Chapter 11 Lifetime Of Pain
"You doing alright over there?" Shae asked as her and Sam sat in the front seat of Hydra. Sam just glanced over at her and forced a smile. "Oh come on man. The ride didn't even start yet. Don't get scared on me now."
"Didn't start yet!? Have you see that?" He asked as he pointed to the front. Shae laughed and looked ahead of her. She saw the corkscrew and laughed more. "How am I supposed to be calm when I'm looking at that?"
"Simple. Think of it this way." She started as their shoulder harnesses were lowered. "If by some act of god, this thing breaks, at the speed we're going to be crashing to the ground, you'll be dead before you know it. Won't even have time to be scared and that." She added pointing to the screw. "Isn't as bad as it look."
"Just how fast are we going to be going through that?" She placed her finger on her chin and thought about it. "Shae! You were on this already with Dean. How fast are we going through that?"
"Roughly, six miles per hour, but it'll be over before you know it." Sam was just staring at her with wide eyes as the gates opened. "You ready Sammy?"
"No, but I don't have a choice now, do I?" She shook her head as they went around the screw at a groundbreaking speed of four miles per hour. "Guess I was wrong on that one." She told him as they started climbing the first hill.
"I got that!" Shae glanced over at him and the poor guy looked like he was going to shit his pants at any minute. "How the hell did I let you talk me into this?"
"It was my charm and beauty that did you in. Now throw your hands in the air cause here we go!" Shae started laughing as they went down the first hill. She kept glancing over at Sam and laughed even harder.
"I HATE YOU!!" He screamed as they went though one of the seven turns. "I REALLY HATE YOU!!"
"YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME AND HERE COME ANOTHER SCREW!!" Sam closed his eyes and kept them closed till the ride was over. "We're done now. You can open them." Sam opened his eyes and glanced over at his sister. "Wasn't that awesome!?"
"No. That sucked and I think I need to change my underwear."
"To much info Sammy." She told him with a laugh as they got off the ride and met up with Dean at one of the many food courts. "How you doing Dean?" He glanced up at the two and shook his head. "You wanna head out then?"
"Yeah. Just need to lay down for a bit." Shae nodded and Sam helped him walk to the car. Dean fell asleep not to long after they got on the road.
"You don't think that he's..." Sam started, but Shae put her hand up and stopped him.
"No. Not yet." Sam looked at her before glancing back at his brother, who was lying in the back seat. "He's fine Sam. Just needs sleep."
"Shae, I get this is hard. It's hard for all of us, but you have to remember that he's not going to be here soon."
"Sam." Shae warned as she glanced over at him. "We're not having this conversation now. He's just tired."
"And you're just scared to lose him." He told her as she pulled off to the side of the road and turned the car off before facing him. "Look, you have to accept the fact that he's dying."
"No I don't." She told him as she shook her head. "You know, I was thinking. Maybe if we take him home. We can have him go through with the chemo." She said as she looked at her lap. "I mean it's worth a try."
"He said he didn't want it."
"And I don't want to lose him!" She shouted, waking Dean up. He sat up and looked around before looking at Shae and Sam. "Sorry about that." She mumbled as she turned the car back on.
"Uh, you two talking about something?" He asked as he looked from one to the other. Sam just shook his head and looked out the window. "Shae?"
"It's nothing Dean. Just get some more sleep. We still have a ways to go before we get to a hotel." She told him without looking at him. Dean just looked at the two one more time before sitting back and giving up. The three fell into a very uncomfortable silence for the next twenty minutes before Shae snapped and pulled over again. "Uh, you're doing what?" Dean asked as he looked around again. "I don't see a hotel."
"Dean." She started as she kept her eyes focused on the road. Sam glanced back at Dean and shrugged before looking at his sister.
"Yeah?" She lifted her head slightly and took a deep breath. "Are you alright?"
"I want you to try the chemo." She whispered as she slowly turned and looked at him. Dean was just staring at her while Sam tried to think of something to say.
"We already went through this. I don't..."
"I know. You don't want to, but you have to. Maybe something else will happen. You know, instead of having only a few months, you could have a few years." She told him as she played with the bottom of her shirt. Dean shook his head and placed a hand on her shoulder, but she just threw it off. "NO!" She screamed as him.
