Chapter 11

The Resolute

"It is only through labor and painful effort, by grim energy and resolute courage, that we move on to better things." – Theodore Roosevelt

It wasn't long before I grew tired of daytime television, becoming irritated and restless. The sky had opened up an hour prior and hadn't quit, turning the outside world into a soggy mess. As I sat by the window, staring listlessly at the falling rain, I heaved a sigh and tried to refocus on the book in my lap. It was very difficult, though.

Lazarus, lounging in the corner, noticed my frustration. "Are you all right?"

"I'm so bored," I complained, shutting the book and placing it on the table beside me. "Isn't there anything else to do?"

"You tell me," he answered and laughed when I scowled. "I'm completely at your disposal."

I sat and pondered for a bit, trying to think of something that didn't entail staying inside, but couldn't come up with anything. It was odd that I couldn't find any way to entertain myself here; at my house, I could see myself being bored, but I was in a house full of vampires. Surely, there was something to be done.

The frown on my face increased when I thought about all the vampires in the house. None of them, with the exception of Lazarus, had come by to see me. I'd been told that they were giving me space to collect myself, but it bugged the heck out of me. Even Alice, who could never be deterred, had yet to make an appearance after the previous night, and the same went for Eric. I think his absence bothered me more than anything.

I tried not to think about Eric, or Edward; the overwhelming confusion that followed was almost debilitating. While I knew that I had to make a choice, I didn't want to hurt anyone. That was quickly becoming an impossibility, though. Thunder clapped outside, making me jump, and I glared out the window at the large amount of drops falling from the sky.

My body started to grow tired as I listened to the rhythmic pattern of the rain hitting the window. My thoughts retreated back to what I'd heard a few hours earlier; did the pure bloods really have weapons that could kill a vampire? The thought was both incredible and terrifying in the same respect. The last thing I wanted was for any of the Cullens or McRaes to get hurt.

"Lazarus?" I hesitantly turned in his direction when I heard him hum a response. "If the fight comes here…will it be an easy fight?"

I'd remembered Alice saying that a fight with newborn vampires would be relatively easy; I wondered if that same ease extended to fighting the Pure Blood's Guardians. Probably not. Still, if there was some way I could help, I wouldn't hesitate.

"Any fight is by no means easy, Bella," Lazarus answered, a complicated expression on his face. "However, speaking as someone who has faced off with one of them before, no, it's not an easy fight, not by a long shot."

I swallowed a lump that had formed in my throat and nodded. "I could help."

"No, I don't believe that would be possible." His quick denial of my offer cut me deep and I glared at him, but had to admit that he was right. As long as I was in this fragile shell, there was no way I could protect anyone…not even myself.

"If I asked you for something," I started, unsure of how to approach this, "would you give it to me?"

His eyebrows rose in curiosity. "That would greatly depend on what the request was, I suppose—why?"

"I was thinking," I hesitated momentarily and wondered how he would react, but ultimately decided that I didn't care. It was now or never, "that maybe I could be more help if I was…like you."

"Like me?" There was only a brief moment of confusion before realization spread through his features. Several emotions flashed across his face—concern being the predominant one—before he sighed. "Is that what you truly want?"

"It is," I answered, nodding. "I'm actually supposed to be changed two weeks after graduation, but I think I could be more help if it was sooner."

"Before I say what needs to be said, first, let me assure you that I am not opposed to you becoming one of us," Lazarus insisted, his eyebrows pulled together tightly. This surprised me, seeing how Edward was against the idea of me giving up my humanity. Even Ary, Lazarus's mate and my best friend, had repelled the idea. "However, I don't think it's a good idea for you to be changed at this point—that includes two weeks from now."

"Why not?" I couldn't fight the defensiveness I felt in response to Lazarus's denial. Against strong opposition, I had gained the Cullens' willingness to change me—well, almost all of them—and I felt that the longer I waited, they may change their minds.

"Bella, has anyone explained what life is like as a newborn vampire?" I nodded in response to Lazarus's question, remembering that Esme had told her how volatile and uncontrollable newborn vampires were, and I immediately knew where his argument was going. "So, you see how reckless it would be to turn you now?"

I understood, but that didn't mean that I was happy about it. I'd only been able to help Eric because the vampire was so weak and out of his mind with rage that I blindsided him; next time, I probably wouldn't be so lucky. In order to combat the forces working against me, I needed the strength that the Cullens and the McRaes had. Still, Lazarus had a point and I knew that throwing a fit wouldn't help my case. I'd simply have to wait it out.

I turned away from him and noticed Rosalie had materialized in the stairwell, the same hateful glare she always gave me. I knew that she didn't want me to become a vampire because of some wishful bitterness—Rosalie wished she was human and couldn't understand why I'd choose to become a vampire—and, frankly, I was annoyed by it.

"Rosalie?" I fidgeted under the weight of her stare, but still tried to hold my ground. "Is something wrong?"

"You just can't go two seconds without begging to be a monster, can you?" She moved closer to me and I heard a very distinct growl from beside me; Lazarus was offering her a warning, but she ignored him. "Why can't you understand everything you're giving up?"

