Disclaimer: The only thing I own is Mycoplasma... and I don't even know what that is. All I know is that it warrants lots of pain and sickness and hospital visits... not something anyone else would want to own. Now Harry Potter on the other hand...
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So I've made up my mindI will pretend to leave this world behind
And in the end, you'll know I've lied
To get your attention
I'm faking my own suicide
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"Prongs, are you sure this is a good idea?"
James Potter, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew were currently in James' room in the Head's Dormitory.
Yes, it's true, they were one Marauder short... but the reason for that should be obvious. Remus Lupin would never approve of such a harebrained scheme as this.
James Potter was committing suicide.
Well, not really. He was going to pretend to commit suicide.
The plan was to make the love of his life, Lily Evans, believe that he actually had committed suicide, on her behalf, so she would realize that she was truly, madly, deeply in love with James Henry Potter.
"Of course, Wormtail, don't worry about it. This plan is flawless," Sirius Black, also known as Padfoot, reassured him.
"Oi, Pads, almost done that potion?" asked James Potter, or Prongs, impatiently.
"Just about done, mate."
"Good, hand it over."
Wormtail quickly handed Prongs his "suicide note" as he made his way over to his bed.
"Thanks, Wormy."
Quickly after taking the potion Sirius handed him he flopped on the bed unceremoniously and clutched the note in his hand.
The potion quickly took effect and he ceased breathing.
"Are you sure we didn't kill him, Padfoot?"
"Stop being such a worry wart, Wormtail. He'll wake up in a few hours."
Of course, Remus Lupin chose this moment to walk through the door.
"Hey, M-Moony," Wormtail stuttered, "I t-thought you were studying with L-Lily tonight."
"I was," he replied with a slightly worried, slightly confused expression, "But she had to cancel. McGonagall called her in for Head's duties. Has James left yet?"
"Yes! Yes, of course he has!" Padfoot butted in, a bit too enthusiastically, "You know what? Maybe you should go check on him, make sure he got there alright."
Remus pushed Sirius, who was currently trying to push him out the door, off of him and glared at the two boys suspiciously.
"What illegal behavior have you two been up to?"
As they were busy looking innocent and muttering that they had done no harm, Remus quickly glanced at his bed to see Prongs lying motionlessly on it, something clutched in his hand.
"Holy Merlin, did you guys kill him?"
"NO! No, no, no, Moony, my dear friend, you don't understand," Sirius quickly injected, "He's not actually dead, he's pretending to be dead."
"So he can win the affection of the elusive Lily Evans!" Peter added, excitedly.
"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard," Remus replied after a long moment.
"No, it's not!" Padfoot huffed, indignantly, "It'll work just like this..."
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I wish you thought that I was dead
So rather than me, you'd be depressed instead
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"Lily, Lily! Come quick!"
"What is it Sirius?" Lily Evans will reply, nervously. "What's wrong?"
"It's Prongs! You have to come quick!"
With a dramatic gasp, she will follow me as quickly as she can to James' room in the Head's Dormitory.
As soon as she sees James Potter's lifeless body sprawled across the bed she will run over and burst into tears.
"What happened to him, Sirius?" She will ask me through the waterfall of tears that will be cascading down her face.
Sadly, I'll hand her a single piece of crumpled paper. The "suicide note".
She'll look down at the sorry piece of paper and run from the room, crying.
I'll look down at the paper on the floor to see eight words scribbled on it.
Without her love, I would die.
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"Sirius, that's six words."
"Not if you count the punctuation."
"Right..."
"Shut up and let me finish."
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You'll come to the conclusion
You've loved me all your days
But it's too late
Too late for you to say
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"Lily!" Her friends will gasp in their girly dramatic way.
"Whatever is the matter?"
"It's... it's... James. He's dead!" And then she'll burst into a new waterfall of tears.
"But, Lily," her friends will say, "I thought you hated James!"
"I thought I did too," she will sigh dramatically, "But now I realize I love him, more than anything!"
"Aw, Lily..." her friends will chorus as she continues to weep dramatically.
"But, it's too late now," she will sniffle, "He's gone... forever!" Cue more dramatic weeping.
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"Sirius, if I have to hear the word 'dramatic' again, I might strangle you."
"QUIET! I'm not done yet!"
"Yeah," Wormtail injected, "He hasn't even gotten to the good part, yet!"
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I'll write you a letter that you'll keep
Reminding you your love for me
Is more than six feet deep
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Every night she will stare at the crumpled piece of parchment and weep over it.
She'll continue to weep over it until you can't even see what it says anymore, but it doesn't matter because she'll memorize it.
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"Sirius, it's six words. Six very cliché words at that. They're not that hard to memorize."
"Shut up, Moony, you're ruining my story!"
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You'll say aloud that you would've been my wife
Right about that time is when I come back to life
And let you know; I'd let you know
That all along I was faking my own suicide
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"Oh, James," she'll sigh over his lifeless body, "I wish I had accepted one of your many date proposals. Actually, forget the dates. We could've run off and gotten married! And we could've had lots of messy-haired babies together! I know you would've liked that..."
And she will break out into tears again, and run off... again.
It is about this time, twelve hours later, that our dear friend, Prongs will wake up and we'll tell him about the success of our well-thought-out plot.
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"It doesn't seem like you thought about it at all."
"Shut up, Moony, he's getting to the best part!"
"Yeah, shut up, Moony, I'm getting to the best part!"
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I'll walk in that room and see your eyes open so wide
Open so wide
Because you know
Because you know you will never leave my side
Until the day that I die for the first time
And we'll laugh, yeah, we'll laugh and we will cry
So overjoyed with our love that's so alive
Our love is so alive
(-o.o)- -(o.o)- -(o.o-)
Our dear Prongsie-poo will walk into her Head Girl room, and see her crying.
He'll walk over and gently, oh-so gently, touch her shoulder.
She'll spin around and lock eyes with his hazel ones, and throw herself at him.
Then, they'll shag like rabbits and live happily ever after.
THE END!
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"That's bloody ridiculous, Padfoot."
"No, it's not! Wormtail, go hide him somewhere so he can't ruin our plan! I'm going to go get Lily."
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"Potter, you arrogant prick!"
The sound of a slap resounded through the whole Head's common room, reaching the ears of two boys crouched behind a couch.
"Told you it wouldn't work," said one Remus Lupin, currently bound and gagged, laying on the floor behind the two boys.
"Shut up."
A/N: I'm sorry... it got a bit rushed at the end. That's because I have to write a story in one sitting (I don't know why... I can't split it into two or I lose my train of thought) and I started to feel really sick so I just kind of... ended it.
Anyone know what Mycoplasma is? Apparently, I've been in and out of the hospital twice because of it, and I'm missing the last week of the quarter in school, which is never good.
Leave a review and make me feel better. I hear reviews fight off Mycoplasma. :)
Oh, by the way, just in case you didn't catch it, don't flame me because Lily was OOC... she was supposed to be. This is Sirius, remember?
