Mental Illness

Kairi opened her eyes to a bright light shining onto her once closed eyelids. Sitting upright and stretching, she saw to her left Sora asleep as he was curled into the pillow. Kairi smiled as she slowly got up and walked around the bed to enter the bathroom. Closing the door, she threw off her pajamas and turned on the shower until the water was running warm. After testing it with the palm of her hand, she stepped in and started to wash her body and hair. Running soap throughout her body, her fingers started to trace some of the light cuts that were fading away. Analyzing them closely, Kairi realized that they were only dead enough to break skin and hadn't really caused any real damage. The one Kairi did worry about was the deep scar forming on her abdomen, that wasn't about to leave her skin anytime soon. Her fingers kept running over the scar absentmindedly; she was reliving the event as if she was still there. The fear crept into her gut and made her harshly suck in a breath and open her closed shut eyes that she didn't realize she closed at all. She turned off the faucet to the shower and stepped out to grab a towel. Running the towel over her skin until it was dry, Kairi reached over to her pajamas and put them back on over her body. She ran the towel through her hair rapidly as she walked over to the sink and opened the top drawer, taking out a purple handled, round hairbrush. She began to run it threw her hair, staring at her own reflection in the mirror.

After she was finished she took the towel and threw it into the hamper and opened the door to the bedroom and froze at what she saw. Sora was sitting on the edge of the bed with the left side of his hair matted to his face due to laying on the pillow, and the right side of his hair ruffled into a lazy version of its regular spiky form. He was looking down at his hands, zoning out. He was holding the rusted, bronze pocket watch in his hands and it was opened. Kairi watched as his eyes were fixated on the small picture inside the watch, dazed and his eyes were glazed. Kairi sighed as she walked over and stood right in front of him.

Playing with her hands unsure, her left hand reached over and laid on the back of his hand holding the watch while her other brushed through the matted part of his hair and fell down to his cheek and stayed there. Soras eyes slowly lifted as he looked at her from underneath his eyelashes. Kairi met his eyes and saw dry tears at the tips of his eyelids. She knelled down, being below eye level with Sora as his eyes followed her. Her eyes stayed locked on his as her fingers ran down his cheek and brushed the side of his lips to his chin. Her right hand joined her left that rested on his holding the pocket watch.

Kairi moved her face closer to the knuckles of his hands and lightly kissed them. She placed her chin on top of his fingers.

"Sora, I can help. Let me."

Sora shook his head. "No. No, this is my burden. My mission and I need to do it alone."

Kairi sighed. "Sora I don't think you should do this alone. Maybe we should-"

"-No." Sora interrupted Kairi. Sora rubbed the side of his face harshly with the palm of his hand and brought back down. "Sorry. I just..." Sora drifted off as he held his head down, bangs covering his eyes.

Kairi nodded slightly. "It's okay. I understand. Just I want you to know that you aren't alone. You've got Aladdin, Abu...me?"

Sora lifted his head to look at Kairi at the murmur of her name. She was looking down, away from his eyes. He rested his forehead against hers, taking in her scent at the same time. He closed his eyes as his hand shut the pocket watch and his other reached up to cup Kairi's cheek. His fingers slightly touching her hairline while her hand reached up to play with the messy hair at the nape of his neck. Sora went to lean forward as their noses brushed but then quickly backed away, stunning Kairi who was still frozen from the non-existence kiss. Sora stood up and dropped the pocket watch back into the drawer of the end table and stood still.

"I'm going to shower." Kairi stood up and walked over to the dresser. Sora could feel her tense posture. "Kairi?"

"What?" Kairi never turned around while searching through her clothes. She heard Sora take a few feet towards her then stop.

"How does it feel? The shower, I mean." Kairi froze what she was doing and turned around to look at Sora and see someone different then who she has been looking at recently. Instead of seeing the brave, damaged street-rat, she saw a boy who has been limited to many things in life. Denied of things. She saw a scared boy, who still feared unknown things in the world. Is that why...

"Kairi?"

Kairi looked back up to see him gazing, almost longing. "How does it feel?"

Kairi smiled. "Wonderful. Just the water dropping down on you feels like a warm or cold blanket. Like a massage, it takes all the stress away."

