Author's Note: Not sure what's been up with the website, it's been a bit wonky for me. This would have been up on Friday, but I kept getting loading errors no matter where I tried connection or what computer I attempted it on. Looks like it's finally working now, so after a bit of frustration, here's the overdue Chapter 10. This coming Wednesday I am heading out to do some backcountry camping and backpacking in Wyoming, so the update for this week shall appear on Tuesday if I can get 11 done by then. Fair warning, it will be quite long. In other news, keep your fingers crossed for our Unalaska/Dutch guys, they've had record rain fall and some pretty brutal conditions that have been reported back to me from out on the fishing grounds. 62 knot winds have been recorded, and a few of the vessels out there are waiting out the weather in Dutch. When the weathers bad, the fishings usually good, so you know some of those Time Bandit boys are yeehaw'ing right about now. Anyways, my apologies for funky uploading on my part, look for more to come very soon. With that, in no way, shape or form is this a true story. All crew from the Deadliest Catch (eg: Northwestern, Cornelia Marie, Time Bandit, etc) are the rightful owners of trademark and registered publishing for their specific namesakes. I make no claims of ownership; I am just a writer, doing what I love.
Seeing Emh's face appear like a vision as the sun met her in the darkened corner, Edgar's train of thought evaded him in the worst way possible; in the middle of an interview, amid his brothers by both blood and bond. It was an embarrassing scenario that played out in his head as he retreated to his only visible escape route. The morning sun temporarily blinded him from the dark which he came, jarring him for a brief moment as he fumbled his hands to a front pocket where he had a few pall malls left. Leaning against the back of the building, with an inability to shake the many feelings and sensations he was experiencing, his muscles began to tense all throughout his upper back and neck.
Coincidentally enough, he had just spoken to Sig less than 24 hours before about the girl named Emh that he came across. While trying in earnest to keep the tone of his voice even, not hinting at any sort of feelings, Edgar knew Sig wasn't dense. From what Edgar gathered too, bits and pieces had been leaked by Norman; Sig didn't seem surprised to hear that there was an "Emh".
"What are you going to do about Viv, Edgar? You're still a married man."
While everything in Sig knew a final separation of Edgar and Viv would be the best thing for his little brother, he was still married. So for there to already be 'another woman,' Sig frowned. His deep seeded Lutheran values and appreciation for the sanctity of marriage made Sig uneasy about the road his brother was traveling down. "You're not getting serious with her, are you? How do you know this girl isn't into you because of this show?"
Edgar laughed. That was often a quirky nervous tick that reared its face when things got sticky. "She's not like that. Besides, this isn't anything. She's essentially my neighbor while I'm up here."
Sig didn't buy it; he was always suspicious of sudden strange behaviors and Edgar was exhibiting a lot of them. Initially assuming it was in part due to his wife's leaving, when Edgar started throwing out this females name left and right, Sig grew apprehensive. "So do I get to meet this gal, or is she going to be some hidden gem of yours that helps you conquer this quandary you're in?"
While appreciative that his older brother was concerned, he didn't exactly find merit for his unnecessary rude sarcasm. "I'm not sure. Introducing her to people, let alone family would make it seem like we're together, and we're not. What I most need for you to understand Sig is this woman has helped me in some pretty unimaginable ways. Yes, I have capitalized on her ignorance of who we are and what we do, it's a breath of fresh air. It's like it feels just how it did 7-years ago, before we first started this show. Don't you ever wonder or wish you could go back to then?"
In a firm, but hardly believable "no" Sig cut that conversation short. "We're not going down that road Edgar. I made the decision to be on this show and I don't regret it. We've paid a priceless homage to our ancestors who have pioneered our way to being the fishermen we are able to be today. I don't regret for a moments time of putting the Northwestern vessel, nor the Hansen name in lights. Our family would be proud."
As Sig slowly climbed off his pedal stool, Edgar had to chime in with a jab, "ya done there Capt?"
