There's a term many people fall under when traveling at sea: cabin fever. It usually happens after an extended period of time being isolated or physically trapped with nowhere to go; not having any free room in which to roam. Unfortunately, Maria had cabin fever. She was so used to having the glorious mountains in Austria where she could escape to whenever she felt lonely or in despair. Now, traveling further and further away from her beloved mountains felt like she was losing a piece of her soul. Maria began to understand that this move to America was permanent and that she most likely would never see Austria ever again. During the first few nights, she found herself sneaking above deck to catch glimpses of the Alps as they were illuminated by the moon and stars. But over a month out on their cross-Atlantic voyage, Maria could no longer see anything that reminded her of home. Until her honeymoon she had never even been out of Austria. Then she and Kurt spent countless days and nights crossing the European continent, taking her to places she'd never dreamt of seeing. And now she was on a ship taking her to an unknown nation where everything would be different. Different languages, different smells, different scenery. Did they even have mountains in America?
One particular night she found herself unable to fall asleep so she quietly crept down the short ladder of her bunk and attempted to sneak out for one of her usual nightly strolls. When they first boarded the S.S. Destiny, Kurt had insisted that he take the bottom bunk on the slightest off chance anybody tried to force entry into their cabin, which would have put him at the first line of defense. He argued with his mother that she would be safer on the top bunk out of any potential intruder's grasp.
So now when she gently stepped down onto the floor, it was only instinctual that Kurt awoke with a start thinking someone had broken into their room.
"Ssshh...back to sleep. I'm only going for a walk - can't sleep. I'll be back soon." Maria tucked her son back in - he was dreaming soundly within a few minutes.
Once she was out in the fresh air, she shivered at the sudden change in temperature. It was very welcoming and toasty below beck. Out in the open winter air with the wind at her face, Maria was glad she grabbed an extra sweater and the blanket from her bed. It was well past midnight and there wasn't anyone else roaming around the ship except for a few officers. As they passed by, the two sailors tipped their caps at Maria.
She found comfort at last sitting on a bench gazing up at the stars once more. Although a poor replacement, Maria was beginning to find solace star gazing among the night sky as she normally would have done singing on a mountaintop. She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't even notice someone sit down next to her.
"I hope you don't mind a little late night company." Kurt offered her the blanket to his bed, as he could she Maria was obviously shivering even under her layers.
"You really didn't have to follow me up here, you know. I'm perfectly capable of taking a walk alone." She graciously welcomed the added warmth and allowed her son to wrap his arms around her for his own form of heat.
"It's nothing really, mother. Where do you think I've been all those other nights you got up so abruptly while you thought I was sleeping?" There was a slight mischievous twinkle to Kurt's eyes as he said this.
"You mean to tell me you've been following me up here all this time?"
"Well not every single night, but I will admit that the first few I did lag behind unsure if you'd be all right or not by yourself."
"You really are your father's son, you know that? He'd be doing the exact same thing."
Even while holding onto his mother, Kurt straightened at the compliment. It had been a while since he and Maria had spoken of Georg and as she had done so in such a positive way, made him miss his father once more.
"Do you think he'd be proud of us the way we've handled things so far? I think about him all the time and wonder if he's concerned that it's me you're with."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Oh you know, how it's me...how I'm not him...how I'm not Freidrich..." Kurt stopped short at his last statement not entirely sure how to verbalize what he was really trying to say.
Maria, however, knew exactly what he was trying to say to her.
"I know that if your father were with us all this time he'd be the proudest of you that he ever thought possible. I think about him constantly. When I'm awake, when I'm asleep. And not a day has gone by the past few years where I haven't thanked God mercifully that it's you I'm with." With tears in his eyes, Kurt looked down at his mother, hearing the nicest thing anybody had ever said to him.
"I know you must think that because you're the youngest Von Trapp male in the family that makes you the least adequate, but I can assure you that I have never been more grateful or happy to have had you at my side all this time. Give yourself some credit, it was you after all who saved me not once, but twice. If it hadn't been for you I would never have gotten over that horrible miscarriage and I certainly wouldn't have ever gotten out of that river safely."
"Thank you," was all Kurt could say quietly. "I had no idea I was that important."
By now Maria had wrapped the second blanket over the both of them and had her arms wrapped around her son. She was always glad for Kurt's eagerness to be the protector, but she kept reminding herself that he was only a teenager and needed to be reminded as such every once in a while.
"I was honest with you now I want you to be honest with me...have I been a good mother? I look around this ship constantly and see happy children running around with their families and feel so guilty that we're missing the rest of ours. I know it's not my fault that we got split up that night, but I can't help but feel responsible for the way things turned out...you've already gone through so much and I can't bear to put you through anything more."
Maria was sobbing as she held onto Kurt, for fear of breaking down completely. She needed to hold onto him to steady herself. She had been holding all of these emotions for so long, wanting to be brave for her son. Now, she felt like she couldn't keep them bottled up any longer.
Kurt broke free from his mother's embrace and took her face in his hands.
"You say that you're lucky to have me all this time, well I think it's me who's the lucky one...you don't give yourself enough credit here, mother. Because of you I have everything. Don't you remember how everything was before you came into my life? If you and father had never married, then we would have probably lost him to the Nazis by now and the seven of us would have been parentless. Instead, I'm with you and I know in my heart the others are with father. He's too strong to let them be taken from him. And I know that because of you, you and I will find them in America. We've made it over two years together, what's a little more waiting when it comes to family?"
Maria wrapped Kurt in a monstrous hug underneath the blankets. Both shivering uncontrollably, both sobbing like babies, both ever so thankful for the other. Maria looked up at her son and smiled. Kurt looked at his mother and smiled.
"As I said, you really are your father's son. The way you've just spoken shows how alike you two are, it's a shame it's taken me until now to truly notice that...he'd be very proud of you."
"You too, you know? The morning of your wedding when he, Freidrich, and I were getting dressed, he said that no matter what, he'd never be able to stop loving you. Not to sound mushy or sentimental or anything, but I know he meant it. Wherever he is, I know he has you on his mind."
"You're so sweet, I can't believe how much you're growing up. I still think of you as the little shy eleven year old back home, where did he go? Hhmm?"
"He's still back home, I'm afraid. You're just gonna have to get used to me now." Kurt gave his mother a hopeful expression as she tightened the grip on her son.
"If this is how it's going to be from here on out, I think I'll be able to live with that. Come on, let's get back down to some heat. My feet are frozen."
* Next chapter they get to America! The comments have been great - please keep them coming! *
