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One more chapter after this. Thank you again for all your love and support.


Chapter 11

The straps of my backpack were digging into my shoulder as I rang Clare's doorbell. I had stuffed it full with a blanket and some sandwiches and drinks I'd picked up from the deli near my house on my walk over. I had finally decided to stop beating myself up for not being able to come up with a unique idea for our last date night of the summer and just gone with a classic – a nice romantic picnic.

Mrs. Edwards opened the door. "Hi, Eli," she said, her voice a little bit kinder than I was used to. She gestured for me to come in. "Clare should be down in a minute." She saw the bulging backpack that was slung over my shoulder and her eyes widened. "Are you kidnapping my daughter and running away?"

"What? No!" I said quickly. "I've just got some dinner and a blanket for a picnic in here. I would never do something like that."

She shook her head. "I was kidding, Eli." She gave me a soft smile as my heart started to go back to its regular pace. "A picnic sounds like a very nice date."

I had never quite gotten a good read on how Mrs. Edwards felt about me. She hated me after the disastrous first dinner, but I knew Clare had talked to her about it and that her feelings may have improved ever so slightly. She was always polite but she never really engaged me in conversation the way Mr. Edwards had. I guessed the best term for it was acceptance, but since I wanted to be in Clare's life for a very long time, I hoped we could move past that point.

Before I could respond, Clare bounded down the stairs. She had on a simple blue dress with a matching headband, a light cardigan, and flats on her feet. "Is this okay? Am I dressed appropriately for the surprise?"

"You look great," I said, not wanting to take the compliment too far in front of her mother.

"Do I need anything?"

"Just your bus pass," I said.

"Got it," she said, gesturing to the small purse in her hand.

"You don't have to take the bus," Mrs. Edwards interrupted. "I'm on my way out; I could give you a ride."

My eyes widened. Mrs. Edwards would flip out if she knew just how out of the way and secluded the place I planned to bring her daughter was. "Oh, that's no trouble," I said. "It's a quick bus ride. No need to go out of your way, especially if you have plans."

She didn't look convinced. "I don't really like Clare riding public transit by herself late at night."

Clare looked exasperated. "Mom, I won't be by myself; I'll be with Eli."

"And we'll be back at my house to watch a movie before dark and I've already talked to my parents about giving Clare a ride home in time for her curfew." Of course, in talking to them, I emphasized their need to make themselves scarce until it was right about time to give her that ride home, but Clare's mom didn't need to know that.

Mrs. Edwards smiled ruefully. "I never would have thought I'd say this, but I think I preferred the days when you'd pick Clare up in a hearse." My face fell and she touched my shoulder gently in a show of uncustomary support. "Clare, I'll have my cell if you need me. I'm not sure if I'll be home by your curfew, so don't feel like you need to wait up for me. We should head out now; I don't want to be late." She ushered us out the door and locked it before giving us a wave as she pulled away in her car.

"Where's your mom rushing off to?" I asked Clare as we walked down the block to the bus stop.

"Date. With Glen Martin." I gave her a confused look. "Old family friend."

I was surprised Clare hadn't mentioned that her mom was dating. "Is this a new thing?"

Clare sighed. "Second date, I guess. She went out with him last night too."

"Are you okay with it?" I didn't mind listening to Clare vent about her family issues, but I was hoping this wouldn't distract us from what was supposed to be a very romantic date.

She shrugged. "I know I'm supposed to want Mom to be happy. It's still just hard to admit that she wasn't happy with Dad."

I squeezed her shoulder. "I'm here, you know. If you ever need to talk about it."

"I know," she said. "Maybe soon. Not tonight."

When we arrived at the bus stop, we were the only people waiting. I wanted to cheer her up a little so I took her hand and spun her into a dance move that brought her into my arms. The gesture worked and she grinned and gave me a kiss. "So where are we going?" she asked.

"It's a surprise," I said, unwilling to give her even slightest clue.

Unfortunately our destination had been much easier to reach by car. We had to take two different buses and Clare seemed less enthused as our trip went on. She got quiet and tucked her head into my shoulder, listening to the music on my Ipod through the earbuds we were sharing. We'd been traveling for almost forty minutes before Clare's face perked up as she recognized her surroundings. "We're going to the secret church," she said grinning.

"Yup," I said, glad she was happy with my destination of choice.

"I love that place," she said, her eyes sparkling. "It's been such a long time."

