Chapter 11 Remembering You

The scroll made very little noise as Sakura rolled it up with her hands. Her movements were unhurried as she placed the scroll among the others she had finished writing. It was late. Another hard day's work inside the Konoha Infirmary had passed. She glanced up at the wall clock. Ten pm.

Hmm, she remembered not eating anything for dinner yet she did not feel any hunger at all. In fact she felt so energized she was in the mood for another round of accounting for all the medicines they needed replenished for this month.

Sakura was inside Tsunade's office and she opened up another scroll to start her work when the door opened. It was the Hokage who entered. Her forehead wrinkled upon seeing her devoted protege still hunched up over a scroll.

"Sakura! WHat the heck are you still doing in my office?"

The girl looked up at her mentor and stood, bowing briefly. When she sat again she had a funny look on her face. "I know you're busy in town gambling Hokage-sama and we needed these reports done. I did not not expect you to be back so soon."

Tsunade bristled at her favorite student's subtle attempt of scolding her. "If you may know, Miss All-Perfect, I did not go to town to gamble. I was visiting Ino's baby."

A deep gasp tore out of Sakura's mouth. "Oh Kami! How long has it been since she gave birth? I forgot to visit her when I came back."

Tsunade smirked. "About four weeks now."

"Four weeks?" Sakura echoed, her mouth forming a big O.

"Uh-huh. She's quite bitter y'know, telling me her bestfriend never seems to show she cares at all to visit her."

Sakura slapped her forehead. "Baka! How could I have forgotten? You mean she gave birth when I first went to the Valley and I never really followed up on-" She paused, appalled at her shortcoming.

Tsunade sat on her chair. "You seemed to be so busy with someone," she commented drily.

Sakura buried her head on her hands. Suddenly all the fatigue and hunger she was keeping at bay came. Her stomach growled violently.

"Are you hungry?" the Hokage asked, worried.

Sakura shook her head. "I'm fine. I ate something a while ago."

Her stomach growled again.

"Your stomach says something different."

"I'm fine, Hokage-sama. I just- I just am shocked that I forgot about Ino's baby."

Tsunade folded her hands on her lap as she stretched her legs on top of her table. "I guess love can do that to a person. Makes you forget about the world around you. Tell me Sakura, is it over?"

The girl put her pen away and rubbed her aching temple. "Like I told you Hokage-sama last week when I came back, I finished what had to be finished."

"Then why do all of us here in Konoha feel like it is not?"

"What do you mean? I told you Tsunade-sama that I will not be seeing him again. And that the Valley is already stable with their training in medical jutsu."

"I'm talking about you, Sakura. You! You don't seem to be yourself since you came back. Yes, you have always been a workaholic but now it borders on suicidal. You don't speak to anyone, you don't smile at all, you don't eat, you never go out with your friends like you used to. You might say you will not see him again but what you're doing to yourself is- is-"

"My words are true, Tsunade-sama. It is done. Finished. I will never see him again."

"And you know that it is the right thing to do. You know that, don't you? You have done what is noble and proper, to let someone like him go. I can give you time to grieve for what you lost but still, you're the last person I expected to be so affected over a - a- I hate to say this, Sakura, but no matter what you say, adultery can never be forgiven in our society. Especially if it's committed by a respectable person like you. A lot of people look up to you. You should be proud that you did the right thing. You should not sulk and act as if the world did you a great injustice-"

"I apologize for interrupting, but my feelings are mine. If I choose to act the way I do, no one can tell me otherwise," Sakura said softly, but firmly.

"So when will you move on? Huh? When can I get my old cheerful Sakura back? When will you get out of this black web you weave around yourself? You forget your friends. You forget to take care of yourself."

Sakura sighed, and did not answer. She knew the older woman was right and she was worried about her. Sakura knew, and she appreciated Tsunade's concern. "I'll visit Ino tomorrow after my shift."

"You know what? I seldom say this to anyone working in the infirmary but you deserve this more than anyone else. Go home, Sakura. Go home and take a leave tomorrow. I'm giving you a day to do the things you have been neglecting since you came back. Visit your friends. Buy new clothes. Enjoy your youth for goodness' sakes! Damn, now I even sound like Lee!"

Chuckling, Sakura stared at her sensei. "You're giving me another leave? I just had a week off recently."

Tsunade smiled warmly at her. "Live a little, Sakura. Why don't you date around? I'm sure there are a lot of decent men out there dying to take you out."

