King Rat: Our Kingdom

Author Notes: Man, this one came down to the wire. This chapter is a little short, but only because I had too much material planned and couldn't figure out a good way to work it all in and make it make sense without making this chapter 30 pages. So I had to find a stopping point... and then I did. Hopefully the seams don't show too much!

Review responses!

Dragon77- Oh yeah, Gojyo would be VERY concerned that his boys would not be manly enough. He's probably terrified they'll be confused when they realize they actually have two daddies and want to get boyfriends and try the same thing. "No, no, guys, it doesn't normally work that way!"

RodiSquall- Learning to write with the number one? Let's hope Sanzo nips that right in the bud! I imagine it'd be harder to write Chinese like that, so hopefully it won't be an issue! And of course Sanzo would explain why he carries the gun- he wants to be honest with them, after all, just not too honest with toddlers.

KakashiisWifey- Me? Top 5? Wow, you flatter me! I have been trying to do some different things with the story, and I hope it shows. But thank you for your kind words! (Just don't stop reading because you're satisfied- there's more good stuff to come!)

Disclaimer: Nnnnnnnope. Still not mine.


10: Look Ma, No Hands!

It did not start on their second birthday. It was not as though a magic switch had flipped once the candles on the cake were blown out, and the boys had suddenly become brats on their second birthday. Sanzo should have seen it coming- he knew the boys pushed and shoved and pulled hair sometimes. Gojyo separated them and made them stand apart for a few minutes to calm down, but the incidents kept getting bigger and worse. Of course, the incidents soon were not limited to being between the boys.

A few weeks after potty-training was done, Sanzo started hearing "I wanna do it" and "Let me do it" and "Stop, I'm'a do it" every time he and Gojyo tried to get on with their daily routine. Getting dressed in the morning, Eiji shoved his hands away.

"I do it myself!" He yanked the sweater from Sanzo, stomping his little feet, and started forcing himself into the sweater. Sanzo had to intervene after he got his arms and head stuck in his sleeves, but he screamed when he was finally dressed.

"No, me!" Yohei snapped when Gojyo cut up his scrambled eggs, swiping the fork from him and roughly mashing the eggs into paste. Gojyo rested his chin in his hand and watched, ignoring the flecks of egg splattering onto his shirt.

"Ya done, kid?" He tried to take the fork back.

"Nooooo!" Yohei gripped it until Gojyo finally wrenched it from his clumsy grasp, at which point Yohei started wailing. On the other side of the table, Eiji had started throwing eggs at Sanzo in frustration at not being allowed to feed himself.

Meal time, bath time, even bed time, every little directive was a declaration of war. Playtime was probably the worst, to the point where the best time of the day had become the most dreaded. It was unpleasant, to say the least, for whichever parent was supervising- the boys had ceased to share their toys, neither with each other nor them. However, loud arguments and throwing were common. Gojyo couldn't even tell what they were arguing about, which Hakkai found delightful; "Why, they've come up with their own language!" He clapped his hands together and beamed. "I've heard twins can do that. How precious is that?" Gojyo drummed his fingers on his work desk, glaring into the playpen.

"They better start speakin' this language real goddamn fast, because if I'm gonna listen to two assholes argue, I'm gonna get some fuckin' gossip out of it."

"Let's hope it's not that language." Hakkai giggled, and Gojyo rolled his eyes and got between the toy-throwing warriors.

Tantrums, too, had become the daily norm, and it always seemed to be over the smallest of things. The first major one, however, was on October 11th. The family had celebrated their second birthday at the house, and it had been going well. Their big gift, a combined effort from all four adults, went over well- both boys were excited to sleep in separate "big kid" beds, and Gojyo had even gotten distinct bedding for each of them- white with blue pinstripes for Yohei, and blue with white clouds for Eiji. After a meal of super-long noodles in chicken broth, which the boys had consumed with lots of slurping, approval and encouragement from Goku, and a humiliated sigh from Sanzo, it came time to cut the cake. They blew out the candles with no incident (and no help from Gojyo) and Hakkai sliced the cake into neat little slivers.

"Who wants first?" He held up the first plate. Yohei reached for it, and Eiji lifted his hand.

"Please!" Eiji grinned a wide grin, showing off his teeth, and Hakkai giggled.

"What manners. Here you are." As the plate hit the table in front of Eiji, Yohei's little mouth fell open. Before Hakkai could serve him a slice, he yanked the plate away from Eiji and before any of the adults could stop him, threw it on the ground. The plate shattered with a tinkling, resounding clatter. Sanzo immediately lunged for Yohei like a policeman jumping on a red-handed thief, and Eiji jumped off his chair after his cake.

