Disclaimer: I do NOT own the following wrestlers, or any of the events that actually happened on camera.
I respect the actual beliefs and sexualities of the following wrestlers.
Random as shit, I know... but that's what I promised. Can't say I don't deliver.
Day ????(We really aren't keeping track anymore): Two Victories
It was quite possible that Matthew Moore Hardy was the meanest person on the planet.
Another workout, another round of 'Dave can't touch'. And Dave was wondering if this exercise for freebies of his boyfriend naked was even worth it. If Dave got aroused after every workout, wasn't it sort of counterproductive?
"Matt!" Dave shouted, "Just once. One time."
"No," Matt said, pulling on his shirt, "If I give in once, then it'll be everyday. I'm kind of mad I have to take off my clothes just to get you to cooperate."
"I'm sorry if I'm a guy who likes feeling the burn," Dave said, "And if I'm giving that up, I think I deserve something."
"You deserve another five months on injury," Matt said, rolling his eyes. He reached for his pants, but Dave snatched them, along with his underwear. "Ha ha, very funny. Give them here."
"I don't think so," Dave said, holding the clothes away, "You want them back, you earn them."
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me." Dave grinned and sat on his couch. "Earn them."
"Look, I kind of want to get my own workout started..."
"Then earn them." Matt crossed his arms, but Dave just watched him smugly. Did he just get one up on Matt Hardy? No, he couldn't get cocky. That's how Matt suddenly turned the tables on you and next thing you know, your carefully laid out revenge plan turns out to be all part of Matt's grand scheme.
It was kind of upsetting, actually, thinking about how devious Matt actually was.
Matt sighed and straddled Dave. "Please?" he asked, "Come on, give me my clothes."
"This is a start..." Dave said, definitely liking the position. Matt shook his head.
"Sometimes, I think you never learn." Matt stood up and, somehow, his clothes were in his own hands now. Dave looked from his hands to Matt, trying to understand what voodoo powers he had.
"How did you..."
"You were so blinded by booty, I swear I could've done anything to you," Matt said, "I could've gave you a shot and you wouldn't have noticed." And that was obviously point one million to Matt, because he was right. Damn Matt's butt.
Dave shrugged. "What can I say? It's a nice ass."
"I'd say so." Matt turned around and Dave looked up, seeing Hunter Hearst Helmsley at the doorway. Dave immediately stood up, grabbed Matt, and pushed him into his body, blocking the view from Hunter.
"Oh, calm down," Hunter said, "It's a compliment. One I've given the kid plenty of times in the past."
"Go into the other room so he could get dressed," Dave snapped.
"Dave," Matt said, his face mostly in his chest, "It's not like he or any other guy in the locker room hasn't seen me naked before."
"I don't care. Hunter, other room."
Hunter grumbled and walked into the other room. Dave watched the door until he could no longer see him, and then he heard a small voice. "You're... squishing me..."
"Sorry." He let go of Matt, who hit him with his pants before putting them on. "What was that for?"
"For being weird!" Then, Dave hit Matt. "What was that for?" he asked.
"For being weird the whole time you were here!" They started hitting each other over and over again, not stopping until they heard a shout.
"How long does it take him to put on pants?"
Dave and Matt laughed then, forgetting the little slap battle that just took place between them. They began walking to the other room, and, before they went in, Dave slapped Matt's ass. Matt was about to retaliate, but Dave was already in the room before he could.
Dave mentally gave himself a point. Although Matt already had hundreds, Dave took the little victories he could.
*********************
"So," Hunter said, "When did this happen?"
"When did you forget how to knock?" Dave asked.
"When you showed me where you hide your spare key, dummy." Hunter laughed. "Silly Dave." He turned to Matt. "So, Matt, when did this happen?"
Matt shrugged. "A few weeks ago."
"And now my boy's bumping uglies with a Hardy." Hunter clapped a hand onto Dave's shoulder. "Congratulations, you're now a man."
"I'm older than you," Dave reminded his friend.
"By like, a few months," Hunter replied, "And besides, in wrestling years, you're nine. I'm seventeen. Thus, I'm older than you. Heck, even Matt's older than you."
