Chapter 11
Dreams
I loved him As foolish as it sounded, I felt it deep within me. In some ways I felt that I was lucky that he was a dragon and not a man. As a man, I would have been intimidated by him. I would have felt that I had nothing to offer a prince, and I probably wouldn't have allowed myself to even think of him in any kind of romantic way.
But as a dragon, he fascinated me. I loved the cadence of his draconic speech, and I enjoyed the way his own human mannerisms came out through his dragon features. With him in his magical dragon form, I had something to offer him. I could break the curse. Knowing how we felt, I was desperate to break the binding that held him prisoner. I wanted to be able to put my arms around him, see his face, and feel his touch. I even dared to dream of kissing him, and immediately felt myself blush.
But I knew it was a futile dream. Even as we sat in companionable silence, I watched the sliver of moon creep into the sky. It was all the reminder I needed, that as soon as it was full, my life would end. I closed my eyes, and rested against him. I concocted a new dream to take the place of my nightmares. In my dream, he was human. I had no idea what he looked like, so I imagined him as a male version of May and Rose. I knew his eyes would be green, and I knew he would smile with the same crooked grin he had as a dragon. He would be slim, and agile, like he was in his dragon form. I had no idea beyond that, but it didn't matter. He could truly be ugly, and I wouldn't care. I loved him.
In my dream he held me, and I felt warm, and safe in his arms. I knew he would never let anything harm me. Jheyms could do his worst, and in Ehd Wyrd's arms I would be protected.
My dream self looks up at his loving, green eyes, and smiles. When he kisses me, it's soft and gentle. In that moment, everything shifts, and I'm standing before him in a fine gown. The people watching us applaud, and we are announced as husband and wife. He sweeps me into his arms, and twirls me, leading me in our wedding dance.
From the celebration, we steal away to be alone. He carries me into the dark of our bedroom, and amid the silken linens, we undress. My husband, my love, my Ehd Wyrd, kisses me and covers me with his body. I know a little about lovemaking, and I even know to expect the pain. But it doesn't end.
The pain shreds through me, and I scream as the dragon's claws tear into me. I'm lifted from my marriage bed, as Ehd Wyrd tries to hold me. The dragon takes its prize and flies away with me, as my husband raises his arms to the sky, beseeching me to return. The white wizard commands the dragon to release me, and I hover in the air before I'm drawn onto the great beast's back. With his skeletal hands, he makes himself familiar with my naked body, as the dragon flies. His rasping voice threatens to use me before he kills me.
I fight him. I know the spells to attack him, and he can't defend against my anger. I can't allow myself to be taken to the gateway. I throw myself from the dragon, and hover in the air under my own power. The dragon wheels and comes for me, and I drop like a stone. I use the shield spell to break my fall, and I run.
Lightening flashes and the land dies around me. I sink into the mud, and the dragon comes for me...
I woke up screaming. Ehd Wyrd cradled me in his dragon hands, and lifted me to his face. His soft purrs and clicks soothed me. He stroked me with his dragon fingers, and I felt like a baby bunny might feel when held in human hands. I could feel his love in his gentleness.
"I hate this curse! I want to hold you and I cannot. Am I just being foolish Be'lah? You deserve so much more than... this!"
I stroked his cheek. I even kissed the leathery scales beneath his eye. "If you're being foolish, then so am I. I rested my cheek against his. He was so warm, which seemed unusual since we'd been in the shade of the meadow for hours.
"I've never killed anyone..." His voice was soft, as he spoke without moving his mouth. "...neither as a dragon, nor a man. But that white wizard deserves to die for what he's done. I'll do whatever it takes to protect you. I vow, he will not win."
I wanted to hold him more than anything. I didn't care if he was the ugliest man ever born; I loved him, and I would have given anything to be able to hug him tight.
That day was the beginning of something wonderful. It was impossible to keep our love a secret from his family, and I was surprised to see that May and even Kharl approved of me. J'Spurr still kept his distance, but his attention was monopolized by little Alyss. The only one who seemed ambivalent about our relationship, was his sister Rose.
She didn't want to talk to me about how I felt, and she wouldn't tell me a thing about him when he was human. May of course told me that her son was a striking young man, and we would make a good couple. She was full of stories about him when he was growing up, and I loved the way she accepted that I might some day be a part of her family.
I pushed my fears to the back of my mind, and dared to hope. I threw myself into practicing the spells R'ness taught me. There were only two more times that she nearly killed me, and one of those was purely accidental. I learned all twelve laws within a week, and spent hours refining and practicing different ways to use them.
R'ness didn't care one whit about my feelings for Ehd Wyrd. She didn't even think it was strange that he felt the same about me.