"No, kiddo, it's dirty." Gojyo knelt beside Eiji to pick him and the broken pieces of plate off the floor, but Eiji wriggled away to try and pick up the cake crumbs. Then, the tears started. "Oh, no..."

Sanzo had wrestled Yohei into the corner, but Yohei kept trying to get loose and get to Eiji. Eiji started to sob and scream and threw himself onto the floor. Yohei hurled his body at the wall over and over, screeching and pounding his fists. Sanzo growled and started to restrain him; "Why are you upset, you started this!" He tried to pin him down, scowling even as Yohei screamed back at him, as Goku joined Gojyo in trying to keep Eiji still.

"Calm down, buddy! There's more cake!" Goku tried to pat Eiji on the back while Gojyo used his hand to shield Eiji's head from banging against the floor.

"Bro, a hand here?" Gojyo looked to Hakkai, who had remained still, a plate of cake still balanced on one hand, his smiling mask still present. Hakkai calmly set the cake down, then vaulted the table and grabbed all three adults by the backs of their clothes and yanked them away from the children and out of the room. He shoved them all in the bathroom and shut the door in their faces, leaving all three mute with shock.

"Hey, asshole, what the hell?!" Gojyo was the first to find the presence to speak. He tried to open the door, but Hakkai was holding it shut from the outside.

"Let us out." Sanzo's shoulders were rigid, fingers twitching, as he tried to push the door open alongside Gojyo. Hakkai didn't respond from the other side, and both parents gaped, catching their breath, listening to both children scream. Goku was gobsmacked.

"He's keeping us away from them?" Goku looked at both Sanzo and Gojyo, who were slowly turning more and more red, and both kept shouting and calling to Hakkai:

"Let us out, you asshole! Those are my goddamn kids!"

"Hakkai, I will not ask again."

"They're in pain! What the hell are you doing?!"

"You need to let us help them."

All of it received no response, even as Gojyo raged and Sanzo's clenched fists lost color completely. And yet, the sound soon quieted- Yohei had stopped. Eiji silenced a moment later, and Hakkai opened the bathroom door.

"Let them sit in the corner for two minutes a piece." His smile didn't even flinch when Sanzo rushed out the door and grabbed Hakkai by the front of his shirt.

"Never do that again," he growled, before releasing Hakkai and storming towards the stairs, up towards the rooftop. Goku gave chase, barely turning to look quizzically at Hakkai before following him up. Gojyo stepped out to examine the damage. Yohei was sitting and sniffling quietly in the kitchen corner, and Eiji was in the corner of the playroom, thumb firmly in his mouth and cheeks still bright red.

"How did you calm them down? What did you do?" Gojyo folded his arms and scowled, but Hakkai just patted his back.

"Nothing." He maintained his usual oblivious smile and returned to the table. "We can give them cake once you tell them they have to wait turns." He sliced two more pieces of cake and set them at their places, and held another out to Gojyo. "Welcome to two, my friend."


The next day, their next tantrum wasn't resolved nearly so easily. It started over something simple: the stacking blocks, their favorite toy. The boys had always had their little arguments here and there over who had how many, or when one got his tower higher than the others. As they'd matured, Gojyo had noticed that Eiji had made his base structures more complex, using more supports, while Yohei had started to work faster to get his taller. This diversion in tactics resulted in the two of them each wanting more blocks from the other, and for opposite reasons.

"Gimme, you waste 'em!" Yohei started to reach for Eiji's blocks, but Eiji whined and pushed him back. Gojyo turned away from his desk for a moment, as Sanzo put down his newspaper and vacated his seat into the playpen.

"Boys, we share." Sanzo separated them with his hands, knuckles already white with anticipation.

"Mine, mine! Give 'em!" Yohei lunged past Sanzo's hand, sliding on the carpet and toppling Eiji's tower. Eiji screamed and threw himself into Sanzo's arms, and Gojyo stepped in to remove Yohei. As he did so, Yohei's unsteady tower crumbled, and a small grenade may as well have exploded in Yohei's head. Yohei thrust his arms and legs out like an octopus and writhed to get loose, screeching and thrusting his way out of Gojyo's hold on him with all of his two-year-old might. Gojyo lost his grip and dropped him, stumbling over him, but he didn't even notice- it seemed that when on a rampage, he was invulnerable to pain. The furniture, however, was not, as Yohei raged and pitched himself at Gojyo's table, knocking over the flowers on the stand and sending the vase crashing to the ground.

"Yohei, no!" Gojyo scooped him up and tried to restrain him again, but he just screamed louder and flailed at Gojyo's face. Eiji cowered against Sanzo's leg, and Gojyo hauled Yohei from the room. The customers and Hakkai all turned their heads as he dragged Yohei through the store and up the stairs. Hakkai watched, then looked back at the customer he'd been speaking to.

