Memories locked in a box somewhere

Six months later

"Danny? Hey, it's Lindsay here. I was just wondering when you were going to be in from work. Flack called and we're invited out for a drink tonight in Mac and Stella's name… it's been six months now, can you believe that? Anyway, I'm not driving everyone home again, you'd better call us a taxi. I'm pregnant, Danny, not your cheap cab – and make Sid come, would you? He works too hard. Thanks. Love you. Bye!"

Lieutenant Daniel Messer smiled as he listened to the voicemail message again. Just hearing Lindsay's voice at the other end made him smile.

Six months had passed, and the pain had dulled a little. Stella and Mac were gone, they were never coming back, but somehow they weren't completely gone. Every corner he turned in the NYPD crime lab he now ran, due to his promotion only two weeks ago to Lieutenant, he saw Stella pacing down clutching some test results tightly, or Mac running his hands through his short hair, trying to get inside the mind of the perp. They weren't gone; they'd left an imprint on life in the lab, and in some ways that made it harder for them all. Especially Danny, sitting at Mac's desk in Mac's office every day now - thinking constantly about the dangers that Mac and Stella's deaths had woken him up to. Dangers round every corner, that weren't even related to the job. Dangers that meant he was constantly worrying about Lindsay. He remembered with a shiver, the phone call from the hospital he had gotten telling him Lindsay had been admitted, only two months after she's found out she was pregnant.

He remembered driving to the hospital in a daze, thinking he could not deal with any more loss.

He remembered her laid there on the hospital bed, and the doctor telling him that she nearly lost the baby, but it was ok, and that she had to rest at home for her whole term.

Flack and Angell had been phenomenally supportive. He wasn't even sure where the pair of them were with each other, but they'd been witnesses at the small private wedding ceremony he and Lindsay had had when they found out about the baby, not wanting to play around any longer, Mac and Stella's death having shocked them into the realisation that no one was immortal. He'd seen them dancing together at the small reception, and they didn't look at each other like they were only friends.

Hawkes and Sid were the same as ever, quietly grieving still, compartmentalising from their home lives. Danny thought Hawkes had been dating, but he was never sure. Peyton had gone back to England after a week or two, and she was planning her wedding for the following summer. Adam was working through a training course to become a police officer, and eventually this would lead up to field work and a badge, he hoped. Danny was fully supportive of the young lab tech. He had been hit hard by his bosses' deaths, and only in work could he seem to find escape. He reminded Danny slightly of his younger self. He sighed, unable to imagine a time when they wouldn't still be tainted with grief over what had happened.


Mac walked into the kitchen, smiling at the sight of Stella pouring out their bowls of cereal. He walked up behind her and pressed a light kiss to the back of her neck, gently, revelling in the feeling of her shudder as she leant back into him slightly.

"Morning." She murmured, and his hands rested lightly on her waist for a moment. "Morning."

They sat around the kitchen table, eating their bowls of cereal and drinking their coffee, and Mac flicking through a New York newspaper he'd managed to get hold of.

"Hey… look at this." He muttered, half laughing, as he pointed to the marriage announcement 'Danny Messer and Lindsay Monroe'. Stella gave him a quick smile.

"They'll all be all right, Mac." She said, "By now, they'll have practically forgotten."

Both of them knew that wasn't true, that the team wouldn't ever forget, only that the pain might dull a little, but it was easier to think that maybe their fake deaths weren't causing quite so much heartache anymore.

Stella stacked their bowls into the dishwasher, and caught sight of herself in the kitchen mirror.

"I need to dye my hair again." She mused, tugging one of the curls with her fingers. During their first few weeks in the programme, they had had to make alterations to their appearance to make them a little less easy to spot. Stella's hair was a darker shade of brown, and Mac's a few shades lighter, but they'd slipped into this life so easily now, so at ease with each other and with everything that they almost didn't see the need for disguise anymore. It was as if they'd been Rachel and Matthew Brody forever, and they could balance them to the public and Stella and Mac in private as long as they needed… the dark, brooding feeling of danger and regret underneath everything seemed to be slipping away, and they were beginning to get comfortable, almost. NYPD seemed a long time ago, a lifetime away.

For two people whose careers had been their lives, they'd managed well to adjust into this new, alternate reality. Mac had been promoted, he now headed up a team of security guards outside a scientific research facility, and although it was nothing like the detective work that had defined him, he was managing. Stella had thought about getting herself a job, but had been at a loss as to what to go for, having very little qualifications other than her honours from the Police Academy in a different name. So she was still at home for now, pondering… and that didn't seem so bad anymore. She'd actually come to like cooking, to like Mac coming home to her everyday, and although it wasn't a permanent fixture… for now it was enough. She'd been considering teaching actually, maybe in a primary school, or getting some sort of qualification, but she couldn't quite bring herself to find herself another job. That would bring with it some kind of finality… like she was drawing a line under Detective Stella Bonasera, like she would never be able to go back.

She turned the dishwasher on and turned back to Mac, who was staring down at the paper but not really reading, staring blankly. She'd found him to do that occasionally, just zone out completely, and she understood, because she had them too. Moments where none of this had happened, where they were going to get up and head into the lab like nothing had changed.

But there were too many reminders that things had changed. Too many factors in this new life that proved that everything was different, the most obvious of them being that Mac and Stella shared a bed now, held hands when they walked along, knew each other in a way they'd never known each other before. Stella wasn't at all unhappy with that arrangement, in fact, it was the best thing that had come out of this whole mess, but somehow, sometimes, they didn't feel like themselves anymore. They felt like they really were Matthew and Rachel Brody, not Mac Taylor and Stella Bonasera, and somehow that made their feelings feel… see through. Like glass, like if anyone looked hard enough they would see that they weren't feelings that connected the real people inside.

And that was her greatest fear. That although Stella Bonasera loved Mac Taylor, and had ever since she could remember, Matthew Brody only loved Rachel Brody, and it didn't run any deeper than that.

Across the street, with perfect view of the pair of them laughing and talking through the window, a woman sat in a black SUV with blacked out windows. She had long black curly hair and skin the colour of walnuts, and she was holding a non-descript black cell phone in her hands.

As it rang, she picked it up, a small frown touching her lips.

"Everything is secure, sir."

A/N: I am so sorry this has not been updated before, I've had a busy year!!! I've started college, and I'm actually in the middle of exams now, but for some reason I'm still posting!! I hope you're all prepared to join this story right where we left off, because I'd love to get it finished, and you've been possibly the best reviewers I've ever had :)

Now, just a reminder that this was started a long time ago, before all the DL baby drama, so that's playing out in it's own way, and nothing bad will be happening to Angell, because I heart Flangell. End of. I had to take it six months on, though, because I lost the thread of the fic a bit and this was the only way I could seem to regain my grasp on the story.

Hope you're still up for sticking with me, and please check out my CSI: New York & Cold Case crossover fic, Lost Generations. Hiding in the crossover section it gets little attention :P

Love you all, and hope to post again relatively soon.

GLW