A/N: Not even school starting way too early will keep me from updating this story! As usual, I hope everyone is enjoying the fic and I hope the same positive feelings come from this chapter.
When Amon woke up, he looked down at the tick marks he'd made in the dirt to keep track of the days. It'd been four days, and, when he looked to his side, he saw a canteen and a bowl of onion-banana juice, just as always. It was humbling how kind the Air Alcolytes and Guru Zopa had been to him, but he wasn't sure how much closer he was to a breakthrough in his chakra block.
He thought back to that drunken dream he'd had years ago. There wasn't much to say about the conscious hours, only that there had been a time in his life when he drank to celebrate and that particular night, he'd toasted with a bottle. Nothing nefarious happened, and he passed out into that dream. On most days (including the morning after that particular night), he would've been disgusted with such soft advice as spread equality and nothing else. It should've been meaningless; what were words without actions?
He rubbed his shoulder, which had begun throbbing from an awkward sleeping position. There was something poetic about his mind when he wasn't himself. The world he wanted to describe to Asami was a beautiful one, yet a world that felt better in place in a far off fantasy. Thinking back to the vision he had when he lead the Equalists, it was nothing like the world he wanted to give Asami. No, the world he'd almost formed involved laws and punishments.
Some part of him was relieved that he hadn't reached that step.
If he shouldn't be angry at Asami for choosing to side with the benders, did that mean that it was possible she wasn't doing everything wrong? What kind of enlightenment did Asami reach that he couldn't step to? He wished that Hiroshi had let him speak with her; there were so many things he wanted to ask her. How had she never felt anger toward benders, even after they killed her mother? He'd even felt the pain of Mrs. Sato's death when he stared down her killer. How had she invited herself so far into bender society that she dated a firebender?
Why ask her? You slept with a firebender, Amon reminded himself. He closed his eyes and tried to reach that spot he'd been in while having sex with Emi. Why hadn't he turned her down? He knew he had enough basic self-control that he could've rejected her even if he wanted the action. What had allowed him to trust her?
Just one man and one woman. He couldn't remember who'd said it, but the words stuck out in his head. That night, that's all they had been. Not once had she shown that she was anything more than a woman, and he showed no more than her. Was that what Asami had adopted when she began dating the firebender?
That night, Emi hadn't been a firebender, and she certainly hadn't been her father's daughter.
Amon took a deep breath. Maybe, just maybe, it was okay that he'd done what he'd done. He would've stepped up to find the guru, but the guru found him.
"You've got quite a skill for coming to me when I need you, don't you?" Amon commented.
The guru smiled. "Your aura is very demanding, and I noticed that it calmed while making my rounds. Are you ready?" Amon nodded. "If I may, let me offer you some modern-day logic." Amon looked to him. "You aren't a farmer, are you?"
"No."
"But your father was?"
"Yes."
"Well, your friend's father was a Triad leader and that doesn't mean she is. Now, let all your shame run out of your mind."
Amon let the feelings of the past few days float away, and his eyelids seemed to feel lighter as he opened them. He turned to the guru and smiled. "You're amazing."
"I'm simply guiding you. It's you who's been doing the amazing feats."
Amon took a moment to take in his surroundings once more: the muted scent of the grass, the beating sun, and the cloudless blue sky. "Could we keep going? I think I'm ready for the next chakra."
"Did you have your onion-banana juice today?"
Amon glanced at the bowl and pulled it toward him. "Do you just use this to amuse yourself?"
"Partially." Amon still wore the grimace as he drank. "You haven't acquired the taste yet?"
"And I don't think I will."
Guru Zopa chuckled. "Don't be cynical." Once Amon looked ready, the guru continued speaking. "The fourth chakra is the air chakra, located in the heart. It deals with love, and is blocked by grief."
Images passed like a shuffling deck of cards: his mother, his father, and even Woogu.