"Seems our floral designer is out at the moment." He smiled, ignoring the whirlwind that had roared through.

Sanzo could hear half of what was going on over his head, and it wasn't pretty. He could hear Gojyo's soothing pleas: "Calm down, kiddo, please, calm down..." He could hear the walls rattling, could hear things being thrown, could hear the screams. He heard Gojyo start to wear thin: "Come on, you're hurting yourself!" Finally, after nearly an hour, there was quiet. After listening for a few minutes to ensure the storm was over, he lifted Eiji from the playpen and moved him to sit on the counter next to Hakkai.

"I'm going to check on them. Watch him." He smoothed Eiji's hair down, and made his way up the steps into the apartment. Gojyo was sitting in front of the den couch, and Yohei was fast asleep across it. Gojyo was slumped over, physically, mentally, emotionally drained, head in his hands and slowly nodding from side to side like a shell-shocked warrior.

"He screamed himself to sleep." Gojyo couldn't bring himself to look up at Sanzo. "He just... wore out, and he just sorta... fell asleep." Sanzo knelt next to Yohei, moving the hair from his face. His cheeks and lips were still red, the hollow under his eyes still puffy. His breathing was ragged, more than likely from a raw throat. "We can't do this." Gojyo buried his hands in his hair. Sanzo sighed, and picked Yohei up.

"I think they needed a nap anyway. I'll get Eiji in a moment. Compose yourself." He turned on his heel to take him to his bedroom, and Gojyo finally pulled his eyes away from the floor.

"You ain't got anythin' to say to that? You just gonna ignore it?" Sanzo paused midstep, then let his foot touch ground and continued on his way. Gojyo groaned, and folded his arms around his head.

"Three hundred and sixty four days 'til they're three..."


Every time Gojyo asked Hakkai how to halt a tantrum, Hakkai shrugged. "There's no secret to it. Nothing. It's nothing at all."

"I swear to god, man, I'm gonna snap." Gojyo ran his fingers through his hair a few times, then glanced over his shoulder into the boys' bedroom. Hakkai beckoned him away; perhaps the hallway wasn't the best place for this conversation. It was late, and they had just gotten the boys to sleep. Sanzo had promptly excused himself for a cigarette, and after a week of daily tantrums, Gojyo was feeling the ache for a few extra smokes an hour. He cracked the kitchen window as he reached it, and lit up. "I'm gonna break, I swear."

"What do you mean?" Hakkai opened the refrigerator and pulled out a can of beer and a bottle of sake. He slid the beer can down the counter to Gojyo and poured himself a shot of sake.

"I mean, I'm just fuckin' terrified that I'm going to lose my temper." He inhaled the smoke deeply, and cracked the can open with a satisfying hiss. "I'm going to stop feeling bad about them bein' upset, and start yelling at them. Worse-" He looked at his hand, and clenched his fist. Hakkai's smile subdued, but his eyes remained sympathetic.

"You'll be comforted to know you're not the first father to fear this feeling." He moved down the counter and stood at Gojyo's side, gazing out the window at the pale autumn moon. "It's common for children of abuse to abuse their own children, or to feel the urge to-"

"Fuck, man, that's the last fuckin' thing I need to hear!" Gojyo pushed himself off the counter and started to pace a short circle near the table. "I wasn't abused- my stepmom tried to kill me. There's a differ-"

"She did more than that. Didn't she hit you when you acted out- or, anytime, really?" Hakkai's eyes and voice remained soft, almost somber. "Those marks on your face are evidence enough- and the scars on the rest of you. Isn't that something you were terrified of while you were carrying them?" Gojyo swallowed hard, stumbling in his pace- he wasn't sure he'd ever mentioned this worry to Hakkai. "You're justified to be scared- you, consciously, know better, but your subconscious is tied to your childhood instinct of 'the adults are doing it, so it's okay.' There are lots of reasons you can rationalize it, really." Gojyo huffed and lit another cigarette.

"You ain't helpin'. You're tellin' me reasons it's okay."

"That's not at all my intention." Hakkai leaned back against the wall as Gojyo continued to pace, half-stomping, as though he were trying to wear out the floor. "I'm telling you reasons your mind might think it's okay. You have to be conscious of it and deliberately tell yourself-" At this, he blocked Gojyo's path and seized his shoulders. "I will not hit my children." Gojyo, surprised, scowled and wound back his fist, and Hakkai added, "Or my friend." Gojyo broke and pulled away from Hakkai, and scoffed into his cigarette.

"Yeah, okay."

