I hope you enjoy a longer chapter as this one just did not want to quit and I had to chop it somewhere. Thank you so much for your ongoing comments and reviews. You make my day :-)
Chapter Eleven
Stacey held herself upright and stared at the miles of dirt ahead of them. Beside her, Joe's brother hadn't seemed inclined to conversation and she had struggled for anything much to say to him as the road had rolled along beneath them. Each of them was lost in their worries as the day dragged on and every so often she would turn and glance over her shoulder. Adam was wedged up against Joe and she could see the tense set of his shoulders and the deep worry etched across his face. Joe had barely responded to anything after being placed in the wagon and she found herself trying not to dwell on what that may mean. Her emotions swung back and forth, almost in time with the wagon's swaying motion. The days back on her ranch had been intense and she had been terrified that her patient would die before she even got to know his name. The need to save him had driven her for days and it was only once she was stuck in the wagon, with nothing but her thoughts that she began to wonder why. The answer scared her and she shied away from it.
As Luke lay dying, she had wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulled his head onto her lap. He had smiled at her one last time and closed his eyes. She knew there was nothing she could do to save him, but the guilt had chewed into her dreams for a long time after.
What if?
What if she had been stronger and could lift him back onto his horse and get him to help? What if she had been more knowledgeable with doctoring and been able to remove the bullet and stop the bleeding? What if she had been able to get the truth out of Luke and gone to Harry in time before any of it happened? What if he wasn't trying to protect her and keeping secrets from her? What ifs had poisoned her thoughts and told her she had failed her husband. What ifs told her she deserved to be alone and lonely for the rest of her days. What ifs whispered ugly words into her very soul and she ran from them.
What if Joe died too?
The thought came at her from out of nowhere and Stacey shivered. Hoss looked across at her and frowned.
"You all right there, Miss Stacey?"
She didn't trust herself to speak and nodded instead. Her fears were nothing in comparison to Joe's family and she would not dare impose on them.
"Just a little cold."
"Well there ain't no blankets left, but you can have this, if it helps." Hoss was already shimmying out of his jacket as he shifted the reins from one hand to another and Stacey felt guilty at having lied to him. She smiled in appreciation and accepted the jacket as it was too hard to explain anything else. She soaked in the warmth from its previous occupant and tried to hold herself together.
"We'll be home in a bit. You'll be warm soon enough."
Stacey felt tears welling in her eyes and she looked away. What right did she have to take any of Joe's family's time or attention when she was the one who had caused his injuries? It may have been the stranger who had held the knife, but she had been the one who was stupid enough to get caught in the first place. She was the one Joe was trying to rescue when he was attacked. She recalled Adam's expression as he realised her reckless plan and she wished she had paid better attention. She found her fingers moving towards her throat involuntarily and she squeezed her eyes closed as she felt the blade there once again.
Joe had begged for her to be released and he'd even offered himself in her place. As Stacey felt tears beginning to dribble down her cheeks, she felt ashamed at her own weakness. If Joe died, it would be entirely her fault. She suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder and she jumped at the touch.
"Sorry, didn't mean ta startle you. You okay there, Miss Stacey?"
Hoss was watching her intently and she felt her stomach churning. From what she'd seen of the man, his size belied a gentle nature and she felt sick at what he would do if he only knew the truth about her. His whole family would hate her.
"I'm fine, really. Just a little tired … and emotional, I suppose."
"Well, we'll be home soon enough and you can take some rest. And Hop Sing'll cook ya anythin' you like. Course he'll start right off making alla Joe's favourites … like his apple pie and maybe some beef roast and probably a big ol' fat chocolate cake."
Stacey had heard Joe talk of Hop Sing and she managed a small smile in response. The thought of food made her stomach churn, but she nodded as Hoss described the future feast awaiting his brother. Like the fatted calf being prepared for the returning son. It spoke of hope and she took it for what it was. Hoss was not ready to concede that Joe would not survive his ordeal.
By the time the group made its way into the yard, the house was lit up like a Christmas tree. Ben allowed himself a moment of relief when he saw Paul's buggy off to one side and he knew that Glen had made it through. Hop Sing came running from the house as if he had been listening for them. Of course, Ben knew that he had been and he began issuing instructions as men poured out of the bunkhouse. Adam reluctantly released his grasp on Joe and allowed himself to be helped off the back of the wagon. He shrugged off any further assistance and waited impatiently as Hoss and Ben began to lift Joe using the edges of the blanket he was laid on. Other hands reached out to help and Adam trailed along behind them. Nobody seemed to notice as Stacey hung back alongside the wagon, uncertain of what to do next. Harry was nowhere to be seen and she figured he was still in Virginia City dealing with the local sheriff and the men who had attacked them. She couldn't even see Glen anywhere and she suddenly felt very out of place. A couple of the men finally came back out of the house and noticed her hovering at the end of the wagon, rolling up bedroll blankets for want of something better to do.
"Ah … Miss? I'm guessing you'd be the Stacey that young Glen mentioned." When she nodded, he quickly continued. "The Boss'd have my hide if I leave ya out here in the cold. Why don't you go on in and wait where it's warmer?"
