"So." Shikaku's eyes opened, and he looked at Kakashi with one of the most soul-crushingly bored looks ever visited upon man. "Traitors in the academy, huh?"

Kakashi leaned back against a tree, shuffling a little. "Yeah, pretty much."

Shikaku looked at him, reclining sideways into a cushion on his porch. "How troublesome."

"Yeah, pretty much."

Shikaku yawned, and stretched a little, forcing himself to sit up with what appeared to be shaking arms. Kakashi would have accused him of being a bitch if he hadn't known for a fact that it was his willpower to care that was shaking, not his muscles.

"Why are you such a bitch?"

Or maybe anyways.

"Why do you care so much." Shikaku mumbled a little, still halfway between sitting and lying down, and looking like it was a deep struggle to choose.

Well, nothing he could say to that. Kakashi found himself yawning a little, the sheer depths of apathy on display draining him after a...kind of long day? Shorter than most he'd had but still...

Kakashi threw a pinecone at the man, watching somewhat vindictively amused as it bounced off his head.

Shikaku shot him what would be a testy look on another man, but for him was essentially a murderous glare.

Kakashi snickered and rotated his wrist.

Get on with it

Shikaku audibly groaned. "God, you're such a fucking drag." Shikaku continued dragging himself up until he was upright enough to stop caring. It was still a listless slump, but Kakashi was somewhat touched by the attempt.

"Alright," he sighed. "So subtly traitorous, suspicious, talks about snakes, has no hobbies, sad sack of shit, no life, apathetic and dickish to strangers, barely competent as a ninja yet tolerably so, and just generally somewhat overconfident for his lot in life."

Kakashi racked his brain for a moment. "I don't remember saying those last parts."

"Cause I wasn't talking about him." Shikaku looked at him sleepily. "I was talking about you."

So much for being touched.

"You've got room to talk there." Kakashi grumbled. His eyes flashed a little. "How's the wife, still calling you a disappointment?"

Shikaku grumbled and threw the pinecone at back at him. Kakashi allowed it to bounce off the fluffiest side of his head, still smiling. "What's that I heard yesterday? 'Be a man and motivate him'?"

Shikaku was getting incensed now. "That's not my fault. Shikamaru's got a good head on his shoulders. He's self-aware enough that he doesn't need me." A half-lidded glare met Kakashi's eyes. "How many people heard."

"Everyone," Kakashi said with relish. "Kid's got the Nara laziness, huh?"

Shikaku groaned a little. "Not, strictly speaking, laziness."

Kakashi raised a brow. "Not laziness? Then what is it?"

"Horrible crippling depression at being the only ones capable of seeing how screwed we all are."

Kakashi thought about it for a second, before squinting at the man. "Is that true?" A slow smile spread beneath his mask. "Or is that what you told your wife yesterday so she'd leave you alone?"

Shikaku made eye contact for a second, before grumbling and rolling over away from Kakashi. "Alright," He said tiredly, still facing a wall. "So, you like the guy, and tested him, and he's a traitor. Right?" Kakashi hummed. Shikaku's hand appeared behind his head, ruffling it. "Was...was it Danzo?"

Kakashi grunted.

"Damn." Shikaku cursed quietly. "Could've sworn that was it." He looked over his left shoulder to peer at Kakashi, one eye meeting the other. "Alright, don't share this with anyone. I've got some leads to follow up on, but I'll let you know if anything happens."

Kakashi shrugged. "Not even Lord Hokage?"

Shikaku quieted a little. "Lord Hokage..." Shikaku hummed. "Lord Hokage can be, shall we say, emotionally compromised by certain topics. I've been granted authority to take charge of such situations without needing to inform him."

Kakashi's eye narrowed. "My my, that certainly is some kind of power. Where did you get something like that, my Lord Commander?"

Shikaku rolled over.

"From the Lord Hokage."

He spoke soberly, and that was all that needed to be said.

Kakashi clapped his hands. "Ah, morning! The sun rises, and allows us all to appreciate being alive another day!"

Dead silence.

Kakashi turned around, and saw his three little misbegotten bratlings lying on the ground and seemingly trying to sleep.

He turned and met Gai's eyes. Gai nodded a little reluctantly, but he knew that sometimes a little motivation was good for children.

Three minutes later the squirming sacks of flesh screamed for him to save them as a little baby, half the size of the one prior, began circling their heads poking out from the dirt.

He made sure to remind them that thrashing too hard might call more worms, and ran off to join Gai.

It built character, Kakashi was sure.

Kakashi leaned against his favorite gravestone. "Man," He said conversationally, tapping a bottle of booze against the stone. "The academy really is going to shit."