"Think of it this way- do you remember how terrified you were when your stepmother tried to kill you?" Gojyo glowered at Hakkai as he said this.

"You think I'd fuckin' forget?" He impatiently tapped his foot against the tiles.

"No, which is why I ask. Just know, the first time you raise your hand against them, that is exactly how they will feel. You will see the terror on their faces, and you will know that you are the one making them feel that way. And you," he paused and looked Gojyo in the face with all the seriousness and severity of a doctor making his prognosis, "Will have become that which you feared, hated, and ran from."

Gojyo inhaled deeply and put his cigarette out. "Shit." He exhaled a deep sigh, and leaned against the counter again. Sanzo entered from the hallway, and Gojyo finished his beer, then swiped the untouched sake from Hakkai's hand and guzzled that too. "Good talk. So, no tips on stopping the tantrums?"

"I told you- there's no secret to it. You really do just have to let them run their course." Hakkai's smile crept back up his cheeks as he went to pour himself another sake.

"Hrmph." Sanzo took the cup from Hakkai as soon as he'd filled it. Hakkai giggled and brought out another cup.

"Three hundred and fifty-six days, right?" He raised his cup to Gojyo and Sanzo, who groaned and sighed respectively. "Get Goku, let's try not to worry for a little while, yes? I'll break out the Mahjong set."

"I can't." Sanzo looked away. Goku approached from behind him, tromping down the stairs until Sanzo glared at him and he softened his step. Sanzo faced Gojyo and Hakkai again. "I'm not sure if you've heard, but there's been an outbreak of pneumonic plague."

"What? No." Hakkai's voice softened, as though it were a forbidden subject.

"Pneumatic what now?" Gojyo frowned and leaned towards Sanzo. Hakkai covered his mouth, eyes wide.

"Pneumonic plague," he whispered. "It's a lung infection- incredibly serious- it kills nearly everyone who catches it within a day or two, four at the most."

"Fuck." Gojyo staggered a step back, and Goku whimpered.

"I bet it's worse for babies." Goku cringed, eyes darting over his shoulder to the boys' bedroom. Sanzo sighed and paced a few steps forward into the kitchen.

"I meant to mention it this morning, but I didn't want to frighten the children." He folded his hands in his sleeves. "Six houses have been quarantined already. Dozens more are surely coming. More than that, there's other things going around right now- cholera, pertussis- I even heard rumors of leprosy."

"Why now, of all times?" Hakkai put the sake bottle away, too distracted to drink.

"Probably 'cause so many people are coming to the city looking for jobs." Goku looked at his feet. "And then people are coming for the registration, too-"

"Registration's been delayed, we probably won't have it until the outbreak's died down." Sanzo's eyes were stern as his stare silenced Goku. "But idle talk won't do. All I know is that rather than running youkai registration, we at the temple are expected to collect and distribute supplies for the quarantined homes, prepare for further quarantine, and dispose of the dead." Gojyo shuddered, but Sanzo looked to him and Hakkai. "I... I may need your help. Is there any way you can assure me a steady supply of white chrysanthemums for the next two months?"

"Why those?" Gojyo asked, as Hakkai made a note of it. Sanzo's lips thinned, and he drummed his fingers on the table anxiously.

"They're the most common request for funeral bouquets."

"It'll be fine." Hakkai pinned the note to the refrigerator. "They grow all year around here, and especially well in greenhouses. We'll have them, on demand, by the bushel."

"Thank you." Sanzo bowed his head. "I may be scarce over the next few weeks, but with luck I should be able to come in the evenings. I'm certain you can manage without me." He moved towards Gojyo, then turned his eyes between Hakkai and Goku. Hakkai seemed to understand, and took hold of Goku's sleeve.

"Let's go say goodnight to the children, before you have to go." He smiled, but Goku seemed confused.

"Together?" He looked at Sanzo, who'd taken another step towards Gojyo, and his eyes lit. "Ohhh." He let Hakkai drag him away.

Sanzo couldn't look Gojyo in the eye, tented his fingers, as Gojyo leaned against the counter. "It's been rough, the past week." Sanzo interlaced and unlocked his fingers a few times.

"Yeah. We're holding up, though." Gojyo smiled, offering a hollow reassurance that Sanzo brushed off.

"It will be difficult without me. I'll try to send Goku to help." Sanzo tapped his fingernails together. "You'll..."

"Miss you like hell." Gojyo smiled, and put his hand over Sanzo's.

"You'll be okay." Sanzo leaned closer, and Gojyo pulled him into an embrace. They breathed each other deeply, the smoke on their clothes intermingling and clashing, but neither cared. Sanzo broke away after a minute.