Stacey managed an awkward smile as she agreed to the idea. It felt surreal to be walking into a stranger's home and she balked at the doorway when she heard a scream of pain from upstairs. Nobody was in the room and she paced around, trying to push down the fear that seemed to want to choke her. The man who had escorted her inside pointed towards the sofa.
"Take a seat, miss. The doc's been gettin' his things ready since he got here and Hop Sing knows a thing or two too. Can't say's as Joe didn't look right awful, but Doc Martin is a good doctor."
Another ragged scream carried down the stairs and Stacey found her legs giving way beneath her. The man grasped at her elbow and pushed her towards the sofa.
Paul had already been given enough information from Glen's description that he knew Joe would need anesthetizing in order for him to stitch up the wound. He was expecting it to be bad, but as he carefully unpeeled the bandage that had soaked through and partially dried, he sucked in a sharp breath. No matter how carefully he tried to check the wound, he was not surprised when Joe screamed in agony. It was taking both his father and brother to hold him down and he decided to pull out the ether before he went any further. It took some maneuvering to get Joe in a position where he could administer it and he screamed again before its effects took over and he fell back against the pillow.
"Hop Sing, I'm going to need you here. Ben, I want you three out of here."
Before Ben could protest, Paul lifted his eyes and shook his head firmly. "In case you hadn't noticed, your other son is about to keel over, so do me a favour and take the distraction out of here."
Ben glared at him and swallowed down a retort before glancing back towards Adam. What Paul had said was true and he reluctantly went for his son's good arm as Hoss moved to the other side of him. Adam didn't have the strength to argue as he was led out of the room, but he didn't miss the look on his father's face as they reached the door.
"He made it home, Pa. That's all he needed. You know how Little Joe is about the Ponderosa."
"Sure, Pa. Best medicine anyone coulda given him!" Hoss nodded emphatically as he steered Adam out the door.
Ben nodded as he continued into the hallway and wasn't sure if Adam was still leaning on him or he was leaning on his son.
It was far too long when Paul and Hop Sing finally made their way down the stairs and Ben was on his feet before they reached the bottom stair.
"Well?"
Paul held up a hand to forestall the questions and moved over to where Adam was slumped against the side of the sofa. "I still need to set that arm and I'll fill you in as I work."
Adam allowed his arm to be unwrapped and examined while the whole time he was gritting his teeth against the pain. The large whiskey that Hoss had poured for him earlier was long gone and so were its soothing effects.
"Sorry, I just need to make sure this is still aligned." Eventually Paul began re-splinting the arm and he nodded at his patient.
"Hoss did a good job on setting that bone."
"It weren't me. Miss Stacey over there done it."
Paul took in the young woman who was curled into Ben's favoured chair, looking like she was almost asleep and he smiled at her. "Well done, young lady. I was afraid of what I might find, given how long it's been, but Adam owes you a debt of thanks that he won't have any problems with his arm."
"I owe him far more." The words were barely a whisper and Paul took a closer look at her. Fatigue drew dark rings under her eyes, but his experience told him there was something more. He pushed it aside as Ben hovered beside him. He turned back to the impatient father and pulled himself upright after patting Adam on the shoulder.
Hop Sing appeared from nowhere, carrying a cup of coffee which he gratefully received before reporting what they all needed to hear.
"Paul?" Ben's patience had reached its limit.
"I don't need to tell any of you that Joe has lost a lot of blood. That knife wound was deep and he's lucky in a way it was a slice and not a stab, or he'd probably be dead." He paused as that idea soaked in and took another sip of his coffee. His own fatigue was catching up with him and he leaned against the back of the chair.
'I've stitched it as best I can, but it's going to require him to keep still if it's going to really heal. That isn't going to be easy!"
"Paul … he will be alright though?" It was more a demand than a question and Paul looked up to see a father's anxiety staring back at him.
"I'm afraid he's very weak and will need close monitoring. It's going to be a fine line between keeping up the pain relief to immobilize him and having him awake enough to take in sustenance. You know how Joe can be when it comes to laudanum and I think he may need morphine before this is all done."
Ben frowned at the revelation and shook his head. He knew Paul's aversion to using morphine if he could help it, given its addictive qualities and the fact he was even suggesting it showed how much pain his son was facing.
"The wound should eventually heal, but I'm deeply concerned at the general state of his health prior to all this. He seems to have lost any physical reserves he had and is definitely thinner. That wound in his shoulder would explain a lot and my hat's off to you once again, Miss as I'm led to believe it was your nursing that pulled him through that. He's going to need constant care for some time yet which won't go down well with my most uncooperative patient!"
Stacey coloured as all eyes turned her way. She felt sick as she remembered how very close Joe had come to succumbing to that same wound, although she held her tongue as she recalled him trying repeatedly to climb out of bed as fever addled his thinking.
"We're all here, Doc. We'll take turns and Little Joe won't be left alone for a minute!" Hoss glanced across at Adam who was still looking a shade paler than his usual self and saw the same resolution there.