With a heavy, smokers-induced laugh, Sig hadn't a response. "Don't be foolish," he eventually chimed back, "If she's just helping you out, then there's nothing to fret over, but if you start feeling something for her, which by my sneaking suspicion I think is already too late, you're going to need to pull back before things get messy. She may make you feel grounded and normal again, but the real world is still there, Edgar. We may not be Hollywood's elite, but we're a household name up here. People catch on, and you're going to wish you had thought this out a bit more."
While Edgar knew somewhere Sig was right, it wasn't the way the conversation was supposed to play out. He called his brother merely to bounce off ideas and get feedback on if his marriage was worth saving. Somehow though, before that was even allowed out, conversations quickly turned towards Emh and never looked back. His talks with Norman were far more fruitful. Norman wasn't the relationship type, he was never one to really settle down, nor even see a point to it. He had every ounce of fishermen blood possible, sent down from generation to generation, and that's what he knew was his meant to be. So he never was one to get caught up in the whole love game. Never had, and never will he surmised.
Norman had become the perfect confidant for Edgar when his first hint of feelings came for Emh. While their friendship barely spanned a week at this point, Edgar's letters he had started journaling, turned into phone calls directly to Norman. They were often lengthy, with Norman just listening, hearing his little brother speak of the feelings he started accepting, the fear of his addiction sneaking back into his life, the desperation he had in trying to sort out how to handle his wife or if things were finally beyond repairing. Every once in awhile a profound statement was to escape from the mind of Norman, who as being a complete observer majority of his life, was able to take in so many scenarios and solve them quietly in his head.
"You know, I have to admit to you, Edgar, I don't think there really has been a single solution or a real fix to any of your problems. Furthermore, I feel they have been bandaged just enough to solve it for the moment, and the next thing you know, we were off for another season of fishing. Viv capitalized on your schedule, your weaknesses and your exhaustion. She would not believe for a moments passing that you were as worked as you were, nor allow you to express your sorrows or fears when we lost another brother at sea. I do not like or dislike people, I find they better fall into a category of tolerable or not. I've tolerated her for your sake, to keep peace, to force a smile because at one point in time, she was a decent gal. But that all faded over the years and now I cannot stand to see how she mistreats my niece and nephew, but especially my brother."
It was with stark realization that this must be a subject Norman was passionate about; he had just spoken more words to Edgar than he ever had. "Does she have feelings for you too?" He asked, too curious not to.
"I don't know. I didn't even know I had feelings for her until they just smacked me in the face."
"Well more about her; is she just a fling, a play on your heart strings, or someone you see a future with?"
"That's far more of an involved answer than I've given thought to."
"Bullshit."
Edgar knew his brother was right, but he wasn't about to sit there, thinking of a life with a new woman, with Emh, but he was guilty. He had. He allowed his imagination to soar after Raven came into the picture. A dog for his children, a woman who, though no children of her own, just seemed to have a shining potential at being a mother, a kind and gentle heart that would bear burdens of a man she hardly knew…
The silence over the phone gave Norman all the confirmation he needed that his brother grew more serious by the question for this woman he seemed to have such an affinity for. But as Norman is, he did not want to meet her until things were resolved with Viv. "I will always side with family, no matter how wrong you are or how dumb of a decision you make. But I don't want to get involved in the affairs of Viv when it concerns you two, because my personal restraints on not lashing out at her have become obsolete after last year. I don't want to know Emh until it's a sure thing, and if it never becomes one, then I haven't missed anything."
Edgar was rubbed wrongly with that last thought of Normans, but to each their own. Sig was the complete opposite, he insisted he needed to see this girl if she ever happened to come around. Sig would fight for the front seat on the "Get Rid of Viv" bandwagon, because like his brother, Viv's appearance in their lives had been one of tolerance since they were in their late teens. She always seemed "a bit off" Sig had finally confessed, but his lack of speaking up after all these years left Edgar to wonder if he was genuine in his feelings, or if he was just trying to make him feel a little better in the hard decisions he was bound to face.