"Love you." Gojyo smirked, and Sanzo nodded. He pulled back, and turned towards the door.

"Goku, we're leaving." He only raised his voice a little, but Goku heard and came running.

"Bye guys!" He grinned, as Hakkai emerged from the hallway. Gojyo waved them out, and Hakkai locked the door behind them. Hakkai sighed, seeming to push out all his worries in one breath.

"I suppose we two can play Mahjong, then."

"We'll teach the boys soon. That way, we'll always be able to get four players." Gojyo swallowed his nerves and left the kitchen for the den. Neither of them wanted to talk about all that hung over them- only to be sure neither started counting tiles.


Parenting without Sanzo's help was not an easy prospect. There was a bit of good fortune, however, as Goku arrived at the shop an hour before it opened the next morning, tapping on the door until he was heard, and Hakkai opened it to greet him.

"Everyone says I'm in the way," he explained, shuffling his feet against the stoop. "Can I come in and play with the babies?"

Goku was not an apt substitute for Sanzo. This was not to say he was bad at what he did- he could play with the boys tirelessly, and his endless patience with them kept them calm. However, he was very bad at saying "no." As such, when Gojyo told Goku to get them some lunch, he wasn't surprised that the boys had "helped" and Goku had loaded up with apples and a stack of cookies. He didn't even have the energy to argue, either- it was easier than starting three tantrums.

Goku also didn't know their schedule quite as well as Sanzo did, and he got confused when they started to tire out. "I thought you guys had all the energy in the world! Come on, I wanna race again!" Goku slapped his knees, and pointed. "One more time, six up and down the stairs, let's go, let's go!" Both boys moaned and collapsed onto the floor on the bottom landing.

"Ukiyo-weh mana mana des, nara?" Yohei looked to Eiji, rubbing his eyes. Hakkai peeked around the corner, hiding a giggle- their twin language was endearing, even if he didn't understand a word of it. Eiji yawned.

"Atsa mana mana Cuz boh-ro." Eiji put his head on the floor, sighing.

"Aww, come on!" Goku stomped back down the stairs, putting his hands on his hips and towering over them. "Mana ukiyo, dow dow!" He held up the V-for-victory. "One more time!"

"You know what they're saying, Goku?" Hakkai frowned. Gojyo seemed to hear this as well, looking out of his work room.

"Yeah, sure!" Goku grinned. "You mean you don't?"

"Guess it takes an animal to know one," Goku chuckled as he approached, and picked up both boys by their collars. They dangled loose in his hands, and clung to the side of his shirt. "Goku, they need to sleep. When they stop moving, they need to start sleeping."

"Aw, come on! Sleep is so bor-" Goku's eyes suddenly dulled, half-shut, and he collapsed against the wall. Gojyo managed to catch him on his knee before he could slide the rest of the way down the stairs.

"Yeah, you're one to talk. Everybody, nap time." He swung his knee around to deposit Goku on the lower landing, leaving him there while he carried the boys up the stairs.

That was the other problem- Goku's narcolepsy, while less common than it had been, struck at random times. Hakkai had tried examining his chi while he was unconscious, but could only discern that his chi was at almost zero. "It's like he's just been taken away," Hakkai had reported, leaving Gojyo puzzling over it. While there was little they could do for him, Gojyo had to deal with it as an inconvenience. If Goku was knocked out and Hakkai was busy or out picking up flowers from the farms on the outskirts of town, then Gojyo didn't have backup.

He still hadn't figured out how to calm the children down. Hakkai knew how to do it, but he would always remove Gojyo from the room, and no matter how Gojyo listened, he couldn't hear anything. He kept trying to just let the boys peter themselves out, tried to comfort them, tried to get them to see reason, but it never worked. He had no idea how many times he'd had to say the words, "Please calm down," no idea how many times he'd been hit and kicked and screamed at. Sanzo, when he was there, was less than helpful.

"I don't know what you want me to do," Sanzo had responded after Gojyo had complained about another long day. It was already past midnight on a Tuesday ten days after the plague outbreak had taken hold. As late as it was, it was the earliest Sanzo had managed to get the day's business finished, and Gojyo had barely had time to say 'hello' before launching into his story, as he knew Sanzo would and could only stay a few minutes. "At this point, punishing them is pointless- they're already asleep."

"I dunno, I just need to get it out of my system." Gojyo wrung his hands in his hair, and Sanzo sighed and folded his arms.

"Today, a family lost three of their children, two adolescent daughters and a toddler son. They could not attend the ceremony, as they were still quarantined with their last child holding on. I watched those funerary fires." Sanzo lowered his eyes, looking out the window to the street in front of the house. Gojyo hadn't even noticed that the house directly across the street had been covered in yellow quarantine tape and white signs warning of the danger within. "Be thankful for what we have now, and don't dwell on the difficulties."