The bus stop wasn't too far away and we walked to the church hand in hand. We'd come back a few times since we'd thrown the secret party with Adam, talking for hours while sitting on Morty's hood. But it had been a long time, even before we'd broken up, and I was glad to see they hadn't fenced it off to keep us away. I kicked a few empty beer bottles to the side and set up the blanket.

Clare sat down next to me and started pulling out the food. She smiled when she saw a small box of brownies. "Mmm, you remembered dessert." She unwrapped her sandwich and took a bite. "Extra pickles," she commented.

"Just like you like it."

We ate quietly, feeling pretty content just being in each other's presence. Clare seemed blissfully unaware that this night had a dual purpose for me, and I was getting a little nervous as I tried to figure out how to ask her the question I'd been dying to ask.

It turned out that it was Clare who gave me the perfect lead. "You know the only thing we're missing," Clare said, staring off into the corner.

"What's that?"

"A hammock."

That would have been smart. "Next time we'll have to remember to bring it."

She smiled wistfully. "We have so many nice memories here. But that moment, in the hammock, that's my favorite one."

"Mine too," I said softly.

She moved a little closer to me on the blanket, curling her legs underneath her. "I kind of thought you were going to tell me you loved me that night in the hammock."

I looked at her carefully. I had thought about telling her that night, but I was torn by the fact that it seemed a little too soon to say the words even though I knew I'd mean them – and as always, my fears of losing her had crept in and robbed me of my courage. "I wanted to," I said. "I was just scared."

She nodded and kind of looked away, and I realized she was probably remembering the first time I actually told her I loved her – after Fitz showed up at her house unexpectedly and I thought he was doing to hurt her.

I didn't want her to have that memory in her mind. Not tonight. It needed to be about today, not the past. It needed to be about how far we'd come.

I summoned all of my courage and reached out for her, my fingers skimming her waist. She looked up at me wide-eyed, and I took a deep breath. "But I'm not too scared anymore," I said, though there was just enough of a waver in my voice to belie my words. "I love you, Clare. I love our date nights, and our goodnight phone calls, and our kisses. I love that you've supported me so much this summer when I needed you most and that you never gave up on me. I love that partly because of your strength, I've started to get better."

I could see a tear glistening on her cheek and I reached up to wipe it away, letting my hand rest gently on her neck after the gesture. "I love you, Clare," I repeated. "And we've come a long way together, and I think we're ready to make this official. I want you to be my girlfriend."

"Oh, Eli," she said softly, her voice dancing. "I never stopped."

I didn't have time to be shocked by her statement before she threw her arms around my neck with such force that it knocked me over, causing us to fall back against the blanket in a tangle of limbs. Her lips found mine and my hands wrapped around her waist, pulling her against me. This was nothing like the sweet and innocent kisses we'd shared here during our very first urban adventure. Her hands were tugging at my shirt, trying to get underneath and I was sucking on her neck, fully knowing there would be a mark, but not caring as her soft whimpers reached my ear, spurring me on.

"Eli," she moaned as I groped her through her dress. "I love you," she said.

It had been so long since she'd said those words to me, and my head fell back against the blanket. I couldn't keep myself from grinning. Clare pressed her smiling lips into mine, letting her body rest against mine more fully. Her leg came between my knees and I thrust against her, unable to control myself. I pulled one side of her dress up to touch the skin on the outside of her thigh, wishing she would let me take it off.

Clare seemed to have the same idea. She detached our mouths. "Do you think we should take this back to your house?"

I smirked at her. "Why wait until we get back there?"

She gave me a devilish grin. "The things I want to do to you aren't exactly appropriate for the public setting." She slid her hand down my chest and touched me through my pants.

Jeez. I wasn't going to make it until we got back to my house if she was going to do that. "Yeah, we wouldn't want to get too crazy in this abandoned place of worship," I teased, and she squeaked as her hand flew away from my crotch.

She stood up and held out her hand to help me up. We gathered the blanket and the garbage and started to walk back toward the bus. Her face was flushed and her eyes were shining. "You know," she said, using a voice that was sexier than usual. "I've got a 20 in my wallet, and I really don't want to wait for the bus."

"Taxi!" I called, raising my arm, and Clare grabbed onto my other arm, giggling hysterically.

It must have been my lucky day because one pulled up only a minute later. I gave the driver my address and fortunately he must have known where that was because to my surprise, Clare pushed me up against the door and started kissing me again. This was more aggressive than she'd ever been and I couldn't believe it. She even undid the first few buttons on my shirt while her tongue attacked mine.

