Ling was approaching it little by little, until he was within reaching distance of the blade. Only magic weapons have qi. Could the Holy Sword- could Excalibur- be a magic weapon as well…? Could it..?
He reached out towards the blade cautiously. Will I be able to free the sword from the ground? Will I achieve the power of legends? Ling gulped anxiously as he wrapped his fingers around the golden handle of the blade. Come on, let be the one to wield such divinity! It's only fitting as a future ruler!
He barely started to pull the sword when it popped out of the ground. He fell on his rear. "Okay... That was easy..." He held the sword in front of him to admire its design. "Too easy."
"Greetings! I am the Holy Sword, Excalibur," a booming voice called from the sword as it began to glow- blinding the Xingese prince temporarily.
When Ling opened his eyes, he beheld the sword's natural form. Its snout looked like a bird beak, its eyes resembled that of a fish, and its feet resembled a sort of furry animal's. It wore a frilly over coat, a tall, white top hat, and for pants... there were none. It... Has no pants...
"That's not disgusting at all..."
Lucky us... His body doesn't seem to need them... He's like a cartoon character.
A cane was shoved into Ling's face. "From where do you come?"
Ling shoved the cane aside. "Another world, from the land of-"
The thing turned around and tapped his cane on the ground before walking a short distance and returning back to Ling. "I already knew that."
"How? I just told you!"
He spun around once more, pointing the cane in Ling's face again. "What is your favorite number between one and twelve," he- it- demanded.
"Y'know, I never thought of what my favorite number is… Huh." Ling pondered, placing his hand on his chin in thought, the sword tapping the cane on the ground.
It pointed energetically towards Ling. "Who gave you the right to choose a favorite number?!"
"I thought you did, sir." Confusion crossed Ling's face.
"Fool! My legend starts in the twelfth century!" Excalibur turned away from Ling suddenly.
Ling put a finger to his chin in astonishment, his eyes widened completely. "That's interesting, because I'm the twelfth son of the emperor of Xi-"
"Fool," Excalibur exclaimed once more. He threw the cane in Ling's face again.
"Why did you cut me off- Gaaack," he griped as he was saddled with a large stack of papers. "The heck is all this, huh?!"
"These are the one thousand provisions you must follow if you wish to be my wielder." It poked the stack of papers slightly, causing Ling to fall back and scatter them.
Ling growled in distaste, rubbing his offended rear. "Gees, you're a real jerk," he noted with a frown evident on his face.
"Fool."
"When you say 'fool' what are you implying? And to whom?" He stared at the creature for a couple of moments.
He didn't move. He seemed to be frozen in place.
"Hey, you still there?" Ling leaned forward, analyzing the creature. He doesn't seem any different…
"Ling… He's a con. Let's just leave, while he's not moving."
I need a sword Greed.
"You don't need a sword. Have you forgotten that I can override the alchemy with the Philosopher Stone?"
Ling ignored Greed and continued to look at the creature. "Hey," he began as he got up. "I know you're still alive! What's up," he shouted, staring at the creature.
No movement from the creature that was addressed.
Ling reached out to touch the frozen creature. "Why are you playing dead," he said as his hand neared the thing's shoulder.
The cane he was holding suddenly sprung to life and whirled swiftly around- and effectively dodged by the prince. "This brings me to provision number fifty-eight: never talk to me when I'm humming to myself!"
"I don't get it, you weren't humming," protested Ling who had moved a ways away from the cane.
"Fool! You shall now hear how my legend began," He began to raddle off on what day of the week it may have begun- then it followed to something about being rebellious during the summer, somehow shifting to winter.
"What…?," Ling and Greed both said in confusion.
"This brings me to rule number one-hundred seventy-two: seek harmony."
Strange… we just so happened to be harmonious in our confusion… Ling stood there, his eyebrows twitching with stress. He was desperately piecing together information.
"Provision number one, my mornings start out with a cup of coffee with cream." He pressed his cane on the homunculus's foot.
Ling yelped in pain, holding his foot at the sudden stab towards it. "Yeah, that must be pretty important, huh," he yelled. "Got it, start with coff-"
"Who ever said I liked coffee? I start my mornings with green tea."
"Heh…? Didn't he just say-"
He did.
"You're not making any se-," he ducked as a cane swung at his head.
"This brings me to provision number two-hundred and two: Only the grandest of toilets are acceptable."
Ling's jaw began to drop. "What does that have to do with your mornings…"
"It has everything to do with them."
"It has nothing to do with coffee!"
"A grand toilet…?"
"Has everything to do with it, thus," he turned around once more, swinging his cane like a golf club. "This brings me to rule number six-hundred seventy-nine: always place a dehumidifier in your room."
"Wha…?"
This went on for quite some time. The Holy sword even made it known to attend a really long story telling party. By the end of it, Ling and Greed were on the ground, groaning in agony.
"Oh, god… This thing is horrible…"
"He's worse than Envy and… well, you combined."
Hey!
"It's true."
The sword threw its little stubby appendages in the air. "You have been chosen!"
Ling made a sound of acknowledgement. He slowly got up from his pitiful place on the ground. "Wait… 'chosen'?"
"Let us fly together!" The creature glowed in a bright light, signifying its transformation. The sword finally transformed back into its weapon form. It floated in the air, giving anyone else who was watching- and knew nothing about the torment that they had to endure- a mystical and majestic scene. "For victory! And Glory!" The sword grew wings of light.
"For victory," Ling repeated as he reached to grasp the sword.
"And glory," Greed also repeated in light of the moment.
Ling grasped the sword as the ground began to shake. He smiled in anticipation.
The blade was placed back in the ground without warning. "Umm, excuse me. But why have you placed me back in the ground...?"
The male sighed in aggravation, his hand on his right hip. "You're too much trouble to even want. I already have a weapon who already gives me a headache, I don't need you, too."
"Huh. Then why did you come here, then," a rather confused voice asked from the relic.
"Oh, because I specialize in using swords- at least ones that aren't human." He paused for brief moment. A disgusted grimace crossed his face. "But you're lame, so forget using you!" He briskly turned towards the rest of the cave and made his way to the exit.
On the way back to the academy, Greed inquired, "Hey, did you really mean what you said back there about me being annoying, Ling?"
Yeah, you're a pain in the rear. But you're not too bad.
"Define 'not too bad'."
You could be like that annoying sword back there.
"Tch. You'd never get along with him."
Yeah, what's the point if I already have something just as powerful, huh?