"You have the blood of kings within you, and you are this world's champion. Still it has no bearing on me, if he should seek to rise above his station and adore you." She stunned me in the way she saw us; like I was better than the prince. "Just do not neglect your study and practice, as you entertain his folly. I'm sure I don't need to remind you, that failure means his death as well as your own."
She didn't need to remind me. My nightmares took on a whole new level of terror, as I watched my love die every night when I closed my eyes. It was his vow to protect me that always put him in harm's way. Often it was in despair that I sought my own death. In one grisly nightmare, I even allowed the black menace to eat me, and awoke screaming, as his teeth rent my flesh.
Ehd Wyrd was always there when I awoke. I'd moved my sleeping pallet into his chamber, and he watched over me at night. Most nights, I fought not to sleep. I spent long hours talking with him, and dreaming about what life might be like after the curse was broken. We spoke of marriage, and even of children. He wanted to be a father, and he envisioned a large family.
He dreamed of traveling, and seeing more of the world than the island and the known mainland. He assured me his sister and brother were both more than capable of taking care of ruling, and that wouldn't even happen unless or until his mother and father stepped down. He told me of books he'd read, about different places in the world, and the people who lived there.
He spoke eloquently of a great desert, and a city of glass. He told tales of a whole society of people who lived underground. He told me of speaking to traders who had actually met the mountain folk, who burrowed beneath them, and made their homes there. He tempted me with stories of a great forest, and the natives who lived in the canopies of the trees, and never set foot on the ground.
All my life, it seemed I'd had to keep moving. I'd never had a place to call home, and it was always something I'd dreamed about. I longed to have a home, with neighbors I knew, and people who called me by name, and never looked on me with suspicion. I wanted to plant a garden, and be there for the harvest. I wanted to plant trees, and see them mature—giving me fruit or shade. But listening to Ehd Wyrd, I realized I could let go of that dream. My home was wherever he was. If he wanted to travel, I wanted nothing more than to be by his side.
A routine seemed to develop, as we all tried to ignore the coming conflict. I learned magic in the morning, ate the midday meal with Alyss and the family, and afterward I spent time with Ehd Wyrd. We typically left, and flew off to where he could help me practice what I'd learned that day. In the evenings we'd wind up in our meadow. Looking up at the sky was a reminder of how close the conflict was coming, as the moon went through its phases.
We made it back to the caves in time for me to eat a leftover evening meal. No one questioned that I slept in his chamber; perhaps they were tiring of my nightly screaming.
I was listless in spellcraft one morning, and even R'ness noticed my distraction. When she questioned me, I opened up with all the worries I had concerning Ehd Wyrd, and his insistence to protect me.
"I see his death, every time I close my eyes. I can't take it! It's too much to ask of me, to lose the man I love for duty—it's not fair!" She slapped me—hard. I wondered if she was trying to teach me another lesson by attacking me, but she was livid; even her ears were red.
"How dare you speak to me of fairness and duty? You have no idea what I have given up to fulfill my own duty! You have the chance to fight and die alongside your beloved. I had to hear of the death of mine through a random scrap of illusory memory! If I had not taken an oath to guard that infernal gateway, I could have died in the arms of my beloved Kithmaron! I could have at least said goodbye!
"He's gone, Be'lah—everything I held dear is gone. I have sacrificed everything in the name of duty, and it is still not enough! There is no fair! Evil will consume everything in its path, unless someone stops it. You have a chance I never had. If you want your young man to live, then do not fail!"
She turned and left me standing there, stunned. In the time it took her to step behind a tree, she was gone. I wasn't sure if I should stay or go, we still had hours left to practice. Her words made me feel horrible. Her memory of the past was still sharp, and she still felt her losses.
I wondered if I would be like her someday, if I lived and Ehd Wyrd died. I hated thinking about being alive if he were dead. It was impossible to imagine not having him in some way. I'd come to rely on his presence in my life. In such a short time, I'd grown accustomed to the way being loved made me feel, like a whole new world had opened up to me. I felt like I was experiencing everything with new eyes. A world without Ehd Wyrd would be pale, washed out and flat.
I looked around at the world R'ness had created. She had told me that it was nothing compared to the real place, and I wondered if it was because she'd lost her own true love. I felt a sudden and deep sympathy for her. I went to the pool, and sat on the edge, dangling my feet in the water.
"I'm sorry, R'ness." Softly, for I had a suspicion she was aware of everything that happened in her realm. "I'm sorry I was being selfish. I'm sorry I forgot about all you've lost, and all you've done to help us."