"True," Matt said, "I'm fifteen. Dave, you're practically a baby."
"You know that makes you a pervert?" Dave asked.
Matt shrugged. "I've made my peace with that." After a quiet, Dave started the conversation again.
"So," Dave said, "What brings you here, Hunt?"
"Well," Hunter said, "I was in the neighborhood and I'd thought I'd drop by for a little visit, ask how things are going." Dave glared at him, not believing the story. "Really, I'm here to check on your status, when you'll be ready to return. Honest."
Still not fully believing the story, Dave said, "You could've called."
Hunter sighed. "Alright, I admit it. Jeff said you two were together and I needed to see it for myself. By the way, Randy owes me fifty... he swore that there was no way in hell that it was true."
"Why?" Matt asked.
Hunter shrugged, "Maybe has something to do with the fact that you two are a total mismatch. I mean, come on. Look at Dave's previous dating record. And yours! I mean, I still remember those days on the road when you and Kevin practically broke the bed in every hotel we went to..."
"Oh yeah, like the fact you and Stephanie we're going at it like rabbits had nothing to do with it?" Matt shot back.
"Touche, pal. If Taker and Shawn were on the same floor, I'm sure we would've destroyed the ground beneath us." Hunter grinned. "Good times, good times. Anyway, what were we talking about?"
Dave shook his head. "And look at him, acting innocent," Hunter said, "You had to hear him fucking Rey. I could SWEAR he was going to break the poor little guy. And then he was with Candice... I thought we'd have to have a funeral. At least he got someone a little more hardy this time."
"That was the lamest thing I've ever heard," Dave said.
"You're mad you didn't come up with it first," Hunter replied. "So, now that I'm here, any idea when you guys are coming back?"
Dave shrugged. "Dunno."
"I have an appointment on the twenty eighth," Matt answered.
"Awesome." Hunter stood up and walked to Dave's fridge. "Want anything?"
"Get me a beer!" Matt shouted. Dave gave him a look and said, "Who said you can go into my fridge?"
Hunter laughed. "I did, pal."
Dave shook his head. "He always pulls this routine with Randy and I, saying he made us and that he's our father and nonsense like that."
"What can I say? I did make them. And Dave's ridiculously lucky... you should see how I treat Randy, the missus, and the twins." Hunter pulled out two beers, and said, "Dave, want one?"
"Yeah," Dave said. In comparison to how Hunter treated Randy's little family, Dave was lucky. He even referred to himself as 'Grandpop Hunter' to the Orton twins.
Hunter gave Dave a bottle, and then Matt. They all popped the caps and then Hunter put his bottle in the air. "To... to mismatched couples everywhere," Hunter said, "May they survive, now matter how many people think they won't make it."
They started drinking, and then it hit Dave. "You have an appointment on the twenty eighth?"
"Yeah," Matt said.
"That means you have to go back to North Carolina around Night of Champions..." Dave said. Matt wondered where he was going with this, and he remembered the invitation his father extended.
"Oh fuck," he said, hitting his head on the table.
"Oh yes!" Dave said, pumping his fist, "I'm going to get to the bottom of this Cheeney business!"
"What the fuck is a Cheeney?" Hunter asked.
"Don't ask," Matt said. Dave gave himself another point, congratulating himself on winning two times in one day. He usually lost all the time, and now he won twice in one day? He nodded happily. He had to savor this; he probably was going to lose the next hundred times.
Alright, there was a bit of an issue with my decision to not mention the other guy. I have been asked, begged, poked, and bargained with. So, I've decided to tell you... next chap. This chap, you guys get to guess. I guess I'll give you hints...
1) It's surprising, like Kevin Nash.
2) It's not Jeff, the Miz, Cena, Chris Jericho, Evan Bourne, or the Undertaker. (Addressing all the guesses already given)
3) The guy took Matt's place in a pay-per-view match. (not saying which)
4) I may have paired them together once before.
If you guess right... I dunno, you get digital cookies. Good luck!
Reviews deeply appreciated