I was starting to feel like we were on one of those late night HBO shows that I used to watch when I was thirteen and thought about sex 100 percent of the time. I kept waiting for her to stop things, considering she was nervous about doing things at the church and at least there we were alone, but she never did. So I decided to push my luck a little, reaching underneath her skirt and pressing my fingers against her through her underwear. Clare hissed at the sensation, though her legs clamped around my hand to let me know this wasn't going to happen here. She was soaked through already and I groaned, wishing that we were in my room already.

The stars were definitely aligning for me today because Friday night traffic in Toronto can be a bitch, but the cab stopped in front of my house after not too long of a trip. I pulled out my wallet, not wanting Clare to have to pay tonight and told the cabbie he could keep the change, figuring it was the least I could do after forcing him to witness Clare and I sucking face for the entire trip.

Bullfrog and Cece must have followed my instructions because they were still out, and Clare and I ran up to my room at record pace. She pushed me back onto the bed and climbed on top of me, pulling off her cardigan and discarding it on the floor. I expected her to kiss me but first she finished unbuttoning my shirt as I reached underneath her skirt to grab her ass.

I wanted to be careful and let her take the lead, but I couldn't help myself as my hands moved her dress up to touch more of her smooth, soft skin. "Clare," I whimpered as her kisses down my neck turned into bites on my collarbone. "I need…please…" I pulled on her dress in earnest, and she sat up in my lap and lifted it over her head. The sight of her overwhelmed me but I couldn't take my eyes off her. "Tell me when you want me to stop," I said softly. "I don't want to do the wrong thing."

She smiled at me, placing her hand on my chest. "Don't worry," she said. "There's only one rule that still applies." I brought her hand to my mouth and kissed her right above her purity ring to let her know I understood. It was impossible to be disappointed that she wasn't ready to sleep with me when she was lying half naked on top of me. I kept kissing up her arm, drawing her close to me again. I jumped from her shoulder to her mouth, unable to keep from kissing her for even a moment longer.

Her hips were moving against mine and my hands were everywhere, grabbing her ass and feeling her skin. I unhooked her bra, and wiggled down a bit to take her breasts into my mouth while she held herself over me. I sucked and licked and caressed her while she ground herself into me. For the first time it really hit me that we were back together – that I could kiss her whenever I wanted, that I could take her clothes off whenever she'd let me. I didn't have to worry about this being the last time she let me touch her because she loved me and I loved her and everything was perfect again.

I slowed down a little and pulled her into a hug, and she looked at me in confusion. "Everything okay?"

"Everything is perfect. I love you."

"I love you too." She smiled. "Can I show you how much?"

Before I could respond, she'd reached down for the button on my pants and was tugging them off. I leaned forward a little to shrug out of the shirt she'd unbuttoned but hadn't bothered to remove. I raised my hips off the bed so she could pull my jeans down, shocked and happy when she brought my underwear down as well. She lay back down right next to me and started kissing me intensely. I let out a huge moan as her hand wrapped around me.

"You're going to make me come," I groaned, unable to believe how good her hand felt around me. It had been too long since the last time and no matter how many times I'd done the same thing to myself in the past few months, it never felt like it did when she touched me with her soft, gentle hands.

"Isn't that the point?" she teased. She kept stroking me while her tongue tangled with mine and her tit was rubbing against my chest, and no matter how much I tried to think of gross thoughts to keep myself going, I couldn't help myself. I moaned out her name as I came, coating her hand and my stomach after an embarrassingly short amount of time.

"Sorry," I said once I had recovered. I reached for the roll of toilet paper I kept on my nightstand just for this purpose and handed some to her while I wiped the trail off my stomach.

"Don't be sorry. I love making you feel that good," she giggled.

I flipped her onto her back and lowered myself onto her, wanting to make her feel as good as she had made me feel. I touched her everywhere, kissing wherever my mouth could reach, listening to her moans for clues. She had her legs wrapped around me and I was already hard again and she was thrusting against me in a way that if she didn't still have underwear on I'd probably be inside her.

I was sucking on her nipple and her back was arched half off the bed and when I started moving my head down her body, just a little, not really intending to go past her belly button, I realized she was biting her thumb to keep herself from crying out and that she'd spread her legs even wider under me. The realization of what she wanted me to do hit me and as happy as I was, I wanted to tease her a little bit first. I reversed directions and started kissing up her body, grinning against her skin as I felt the tension in her body dissipate as she realized I wasn't going to give her what she wanted.