Sora smiled. "Good." He walked into the bathroom as Kairi changed into another pair of clothes. She walked out of the bedroom and into her cousins room, where she grabbed some clothes that she thought would suit Sora. Folding them, she walked back into the room and laid them out on the bed, where when he exited the bathroom he could visibly see them.

As she turned to leave she saw Sora standing there with a towel draped around his waist, dripping wet from his hair matted to his face to his bare chest. Kairi stood there staring at him, stunned at what she saw. He was built but not too much, but enough to show of his running and climbing athletics. Sora noticed Kairi staring and coughed into his hand to regain her attention. Once Kairi snapped out of her daze, he pointed to the clothes on the bed.

"Are those for me?" Kairi nodded as Sora walked over to look them over.

Kairi started to fidget. "Sora?"

"Yeah?" Sora grabbed the red t-shirt and threw it over his head. Kairi turned around as she heard Sora throw down the towel and put on the black boxers and black jeans. He sat on the bed as he started to put on socks while Kairi turned back around.

"It's about earlier." Sora finished putting socks on as he waited for Kairi to continue. She sat down next to him as he looked at her.

"What about it?"

Kairi sighed upset. "Why didn't you kiss me?"

Sora looked away baffled. "Kairi..."

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No, it wasn't you."

"Please don't give me that speech."

Sora looked back at Kairi to see fresh tears forming in her eyes. "I wasn't about to give a speech."

Kairi looked down to her hands in her lap. "When you asked about the shower, I saw it."

Sora started to get confused. "Saw what?"

She turned back to Sora. "Saw something I've never seen before. You weren't the boy I met in the Market Place that day. You were like a lost boy who didn't know anything about what he should. For the first time, I saw fear in your eyes."

Sora laughed. "Fear? No, I'm not a coward."

Kairi took his hand into hers. "I'm not calling you one. You were scared."

"I don't get scared."

"SORA!"

Sora stopped when Kairi raised her voice. She saw a flicker in his eyes and immediately regretted her action. Sora took his hand out of Kairis and stood up.

"Wait, Sora. I'm sorry."

Sora shook his head. "No, it's fine."

"No it isn't." She grabbed his arm. "I shouldn't have raised my voice."

"Why shouldn't you? I raised my voice once, right?"

"No, you never once did. Which is why I am sorry. I'm just scared."

Sora turned around to face Kairi. "Why the hell are you scared?"

Kairi crossed her arms. "I'm scared because I feel that some days you look at me with so much emotion that it burns, and the other days it's like you look right through me. Almost like some days you see me and other days you see the Princess who started this whole mess." Kairi uncrossed her arms and moved closer to Sora.

"I'm scared that you don't care or haven't ever or will soon not even."

Sora looked at Kairi upset and shocked. "What?"

"I'm scared that you'll run off and I'll just be left behind."

Sora quickly pulled Kairi into a hug, the tightest hug he has ever given. "Never. I will never leave you behind."

Kairi didn't return the hug but she buried her face in his red shirt, smelling his clean smell. "Why do you look at me different sometimes."

"Because I don't know how to feel when I'm around you."

Kairi finally returned the hug letting the tears fall. Sora held her tighter. "I don't know how to react in these situations Kairi. I was never taught, never learned until now. I am so sorry that I am not the best at these, but I am trying. I don't know what to say or what to do. Before I knew who you were, I thought I was doing right. Doing things correctly. Then when I found out you were the Princess, I was so mad. Mad at myself that of course the girl I try to be with is the girl I've grown to hate. I was so confused. I didn't know how to react or do anything. I hurt you."

Sora pulled away and grabbed Kairi's face. "Never again. I am so sorry. I'm trying my best. I will never leave you behind, never. I know what it's like to lose someone and that's not happening again. Not you. If a situation ever arises where I am told to run away from someone I..."

Kairi looked up at Sora waiting but it never came. "I will not run. Never again. Teach me Kairi. Teach me how to be gentle, how to care, how to be civil. I don't want to do this anymore."

Kairi let more tears escaped. "Sora, you don't even have to ask."

Kairi leaned forward and gently placed her lips onto Soras. Sora returned the kiss more gently while pulling Kairi into a hug again. They parted as their foreheads rested onto each other. Kairi didn't need to hear the words she longed for. She could wait.