With Sanzo's pale reassurance, Gojyo tried to push forward, but a few minutes of affection and approval daily were not enough to stave off the frustration of dealing with the boys day in and day out. Hakkai may have been the best at dealing with them, but he had made it very clear:

"They're your children." Hakkai smiled as he cradled a previously-screaming Eiji to his chest. What had been chaos a mere moment earlier had been silenced after three minutes of Hakkai forcing Gojyo out of the room. "They must answer to you, not me. I'm only here to help."

Gojyo couldn't figure out Hakkai's magic touch. He also couldn't distance himself the way Sanzo could. After two weeks of this, he knew his cool was long gone and running on empty.

(Suggested Track: "Space Lord," Monster Magnet)

Going shopping, while never a comfortable experience for Gojyo, got even worse with a set of toddlers in tow, and it was here that he hit his breaking point. It was their first trip out alone since their second birthday, as Hakkai was out picking up their flowers. He tried to keep it simple- just a few essentials, in and out, no distractions. This was until it came time to get the boys ready to go. After a pair of tantrums, he had relented and allowed each of them to bring one toy- "And just one," he'd said while turning out their pockets and removing extra horses, resulting in another round of screaming- which kept them fairly calm on the walk to the market. Eiji kept his plush rabbit tucked in his mouth, as Yohei waved a dragon over his head, making whooshing and screeching noises while pointing the dragon at various objects and people. Gojyo could only hope that Yohei's enthusiasm didn't indicate a prevalence towards pyromania, but he did his best to dismiss it. However, the dragon was not enough to keep Yohei occupied when they reached the market and Gojyo started selecting vegetables.

"I help!" Yohei reached up for the table to grab one of the leeks near the edge. Gojyo caught his hand, inadvertently releasing Eiji's.

"No." Gojyo pushed his hand back. Yohei stomped his feet and whined, and Gojyo turned to him with the best stern look he could muster. "Don't touch."

"Wannit!" Yohei grabbed the leek again, but Gojyo moved the leek out of his reach. He looked up to the clerk with an apologetic smile, but Yohei started to screech. Gojyo yanked him away from the booth and crouched down to meet his eyes.

"Yohei, stop." He kept his voice low, but firm, and Yohei pressed his lips together. Gojyo clasped Yohei's hand tight in his, stood back up again, took a calming breath, and picked out a few leeks. He didn't notice that Eiji was not where he had been when Gojyo had gone to scold Yohei. Instead, he had wandered a few meters away, gazing at a stand of fruit and sucking intently on his rabbit's paw. Gojyo gathered his vegetables and moved to the fruit stall next, quickly taking hold of Eiji but releasing Yohei. "Kiddo, you gotta stay with Daddy!" He clenched his hand tight, even as Eiji whined and dragged his feet.

He had not noticed that Yohei had wandered towards the fishmonger's stall, nor that his dragon was going swimming in a tank of live fish. He didn't know the paint on the dragon wasn't waterproof. He only heard the peal of laughter, and the fish seller starting to yell: "Whose kid is this?!" Gojyo whirled on his heel, took only a second to gawk at the dark water in the tank. Yohei started to try and get his dragon back, thrusting his fingers at the glass, then started to scream when he realized he couldn't reach through.

"Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap." Gojyo dropped his bags and dug his fingers into his hair as he rushed across the aisle to grab Yohei. "I'm so sorry, he just got away from me!" Gojyo forced a smile, but the fishmonger gritted his teeth.

"I don't care, you need to keep control of your brats!" He pounded his fist on the top of the tank. "I can't sell these now. What're you gonna do about it?"

Yohei and Eiji were both screaming and yanking Gojyo in different directions as he hauled his bags of vegetables and freshly gutted, slightly discolored river perch on ice forward into the market. Gojyo was holding his tongue.

"Daddy, wanna go home!" Yohei squeezed his wrist.

"Bored!" Eiji chimed in, yanking on Gojyo's other sleeve. Gojyo no longer had any idea where Eiji's rabbit had gone, nor did he really care. He passed by a booth collecting funds and goods to be sent to quarantined families.

"Can you spare anything, sir?" The attendant asked, leaning over the desk. "Never know when your family might be next."

"Sure." Gojyo dropped the fish on the desk. "They're fresh and cleaned, so move 'em out quickly."

"Thanks, mister!" He grinned up at Gojyo, then down at the twins. "You guys are lucky, your daddy's nice! High five!" He extended his hand to Yohei, who clapped his palm against it and dodged back behind Gojyo. Eiji hid before the man could reach for him.