"Ha ha ha," Sakura said, sarcasm dripping from her voice. "Who's the lonely spinster? Definitely not me, Hokage-sama."

"You do know how to get on my nerves, Sakura. Go home before I take back the day off I gave you."

"Hai hai hai! I'm leaving. I'll inform Shizune I was not able to finish the reports."

"I'll tell her. I'm Hokage. I should be the one doing all these things,Sakura. I've been depending on you for the longest time. I can take it from here."

Sakura shrugged, smiling. "Whatever you say, Hokage-sama."

As she was packing all her stuff, Tsunade couldn't help but watch her, and enjoy what she was doing. The little crybaby she tutored turned out to be an intelligent and strong woman, who was every bit a good leader herself. Someday, Sakura would do more wonders for Konoha.

"Sakura."

"Hmmm?"

"I just wish you to be happy. For once. I know putting Sasuke out of your mind for the past ten years has been a struggle for you. And now here comes another man who makes your heart skip a beat after such a long time- And he turns out to be a wrong one for you. Maybe someday you'll find your happy ending too, like Naruto and Hinata."

Sakura could only laugh at Tsunade's words. If you only knew. It is Sasuke. It has always been Sasuke. And there is no one else who can make my heart skip a beat.

"What's so funny?"

Sakura shook her head. "Nothing. I'm leaving."

"M'kay. Eat. Eat a lot. Ichiraku ramen is still open, I think."

"Sounds great. Yeah, I think I might."

...

"Here you go, Sakurama-sama. Enjoy."

"Thank you."

Sakura eyed her ramen with delight. It was filled to the point of spilling. One sip of the soup and she almost fell off her chair. How could she have thought she wasn't hungry a while ago? She could actually eat a whole cow.

Behind her, somebody parted the noodlehouse's curtains to enter. It was Shikamaru, looking all grim and murderous. "One ramen please."

Their eyes met. Sakura smiled cheekily. "What's up, man?"

Shikamaru plopped down on the stool beside her. He propped his elbow on the table and laid his chin on his fist, looking melancholy.

"Hey hey hey! What's the problem?" Sakura asked, while slurping her noodles.

"You wanna know what my problem is? Actually, scratch that. You wanna know what the world's problem is? GIRLS! If I could only rid this world of that problem we would all be happy."

"Ehem. Shikamaru, aren't we forgetting the fact that you are talking to a girl? If I get rid of you then we would all be happy, what do you think?"

Shikamaru coughed and shook his head. "It was just a figure of speech, Sakura. Nothing to get so worked up for." His ramen came but he only stared at it.

"Spill, Shikamaru. What's wrong?"

"I just don't get it."

"Don't get what?"

He turned to her, eyes boring into hers. "If a guy tells you he loves you, what is your basis to conclude that he is or is not saying the truth?"

She grimaced. "Say that again?"

"Tell me, 'coz I'm almost out of my head convincing that jealous untrusting fiancee of mine that I freaking love her!"

"Fiancee? You mean, Temari?"

"Who else!? Aarggh!" He turned back to his ramen and swallowed a mouthful.

"What you're saying is, she doesn't believe you love her?"

"I don't know! Do you know we're supposed to get married next month? But she called off the whole thing because she thought I did not really love her and she did not want me to have a burden of a wife for the rest of my life. What kind of crap is that?"

"She broke up with you?"

"I don't know!"

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"She said she loved me too much to make my life miserable."

"How did she come to that conclusion, then?"

"I don't -"

She slapped his head. "Shut the I don't know shit, Shikamaru. She wouldn't have felt that if you didn't give her a reason."

"Ow! That hurts."

"'Coz it's so hard to talk to you."

"Now you are acting like her."

"You know how you men are? You think there's nothing wrong when there is, and you refuse to acknowledge it until it's staring right at you in the face."

"Okay, look, you know me, Sakura. We've been friends for a long time. You know I'm not a sweet guy who writes poetry, or- or sing love songs under a girl's window. I practically thought being with a girl is troublesome. Well, I still think it is, but who cares, right? I love the girl."

"Ooookay. So she's asking you to be a sweet guy?"

"She did not ask outright but she introduces me to a few guys who are that type, who- who look at their wives like silverware. There was even this little weirdo who called his wife 'my sweet little pumpkin pie' in front of all of us and he would make googly eyes. I'm not like that, okay. I tell her I love her and she says 'Is that true?' like I'm lying. Like I'm lying! Why would I lie to her?"

