I didn't think. If I had I would have probably slammed into the ground and not moved again. Instead I grabbed Simon, who had managed to gather our belongings from some wall hooks, and we vanished.

We emerged in the clearing we'd been camping in a couple of weeks ago. I took a slow, long look round. There was no one. We were safe. I breathed in deeply, the air shuddered in my mouth and throat and didn't make it to my lungs. I tried again, but the sensation made my whole body shake. I plunged to the ground, landing heavily on my knees, before curling up on it.

Simon didn't come near me, maybe he could sense that I needed to alone right now, maybe he didn't want to be near me. I was a murderer. Fratricide.

I was vaguely aware of Simon putting up wards around us. I knew I should help him, but I couldn't seem to drag myself to my feet. My hand clutched my wand but I didn't feel like mine any more- it felt like a weapon. It was a weapon. I'd used it to kill my brother. The fact sat large, and bleak and infinite in its horror. There were rational thoughts to be had, sure, they ghosted in and out. Phrases like 'you had no choice', 'he was going to kill Simon', 'it was self defence' and they made sense, even in my addled state, but they didn't change anything. The word murderer was burnt into my skin, over and over agin.

Simon must have put the tent up, because suddenly I felt a calming touch on my shoulder.
"Riza, come inside."
I shook myself away from him.
"I know you're trying to punish yourself, but you have to believe me. You didn't do anything wrong. Please come inside. I have something to show you."
Maybe it was his tone, or the calming nature of his hand in my shoulder, but I allowed myself to be led to the tent. Simon settled me in a chair and told me to look up. On the table there were strewn dozens of books. Nearly all the ones I'd been carrying, they were mostly history, and were all open at different pages.
"What is this?"
Simon didn't answer directly, "we're at was he explained. We're fighting back against an enemy. And people die in war, on both sides, and sometimes good people are the ones to kill them."
I flinched at that, but he continued, his voice steady. He pointed to the first book, and then others "Andromeda the 14th, Vortigen, Firzand... they killed people, because they had to. But we still remember them as heroes. People die in wars, and it's horrible and wrong, but you didn't start this war. It's not your fault."
I still couldn't speak, but I found myself calming, slightly.
"You saved my life. And you've saved the lives of all the people he would have gone on to kill. And the fact that you're so haunted by it shows that you're not the monster you think you are. You did it because you had to."
I found my voice, although it was small and shakey.
"How do you know all this?"
"Because i killed someone. When the snatchers came for me I was with my little sister. I killed the man who was chasing her so she would have time to get away." He smiled, it was sad but proud, "she did. I can't regret letting that happen."
I gave a small smile. " I don't regret saving your life."
"Thanks."
It still took me a few hours for me to be able to function again. The pain wasn't gone, it was there as a dull throbbing ache under my skin, but it didn't burn so white hot. I didn't know how long it would be until it was gone, but, while it was still raw, I could stomach it. There was more work to be done.
"We need to get to Hogwarts.

I out the situation to Simon as we ate.
"I don't know precisely what's happening, but I do know there's a large contingent of death eaters heading for the castle. They're going to be there this evening. That's got to mean something's happening."
Simon chewed thoughtfully, he didn't say anything, he didn't disagree, but I kept talking to convince myself more than anything. "I know it could be dangerous, well, that it definitely is dangerous. But we can't just sit here, this could be it. The final push."
Simon carried on eating, but he was smiling slightly around the sandwich.
"I know they haven't contacted us, but now could they?" I continued "what if there's an army, our army, gathering at the castle right now and we're sitting out in a field. And even if there's not, if they don't know it's coming we need to warn them."
Simon finished his food. He looked up at me, and raised an eyebrow.
"You're coming with me, aren't you." I said flatly.
"Well of course I am. Although I don't know how you intend to get around the wards"
"Maybe we could get in through Hogsmede?"
"I wouldn't risk it. If I was you-know-who I'd have that area locked down. We could step right into a trap."
I thought about that. "Okay, so we go for outside Hogsmede... Somewhere they wouldn't expect."
"Inside would be good. Keep out of sight."
I thought for a moment. Until it hit me, "the Shrieking Shack". I said
Simon looked at me like I was mad.
"It's haunted!"
"Listen to me, Simon, if I have learnt anything recently it is that we have more to fear from the living than the dead. I'd rather take my chances in the Shack, wouldn't you?"
"It's gonna be risky apparating in there without knowing the layout. I don't fancy landing half embroiled in a tapestry."
I waved a hand. "I know the layout, I've been there."
Simon's jaw dropped. "You went inside the shack?"
I laughed at his staggered expression, and felt a rush of pride and nostalgia. "Halloween of my last year at school. It was a dare...sort of." I smiled at the memory, it felt like such a long time ago. My problems from then felt so small now, like dust on tables. " I went in with Oliver."
"Your fiancé?"
"Now, yes, at the time I hated him. Well, I didn't hate me, he just wound me up."
"What changed?"
"I started to realise that I liked the person I was around him more than I like who I was around anyone else. That he made me better. Not nicer, perhaps, or calmer, but fiercer, more determined. Stronger."
"Sounds...chaotic."
"It was" I was surprising myself, I'd never spoken this openly to anyone about this. But I was standing on a precipice about to watch the dawn crack open, and the world tear itself apart, so maybe this was the time for reflection.
"It was chaotic" I continued, "it was difficult, and painful, and maddening. It was hurtful and messy. And.."
I tailed off.
"And?" Simon prompted
"And it was worth it."