"What I can't understand," I said steadily, knowing that I was heading into unchartered territory by challenging Rosalie, "is why you hate me so much—what did I ever do to you?"

Her neck jerked back and her eyes bulged. "Hate? I don't hate you, Bella."

"You could've fooled me," I muttered and cringed when I remembered she had advanced hearing and had picked up what I had just said. At that point, I decided to throw caution to the wind and take a chance. I desperately wanted to have some sort of positive relationship with her, but first I needed to get a few things off my chest. "You're not nice to me, act like you don't want me around—what else can I possibly think?"

"Well, it is true that I don't particularly like you," Rosalie responded and I was somewhat appreciative of her honesty, even though it caused an uncomfortable knot in my stomach. She took a seat in the arm chair next to me and offered me a sad smile. "I just wish I could impress upon you the gravity of the decision you're making."

"I've had time to think about it," I insisted and tried to put as much fervor behind my words as possible. Her mood swings were starting to give me whiplash and I didn't like it one bit. "I know and have accepted what I'm giving up."

"I don't think you do, Bella," Rosalie said, shaking her head. "I used to be like you—a headstrong teenager, who thought love was the end to all problems, but I was wrong. When I was eighteen years old, I was engaged to the most eligible bachelor in Rochester, Royce King, and everything in the world seemed perfect. However, a few days before we were to be wed, I found out the type of man my fiancé really was."

"I'd left a friend's house, refusing to call my father to escort me home, and found Royce on the street with his friends—he'd been drinking." Rosalie's serene expression faded to reveal one I'd never dreamed she would wear. Vulnerable. "He made lewd references to the way I looked, as did the rest of his friends, and when I tried to walk away, he grabbed me and tore my clothes."

I swallowed, partially knowing where this was headed.

"He and his friends took turns with me," Rosalie said, lowering her eyes, and sucking a deep breath of air in. "They left me in the middle of the road thinking I was dead—believe me, I wanted to be. Carlisle came a few minutes later, having smelled the blood, and changed me to what I am today. There are parts of me that wish he wouldn't have bothered, that he would have left me there to wither away and expire."

"Things got better when I found Emmett." It didn't escape me how her features brightened more when she said his name. While it wasn't the same, I could relate in that retrospect; there was something about Emmett that lit up whatever room he was in. He was goodness incarnate. "We'll always be this, though, never moving forward—no children, no family, no grandchildren—just an empty existence."

"That's what I can't bear for you to give up, Bella," Rosalie said, turning to me and grabbing my hands in her cold ones. "The possibilities of what could be."

I wanted to say something to Rosalie, wanted to tell her how I was moved and sorrowed for the pain she'd endured, but I was cut off by an unexpected arrival. Melena breezed in through the front door, a repulsed look on her face. It was the first time I'd seen her since we left the estate for the Cullen house and I was very happy to see her. I had wanted to talk to her about Argos, but hadn't gotten the chance.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me!" She crossed her arms and took a firm position behind my chair, glaring at Rosalie. "I expected egotism from you and your coven—but I never expect this level of arrogance!"

"Arrogance?" Rosalie rose of her chair and growled. "Who are you calling 'arrogant'?"

"Your attempt to live vicariously through Bella is sickening," Melena spat and shook her head. "I'm actually not sure if it's arrogant or just plain pathetic."

"You have no idea what you're talking about," Rose seethed and took a step forward, arching her back—the defensive pose for a vampire. "I'll bet your human life was peachy, wasn't it? You haven't suffered like the rest of us."

"Arrogance," Melena scoffed and laughed maniacally, crossing to Rosalie and leaning close to her. "My human father sold me into sexual servitude when I was thirteen years old and my mate was very recently taken from me. Don't talk to me about suffering."

Two things happened at once; Rosalie and Melena moved toward one another, ready to fight; at the same time, Jasper and Dante breezed into the room, halting the imminent struggle. The way Dante and Melena snapped and hissed at the Cullens was a rude wake up call to how much they had changed. It broke my heart to know it was the death of their loved ones that had pushed them over the edge.

After a few seconds of constant growling, Lazarus rose from his chair and maneuvered between the four. "That's enough."

"I agree," Jasper replied smugly and squared his shoulders. "We don't want anyone getting hurt!"

Dante snarled and gripped Jasper around the throat, pulling his close. "Don't play with me, pretty boy"

With a simple push, he sent Jasper flying backwards and smiled when the empathic vampire crashed into Edward's piano bench. I was immediately reminded of when Jasper had tried to attack me, on my birthday, and Edward had thrown him in such a manner. I was jarred from the memory by a high pitched screech, and I watched as Melena and Rosalie collided with one another.

My view was obstructed when Lazarus took a protective stance in front of me, but I peered around him to watch the carnage. Dante was fighting Jasper, while Rosalie and Melena attacked one another mercilessly, and I felt absolutely useless.

Oh god, can this get any worse?