"Shae. Maybe you should just calm down and think about what you're going to say." Sam tossed out. He needed to say something to calm her down before she just snapped out completely. Shae just shook her head and got out of the car, slamming the door. Dean glanced over at Sam till Shae opened the back door, causing the two to jump.
"Get out." She hissed as she looked at Dean. Poor guy didn't know what the hell to do.
"Shae."
"NOW!" She screamed as she backed up, giving him enough room to leave the car. He just looked at Sam again before getting out.
"What are you doing?" He asked as he watched her walk back and forth in front of him. "You're not going to beat me up, are you?" He asked with a smile. She stopped and turned to look at him. Deans smile fell the minute he saw the tears running down her face. "Shae."
"I'm sorry Dean." Sam got out and stood by his door, watching them. Dean tilted his head to the side and gave her a confused look.
"For what? Yelling? That's not a big deal." He told her with a shrug. She shook her head and dug her hands into her pockets. "Then for what?"
"Letting you die." Great. Now he was even more confused than he was before. Even Sam was lost this time.
"You're not letting me die Shae. None of this is your fault." He told her as he walked over to her.
"You're wrong." She answered looking up at him. "You're just wrong. I'm your older sister. I'm supposed to protect you and I can't. I can't do anything to save you and the one thing that could buy you a little more time you won't even try!" She screamed as she threw her hands in the air. "How the hell do you think that makes me feel!? I'm a failur!" Sam and Dean exchanged a looked as Sam joined them. "I can't save you Dean. I just have to sit back and watch you fade away until you die. I can't do that Dean. I just won't." She finished as she sat on the side of the road, burying her head in her hand and crying.
"None of this is your fault." Sam told her as he sat next to her, wrapping his arm around her. She shook her head and just cried more. "Shae, look at me." She lifted her head and looked at her youngest brother. "Now listen to me. None of this is your fault. None of it."
"Sammys right." Dean told them as he sat on the oppisate side. "Not like you could of predicted this was going to happen. It just did." He told her with a shrug.
"No. There had to of been something I missed. Something that should of told me that something was wrong with you."
"There wasn't. Hell, I didn't even know and it's my body. How could you of known what I didn't even know?" She shrugged and wiped her eyes. "You can't blame yourself for this. I'm not blaming you. Sammys not blaming you. No one is blaming you for anything. It's shitty that it happened, but it did and theres nothing you can do about if and theres nothing you could of done about it." He told her as he rested his head on her shoulder. "And if it really means that much to you, I'll try the chemo."
"Really?" She asked as she looked over at him, her eyes full of hope. Dean smiled and nodded. "You'll really do it?"
"Yeah. After all, this isn't just my life. I mean I do have you and Sam to think about. Not to mention mom, dad, Nick and Jayden. If this thing wants a fight, then I'm going to give it one hell of a fight." Shae just smiled and pulled him into a hug. Sam smiled at the sight, but that didn't last long cause Shae grabbed him and hugged him as well. "You know how much I love you guys. I just wish you would of told me how much this ment to you. I would of done it sooner."
"Yeah well. Had a lot on my mind at the time." Dean just laughed as the three stood up. "Guess we should get back then, huh?" Dean nodded and they all got into the car.
"Don't think I'm letting you slide on slamming the door again either. I told you I don't know how many times not to do that and there you went, doing it again." Dean said as he rested his head against the window.
"You know, I think she even slammed it harder this time."
"Not helping my case any Sammy." Shae told him as she gave him a sideways glanced. Sam just laughed and turned on the radio. "OH! Justin Timberlake!"
"Oh god." Both boys moaned as they hit their heads against the window. Shae laughed and continued their drive home. They were a little over a hour away from home when Sam started driving. Shae was asleep in the passenger seat and Dean in the back when Sam called home.
"Hello?"
"Mom."
"Sam? That you? Something wrong?"
"No mom. Nothings wrong, but Dean decided to go ahead with the chemo."
"Really?"
"Yeah. We all had a nice little talk and he thought that it would be best to at least try to fight it."
"Thats great Sammy. I'll call the doctor and let him know. I'll set up the appointments and everything." Sam laughed and shook his head cause of how excited she was. "How far away are you?"
"About two hours. Give or take. I think they're doing some road work up ahead so we might be longer."
"Alright. I'll let your father and the doctor know. Can I talk to him?" Sam glanced back and saw that Dean was still sleeping.
"He's sleeping. Has been for some time now. Want me to wake him up?"