Sakura was listening pensively. "Do you say you love her all the time?"

"Not all the time of course. Come on, what's up with you girls and your obssession with those three words? Isn't it enough that I slave for her family and her country which I don't normally do in my own home? I am practically a farmer there! I travel back and forth, back and forth, juggling my duties here and my time with her to the point of not getting any sleep at all, just to see her. And she still doubts my feelings?"

"You see, Shikamaru, sometimes, we just want to hear you say the words."

"What are words if not with any action? Words are empty."

Sakura suddenly thought of Sasuke. For the past week she stayed with him he had been good to her. He even kissed her. But he never said the words she wanted, needed to hear.

"No, Shikamaru. Words are not empty. They define your actions."

"Fine. But is that argument enough to call off the whole wedding?"

"What did she say? Are you breaking up?"

"She said we probably needed more time being engaged to decide if a wedding is really what we want."

"And what do you want?"

Shikamaru sounded pained when he replied. "Her. I only want her."

"Awww. Don't you know you sound like the sweetest guy in the world right now? I'm sure you'll work things out. I know for a fact that Temari is head over heels in love with you."

He groaned.

Sakura laughed and continued eating her ramen.

After they were done eating the two Jounin silently walked home.

Suddely a gust of wind blew over their heads. They turned around, and found a gigantic weasel floating on the night sky. It had Suna's seals screaming all over its body.

Shikamaru groaned. It was Temari's weasel, the creature she summoned for battle.

"Uh-oh. Looks like youre in deep shit,"Sakura said giggling.

Shikamaru's hair stood on end. Sitting on top of the creature was his ex soon-to-be-bride, looking pissed.

"You left!" she cried out from above.

Shikamaru looked annoyed himself. "What was I supposed to do? You told me to leave!"

Sakura nudged him and whispered, "Tsk tsk tsk. When a girl asks you to leave, she wants you to stay and woo her."

He glared at Sakura. "What? How was I supposed to know that?" he snapped.

Temari jumped, gracefully landing on the ground, her eyes directly on her fiance. "So this is it huh? You left just like that? Are you breaking up with me now?"

Sakura couldn't stop giggling as she watched the two all-powerful Jounin squabble like a pair of love sick teenagers.

"WHAT?"Shikamaru screeched. "Why would I break up with you? You cancelled the whole wedding, not me!"

"That's because I care about you."

"You care about me? Regarding what?"

"What if you really don't love me? Then you'll get stuck with me. I'm giving you more time to sort out what you feel and-"

"I do know what I feel, Temari. I know what I want." He took a step towards her. "I know who I want to look at every morning when I wake up. I know who I want to hold in my arms every night while watching the stars. Since I met you, I've never looked at any woman. You own me, Temari."

Awwwww, Sakura thought. Damn Shikamaru for not saying those sweet words earlier.

Temari's eyes were tearing up. "Is that true?"

"Tell me, why would I lie? I can easily say I don't want what we have. But I don't." He kept walking until he was directly in front of her. When he wiped her tears away with his thumb she did not pull away. "You always want me to say the words. That I love you. But you see, breathing and living are the same to me as loving you. They're all a part of me. The day I stop loving you is the day I stop living. So don't ever doubt how I feel, just because I fail to say the words all the time."

"Shikamaru!" Temari grabbed him and buried her head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around his feisty fiance.

Sakura sighed heavily. Some things were not meant for her.

Like this scene. She would never have this kind of perfect moment with someone.

"Shika-kun, do you still want the wedding?" Temari whispered.

"Of course. It was troublesome what I did to make your brothers and whole Council to agree. I will never back down."

"Is that it? Only it?"

He chuckled and lowered his head to hers. "And I can't wait to take my bride home. I want to share the rest of my life with her. I truly deeply love you Temari. Always and forever."

"Shika-kun, I love you too..."

Sakura walked away when the couple started kissing. It was all too much to see. Around her everyone was falling in love. Almost all her friends were married or having babies.

While she remained alone.

It was not what she wanted. She wanted to have her own family, to have a better half who would make her whole.

Maybe someday, she would find her happy ending too. Just like her friends.

...

R-r-r-r-r-ringg!

Sakura sat up on her futon and hurled a kunai towards the noisy little gizmo called alarm clock. The thing smashed to pieces. It was the fourth alarm clock she had bought just this week alone. She didn't use to have one, but since she came back a week ago she found it was so hard to have insomnia and when she finally went off to sleep at six am it was equally difficult to get up at eight.

