was cold out. Who didn't? I stared at the flames as they reached up to lick nothing but the air. They flickered, giving an uneven light to the room. A light that was always changing. So much different than everything else in the world.
The fire cracked and a piece of wood moved slightly.
This life was constant.
The cases never changing all that much.
The daily routine, consistent.
The drugs had that same effect every single time. That same guilt.
What I felt for John was always steady in a way that was oddly irregular. It was always there but some days it seemed like it had reached it's peak. Like when I got a new letter from him my heart jumped. Then I realize how much I miss him. It never varied in degree. Only in awareness.
It's always there. The pain. The sorrow. It's usually just a whimper. And suddenly it would become a bang.