Almost on cue, Eric moved through the front door, and upon seeing the carnage, rushed to help Dante. Edward, on the other hand, had appeared at the top of the stairs and was attempting to aide Rosalie. Regardless of the extra help, Melena was still two seconds ahead of the Cullens. They were all moving so fast, it was impossible for me to keep up with what was happening, and I silently hoped that no one would be injured too badly.

A sharp crash interrupted the fighting, and I turned to see that Eric and Dante had successfully thrown Jasper out a nearby window. No longer deterred by him, the two shifted their attention to Rosalie and Edward, who had finally managed to subdue Melena by attacking simultaneously.

Not a half second went by before Eric and Dante descended on the two Cullens. Dante pulled at Rosalie, while Eric's fist connected with Edward's face. I cried out for them to stop, but my interference only served to antagonize them more. In the time it took me to move out from behind Lazarus, Eric already had Edward on his knees and was gripping onto his head.

He's not going to….

I decided I wasn't willing to wait to see what Eric was going to do. "STOP IT!"

But they didn't stop; they kept attacking Edward and Rosalie. The two vampires looked helpless, pinned down by the violent McRaes, and I couldn't help but marvel at the difference of the two families. This was what the McRaes did—they fought violently and often enjoyed it—in order to survive, whereas the Cullens only fought when they absolutely had to. My stomach lurched when I realized that the McRaes wouldn't stop until Rosalie and Edward were immobile.

"Lazarus," I pleaded to the vampire shielding me from danger. "Please, help Edward and Rosalie."

"Why?" He asked, quizzically, and looked like he couldn't understand my motivation for asking such a question.

"Why?!" I gripped both sides of my head, frustrated, and pointed to the fray. "I'll tell you later, please…help them."

He exhaled heavily and nodded. "Avarice, I need your assistance."

Lazarus's younger brother appeared in the doorway, and after surveying the destructive fight, merely shook his head. I was about to question why he wasn't helping when the most unexpected event occurred. Dante, Eric, and Melena were suddenly forced backwards, giving the two Cullens space to regain their footing. The three angry looking McRaes growled and snarled, but they appeared frozen in place.

With an angry grunt, Avarice marched over to the three motionless vampires and snarled in their faces. "Who started this?"

Melena raised her hand, indignantly.

"Outside," he growled and inclined his head towards the open door. "Now."

She obeyed, her face completely emotionless, and disappeared out the front door. Eric and Dante remained behind, their eyes downcast as Avarice paced in front of them. Edward and Rosalie had moved away from the group and were inspecting their wounds on the sofa. I wanted to go to Edward, but Rose's glowering kept me where I was.

"Why are we here?" I was surprised by the anger behind Dante's words as he addressed Avarice. "You've taught us nothing but contempt for Carlisle Cullen, but, now, you expect us to play tea party with his coven? I'm having a hard time keeping up with you two."

"You overstep your bounds," Avarice growled between his teeth.

"We shouldn't have come here." Dante shook his head and looked at Lazarus. "This charade won't bring her back."

"And your anger won't bring her back," Avarice countered angrily, earning him a snarl from Dante.

"You care nothing for them!" Dante pointed his finger into Avarice's chest, his eyes blazing with hatred. "All you think about it her, all you've ever thought about was her, and she was never yours to begin with! You've lost your edge, Avarice! You're going to get us all killed, and for what?"

The hole in my stomach throbbed as I realized who they were talking about, and I hung my head in shame. Regardless of the anger in his voice, Dante was right. The McRaes were risking their lives because Ary had requested Lazarus look after me. In truth, I had the Cullens and the wolf pack to watch my back—they really didn't need to be here.

Without stopping to offer Dante a retort, Lazarus turned and glided out the door. My head told me that I should stay inside, but I hadn't listened to it in such a long time. Instead, I rushed out into the rain after Lazarus. I was half expecting not to find him and was surprised to see him stalking, at a human pace, towards the surrounding line of trees. When I called out to him, he stopped and turned.

"Where are you going?" I ran out and demanded to know where he was going. After all, he had said that he was there to protect me, twenty-four seven, so where was he headed?

"Go back inside, Bella," he muttered, resting his palm on my shoulder. "You'll catch a cold out here."

"No," I said, frowning. "I want to go with you, and I'm tired of sitting inside."

He smiled and shook his head. "If you get sick, Erickson and Edward will both have my head."

He had a point. Even though it was summer time, the rain was still relatively frigid, and I was still a breakable human. However, I was determined not to be left behind. I knew that it was only a matter of time before the Bella belongs to me garbage begun with Eric and Edward. I really didn't want to deal with that at the moment.

"You promised Ary." It was an extreme low blow and I felt sick for using it, but it worked. His face fell significantly and scrunched together as if he was in pain. I instinctively apologized, feeling terrible for inflicting such agony on him. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

"It's all right." He offered me a grim smile. "I needed that."

The rain had soaked through my clothes and I started to tremble. If we were going to do anything, we'd need to do it soon. Noticing my distress, Lazarus removed his black pea coat and placed it on my shoulders. No warmth lingered in the lining, but I had expected it and pulled it tightly around me. Without anymore words, he picked me up in his arms, cradling my head to his chest, and took off into the woods.