Dragging her feet, she went to the bathroom to run a nice warm bath. Soaking felt heavenly, especially to her weary bones.

She lay there for a while, looking at the wooden ceiling of her tiny bathroom.

His eyes. His adorable black eyes were captivating.

He simply was the most beautiful man alive.

That day back on the cave, Sakura remembered waking up very early so as not to disturb Sasuke's or Eiji's sleep. She knew it would be hard for her to leave without bawling her eyes out if she said goodbye. Especially to Eiji. The boy held a very special tender place in her heart. If Eiji cried to her and asked her to stay she might disgrace herself and prostrate before Sasuke to ask him to allow her to stay.

Definitely embarrassing.

Sakura ran her soapy towel on her arm as she relived the scene in her head over and over again.

She had gotten up quietly and gathered all her stuff. She walked towards the entrance of the cave where Sasuke was sitting, asleep. There was only a thin roll of bandage around his eyes. She had already taught him how to remove the bandage when the time came for him to see.

Sakura hurried out of the cave. A moment longer inside it would only make it harder for her to leave.

Sasuke could take care of his eyes. He could remove the bandage on his own. She could not afford to touch him once again.

WHen she was a few feet away from the cave she looked back and stared at it for so long. It had been her home for a week, for a blessed and wonderful week where she stayed with the only love of her life and with a very adorable child she hoped would come live in Konoha one day. If she had a son she hoped he would turn out as kind and bright as Eiji.

She turned back on the road to start her journey. Sasuke was a few feet in front of her, glaring at her with big coal black eyes.

Sakura gasped, hurting her chest. She even missed a step and almost stumbled.

He was looking right at her! WIth his big Uchiha eyes.

"Sasuke?"

"Won't you even say goodbye to the boy?"

"I-I- How do you feel? How- how's the sensations on your eyes?" she asked, feeling awkward.

No emotions betrayed Sasuke's face as he slowly walked towards her. Sakura gasped in surprise and unthinkingly took a step back, as if she was afraid of this vision coming to her.

Sasuke stopped walking when he was a few inches away from her. He was looking down on her as he was a head taller than she was. His eyes raked over her from head to foot, while Sakura instinctively clutched her coat tighter about her. Her cheeks were tinted in red, and her chest was breathing heavily. Her heart was beating wildly. Sasuke was looking at her! He was actually looking at her, after all these years that he failed to notice her because he was only looking towards his goal of revenge towards Konoha.

Now he was finally looking at her from her head to her toes!

"You are so small," he commented gently.

Sakura recovered easily from daydreaming. She glared at him haughtily. "I am a Jounin,Sasuke. Size means nothing."

A small smile shone on Sasuke's lips. Sakura's heart did another cartwheel. He simply was gorgeous when he smiled. "You couldn't even hit me when I was blind."

She smirked. "Maybe someday, when we get the chance to fight in an actual tournament, Sasuke. I'll show you how to be hit by a Jounin."

"Strong words, woman. Strong words."

Sakura looked down at her hand, who was clutching her chest. Her grip on her coat was tight. She shyly looked up at him. "Please say goodbye to Eiji for me, Sasuke. I can't do it. Tell him I will wait for him when he goes to Konoha. He will always have me to take care of him."

"Even when you have your own children?" Sasuke asked, his eyes looking at her tenderly.

"It's hard to think that since I don't really plan on being someone's wife these days, but yes, if it comes to that, yes, I will always treat him like my own son."

They stood and stared at each other for no one knew how long. Until Sakura felt that this torture was beyond her,that she deserved more than allowing herself to get hurt repeatedly over a matter that she could never change.

"I have to go, Sasuke. Take care of yourself. And of Eiji as well."

She walked past him, and hurried away, without looking back. She coould feel his eyes boring into the back of her head but she did not turn. She kept walking. And walking.

And walking, until she lost track of time and she found herself facing the giant gates of Konoha.

Sakura rinsed the soap off her body and donned her robe. It had been a week ago.

More time would come for her broken heart to heal. If ever it would.

But, no. Life simply went on. People made choices and lived by those choices. She chose to repect whatever it was Sasuke chose for himself.

"Life goes on,Sakura." She told her reflection on the mirror as she stood combing her hair. Today's first agenda: visit Ino's baby.

Then she would take herself shopping. She had many gifts to buy. Neji and Tenten were getting married this weekend. While it was Shikamaru and Temari's turn next month. She would also buy gifts for her favorite boy Sasuke, Naruto's son.