"Incredible how few you've loved enough to feel their loss," the guru commented. Amon opened his eyes. "Do you know why some people are able to continue on with their lives after the death of a loved one?" Amon shook his head. "The part of us that mourns is really just an empty part of us that was once filled with love. People accept death because they allow the love now soaring around them to come back in the form of new love. You never let people into your life enough to ever truly fill the void losing your parents and pet left. Have you felt love in your life, but failed to acknowledge it?"
Two images popped into his head, one of a girl in her early teens with lighter brown hair cut short and her face half covered in Kyoshi Warrior makeup. The other…was Asami Sato when he was a young girl and had first smiled at him when they caught gazes in the halls of Sato's mansion.
"I know you may be confused by the image of the young girl. Not all love is necessarily romantic love, like with the Kyoshi Warrior. But, what's the first image's story?"
"I learned to chi block on Kyoshi Island and she was one of the Kyoshi Warriors. They were all non-benders, so even then I didn't mind her, and a lot of the girls crushed on me because I was charming and showed off a lot. We had one night together, but I had to leave for the desert the next day." Amon paused. "Even so, I wasn't thinking romantically while with her."
"And the young girl?"
Amon shrugged. "I was drawn by the way she lived her life. Everyone before her that I met had always been bitter to benders after the death of loved ones. She never was. I wanted to care for her, help her at least come to a more solid place in life, but I denied myself the opportunity because I had to stay cold in order to lead the revolution. I became apathetic to her by the time she betrayed her father."
"But you have let love in now, haven't you? Did you notice a mentally good feeling after being with Emi?" Amon nodded. "It's that void being filled up. Now, close your eyes, and imagine that pain of loss flowing away."
The pain, the crying, and the hopeless feelings—he let them all go, imagining Emi's face. When he opened his eyes again, there was an unfamiliar warm, fluttering feeling in his stomach.
"Spirits Guru Zopa, I think I'm in love…" he said as he covered his eyes with his hand.
The guru chuckled. "There's nothing wrong with that."
Amon lifted his head. "Yeah, if I ignore that she hates me now."
"Give it time. Two chakras are enough for today. If all goes well, we'll open chakra five and six tomorrow. Seven needs a day on its own."
Amon spent the rest of the day icing his shoulder and talking with the sister who cared for the sky bison.
"Woogi really likes you," the sister commented as the baby sky bison once again walked up to Amon and collapsed.
"He thinks I'm gonna give him food."
The baby bison stuck out its tongue and began licking Amon's hair again, and the sister laughed. "She must think you're her baby."
Amon once again tried to push the bison off him. "Anything else, just get the bison to stop licking me before my hair's permanently stuck like this."
"You know, bison spit turns to glue when it's left in for more than thirty seconds." Amon stared at her in horror before she broke down giggling. "So I guess you don't know everything."
"I don't remember saying I did."
The sister smirked a bit. "You either are or were very cocky at one point." She studied Amon. "Now that I think about it, I think life beat the cockiness out of you."
"Bludgeoned is more like it."
"What do you look forward to in life?"
Gaining my powers, Koh's approval, and my honor back. "Nothing. Maybe Emi forgiving me."
They stayed silent for a few minutes. "You know, the lack of spirituality in this day and age is awful. You know you're the only Fire Nation native who's ever been able to reach the spiritual level you have? People have stopped going to temples, and events like Pro Bending make a mockery out of an ancient art. Do you think there's any hope in us returning to a more appreciative place?"
"I was supposed to be the solution to that."
"What did the spirits think about Avatar Korra and her lack of spirituality?"
"They said she failed the world. I can't help but agree."
"You really don't like her, do you?"
Amon looked her right in the eyes. "I've come to realize something: it's not the benders that are the problem, it's the person who's supposed to be keeping the two sides in balance. Korra is not my Avatar. She's not the non-benders' Avatar. She's let us be abused, oppressed, and killed because we don't have some power. Actually, you know what? The moment I knew she stopped being my Avatar was when I looked back after escaping Republic City and it occurred to me that not once had she even thought to just talk and try to find a compromise for the benders and non-benders. If she can't figure out that basic Avatar duty at seventeen after knowing of her identity since age four, I doubt she'll ever gain it. So now she's showing her true colors—without three elements and her past lives, forced to scrounge up whatever spirituality still exists in this world and hope that they aren't as bitter as me or the ancient spirits about the turn of the world."