"Yeah, yeah, anytime," Gojyo sighed, and herded the twins away. He noticed Yohei rubbing his nose, and scrunched his face up- Never know when your family might be next. He took the boys over to a small fountain and rinsed off both of their hands. "Okay, one more stop, and them we go home."

He tried to take the boys towards the next stall, but Yohei planted his feet firm. "No!" He stomped his feet. "Goin' home!"

"Yohei, one more stop, then home." Gojyo tried to move forward. Eiji followed, but Yohei jerked his arm from Gojyo's grasp.

"No! No! No!" Yohei turned and started to go the other way, but Gojyo grabbed his shoulder and forced him in the direction he wanted to head. Yohei lashed out and bit Gojyo's finger. Gojyo yelped and drew his hand back, examining the wound- he'd drawn blood.

"Yohei, we are not doing this here." Gojyo was trying to keep calm, his shoulders drawn and stiff but his motions delicate. He pulled his sleeve over his finger and took hold of Yohei's hand, but Yohei screamed and pushed Gojyo. Taken off guard, Gojyo stumbled back into a canned sauce stall, rattling some of the jars on the table.

"Control your kid, asshole!" The vendor tried to keep his jars from falling, and Gojyo rolled back to his feet, no longer caring about the jars in his lap. He moved back towards Yohei and seized him by the front of his shirt. Eiji had started to cry, but Yohei was screaming in his twin language, waving his fists and stomping his feet. Gojyo was clenching his teeth and biting his lip, trying as hard as he could to block everything out. Ignore the people staring at him, ignore the sneers and jeers at his inept parenting. Ignore the crying, ignore the kicking, ignore the screaming...

Until Yohei started speaking normal words, words that Gojyo couldn't ignore: "I hate you! Hate you! Hate you! Hate hate hate hate hate!"

Gojyo didn't know when he let go of Eiji. He also didn't know when he'd wrestled Yohei down and pinned him with his elbow. He was only aware that his hand had formed into a fist and that it was landing against Yohei's cheek. He could feel the muscles and jawbone under his knuckles, and his gut dropped through the ground. He stopped after one hit, and the world seemed to stand still. Yohei cringed and whimpered, covering his face with his chubby hands and starting to cry. Gojyo could see the bruise- it was spreading across the whole side of his face. Gojyo felt an old pain welling up in his chest, and could see the fear in Yohei's eyes.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry." He scooped Yohei up and hugged him. Eiji had planted himself on the ground a few feet away, and he cringed when Gojyo reached for him. Gojyo forgot that he'd dropped his bags, but picked both of them up and cradled them to his chest. Yohei was trembling, and Eiji took his hand. "I'm so sorry," he mumbled, leaning his head to their ears. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He didn't care about the groceries, nor the money he'd spent on them, nor the people who stared and whispered and pointed. He carried his boys home, not caring how heavy they were, nor how much his arms ached. He just kept reassuring them and himself: "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'll never do it again, I promise. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry..."


Hakkai arrived home to see takeout bowls left on the table, and the boys were running around and playing, screaming like banshees as Yohei chased Eiji around with dragon in hand, and Eiji trailed a plush sheep away. Gojyo was collapsed into the armchair, hands buried in his hair, jaw agape. Hakkai leaned close to him, studying his dilated pupils and the distant look in his eyes.

"You snapped, didn't you?" Hakkai got to his knees next to him.

"There's a bruise. I fuckin' hit him. I hit him hard. I'm a monster. I don't deserve them." Gojyo shook his head, fingernails imprinting little crescents into his scalp. "What the fuck do I do?"

"You step back, you calm down, and you learn your lesson." Hakkai watched the boys around Gojyo's elbow for a moment. He could see the bruise on Yohei's cheek- it was big, but it wasn't deep, nothing more than a red blotch that would be gone by morning. "He seems okay."

"He's scared of me! I pretty much put my fucking fist through his face!" Gojyo demonstrated, smacking his fist against his other palm, and buried his face in his hands again.

"It might have seemed harder at the moment, but I see no evidence that he's hurt." Hakkai patted Gojyo's arm, and beckoned Yohei from across the room. "Yohei, let Uncle see you." Yohei dropped his dragon and toddled over to Hakkai. Hakkai lifted his chin and turned his head, then pressed his finger on the bruise. "Does it hurt when I touch?"

"Uh-uh." Yohei shook his head, and Hakkai smiled and put his hands on his knees.

"Yohei is fine, right?"

"Uh-huh." Yohei looked up at Gojyo, then back to Hakkai. "Daddy okay?"