I gave her a long kiss on the mouth, knowing that she probably wouldn't want to kiss me later and then leaned down and tugged her earlobe into my mouth. "Do you remember…" I asked seductively, "the time when we were at the woodshop…and we went out into the hallway and hid between the lockers and you let me finger you?"

I could see her eyes fluttering shut as she let out a brief "Yes," which was more of a pant than an answer.

"Do you remember what I said I wanted to do to you?"

"Please," she whispered and I couldn't even keep up the teasing act anymore.

I sat up between her legs and pulled her underwear off as quickly as I could. Despite the look of impatience in her eyes, I couldn't help but scan her beautiful naked body for a moment. I pushed aside my sadness at all the months I had been unable to be this close, this intimate with her, and dove between her legs with enthusiasm, parting her folds and licking her clit for the very first time. It had been even longer since I'd done this last, not since Julia, but if Clare's loud, sexy sounds were any indication I hadn't lost any of my skill.

I took it all in, her taste and scent, her shaking thighs next to my ears, the arc of her body I could see whenever I looked up to see the look of absolute ecstasy on her face. She gasped when my fingers slipped into her and her cries turned from generic whimpers to high pitched squeals, repeating my name over and over.

Clare had one hand tugging on her nipple and the other grasped my hair. It was the sexiest she'd ever looked, or at least I thought so until I took things up a notch, licking so fast it sent vibrations through her body. The orgasm hit her so hard that she screamed and sat up, unable to keep herself on the bed. I attempted to keep things going, but she covered her face with her hands and said, "Stop, stop, stop," as she fell back against the pillow.

I placed a kiss on her inner thigh, hoping to wipe off my face enough that Clare wouldn't be afraid to kiss me and I lay down next to her, sharing her pillow. I draped one arm across her stomach, wanting to touch her, but realizing she was probably feeling a little bit overwhelmed. When she opened her eyes, she gazed at me with the most blissful expression I'd ever seen.

"I love you," she whispered and leaned in for a brief kiss. Her eyes widened a bit as she tasted herself on my lips and to my surprise and delight, she initiated a second, daring to open my mouth with her tongue.

"I love you too," I said when she ended the kiss. I couldn't help but grin at the beautiful girl in my arms.

"I'm so happy," she said.

"I bet you are," I teased. She tightened her arms around me.

I felt so lucky to have her and so happy we'd finally worked things out. But there were a few questions lurking in the back of my mind and I figured this was as good a time as any to make sure we were truly on the same page.

"Can I ask you something?" She nodded, a look of worry crossing her face for the first time. "A few weeks ago you weren't ready for well…this." I gestured at our naked bodies. "And you said you needed more time. I just wanted to make absolutely sure that you're ready and that I'm not pushing you and…"

"Eli," she interrupted. "I am completely ready. I want this every bit as much as you do."

I was glad to hear it but there was still some residual doubt in my mind. "What changed?" I asked.

She smiled ruefully. "I was so scared after your accident, Eli. Scared that you'd kill yourself. Scared that you'd keep lying to me. Scared that I'd lose you. But we've spent this whole summer together and every time I was with you…it felt like you, Eli. It felt like the real you. And I wanted to give you my heart again but I was terrified."

She squeezed my hand. "I was almost ready last time we…fooled around," she whispered and I had to laugh at how shy she was about these things. "But I knew if I let it get this far, it would mean I was committing 100% and I just couldn't do that yet." She leaned closer to me and pushed my bangs out of my eyes. "I hate to bring this up, but you know what it was that convinced me? That made me sure that I could be with you and you wouldn't hurt me or yourself? When you told Bullfrog and Cece."

I blinked at her in surprise as she continued, "Because I knew that if you had the courage to share the deepest, darkest part of you, there was no way you would lie to me. If you were having trouble with your pills, you'd tell me or your parents or your doctor. You wouldn't be too ashamed and keep it a secret and get yourself in trouble. You've opened yourself up in so many ways this summer and dealt with so many things and you've really let me in. I have no doubts about you, or about us." She smiled, a small tear leaking out of her eye. "I trust you."

I'd been waiting to hear her say "I love you" for the past few months.

But somehow, "I trust you" was even better.