"Sounds like a pretty harsh punishment."
"It's what the world needs."
Amon was surprised by how easily unlocking the sound and light chakras: a quick talk about how he lied about his death and a bit of confirmation that benders themselves weren't the problem, but the Avatar, Amon's new working theory.
"This is my last bowl, right?" Amon asked as he lifted a bowl of onion-banana juice to his lips.
The guru rolled his eyes. "Yes." Once everything was said, the guru explained the last chakra. "Your final obstacle to face is the thought chakra, located at the crown of the head, that deals with cosmic energy and is blocked by earthly attachments. Once you clear this chakra, you'll have reached a state of enlightenment, thus making visitation into the Spirit World a feasibly possible feat."
Amon began mediation, quick images passed of the Equalists, his parents, and Emi. He took a deep breath allowed the insight from the illusion of death and spirit and earth to fall away. He wasn't sure what the feeling was, but it was almost the lightweight feeling of flying with the sisters on one of the sky bison bareback.
"You've reached spiritual enlightenment. Perhaps your lack of connections wasn't the worst thing for you."
Amon opened his eyes. "I simply learned from a wise teacher. Thank you."
"No, thank you for giving me hope in the world again. I haven't helped a non-Air Alcolyte student in what feels like a lifetime. You're a very wise man yourself. I hope your spiritual journey comes to a good end. Would you like some time alone to meditate?"
Amon nodded, and let himself pull the reins connecting him to earth thin, ready to find the Spirit World.
Hours passed. The morning light that he'd opened his chakra in turned to black and rose into light again. Amon opened his tired eyes, trying to keep his frustration at bay. It's not an easy task to enter the Spirit World. He tried to clear his thoughts to enter another meditative trance, but exhaustion pushed him toward sleep instead.
When he woke up, and he dragged himself to his feet and walked back toward the houses, sick of the simplistic and lonely atmosphere of the abandoned areas. The house was empty when he walked in, seeing if maybe Koh had left him a clue (doubting the possibility the whole time). He shuffled through his few belongings, still no more than some clothing and…the mask. The cheap mask he'd bought from that town in the United Nations. It was white, about the shade his old one was.
He slipped the mask into his hand and walked back out to the outer area of the convent buildings. He stared at the relatively similar nose mold and the too-small eyeholes. It didn't have a mouth.
So it had been a mask that kept his connection to Koh. Was it possible that he needed to forge that connection himself? He flipped the mask around, looking at the smooth surface of its concave side. Even then, he could remember those moments where his own sweat had become an adhesive to the mask and it came off his face with a pop, and his hair would them proceed to stick to his face where the mask had left chaffing marks. In a way, he was relieved that his skin could breathe.
In a moment of inspiration, he pulled out his shuriken and carved a mouth hole exactly as his old one had looked. A bit of hope rose in him, and he proceeded to make the eyeholes the proper size as well.
The mask was the right shape, but it still needed the design. He walked out to the stream the guru always talked about and scooped some mud from its banks. After a bit of layering, the mud stuck in the curves design around his forehead, cheeks, and chin. He bit his lip, puzzled over how to address the red dot in the middle of the mask.
The material came quickly to him, and he took his index finger and dug it into his canine until blood was drawn. From there, he drew a dot on the mask, squeezing his finger to get more blood to ooze out. It took a few instances of a bitten tongue, but his little cut produced enough blood to make the dot.
He took a deep breath, stuck the mask on, and fell into meditation.
Something was different, something that made him smile from under the mask.
A/N: This story has almost come full circle! If there's anything you think I could've improved about the character/pace/plot, please tell me. Or, if nothing else, I'd love to hear other thoughts on the chapter and story itself. Thanks to everyone reading and reviewing already.