In the hush, she stepped out, and sat beside me. "You are young; I forgive you." Time passed in silence as we sat there, both of us absorbed in our own thoughts. I thought of Ehd Wyrd, and I'm sure she thought of Kithmaron.
"How do you disappear like that?" It was one thing I had never learned. I imagined how wonderful it would be to move from place to place in the blink of an eye.
"This place is my own creation, I can control everything about it. It responds to my will, and if I choose to disappear, it takes only my will to make it happen."
"Is there a real spell that can let me do it too?" She sighed and leaned back on her hands at my question.
"Magic is raw power, as you are learning. The different laws are how we direct it and use it. Knowing the laws is the first step of mastery. But there are infinite ways those laws can be applied. As you saw, when I expected you to use the memory magic of the turtle, and create a shield, you instead used the memory magic of the eagle, and flew. There are many ways to vary spells, and so no two sorcerers are the same."
"So can it be done? It sounds like you're saying it's possible."
"Anything is possible with magic. But some things are not within the grasp of many spellcasters. You have great aptitude, but what you ask takes a certain defiance of the laws. It's like the way you explained flying to me; it's not about the bird, but about falling up to you. Most of us learn to identify with the bird, but you have turned the law around. You may be able to learn this spell. But I fear it would take too long to master."
"I've learned so much already! How could only one spell take too long? It would be such a useful ability."
"Be'lah, there is a problem with this one above others. Consider if you will, flying, and then being unable to fly. What happens?"
"I fall."
"Yes. Flying follows the third law of memory—it's natural. You fall, perhaps you use the shield to keep from dying. Even if you forget the shield, you could land somewhere soft and still survive long enough to heal yourself. But this kind of traveling from place to place, breaks the eleventh law of Nature, and nature always seeks to right the wrongs."
"You're confusing me."
"The spell you seek is one that I cannot do. My mind does not grasp the twist to the law. Those I have known who use this one, warn that it must always be done with precision. One mistake, and Nature will retaliate. They took a lot of time and practice to learn this skill, and they were always careful when they did it. If you fly crooked, the air forgives, and you can correct yourself. But if you apparate incorrectly—you die."
"So, it's possible, but impossible at the same time?"
"Yes! You understand. The laws can be twisted, and broken, but they are laws for a reason. There is a penalty for breaking them."
"What kind of penalty are you talking about?" I remembered my nightmares, and the seemingly endless run across the barren plain, with the dragon behind me. If I could simply will myself to be somewhere else, I could save myself from that chase.
"I've heard of a wizard embedding himself in solid stone. I've also heard of some who simply disappear and never re-appear. Those I spoke with, only learned the spell for dire emergencies. They spent years to learn this one talent, and even then they seldom used it."
It wasn't what I wanted to hear. But there was something she said earlier that got my attention. "You said magic was the power, and each sorcerer used it differently. Is that why Jheyms had to rely on the witch to change the family into dragons?"
"Yes. This white wizard's misuse of the twelfth law is costing him in more ways than one. It's feeding on him, and destroying his physical body, even as he destroys everything around him. But it also means that he has great power, but little finesse to use it. For you, the magic comes from within, but for him, it's stolen from without. It's like the difference between being able to naturally run as fast as a horse, and stealing someone else's horse and trying to ride. He is not as good as you are now. But what he lacks in skill, he makes up in brutality."
"So he needed the witch for her skill."
"The family is lucky he did not try to cast the spells himself, they could have been destroyed in a very messy way. The witch must have been very skilled."
"How is it that this spell has lasted so long? You've shown me how to transform one thing into another, but it doesn't last—nature always exerts itself."
"It's because of the second witch. The man tied his spell to the prophesy, and he also put his own life energy into it. A simple metamorphoses spell is only temporary, but this curse has the strength of his own life behind it." Something about what she said itched and tickled behind my eyes.
"What if... what if I gave part of my own life, to change them back? Could I undo the curse? Could I make them human again?"
"No. The first curse must be fulfilled." She sighed deeply and explained. "The witches understood the properties of magic had to be in balance. The family has been cursed, but the curse has to be in balance, or sorcerers could curse anyone at will. That is too great a power for Nature to allow. The curse bears the strength of the caster's life. But even if you were willing to sacrifice your life, it also has a balance to it that gives it strength. There is a way to break the curse. In tying it to the prophesy, the witch gave it several ways of being broken. You are the one who can break the curse, but you must fulfill the prophesy. You cannot simply transform them to counteract the magic."
"Could I make them human for a little while?" The thought came out of nowhere. R'ness looked at me in confusion, then smiled.
"I don't know why I never thought of it myself. They are indeed dragons, so the transfiguration spells should indeed work, temporarily at least."
