A/N *hums* Blink and you'll miss it reference to an Amber Benson movie in this chapter. OH GOODNESS I NEED TO UPDATE THIS STORY MORE FREQUENTLY. AND WRITE IT BETTER.
Oh, come on, Jade. Why can't you just find your own girl? Or guy, for that matter? You got by on guys for years, and you're still pretty attracted to them, right? You've got to wonder why it's the one girl that got away (without your knowledge) that you want?
Goddamit. I need to give her back to Tori, but when she steals me into the bathroom and starts kissing me silly, it's hard to get in a word edgewise.
"Cat, no-"
"I'm not doing it right?"
"No- Yes- I..." I take a deep breath and wonder if she still might be as vulnerable as she was in high school. "We have to end this."
"Oh, you're busy? Sorry, I'll see you ton-"
I shake my head furiously from side to side. "No, I don't want you in my bed tonight. Not any night. You're Tori's wife."
"She never has to know..."
"Well she does know."
Her already-large eyes widen. "What! No, Jade... You didn't...?"
I nudge her shoulder so she gets out of my personal bubble. "I did. Now, you're never going to see me again after this film wraps up. We're going to act friendly in public, then you're going to go to England with Tori and get on your fucking knees and grovel. We're not going to have sex, and we're not friends anymore."
"Jade, you can't-"
"I can, and I will. I've hurt too many people in my life, and I'm not going to ruin yours and Tori's marriage. She loves you."
"I know, but-"
"It was a mistake. I'm in the experimental phase of my twenties. You are- were my best friend, and it's only natural that I would turn to you first. I'm sorry. We're not friends anymore, and I can't say that I'm going to miss you." I turn on my heel and don't look back, long hair masking my hurt expression.
It's not often that I cry. There's only been six times that I can really remember. I cried when my childhood nanny died when I was seven. Then, when I was eight and a half, I cried when I didn't get the first part I wanted- Juliet in Romeo and Juliet. The next time was not until when Beck broke with me. Another time was when that heartbreaker Beck cheated on me- the first time I had ever really been the victim. I cried at Cat and Tori's wedding. And now... Now I wish there was another bathroom that I could lock myself in, but I just left the bathroom.
I'm feeling sorry for myself and looking at the ground with tears spilling liberally when I make a crash. My temper has never been particularly noteworthy for being withheld, so it's no surprise when I start screaming, "Get out of the fucking w-" And then I realize who I just walked into. "Oh. Andre."
"Bad acting back there?" he suggests, glancing around at the surroundings.
"You could say that." I sure don't think I convinced myself back there that I was not going to miss Cat.
He nods. "Oh... Well, I got most of your horror movie soundtrack down. That's why I'm here and all. So... you want that?"
"Sure. Yeah." I am so not in the mood to be a stable, working adult right now. "Have it on you?"
"Yeah." He rifles through the bag he has on him and forks over the CD. "Here, I hope you like- Whoa, what happened?"
Obviously, he just got a glimpse of my expression, and has the faintest idea of how I'm feeling right now. "Remember our last conversation?"
"Yeah."
"Let's just say that whatever chance you had of getting it on with Tori is shot."
Frowning, he says, "I'm not trying to sound witty or ironic or anything, but what's that supposed to mean?"
I, quite frustrated with the topic, start to brush my dampened hair out of my face. "Okay, well, Cat was into it, and it was great for a while. Like mind-blowingly amazing, and I was actually happy. And, then, well, then Beck came. And has this daughter, and she's so adorable. Sam. It's so weird, since she looks just like me. You know it's not possible that she's my kid. That would be weird, but she has my eyebrows. And... and nobody has my eyebrows. And-"
"Does this have to do with why you're still crying?"
I puff my cheeks out and glare at him. "Yes, I was getting there. Anyway... Sam adored me, and I took advantage of that to make Beck, you know, upset."
"No, I don't know."
"Whatever. Anyway, she somehow made have this- what do you call it- epiphany. One day, Tori and Cat might have kids. Really. I'm sure that a few years down the line they're going to have that technology all fixed up so lesbians can make magical babies. And they're going to be great mothers. And... and I looked at what child could have been mine if I'd stayed with Beck... We really could have been happy if I got over it. The truth sets you free, and I am never going to help someone's heart get broken again."
Andre looks uncomfortable. "So, you're sayin' that you think that Tori's going to take Cat back, even if she knows about the cheating. And then they're going to have magical lesbian babies and live happily ever after while you join a convent?"
I shrug. "Pretty much. Sorry, 'Dre. We lost this one. Tori's a lost cause."
"I was thinking all about Tori for so long," he sighs. "I still do. But I found a new girl, actually. In Cali. It hasn't been very long yet since we met, but it almost feels like home with her. Really nice."
"So..."
"It's not a big deal for me anymore. I guess Tori was always the dream girl."
Oh no, those tears aren't coming again. Fuck you, female hormones. Please restrain yourselves so I may have my eyes dry in peace. "God, I feel like such a pig..." So much for dry eyes.
He moves to put his arm around my shoulder while I sob uncontrollably. "Hey, Jade. It's okay. You can still talk with Cat. She understands, right?
"Th-that's the thing," I sniff. "I t-told her p-pretty much that I n-never want to talk to her again."
"Well, do you want to?"
"Of c-course I do. Whether or not she's in bed with me, she's my best friend. And she always will be..."
Comfortingly, Andre steers me to a padded bench "Take a rest. You look like a mess. No offense, but you still wear way too much eyeliner."
I laugh, but it's half-forced. "You sure know how to charm a girl. Heh. Whathserface must be so glad to have snagged you."
"Her name's Alexis, and you're going to take a nap. I know you used to nap so well in those cruddy desks in Ms. Woodward's classroom, and you're going to take one now. It'll do you some good."
"Fine." I resign myself to the task, but I'm going to make myself comfortable if I have to do this. After nudging Andre to one side of the bench, I move myself into a position reminiscent of a fetus and try not to move too much. Maybe putting off my troubles and catching up on some sleep will do me some good...