"You've got to look at it like this too," Sig said during their most recent call, taking a drag on a cigarette as he saw his wife walk in with Edgar's son in tow, "what if she changes. Somehow miraculously changes over night. Would that change your feelings? For all we know she could have checked into some therapy place, and realizing all she's done wrong, or has some kind of divine intervention or epiphany?"
"I would always wonder if it's sincere. But I think you're trying to go about a different answer Sig, and I will say this. My decisions about Viv are not encouraged or shaped by Emh. Emh would be a benefit to a separation of Viv and me, but Emh's not a guarantee either. I have no idea if she feels anything for me. Besides, she's so young, I have often wondered if she doesn't see me more as a father figure or older brother, than someone she could be courted by."
Putting out his cigarette, letting the smoke clear before he picked up Junior, "someone wants to say hello," Sig said into the receiver. With the phone held closely to Junior, he chanted over and over again "Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad," that caused an immediate ache and soaring of emotions from Edgar.
"Hey little guy; how's my favorite son?"
The indistinct chatter from Junior just caused all the more questions for him. Viv was not a fit mother, let alone a fit parent when she was doing most of the rearing. Edgar hated that side of his job that would remove him for his kids for so long, especially knowing the kind of care he suspected them to have. In endless debt to Sig's wife Jules, the thought of them being better off without a constant presence of their mother was just another reason that favored a total separation of him and his wife.
With Sig back on the line "he is looking more and more like me every day," Sig laughed. And while that may sound awkward, it was actually true. The towhead Junior had sky blue eyes, nearly white blonde hair, and dimples. Far more like Sig than his own father, but no doubt either way that he was a Hansen.
Having taken the phone back, Junior scooted off Sig's lap and went chasing after Jules who was making a lot of racket and getting together a lunch for the four of them. "Well whatever happens, you know your children are always safe with us here. If you end up doing mediation with Viv or end up in some ugly divorce, we will keep them here to avoid any traumatic exposure."
While the admission from Sig that his children would be safe, come whatever may happen was relief, Edgar had a hard time with the word "divorce". It had such a stigma to it, a connotation of failure and giving up. So often people throw in the towel without any regard to making an effort at fixing it; but when tribulations and copious amounts of problems make up the entirety of a marriage, how can it be fixed? Distance was causing Edgar's heart to mend in ways that it hadn't before; the wounds were actually healing, rather than loose stitching only to be ripped open whenever Viv had it in her. A lot could be said for why he was healing, but truth was, it was the time. Time away from her, from problems, from fishing; it allowed him an opportunity to take inventory of his own feelings and fears and then most importantly, make sense of it all. The slow progression of things as days kept moving forward, started to reaffirm his most troubled, secret, and longest assumption to date: his marriage with Viv would never make it.
"You need to bring her around, you hear?" Sig piped up, bringing Edgar back from his trailing thoughts. "I want to meet her. Set something up at your place where she could come over, or let me tag along when she has something you're needed for. I want to size her up for myself…"
"Well, wait a minute! You're acting like she's some woman I'm having an affair with. I don't have a clue if she feels anything for me, for all I know she could be freaked out and get the hell out of dodge if she finds out I have some sort of feelings for her. You have to realize Sig, she and I have known each other less than a week."
"But your week is a lot longer than most peoples, you do realize, right? We're given about 3 months a year where we're humanized. So a week within 3 months is a lot, if you look at it that way. Besides, from what you've mentioned, and this is just of what you've mentioned, which I assume there's a whole hell of a lot that you haven't, you two started off with some heavy stuff."
"Nothing has been conventional or traditional with her. Everything about this and her has been so unique. I can't exactly say how, or even why, but nothing has felt like this before."
"Even when you first met Viv?"
"That's what's so troubling. I've never had any kind of feelings like this throughout my entire time with Viv. And that's before marriage all the way through our marriage. Something is just entirely unique to Emh."