So much to do. So little time.

There was no time to grieve what her heart lost, but instead she should take joy in the things that would make her remember she was alive. That she had a life worth living.

"This is my happiness," she whispered to herself, smiled, and got ready to don her prettiest kimono.

...

A week later

Sakura easily adjusted to the busy and noisy life in the Infirmary, where every situation was deemed critical for each patent, farmer or shinobi alike. She had just finished healing a few ninja who had just come out of a bloody mission, one that almost cost them their lives.

Sakura stretched her arms as she went out of the operating room. She nodded at several of the family members waiting outside the door. At her signal, they went inside the room to meet their loved ones.

Sakura stared at the door as it closed. More lives saved by her.

"Well done, Sakura. Well done. When death comes for me I will have no qualms joining him, as I know Konoha would be in good hands," Tsunade said, a few feet away from her, watching her.

Sakura rubbed her sweaty forehead. "Don't say that. I'll mutilate you myself then patch you up so that your hurting doesn't stop."

Tsunade's laughter was crisp as she handed the younger girl her coat. "Here. You left this in my office. It's winter, Sakura. Wear your coat all the time."

"Hai, arigato gozaimasu, Hokage-sama." She accepted her coat and wore it while she looked outside the window. Small flakes of snow were already falling down.

No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't stop herself thinking what could have been happening to Sasuke and Eiji. Were they already travelling? Where could they have been now? She hoped with all her heart that Eiji's condition did not worsen, especially since it was cold.

Where could they be sleeping now? Did they have enough food to eat? Where would Eiji and Aki play, if the forests would be covered in snow?

"Sakura? Sakura!" Tsunade cried out.

The girl snapped out of musings and looked up at Tsunade,startled. "Huh? What is it?"

"You weren't listening to me. You kept on staring outside the window. Is there something wrong?"

Sakura shook her head guiltily. "Gomen nasai. It was nothing."

"Alright. What I wanted to say is that some of the patients on the third floor were asking if they could start receiving visitors. I leave the decision up to you since I know you were the one who placed them in quarantine."

It took a few minutes for Sakura to figure out what Tsunade was saying. The Hokage simply stared at her blankly. "Well, Sakura?"

"I-I- I need to read their reports first. Their illness is something we have not encountered these past few years and I simply can't allow them outside quarantine."

"That's what I thought too, Sakura. Hey, are you sure you're alright? Your mind seems a million miles away from here."

"I'm okay. I just need to read their reports first, how they're improving before we can make a decision."

"That's what I told the Council. We're all waiting for your instructions."

"Alright."

"Let's have tea. You look tired."

"No, Hokage-sama. Please go on without me. I need to do another round on my patients on the West wing."

"I'll tell Shizune and Kira to do that. You've just done multiple operations. Have tea with me."

Sakura sighed, nodding. It was still considered rude to say no to Konoha's leader.

Suddenly Sakura turned to the window. Her ears picked up a faint noise of wings flapping. Her eyes were transfixed on the scenery outside the window that Tsunade's forehead wrinkled. "What is it?"

Sakura did not answer. She stood immobile, clutching her coat and looking out.

"Sakura?"

Finally the girl ran towards the window. At the same time, a messenger pigeon came flying in, circled around Sakura's head and perched on the window.

"A messenger?" Tsunade cried out. '' What message does it bring?"

Sakura hurriedly untied the scrap of paper from the bird's foot.

She unrolled it, read what was inside and gasped. "I have to go. Hokage-sama, I have to go."

Sakura ran off, leaving Tsunade in a cloud of dust. "Where are you going?"

"I'm leaving Konoha for a few days, Hokage-sama. Forgive me!" Sakura's voice rang out and reverberated through the corridors. Other healers and nurses stared at her as she ran by.

Tsunade picked up the piece of paper lying on the ground, one that held the message Sakura reacted so strongly upon.

Please.

It's Eiji, I don't know how to help him.

Please go in the same direction as you did before. You will know where I am.

U.S.

Tsunade's blood ran cold.

Those initials. Could it be?

She stared at the direction where Sakura flew off. Only one person could affect her this way. The love of Sakura's life whom she could not and would not try to forget even after all these years.

Tsunade felt the strength of her knees give way. She had to lean on the wall for support. That girl. Then she smiled.

Baaahhh, they say true love never dies.

She continued smiling, as she clutched the paper in her hand.

...