He took a long pull.

"Not that it seems all that different that before." He admitted. "Hell, might even be better. I sure don't remember learning anything there."

A few beats of silence.

"Well, they'll live. Pinky promise. And you know pinky promise is the realest shit Obito."

"Sensei!" Middlechild howled, nearly tripling over himself as he ran. "They're gaining!"

Kakashi turned a little, and grabbed the ropes tying the children to him as they ran away from a behemoth landworm. It swam like a fish, diving in and out of the earth with blasts of doton chakra like splashes. The rumbling continued growing louder, and as the worm approached, Kakashi waited for the last second before tugging middlechilds rope just hard enough to get him barely out of the way. Middlechild tripped from the sudden jerk, arms and legs windmilling before he caught his pace again.

"SENSEI" Middles blubbered, and Kakashi made sure to tug his rope again for good measure. Less complaints, more running.

"Haha!" Gai crowed, dashing past them with his legs curled over his head. "My hip rival, perhaps you won the race yesterday, but if I cannot win today while running on my hands, then I shall run on my knees tomorrow!"

Kakashi thought about it for a second, nearly forgetting to care enough to tug Girl 1 out of danger.

"Next time, no rope." He decided.

Nothing like a good maiming to motivate them.

Genma slammed the bottle of soju down. "-so I ask him right? Why cut off the pinkie? Big tough yakuza family boss, he doesn't even need a sword grip anymore. You know what the alliance head said? 'He'll never be able to make a pinkie promise again.'"

The cheer echoed through the bar. Hayate burped a little, wiping his mouth and smudging some kind of sauce on the corner of his thin lips. "That's the realest shit ever. That's, that's fucked up man."

Ibiki patted his back. "That's the harshness of the world kid." He grinned a little. "Sucks to suck though, I made sure anyone who tried to take my pinkies bled for it."

Anko laughed from where she sat at a lower table. "You took the screws over losing a pinkie."

Ibiki shot her a dead-eyed look. "You never know the value of a pinkie promise until it's gone."

Kakashi nodded a little. He understood.

Genma tried to grab at the soju, but neatly missed, grabbing the bartenders hand instead. The bartender promptly stuck a fork in it, and Genma fell off his stool, howling in pain.

A svelte woman in a neat red dress stepped over him and took his place, smiling. Kakashi snickered. "Stealing drinks now Kurenai?"

She laughed a little. "Not my fault he fell off."

"Bitch!" Genma wept from the floor. "Bitch you did this! You put me in a fucking Genjutsu, don't tell me you didn't!"

Kurenai's smile took a nasty edge. "You gonna back up that smack talk or walk, little to-ku-bet-su."

Dead fucking silence in their corner. Kakashi gripped the mouth of his sake bottle, and eyed Ibiki. The grinning man seemed a little too entertained, and the less said about the state Anko was in, the better.

And then Hayate tried to excuse himself and it all went to shit.

"NEEDLE BARRAGE!"

The bar didn't survive the ensuing riot, and nor did Genma's pride.

"Ahaha, my dear rival, today I will be victorious!"

Kakashi didn't even bother to look at Gai.

"Oh?"

Gai nodded confidently. "Indeed!"

"Why's that?"

Gai jabbed his thumb over his shoulder. "The worm chasing your children today is far larger than yesterdays."

Kakashi looked over his shoulder, and sure enough, a twenty-foot wyrm tore after his weeping charges, occasionally splashing them with more acid. Kakashi noted that their clothing was beginning to suffer for it, as they clearly had not been rotating exercise outfits. The worm itself was oozing, and Kakashi noted that if they hadn't been rotating outfits, then the worm pheromones he'd been secretly spraying them with was likely starting to build up.

Kakashi thought about that for a second. What would happen? They lacked the chakra to be anything resembling a meal, but the quantities of pheromones meant that the worms would still be feeling a strong pull. Not to mention how the pheromones might start affecting their body chemistry.

For the sake of science and curiosity, Kakashi decided not to mention it.

"You're right, the worm is larger."

Gai's eyes flashed. "Indeed! It sets my youthful flames ablaze!"

Kakashi looked doubtfully at him for a second.

Gai coughed. "A low simmer, at least."

"Lower than you?"

Gai looked down at himself, where he was balancing on his knees. "I'm not sure what you mean by that Kakashi?"

Kakashi sighed. "Nevermind." He waved him off, and began speeding up. Gai had no issue matching, and did so with burning eyes.

"No! You must tell me! I am uncontrollably curious now!" Gai's voice whipped to him, incensed.

"Nah."