For hours we worked on perfecting and fine tuning the spell. I turned fish into ducks, and ducks into geese. I even turned R'ness into a human, though she begged me to dispell the change within minutes. I discovered that the time a change lasted, depended on how much effort I put into the spell.
Before I left, I went for a swim in the pool. I'd found with the magic in the place, this was a great way to renew my strength. When I left, I ran straight to May, and told her of my discovery.
"I can make them human—for a little while. How would you like to see your husband again?" I explained that I would need a very good description of them, so I could get them as close to right as possible. She did even better. From her own room, she came out with a painting of her whole family.
"It's been too painful to look at, so I've kept it hidden away. One of the best artists in the land, painted this about a year before the curse. The boys were a little older when they were changed, but Kharl... he looked the same. Can you really change him? Even if it's only for a moment... you have no idea how much I've longed for the chance to see him, and touch him..." Tears washed her face, and she wiped them.
"Oh! I need to prepare for this, let me go and change, and wash up!"
"He knows what you look like, mother." Rose's practical comments stopped her.
"Oh... I guess you're right." She giggled nervously. "I feel like a bride about to meet her groom." She turned my way. "Can you change my sons too? I know it's too much to ask to see my family together, but..."
"I'll try. I'm not sure how much it will take." I stared at the painting. It was the first time I'd had an image of Ehd Wyrd. J'Spurr was unbearably handsome, with his soft blond curls and blue eyes. He looked like his father and sister. But Ehd Wyrd clearly favored his mother. The artist had captured his green eyes, and his hair was the same bronze color of his dragon scales, with just a touch of red. He had a strong chin, a long, narrow nose, and an introspective, almost brooding look.
But he'd also inherited the sensitive, pale skin of those with red hair, and his face bore mottled red blemishes, and pustules, oozing onto his ill-treated visage. He hadn't lied; his skin was a mess, even in the artist's rendering. I could only imagine it had been worse in reality. I ached for the boy in the frame, and loved him even more. I could only imagine how difficult it would be, to stand amid such a beautiful family, and look like he didn't belong.
With the images in my mind, we all gathered in the main chamber. I had to get permission from the dragons as well, and we decided that I should go down the line, from oldest to youngest. I wanted desperately to see Ehd Wyrd, but I also wanted to make sure it would work. Kharl had volunteered to be the test subject.
I closed my eyes, concentrating on the image from the painting. I thought about his bravery and his strength, and the love he had for his family. I heard May scream, startling me out of my trance-like state. She rushed past me, and threw herself into the arms of the man standing in front of us. When she was finished covering him with kisses, he turned to hug his daughter.
He even looked like a king in his bearing. He thanked me with a smile, while his arms encircled his wife and daughter. It had taken a lot out of me, but the dragon J'Spurr stepped forward, clearly expecting the same outcome. Alyss clung to my arm, and her wings fluttered nervously. I had to pull away, so I could cast the spell uninterrupted. I didn't have the image of his bravery, but his humor, his protection of Alyss, and his fierceness, flowed into my idea of what he looked like. I imagined the beautiful young man, and the collective gasp I heard around me opened my eyes.
He was adorable, and he exuberantly hugged me first, before his mother tore him away, and pressed kisses all over his face. Alyss used her wings to come between mother and child, and she was immediately in his arms. What they shared was likely the first kiss for both of them, and I turned away from their loving display.
I tried to walk, but I could barely stand. Ehd' Wyrd's tail encircled me, and I leaned against him for support. I looked up at his green eyes, and almost burst into tears. I was exhausted, and I knew I didn't have it in me to change him.
I instinctively translated his dragon language; it was second nature to me now. "Be'lah needs to rest. I'm going to take her someplace quiet. I wouldn't go into the smaller chambers, since you don't know when the spell will wear off." His warning made me gasp at what I'd forgotten.
He scooped me up in his dragon mitt, and I drifted into unconsciousness. I didn't even dream.
I awoke to the smell of flowers, and opened my eyes to the three-quarter phase moon, high in the sky. Edward stood over me expectantly.
"Are you okay? I've been worried about you."
"I guess it took a lot more out of me to change them. I hope it lasts a long time."
"I hope it's over before the attack. My father and brother were both good fighters, but as humans, they wouldn't be nearly as good as they would be in their dragon forms." I got to my feet to face him, feeling much stronger.
"Ehd Wyrd, what if they went to face Jheyms, and told him his curse was broken? Would he give up?" I felt a small glimmer of hope, at the thought of not having to fight for our lives.
"He's not going to give up. Jheyms can't kill them if he wants the throne, but his pet can. If he believed they'd broken the curse, then he would simply have his dragon kill them." I sat down in the grass, disappointed.