"Yeah. I just want to talk to him for a second." Sam nodded and reached back to smack his brother.
"Dean. Mom wants to talk to you." He said as he glanced back at him and then at the road. "Dean." Shae lifted her head and looked over at Sam.
"What?" She asked when she saw Sam holding his phone.
"Wake Dean up. Mom wants to talk to him and she's going to call the doctor and set up a appointment for him." Shae nodded and turned around to shake Dean.
"Dean. Moms on the phone. Get up and talk to her." She told him as she shook him. Sam kept glancing back at him. "Dean. Come on and get up. No way you're that tired. You only slept most of this ride." She told him as she shook him harder. "Dean?" She asked as she leaned back more to get a better look at his face. "Sam, pull the car over and hang up."
"Why? What's wrong?" He asked as he pulled the car over. He heard Mary saying something into the phone, but really wasn't paying attention at the time. "Shae. What is it?" She just shook her head and got out of the car. She opened the back door and her hands went right to her mouth. "Shae!?" Sam yelled as he rushed out of the car once he saw her fall to the ground. He ran over to her and looked at her. "You alright?" She shook her head and pointed to the car. Sam turned around and looked at Dean. "No." He whispered as he went over to him. "No." He repeated as he shook his head. "Dean. Wake up." He said as he shook his brother. "DEAN! WAKE UP!!"
"Sammy?" He didn't even pay any attention to Shae. "Sam!?"
"NO!" He screamed as he shook Dean harder. Shae got up and walked over to her little brother and grabbed him before he had a chance to hit Dean.
"SAM! STOP!" She screamed as she tried to pull him back. He just had his eyes locked on Dean's face. "SAMMY!" She screamed again as more tears fell from her eyes. "Just please stop." She whispered as she let him go. Sam nodded and the two sank to the ground on the side on the impala.
"Hes..." Sam started before breaking down. Shae nodded and wrapped her arms around Sam. "He can't be." She just nodded and started rubbing his back.
"I know, but he is." Sam shook his head and rested his head in the crook of Shaes neck.
"But he was going to go through with it." Sam mumbled as he cried. "He was going to get more time." Shae stopped rubbing his back and lifted her head. "He was going to get more time with us." She nodded and let Sam go before standing up and walked over to the car. Sam wiped his eyes and watched her. Both forgot about their mother being on the phone at that point. "Shae?" Sam asked as he slowly stood up.
"GET UP!!!" She screamed as she slapped Dean across the face with such force it made Sam flinch. "YOU ARE NOT DEAD! GET UP!!" She screamed louder as she hit him again. This time Sam had to hold her back. "YOU WERE GOING TO GO THROUGH WITH IT!! YOU WERE GOING TO GET MORE TIME!!! YOU CAN'T BE GONE NOW!!! YOU JUST CAN'T BE!" She screamed as she fought with Sam.
"Calm down."
"LET ME GO SAM! HE'S GOING TO WAKE UP!! HE'S GOING TO GET THE CHEMO AND HE'S GOING TO GET MORE TIME! I AM NOT LETTING HIM GO!! I AM NOT FAILING HIM AGAIN!!" She screamed as she wrestled to get out of Sam's hold.
"Shae, he's gone. No amount of screaming or hitting is going to bring him back. Hes gone." Sam told her calmly as he held her. She just had her eyes focused on her little brothers face. His green eyes that were once full of life were open and dull. His face was pale and cold to the touch. "He's gone."
"No. He's sleeping." She whispered even though she knew the truth. "Just sleeping." She whispered again before passing out. Sam held her close to him before placing her on the ground.
"Shae?" He asked as he patted her face. "Shae, wake up and look at me." He got no response so he ran to the car and got a bottle of water and poured it on her face. She jumped up and shook her head. "You alright?"
"What the?"
"You passed out." She rubbed her head and looked up at him. "We have to get home. You just sit and relax. I'll drive." She nodded and he helped her to the car. Sam ran over to the drivers side and got in. "Crap! Mom!" He picked up the phone, but the line was dead. "I'll call her back and let her know." Shae shook her head and grabbed the phone.
"No. We'll tell her when we get there." Sam nodded and pulled onto the road. Shae turned around and looked at her brothers face again. Mostly trying to wrap her mind around him really being gone. Sam reached over and placed a hand on her back as she continued to stare at Dean. The one thing that both of them would remember was that even in death, their brother still had a smile planted on his face.
