I have to admit I was nervous about the wedding—but not about taking Charity as my wife—not that. It's just that I had never come that close before and it put me on edge. Charity and I would be happy together—I knew that. But I was pacing in my room and kept thinking that I needed to see her, needed to be sure she was going to go through with the vows. She was in the bedroom down the hall dressing so on an impulse, I went to see her, knocking once and then walking in..

"It's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding," Charity said as she rose from the vanity chair but she was smiling. She had been putting up her hair and she looked so desirable in her underclothes and corset, the as yet unconfined curls falling about her face, that I could barely control my urge. I gave in and pulled her to me, kissing her neck and her mouth. "Adam," she whispered, "just a few more hours-we've waited this long…" But she had thrown back her neck giving me greater access to her.

I swept her up and took her over to the bed and lay her down. I joined her. I couldn't see waiting any longer and apparently she couldn't either and began to unbutton my shirt which I quickly removed. Charity ran her hands over my chest and said, "Let's make our own luck—now." She pulled me down to her and kissed me-she was almost desperate for me it seemed, as she wrapped one leg about me and wound her arms about my neck. Now or tonight, what did it matter? I wanted her, I loved her and my blood was thrumming to some ancient beat of desire. I buried my head between her breasts as Charity made small sounds of delight-but a light knock on the door stopped me cold.

"I'm here to help you dress…" Mariette walked in and stopped, stunned at seeing us. "I…." She blushed deeply and rushed out. I could hear her light footsteps as she ran to her room and slammed the door.

"Oh, hell," I said sitting up. "Damn it all."

Charity sat up beside me and placed a small hand on my shoulder. "Adam…it could have been worse." I glanced over at her. "She could have walked in on us two minutes later." And she smiled and I laughed. Charity was the perfect woman for me—we thought alike on many things and she seemed attuned to me, knew what would make me laugh when I was somber, how to soothe me when I was distressed.

"Think I should go see her—try to explain?"

"Explain what? Mariette is no child and she was a married woman herself. Just what would you explain? That we were close to fornicating? She saw that and I know you're embarrassed but she is as well, I'm sure. Give her time."

"I suppose you're right." My Charity—she always knew what to say. "Well, I'm afraid I mussed up your hair—that is what you'd already fixed." I touched the fragrant curls. Oh, I adored her.

"It's all right." She smiled at me again and kissed my cheek. "Now you had best go shave. I won't need rouge after what we were just doing; my cheeks are chafed and already rosy." And she lightly caressed my cheek, smiling indulgently

Before I left her room, I kissed her once more. It would only be a few more hours and Charity would be mine. But when I opened her door, Charity called to me and I turned to face her.

"Adam…I know that everything's ready for the wedding-the food, the cake, the guests invited and such but if…I mean perhaps we should wait."

I can't describe the chill that ran through me, the fear that she was going to leave me. "Charity…"

"Listen to me for a moment—just listen." She stood up. "You're a determined man—I know that and that's part of why I love you but, well, your single-mindedness keeps you from seeing things from anyone else's perspective.. I think I should go back to Sacramento and in a few weeks—perhaps a few months…"

"No." I couldn't believe what she was saying. I mean, I knew she was right about me, that I was determined to marry her but what she didn't understand was that I had always considered others, always done what was right no matter what the consequences for myself. But now I wanted to be happy, to have Charity as my wife and to come home to her and any children we might have. Charity was my reward for sacrificing my own happiness for the sake od others all those years.

I knew that Mariette was having a hard time with my choices and so was my family but I had accepted quite a few things for another's happiness—my father marrying Marie in just a few weeks, Mariette marrying Jason Blaine who had an unknown past. I remember telling my father we should hire someone to investigate Jason Blaine but he demurred and said that Mariette loved Jason and he loved her and that was all that was necessary; Jason made Mariette happy and she had already experienced so much sadness in her young life.

"Adam, we've rushed things and with Jason having died just over a month ago, well, Mariette hasn't had time to fully grieve. Perhaps seeing us happy only magnifies her sadness. And then, well, your family is nice but they must be finding this hard to accept as well."

