Choice

The Shikon Jewel had called to Inuyasha, tempting him when he had been inside Naraku's body and he had been forced to release his youkai. Kagome had been torn away from him as he had pushed her over a cliff of flesh and out of danger from his claws, although he had ripped her arm and the scent of her blood had been tormenting him.

The snide remarks that wounded him deeply and nearly crushed his spirit had been whispered loudly by the images of Naraku that surrounded him; accusing him, he had not succeeded in saving Kikyou. He was a feeble hanyou that could not keep his promise and during his period of lucidity, Inuyasha believed his heart was weak and that he had killed his beloved Kagome; the blood on his claws all the proof he needed, to fall victim once again to Naraku's trap.

With his youkai once more in control of his mind and body he listened again to Naraku as the former spider hanyou told him seductively that he could save him and get rid of his human feelings especially those of despair. It would mean forgetting Kagome and giving himself over to the lust of the kill, the Shikon would give him his heart's desire in making him full youkai.

Inuyasha remembered his first gift given by the jewel, the child that Sesshoumaru protected; with one swipe of his claws the girl would be dead and his brother bereaved. Safety for himself had not come to Inuyasha's mind, but the bitter jealousy he felt over the girl's favoured position with his brother, somewhere he wished he'd been kept safe and cared for; that feeling he could taste.

But there was still lucidity in the hanyou turned youkai, he grieved for Kagome deep inside and he would not harm the little girl who had done no wrong; neither would he cause grief to his older sibling who he still loved despite everything. It was this love that that allowed the youkai Inuyasha to resist the controlling Magatsuhi and purposely miss his Meidou to avoid his brother.

Then came the pressure to release his emotional self, to get rid of the thoughts and feelings to banish the grief of Kagome's loss and his brother's hatred. Tessaiga was stolen from his hand and there was nothing to seal his father's blood, but the pain was gone from his heart and he sprang to fight to the death, with his claws razor sharp as Sesshoumaru came into view.

However a couple of things helped him to want to hold onto his heart and not lose his true persona to the beast. Sesshoumaru showed him mercy and subdued rather than killed him, even though he was a real danger to the Daiyoukai and then Kagome's voice was encouraging him rather than condemning him for wounding her. Although he remained in his youkai form, he was sane and the moment he would never wish to forget was in the fight to end Magatsuhi, when he and his brother worked as a team.

Before he died Naraku called Inuyasha a fool for heeding his heart and not letting the jewel turn him into a killing machine, no longer aware of pain or grief. Then for the first time Inuyasha felt sorry for the dying Naraku and said so; sorry that for all the incarnations that the spider had made, he had never known the love and contentment that could have been had even within his strange family.

Naraku had always distorted and corrupted his offspring, thinking them expendable and using them without a care in his search for power and yet it had all been illusion in the end; a complete waste and Inuyasha felt a new and strange sorrow, particularly for Kagura and Kanna. But he also hated Naraku for his choice that by denying his heart he had done so much damage to everyone and all for the warped love he held for Kikyou; because he never got his true wish he tried to destroy all the happiness of his enemies.

Later when Inuyasha remembered all the grief he'd had in his life that he could have been rid of by turning into a heartless killing machine with no soul, he was thankful to then remember his friends, his love, and his brother. Because everything including the sadness of his early life had made him who he was and offered him a future and even his brother had come to learn that truth.

To choose to have no grief in his life would mean to deny who he was and all those he had gained and all he had learned. He would not be the person who was now loved by his friends, possibly his brother and most importantly his mate.

Inuyasha Quotes second week July 09. Given a choice between grief and nothing, I'd choose grief. - William Faulkner