"Ah!" He shouted in frustration. "How cool of you to resist the temptation to tell me! But I insist!"

"Nah."

"My youthful friend, your hipness truly knows no bounds!"

"Got nothing yet." Shikaku sipped at his drink quietly, the teahouse one that didn't see ninja patrons too often. Not ones from Konoha at least - the leaves were imported. One of the smaller nations, Kakashi believed.

"Moon country."

"Hmmm?" Kakashi looked up. Shikaku didn't meet his eyes, half lidded as they were. He took a long sip, and put it down. "Moon country." He repeated softly. "We had them brought in. Shipping lanes have been getting a little busy, so they gave us a good deal."

Kakashi hummed.

"I didn't think we were getting involved in the trade."

"We're not."

Kakashi looked at him questioningly, but Shikaku waved him off.

Genma cursed softly as the drinks arrived and slopped gently in their cups. The hardwood bar was a well-maintained one, but Genma's little slip wasn't the first of the night.

Beside him, Ebisu smirked in the dim light. "Is Mr. Genma too clumsy for a little alcohol? Please, do avoid spilling when you drink."

Genma shot the ponce a filthy look, who only chuckled in response, pushing up his indoor sunglasses.

Gai hummed a little. "Rare to see you around Ebisu." His eyes were a little too bright, Kakashi suspected that letting him go ahead with Hayate was a mistake.

Ebisu's lips twitched. "I decided that it was about time to treat myself a little." Kakashi's eyes drifted up, and noted that the bandanna around Ebisu's head was both brand new, and monogrammed in the corner. Gold thread.

"Oh?" Anko leered from a stool farther down. "Do we have a big spender in the House? Mr. Moneybags have a little too much pep in his step?"

Hayate laughed a little hoarsely. "Compared to how much we drink? He might be." Gai shot him an odd look, mirrored by Ibiki and Kurenai. Hayate leaned back in response, confusion growing like a mist. Kakashi chuckled. "Hayate, the difference in paycheck between Tokubetsu and full Jounin is a full zero or more."

Gai's furrowed brows cleared like sun after a thunderstorm. "Indeed! While I enjoy spending my money in pursuit of a healthier and more youthful life, Kakashi hoards his money away like a squirrel. A rich squirrel." He thought about it for a moment. "An unyouthful squirrel."

"But rich," Ibiki chuckled. "I've got some hobbies of my own, so I'm always right on money." No one on the table was willing to ask the darkly chuckling man what he called a hobby. Hayate looked mournful. "Even if I saved up, I spend all my money on Yuugao."

Genma eyed him. "Dude, she makes more money than you, why the hell are you buying anything."

"That's not the point," Hayate snapped waspishly.

Kurenai laughed a little. "You and Asuma must subscribe to the same school of thought. I've seen his bank account, and he really shouldn't be treating me like he does."

Anko snickered beside her, sidling over. "I notice you didn't mention anything about your account," she cooed. Kurenai started giggling even harder, and the two high-fived to the sight of the sinking expressions at the table.

Ebisu straightened stiffly. "Well, then, I n-"

Genma's hand jerked out and he tossed his full cup of alcohol into Ebisu's face. Ebisu sputtered violently, turning red in the face and coughing and spitting.

Gai turned to a stunned table.

"Why?"

"You know," Genma said slowly, sounding genuinely puzzled, "I'm actually really not sure. I think when he told me not to spill my drink, 'spill my drink' was the only thing that stuck."

Ebisu's sputtering eventually quieted to a gentle hiss as he calmed. Gratefully accepting a handkerchief from Kurenai, he quickly and softly wiped his face off and folded it with a quiet promise to have it washed. Genma watched the man with a blank look as Ebisu slowly stood.

"Well," the Black-suited man said, looking directly at Genma. "Time to fight."

"Wait wh-"

"Sensei what is that?"

"It's rope."

"What is it for?"

"Don't worry about it. Now, take this end, and don't let go for any reason."

"Sensei, why are you placing flash tags on the rope."

"Not to worry my dear Genin! Your sensei cares for you deeply! I am certain that this will be a valuable learning experience for us all."

"Kakashi-Sensei is running away Gai-Sensei."

The first tag at the end of the rope exploded. A couple worms poked out their heads to see what was happening. The next tag in line went off, and the worms began following the noise.

"Good luck my dear genin! I am certain you possess the will to see this through!"

"Kakashi you're not joining us tonight?"

"Probably gonna turn in early tonight."

"Really? Why?"

"...gotta feed my shrubs."

"That's some dedication."

"...not really."

"Sensei why are you pushing us off this cliff into the worm nest."

"Because Sensei loves you all very much."

"Sensei why."