"It could be the fact that you're grasping for straws here, Edgar. You're not exactly in an emotionally stable spot. You're kind of all over the emotional board lately, and she could be remedying the area you need extra attention in. It's not to discredit her or deny your feelings for her, but perhaps they're so intense because she's feeding a need that has been starved for so long?"
A low grumble escaped Edgar's lips. 'Doesn't he realize I've thought that already? Doesn't he think that even in as few days as this has been that I realize for me, this is already pretty substantial? All things considered, I do have a wife and marriage still intact, at least legally speaking,' Edgar groaned to himself. "While there's a possibility that you're entirely right, it doesn't solve anything for me. My wife is gone, my marriage has been over for years, and I just don't know how to tackle this. You can lie to yourself so long that you start believing it, Sig. I should have been out of this marriage well before the kids came along."
"Well, then do something about this. Track her down and sort this out. See if your marriage is done for good, or if it can be worked out. I want what's best for you, of course," Sig said, but in the same breath "more importantly though, I want to make sure my niece and nephew are safe and taken care of."
"You and me both," Edgar replied almost instantaneously.
"See you tomorrow, put your best face forward, if nothing else, don't say anything, just nod in agreement with me," Sig laughed. And with that, the conversation ended there. Multiple thoughts and ideas all leading in different directions now plagued Edgar, as he had to ready and brace himself for the possibility of facing a firing squad tomorrow. He knew Mike was paid to provoke him into "good tv" – he would be asking the loaded questions, perhaps striking below the belt a time or two, but the conversation would inevitably lead to his blow up during this past season, and what provoked it. Everything was on the fly though, no prep or prescreening type shoots took place, it was raw, unedited, and left him wide open and exposed to a multitude of possibilities.
As morning came, the day of the shoot, a dozen or two ounce of coffee raced through his system as he pulled from his driveway. Emh's place seemed already lively; she was probably on the lake. Sighing as he drove past, a few flutters provoked his senses as he tried focusing on what was to come. He hadn't seen any of the crew or fellow sailors since he left Dutch, which as it were, already felt like it was months ago.
Pulling into the area of Seattle as told by his brother, he knew Sig wouldn't be there as early as he was, but Edgar would rather be early than late or even on time. Familiar crew members for Discovery walked about, and when Keith from production found him he whisked him away to Agatha, a golden aged makeup artist; a transplant from Greece with a heavy accent and a proclivity for pinching the guy's cheeks, she brought a whimsical vibe and stories from yester year. Deep down Edgar was glad he only saw her once a year, she often made him uneasy and she always overdid her perfume.
Waiting about with a few other crew members, two being his friends Jake and Josh Harris, the men shared a few laughs as they all smoked and waited for the filming to start. They were part of section 2 segment, about 40 minutes into the filming. Both Jake and Josh had heard about Edgar's blow up, but being used to an array of outbursts and yelling matches themselves, it was nothing newsworthy or worth prying about. There were far more interesting things to the men, then to stand around sharing their personal feelings and dwelling on their pasts. A head nod and an arm slap was all that was needed, from there they'd move on.
As it came time for their segment, the men were all wired with mics and told where to sit. Taking place on the end next to his brother Sig, Edgar waved down an Irish coffee and kept to strictly black. A few sentences into his first real interaction with Mike, one he could have predicted right down to the insinuation, he saw her. There in this glorious morning sun, Emh's unexpected face fell right into his line of sight. His breath was caught, his mind went blank and then panic set in. He tried to back pedal, laugh it off, but all he could gather was that the jig was up. His week of bliss, his secret oasis was now lost, he was exposed, he was found out.
Rather than anger spreading or even worry, he just needed a moment to gather himself and took off at the first second he could. His eyes were unable to take themselves off hers. She stood watching him; her eyes were still kind, showing no signs other than that very kindness he was accustomed to. But still, he blew past her, in part due to the shock but the other because of the embarrassment. He just flubbed big time in front of all his friends and fellow sailors and would now have a lot of explaining to do to several people.