"No matter what I do, it seems everything comes down to this one conflict. I don't understand how one stupid wizard can completely ruin so many lives. It's just so wrong!"
"We're going to make it right, Be'lah. He won't win." He put his face closer to mine. "If he had not cursed me, I never would have met you." His breath warmed me. "I should thank him for that."
"I love you!" I stood and ran my hand along his snout, and pressed my face against his cheek. "You always make me feel better."
"You were exhausted. Do you need more rest? You've already missed two meals. How can I help you?" His concern was touching.
"The fruit here is ripe." I turned and went about picking some of the fruit from the trees. Sweet guava's, plums, and mangoes filled me up and refreshed me. "I think all I need is a little swim, to make me feel better. You don't mind waiting, do you?"
"Why would I mind? I will watch over you." We'd tried to swim together once, but the pool was only deep for me; he only went chest deep, and took up so much space I couldn't swim. He'd displaced so much water, the ground around had become saturated. We reserved swimming together for the ocean. I swam, and enjoyed the way the water seemed to rejuvenate me. When I emerged, I felt like I'd had a good night's sleep.
Half of our night had disappeared, and I leaned against him, running my fingers through my hair. He'd taken me on one of his crazy flights, so I could dry out in a hurry, but the tangles were a trade-off.
"Are you ready to give it a try, Ehd Wyrd?" He was unusually quiet. I stepped in front of him, and he looked down at me.
"Give what a try?" He didn't fool me. It was the one thing that hadn't left my mind, since I'd brought up the idea to R'ness. I knew he hadn't forgotten either.
"Let me try to change you."
"I thought you loved me just the way I am?" The warm air from his laughter blew my hair.
"You know I love you, in every and all ways. But I can't hold you like this... are you ready?"
"I love you, Be'lah. I hope you feel the same way when I'm human." I didn't even know how to answer his misgivings.
I closed my eyes. I imagined the boy in the picture, but a year older. I thought about the way his mother described him, I thought about how much I loved him, and I thought about his good heart, adventurous spirit, and gentle nature. I poured everything I had into it. I felt the spell's completion, feeling dizzy when I opened my eyes.
He caught me in his arms as I stumbled. I looked up—he was taller than I expected. His eyes were familiar, and his smile was... beautiful. He was the most beautiful man I'd ever seen. I reached up impulsively and touched his face, and his hand covered mine.
"I..." He opened his mouth, then stretched his jaw. "...I think... I have..for.. forgotten how to speak." He laughed, and his smile widened. "I have a f... voice again!" He moved in close to me, and his arm came around my waist. "I... I lo...I love you, Be'lah! I love you! You are so beautiful!" He pulled me close, and I pressed my face against his chest, and listened to the pounding of his heart. Then he picked me up and twirled me. He was stronger than I expected.
"Ehd Wyrd, be careful, I'm already dizzy." He put me down immediately, and looked so contrite I couldn't help but laugh. "Don't look so worried, I'll be fine in a few minutes. I don't think I've ever been so happy in my life. Could you just hold me... I just want to be close to you." He pulled me close and held me tight
"Do you still love me?" His whisper was almost lost in my hair.
"I will always love you, no matter what." He pulled away then, and gazed down at me. It felt hard to breathe. He wasn't a dragon, and he wasn't a boy. He was a man, fully realized, and just inches from me. He touched my face, then slid his fingers into my hair. I trembled as he leaned closer, and the slight tilt of his head gave away his intent. My mind went crazy, as my body refused to obey me. I just stood there and stared, as his face hovered briefly before mine.
His lips touched mine, and my eyes drifted shut. I absorbed everything, storing it away for a time when I could think. His lips were so warm, and real. They moved and I responded like I could taste him. I wanted to attach myself to him, and pull every bit of sweetness from him. In the span of a gasp, I wound my arms around him and pulled him closer, and yielded to the kiss. I wanted to be a part of him; I couldn't get enough.
He was the one who pulled away from our forever kiss. Eyes open, I stared at him, and we were both breathless.
"That was my first kiss." We spoke in unison, then we laughed.
"I love kissing you; I love you!" I leaned in to kiss him again, but he backed away.
"Be'lah, we need to talk, before this wears off." With his arm around me, he guided me to a rock, and we both sat down. I couldn't take my eyes off of him, but the serious look on his face made me worry. What could we possibly have to talk about that couldn't wait?
A/N: You don't want to hear my excuses about why this chapter took so long. I just want to reassure you that I am still committed to seeing this story through to the end.
If I have not responded to your review, I apologize. They are important to me, and I appreciate all comments.