"I can help too," Stacey's voice barely carried across the open space of the room, but Ben turned towards her anyway.
"We can't impose any further on you. You've already done enough."
It was meant to be a thank you and yet fatigue and guilt combined to twist it into a condemnation.
You've done enough! My son is better off out of your hands! Stay away from him!
Nobody was aware of the effects the words had on her and Stacey nodded quietly in agreement. Hoss reached out a hand towards her and nodded towards the guest room door.
"There's a bed in there if you'd like to get some rest. One of the hands brought your things in earlier, I think."
You are not part of this family and its decision making process.
The dismissal was abrupt and she allowed herself to be pulled upright and herded across the room until she could close the door behind her. Instead of bothering to wash up, she simply fell across the bed and allowed her tears to soak into the pillow before exhaustion claimed her.
It would be one of the longest nights that Ben had ever endured. The night that Joe's letter had stolen any hope of his son's return had rated as one of the worst, but now it faded away as he considered it was all just a huge lie. What was most definitely not a lie was Paul's warning that Joe would need morphine to keep him under the pain threshold. He brushed a hand through his son's damp curls and could not take his eyes off the bandage that swathed his back and right shoulder. He'd seen the ghastly stripe that ran beneath it and he felt his stomach start churning again. Joe was sleeping soundly under the morphine's effects, but his face still did not look peaceful. He was propped on his side in an attempt to alleviate any pressure on the wound, but it made it very difficult to get any water into his mouth without turning him. The compromise was to drip feed him the water and hope it was enough.
He looked across the room towards the moonlight at the window and wondered what time it was. It had been hours since Glen had arrived with Harry in tow and the two of them had promised a full report in daylight hours before heading for the bunkhouse. For now, it was sufficient to know that Roy had Nate under lock and key.
"I'm sorry, Joe." The words choked on his lips as he wondered for the thousandth time what had provoked such a vicious attack on his youngest son. All he knew was that Nate held him somehow responsible for something and Joe had been his point of revenge. He could not think of what that something could be, having dragged through every memory he had of both Nate and Mac since he employed them. Hoss said it was something from before then, but even so, he did not know either man and had no inkling what their gripe was. The fact his son had paid the price for it did not sit well on his shoulders and he reached out again to stroke Joe's face.
"I'm so sorry, Son."
Adam wandered out into the yard and nodded as he saw Harry giving his horse a rub down. The saddle and blanket lay draped over the hitching rail and Harry was whistling as he worked.
"I heard you were gonna be heading back to Silver Falls."
"Yep. I've got some things there to take care of, but I'll be back for the trial."
Adam nodded as he thought about that. Nate had not denied anything, but neither was he confessing anything either. It didn't matter that he wanted to just charge into Roy's jail and put a bullet between the man's eyes, for he knew that justice did not work that way. Of course, the courts did not always deliver justice, but with a sheriff's testimony on top of everyone else's, he was fairly confident that Virginia City would soon see a hanging. They just needed Joe back on his feet to testify at the trial and it would be clinched. If he wasn't ready by the time the circuit court judge arrived in town, it would come down to everybody else to make the case. Adam frowned as he considered what could happen there. Would he fail his brother again by not taking care of the man who had twice tried to kill him? As if reading his thoughts, Harry stopped what he was doing and leaned against the hitching rail.
"It's not your fault, you know."
"Sure it's not!" The bitter tone to his voice was not lost on the sheriff. He'd heard it come out of his own mouth.
"I'm sure that it's not. We can't always protect them. As much as we might want to."
Adam looked up at the comment and saw himself reflected back. He had come to know a kindred spirit in the time they had been together and he understood all too well.
"I should have known it didn't add up. Joe would never do what I accused him of. I should have known my own brother."
"Well, I did know my little brother and that still didn't save him. I knew something was going on. Somebody he'd crossed paths with. The funny thing is … Luke died tryin' to protect me! Stupid kid put his nose into things he shoulda stayed out of, but that was my kid brother."
Adam stared at the revelation and drew in a slow breath. Stacey had only given him sketchy details and said she had no idea who had killed her husband.
"Don't you go sayin' anything to Stacey! What she don't know will keep her safe."
"Is she safe? Really?" Adam could see for himself the struggle an honest lawman would have with keeping a secret from a loved one, but he also saw the pain behind it.
"As long as she thinks they were after Luke, she's safe. If she ever starts pokin' around anywhere else, she'll stir up trouble and I won't let that happen again. I failed her once and it won't happen again!"
Harry went back to saddling his horse as Adam simply chewed over his comments.
"I'm leaving Stace here to rest up for a bit. She doesn't know yet and she'll try to fight me, but she needs some time to be taken care of. I'm trusting that job to you, Adam Cartwright. One big brother to another."
Adam smiled as Harry laughed at him while poking him in the chest.
"And who knows … that little brother of yours might just finish what he started."
Adam outright laughed at that comment. He'd seen the way Stacey looked at his brother and realised that Harry hadn't missed it either.
"I think it's about time she was happy again."