"Daddy's fine, as long as you're fine," Gojyo answered, and reached out to him. Yohei grinned and hunched his shoulders as he rested his hand on Yohei's head and shuffled the hair around, setting the part askew. Gojyo smiled, and took a deep, calming breath, and patted him on the back. "Go play." Yohei ran back off, to where Eiji had waited. "I learned my lesson. This shit ain't gonna happen, ever again."

"Everyone makes mistakes. You won't be doing that again." Hakkai sighed, satisfied, and the two adults sat back and watched the boys running around for a moment. Yohei skidded to a halt and coughed, covering his mouth with his hand, then tried to catch his breath. Eiji waited, whining in the boys' tongue and tugging on Yohei's sleeve.

"Sounds like you guys need a break." Gojyo got to his feet and clapped his hands. "Let's go get our bath on!"

"No, don'wanna!" Eiji whined back, even as Yohei toddled to Gojyo's side. Gojyo groaned, gearing up for another tantrum.

"If I might?" Hakkai stood up, then put his hand against Gojyo's ear. "Since you've had a rough day, I'll explain the real secret for calming the boys down- but this is for your ears only..."


Bath time went over as planned after employing Hakkai's 'secret', and Gojyo got the boys bathed and ready for bed the easiest he had in weeks. The boys listened to their story, laid down in their beds, and slept with little argument. Somehow, Gojyo felt a little better.

'Maybe, just maybe, things are gonna get better,' he decided, sitting back in the rocking chair and folding his hands behind his head as the boys fell asleep. 'Just gotta be better... And hands-free.' He looked at his hands, clenched and unclenched his fists, and got to his feet. 'Three-hundred and thirty-three days til they turn three.' He grinned, and made his way up to the roof for a cigarette.

When he got there, he discovered a small box, about the size of a book, wrapped sloppily in brown paper with crayon scribbles on it and left on the table beside the ashtray. "Ah, hell, what the hell did Goku leave up here now?" He wondered, scratching his head, and he took up the box. It wasn't very heavy, light for its size, and he shook it a few times. "The hell did this come from?"

"It's... your birthday." Gojyo jumped when he heard Sanzo's voice from the chair. He peeked over the edge of the chair facing the street, discovering Sanzo halfway through a cigarette. Sanzo looked up at him. "I asked Hakkai. It is today, isn't it?"

"Uh- yeah- the hell are you doing here?!" Gojyo threw his hands up. "How long have you been up here?"

"Two minutes. I saw you putting the boys down and didn't want to wake them." Sanzo finished his cigarette and looked back out at the city around them. "When we celebrated their birthday, I realized I'd never celebrated yours in, erm, four or five years... so..." He fell silent, and fidgeted with his fingers, and looked back at Gojyo. "So I got you something."

"Fuckin'... thanks." Gojyo sank to the chair, floored. "When is your birthday?"

"Never mind that!" Sanzo turned away, but Gojyo had seen his cheeks turn crimson. "Open your silly present."

"Silly, my ass, you got it." Gojyo shook his head, and tore the paper off, revealing a book with nothing on the cover but a gold frame. "This is a weird book." He flipped it open, but the pages were transparent and blank. "Hey, is this-"

"It's a photo album. We can put pictures in there." He dug in his sleeve for a moment and took a wrinkled photograph out. "Here, like this." He leaned over and opened the book, then tucked a familiar old photograph (one of Gojyo asleep, tangled in bedsheets in an inn room, with two very small infants curled up alongside him) into the first page.

"This is great." Gojyo grinned, looking between Sanzo and the book. "Maybe we can put stuff in it together, when you're less busy."

"It could be a while. There's been a surge in pertussis infections. Less deadly, but still terrible." Sanzo rested his hand in his chin. "Just keep the boys safe. Was today any better?"

Gojyo thought about everything, lips pressed tight and flat to his cheeks, wondering just how much Sanzo needed to know. "It... it was better. We're getting there."

"That's good." Sanzo put his feet up on the chair and sighed, tapping his fingers on the arm of the chair. "I don't like being separated from them this long."

"I know." Gojyo swung his ankles up to the railing around the rooftop deck, his hand hanging over the arm of the chair. He briefly let his fingers drift over toward where Sanzo's hand lay, but withdrew it, as though worried the contact might sting. His gaze drifted, but he let it linger. "We'll be alright. We always will." He clenched his fist. "I promise."

He'd made two promises that day, and intended to keep both. Even if he and Sanzo only had those few minutes that day, or even if this was all they had for a week, he'd make this good feeling last. The night sky blushed gray, heralding the coming winter, and the two men spent their precious time together in silent contentment. Much was left unsaid, but each of them knew it would only ruin what little they had.


End Notes: Next week, more of the terrible two's! And oh do they get bad.

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