"No, Charity. If you leave…" I pulled her to me and kissed her again and again. "Charity, I love you. I want to marry you and we're so close to it. Please don't leave me. Maybe I'm not thinking of anyone else's feelings but I have a right to be happy, a right to be joined to the woman I love—and that's you."

Charity kissed me as desperately as I had kissed her. "Yes, my darling, yes." She reached up and caressed my cheek again, that gesture that embodied all the tenderness she felt for me. "I'll stay and we'll marry and perhaps, after we leave for our honeymoon…things will be better when we return."

I felt overwhelming relief and happiness—Charity was going to marry me.

"Now leave so I can get dressed—and look at my hair!" She had turned to look in the long vanity mirror and leaned down for her hairbrush. I bent over her and kissed the back of her neck. She was surprised and stood up, smiling.

"You know," I said, "Charity Cartwright has a nice ring to it." I left to shave and dress but Mariette was still on my mind. I debated whether or not to talk to her but Charity was probably right—Mariette was embarrassed and my speaking to her would only compound the issue. After all—what would I say? That she had been the "coitus interruptus?" That she had kept me from enjoying my bride-to-be before the proper time? But I also knew that I had inadvertently confirmed Mariette's opinion of Charity as a wanton woman—a whore. That bothered me the most—and worried me the most.

~ 0 ~

My father knocked and came in. "Everything okay, Adam? It's almost time."

I was buttoning up my white shirt. "Yeah, I'm ready unless Charity has turned and run." I was only half kidding; I was still worried about my earlier conversation with Charity.

"No, no, nothing like that. I just felt that we should have a little talk before the…ceremony."

"Pa, we've had the sex talk—a gentleman takes the weight on his forearms," I said, turning back to the mirror, grinning. I always liked talking to my father as I admired him and his opinions but I did enjoy needling him. My father is a fine man and I thought so even knowing his faults. One fault he had was that he often felt that I should do as he said, not as he did. Many things that he had done in his younger days, he chastised me and my brothers for doing. But I suppose that's the way for all parents—actually of everyone. There are many things in life that we swear we would never do—that is until the situation arises and then we do the very thing we protested against. Our perspective changes and so our views on life do as well.

"All right, Adam—I'm serious though. I fear for you, Adam."

"Why?"

"I don't want to see you hurt."

"Pa," I said turning to him even though I could see his reflection in my mirror as I had started fixing my tie. "I won't be hurt."

"Adam, Charity's a beautiful woman—any man can see that—but can you see into her heart? Is she marrying you because she loves you or for your wealth—or another reason?"

"I don't really know, Pa, and you know what? I don't really care. But I think she does love me. No, let me take that back. I feel she loves me. I don't want to intellectualize it, I just want to enjoy it, to delight in her. Pa, Remember what it was like…."

"I know what you're going to say, Adam." My father put up a hand in protest. "Charity puts me in mind of Marie as well. You thought I married her too quickly—I remember how you behaved when we came home, how you didn't speak to either of us for over two weeks-and I suppose I did marry her too quickly. But I loved her despite her notorious reputation as a fallen woman and despite everyone in New Orleans society thinking she had taken a lover and caused her husband to leave the city for his honor's sake. I never even asked Marie if she loved me and I also considered that I may have been Marie's means of escape from her poisonous mother-in-law and all the bad memories. I suppose it's the same for you." He smiled wryly.

"Maybe we're more alike than we know," I said, smiling as well. And then, much to my surprise, my father pulled me to him and hugged me—not just hugged, he actually held me. I gingerly hugged him back, patting him awkwardly as the only time I've been that close to another person is when I've been on top of a woman. Then he turned and left closing the door behind him. I dropped on the bed and felt such love for him and such gratitude. Charity seemed to bring more displays of love into my life than I would have ever thought possible. I had to calm myself down so that I wouldn't give in to my churning emotions. My father loved me-undisputedly. I had him in my life, more so now than ever before except when it was just the two of us on the way west. I also had Charity and the rest of my family to love me. I considered that very few men were as lucky as I was at that moment.