A moment of relief hit him as the stale smoke-filled air turned to a fresh, crisp breeze as he made his way out the only door he saw. Flooded by emotions and thoughts that varied from one to the next, he hadn't much time to himself before she came out. She didn't come at him, did not vent a hundred different ways of how he was a liar, nor did she treat him any different. Instead, she asked if he was okay. Backing away, as if intimidated, Emh stated her peace to the questions he asked her. But when her apology came, it made Edgar feel all the worse for his refraining to admit the truth. Frankly, he was never anticipating Emh becoming such a staple in his life so soon, let alone at all. That wasn't to say he wouldn't have told her eventually, but he was buying time and enjoying living a life that became so addicting. Her ignorance made his life simple, something that up to this point, Edgar felt he had never known.
Realizing no better place than now to divulge everything, Edgar laid it all on the line about who he is, what he does. As if he was able to hide it any longer anyway. It went over smoothly as he had hoped it would, but his revelation to her that his brother wanted to meet her, seemed to surprise her.
"Your brother" she reiterated, "that blonde one inside?"
Edgar couldn't help but laugh, between the look on her face and the tone she had, it somehow relieved him. She was a gal to take things in stride, he realized, it was like being in her presence gave him the courage to take on things and the capacity to do so. As if she calmed his constantly shaking nerves, and pacified him while doing so. "Yeah, but I imagined this going a lot different I have to confess…"
Her look was almost priceless. Just because he had already accepted his feelings for her and told both his brothers about her, it was easy to forget she was completely oblivious of them. And it showed. She was considerate enough to not call him out on his slip up, but seemed opened to talking with Sig. "I'm sorry I wasn't up front about things. I should have realized you're different after the first time we met, but I didn't want to rock the boat."
Emh just looked at him and laughed. "I feel like we should hug or something," she said, feeling the heat in her cheeks come alive. Her hue changed from a light pink, getting darker the longer the silence between them was left to linger. Her heart began to rapidly beat at the embarrassment she felt realizing she was trying to initialized some sort of physical contact with a married man. Shaking her head, looking down, unable to make eye contact, she was taken back at the feeling of his embrace.
"Darlington, I'll ask you once, nicely, but you only get me nice once. After that I'll just move you," Sig said, eyeing Darlington as he was trying with effort to reach the door his brother stormed out of almost ten minutes before.
"I can't let you."
"Why?"
"I just can't."
"It's my brother, we can't hold up production all day long, now move." Sig said with authority, and meaning what he said earlier, he pushed past him with little effort. Darlington wasn't going to get on Sig's bad side because of Emh or Edgar. He hadn't a clue what was going on between those two, but who was he to stop Sig if Sig wanted to know. Enough time had passed anyhow, 'whatever they were doing, they had done long enough' he laughed to himself, a tinge of jealousy adding a bit of flare to his thought.
Sig reached for the door, but it didn't open. Instead, it made a clanking nose. He hadn't fully engaged the lock, but it was just enough noise that on the other side, tipped the two off that someone was trying to come out.
The door finally swung open, with Edgar in view now, lighting up a fresh cigarette, and his eyes fixed to the sky. "What in the hell are you doing?" Sig asked. Now, for those that did not normally interact with Sig would have assumed he was coming off as confrontational or brash, but truth be told, he actually sounded quite normal to Edgar.
Facing him, eyes surprisingly calm looking to Sig, "I needed a few minutes, I was caught off guard." Edgar was being careful with his wording, Sig not on to the fact that Emh was here, was just going to assume he meant the questioning from Mike, not the fact that Emh was what really shocked him.
"You knew it was coming, Mike even knew it. None of us were surprised, how would you be?"
"Well, no, you're right. I wasn't surprised or shocked by anything he said."
"Then what gives? What's the deal?"
And just then, Edgar's heart began to pick up pace. "Sig, this is Emh" he nodded towards her. Spinning on his heel, Sig caught sight of the woman leaning against the stone planter. She was not what he was expecting, farthest thing from it, to be blunt. Unable to think of the millions of things he would say to her when he finally met her, he too took a moment to blurt out the words "Oh…" a few more moments passed, "I'm Sig, Captain of the Northwestern."
