Pepper just sighed when her phone rang at 2 A.M. With a grunt she rolled over and picked it up. "Hello?"
"Hey Peps…..you know how much I love you right?"
"Tony, what did you do THIS time?"
"…."
"TONY."
"I take offense to that. I need your help."
"With what?"
"Well…. I don't even really know where to start."
"Start with where you are."
"Well…. I don't really know see last night we…. CLINT! STOP FUCKING SHOOTING!"
"TONY! WHO IS CLINT SHOOTING!?"
"Um…well they look like natives….. Clint's kind of perched on some sorta idol thing and claiming it as his nest. CLINT!"
"He's shooting natives?"
"Uh, yes defiantly some sort of natives. " CAW CAW MOTHERFUCKERS!"
"…."
"I'm so never letting him live down that fact he actually said that."
" ."
"Yeah right, I'm sorry baby."
"What happened?"
"Well… I'm not sure….. all I know is I'm sitting in a stolen tank, with Clint perched on some native's idol as he shoots them with paint arrows. Oh, and for some reason Bruce is passed out, but his skin is painted green, and he's wearing purple pants."
"You got Bruce drunk with you?"
"Well… not exactly…."
"TONY."
" Hey! Clint spiked his tea, it was only one of my drunken ideas."
"Do you realize how dead you are?"
"Uh, yeah. I wouldn't have even called you except I don't have a bow and those natives scare me."
"Do you even know what COUNTRY you are in?"
"Well… I'm guessing not in the United States…."
"….."
"Yeah not funny, sorry."
"Could you ask Bruce?"
"Well, I really don't want to wake him up, I'd like to see you one last time before someone murders me, and I'd rather it not be the Big Guy."
"Aw, how touching. You're sleeping on the couch for a month."
"A MONTH?! I'm not the one shooting innocent natives because they want their idol back!"
"Do I sound like I care?"
"No…."
"We're understood."
"Yes….."
"Now I'm bringing Natasha and coming to find you."
"Actually you know what I think I'll just walk outside with the natives and take my chances as a human sacrifice, less painful that way."
"Antony Edward Stark I'm coming over there to either bring you back alive or dead."
"Yeah well, OW! CLINT! DAMMIT DO I LOOK LIKE A FUCKIN NATIVE TO YOU!?"
"See you soon honey, and we're gonna have a long talk….."
"…Clint! Stop screwing around and use a real arrow!"
"Bye Tony."