Edgar laughed; he often wondered if Sig introduced himself as that to everyone. "Nice to meet you, postmaster, I'm Sig, Captain of the Northwestern" … "oh yes, officer, nice to meet you, I'm Sig, Captain of the Northwestern." Edgar's mind was evading the obvious scenario unfolding before him, by entertaining his thoughts with the volleys of Sig introducing himself to an array of people. "I really wonder if he does that" he thought again. Odds are he probably did.
"Nice to meet you," Edgar heard her reply, granted a bit of a softer tone than he was used to from her, "I'm Emhilese Bastyr".
Sig looked back to his brother a smug look had appeared on Edgar's face. An exchange of looks on the brother's faces was priceless, but it did not give away their thoughts. "So you work for Discovery?" Sig provoked the conversation, "is that why you're here?"
Edgar made a move to butt in but before he could, Emh replied "no, actually Darlington is someone I know. I met him within the first few days after my move from out of state. He works for Discovery. Before Edgar, he was the only person I knew here. He said I could tag along in efforts to expose me to what he does and maybe network to find a job out here. As I told Edgar, I will tell you," she said, trying he hardest despite being nervous, to stand firm against the intimidating older Hansen. "I had no clue of this show or Edgar's involvement until I saw him walk up on set. I'm still in the dark about a lot of things, but as I stand here and watch this filming, I'm learning."
"Huh" was all Sig managed to mutter out. She was definitely not what he was expecting. She was articulate, but kind. Had a softer approach than the abrasive and demeaning nature of Viv. She looked a lot younger than she was, apparently, and further vindicated Sig's preference of calling her a "girl" than a woman. But before now, it was to accentuate his displeasure and disapproval, now it felt because she looked like such a young female, that she was still a girl and not a woman.
"So do you have feelings for my brother?" Sig didn't do games or bullshit. He didn't have time. He also knew Edgar had wasted 30-years of his life on a bad woman, and he wasn't going to take it easy on Emh despite how difficult it seemed to come down hard on her. She genuinely seemed nice, and Sig didn't like that. No one comes off like she does and is genuine, there was something flawed and he was determined to find out what it was. Perhaps he would piss Edgar off in the process, but it's best to weed out potential issues before they become full blown problems.
Edgar couldn't believe what he had heard. Standing defensively, Sig put his hand out to the chest of his approaching brother, as he suddenly put Emh on the spot. "I suppose I could have a better tactic at approaching this, but I know my brother, I know how things work. I may be overstepping my boundaries a bit and making a mess out of things that I have no business meddling with, but I need to know. It'll help him if he knows, too."
"You do NOT have to answer that question, Emh," Edgar said to her, pushing Sig's hand from off of his chest. Looking at Sig, his eyes pierced holes into him and his looks threw daggers.
"Actually, I think she does, don't you want to know Emh that Edgar…"
Unsure of where this was leading, having never seen Sig take such an initiative in something he had absolutely no business dealing with. "Sig, please" Edgar announced, loudly and with as much authority as he could muster.
"No Edgar, it's fine," Emh said trying her best at reassuring, "what do you think I need to know Sig?" Emh pushed on. Despite addressing Sig, her eyes never left Edgar's.
"I can't be around for this," Edgar stated, putting out his cigarette and heading for the door Sig was blocking. Emh reached out for Edgar's arm, but was startled when Sig caught it. Moving a few paces back, Sig continued to block Edgar's only exit. Emh watched the exchange between Sig and Edgar. With little fight, Edgar gave in, he closed his eyes and appeared to physically tense. Finally releasing Emh's hand, Sig took in the sight before him, and then without hesitation, spoke.
"Emh, it seems Edgar's in love with you"
Wise men say, only fools rush in. But I can't help falling in love with you. Shall I stay would it be a sin, if I can't help falling in love with you?
