Dean counted it as a blessing in disguise that Castiel had passed out almost the instant his head had touched the pillow.

Once the elation of their impromptu make-out session and the slight buzz of the wine had worn off, Dean had found himself wondering just what in the hell he had been thinking. He had only just begun to entertain the idea, the purely random (or so he told himself) notion that he might, possibly, maybe be interested in Cas as more than just a friend.

What had he been trying to do, anyway, when he had kissed Castiel?

Dean let out a frustrated sigh, scrubbing his palms over his face as he lay on his back in the bed. Everything had just been so freaking weird lately, and he wasn't sure he could handle it. Then again, this was Cas. The former angel probably didn't even fully grasp what had happened, and had probably just been emulating something he'd seen on television.

Screw this, he thought to himself, deciding that laying in bed in the dark, staring at the ceiling beside one hell of an awkward situation that he had created wasn't going to make him feel any better about the whole thing. It was still early, a little before eleven, and what he really needed was a little alcohol and a lot of affirmation to soothe his panicking machismo.

Carefully, he crawled out of bed and pulled on his jeans, slipping into his boots and moving quietly as he hastily vacated the room. Tip-toeing past the slumbering moose on the sofa, he grabbed his jacket and keys and very calmly escaped to the Impala.

Just a couple of drinks, he thought to himself as he coaxed the engine to life, steering his mind around the real reason for his sudden decision to hit a bar in the middle of a week night.

I am not desperate, he assured himself fiercely. But if he was completely honest with himself, wasn't this exactly what this was? Wasn't he running away because the implications of what had happened between him and Castiel were now scaring the ever-loving shit out of him?

There's nothing un-manly about this, dammit! But why did he feel so guilty? He shouldn't get so worked up about it, he decided. What good would it do? He just needed to blow off some steam, have a couple drinks and maybe, just maybe, he'd meet 'Ms. Right-For-Tonight' while he was at it.

He felt as though he had committed the greatest trespass on both himself and on Castiel. Cas, he decided, didn't know what he was doing. It was a human thing, a thing the former angel never fully understood. Castiel had done the same with Meg that one time, it meant nothing- just something he saw in a freaking porno for God's sake.

Why the fuck did he feel so trapped?

Maybe Cas wouldn't even remember it in the morning.

Maybe the Beatles would get back together.

He pulled up in front of the first lively looking honkey-tonk bar he came across in Whitefish proper and swaggered in, instantly loving the atmosphere of the place.

It was your typical dive; old wooden tables and chairs strewn about the cramped space, a couple of pool tables off to one side under low swinging flourescent lamps. At the back of the bar was a raised stage to accommodate live music, but tonight it was occupied only by a half dozen drunk co-eds dancing to the jaunty vocals of Axl Rose.

The whole place was pretty packed for being the middle of the work week, but that was by no means a bad thing as far as Dean was concerned.

Dean settled himself at the bar, ordering himself a tall, hard drink. He immediately began panning the crowd, singling out any ladies who seemed to be out on their own and fit within the (rather broad) spectrum of what Dean thought of as attractive.

Bartender's pretty cute, he smiled at her as she set his drink in front of him, earning a flirty smile in return. She was blonde, her hair loose in meticulously crafted curls that fell lazily over her pale, slender shoulders. He wasn't that into blondes, but he wouldn't turn one down.

His eyes wandered the bar for a moment, settling on a brunette with short bed-head hair and chocolate brown eyes. She wasn't a total knock-out or anything, but she looked like she had an abundance of character and held herself with the kind of confidence that Dean figured could make even the most plain girls seem to sparkle.

Once his drink was in hand, he moved closer to where she leaned against the bar, leaning on one elbow beside her, plastering his best grin on his face until he had her attention.

She gave him a bemused, questioning look, the corners of her small mouth quirking upward with wary interest.

"You must be exhausted " he said, flashing a few teeth in his most winsome smile. The sparkle in her eyes didn't quite turn into a laugh at the start of the terrible pick-up line, and he figured he was on a roll.

"Why's that," she played along, humoring him as she turned toward him, playing with the neon pink straw in her neon blue beverage.

"Well," he chuckled, following up. "You've been running through my mind all day."

She did laugh then, shaking her head as though she couldn't believe he'd actually gone all the way with it. Dean knew better, though. He knew that he was freaking adorable when he wanted to be, and cheesy lines only ever furthered his cause.

"Does that ever actually work?" She raised an eyebrow at him, smiling wryly.

He smiled back, leaning in a bit. "Does it?"

Her contemplative silence didn't distract him. He'd already won, and in knowing so he kept his grin in place, waiting her out.

"Hannah," she said. "You can buy me a drink to make up for the corny line."

"Hannah," he repeated, waiting just long enough to continue to allow her cheeks to flush. "I would be honoured to buy you a drink. Name's Dean."

Oh, he was so going home with this one.

[XXXXXX]

Castiel was rudely awakened to far too much bright light and someone repeating his name over and over. The voice was deep and resonant, thick with urgency and utterly annoying. It cut through his skull like a mace.

"Sam," he murmured into the pillow. "If you do not leave at once, I will smite you." His skull felt as though it had been placed in a vice and Sam's voice was turning the crank, applying unwelcome pleasure. Why was Sam waking him in the first place?

"Dean's gone, and he's not answering his phones," Sam's voice was slightly beyond worry and encroaching on panicky. "The Impala's gone, too."

Castiel slowly remembered how locomotion was supposed to work, levering himself upon his elbows and staring at Sam through narrowed eyes. "Where did he go?"

Sam's frown deepened into a scowl. "If I knew, I wouldn't have woken you up!"

Castiel sighed, exasperated, and flopped back down on his face. There was a nagging at the back of his skull about the words Sam had spoken, but through the fog in his brain he couldn't make sense of why it had been so urgent.

He heard Sam growl in frustration, then stomp out of the room. He let his muddled thoughts settle once more, though they had barely begun to tick regardless.

The respite did not last, however, because just as Castiel felt sleep begin to claim him once more, he heard the heavy, boot-clad gait of Sam stomping back into the room. Just as he was registering this fact and preparing a creative way to smite the honking giant, he found himself cold, wet and fully alert, jerking upright into a half sitting position as he sputtered through a face-full of water.

Sam stood over him, scowling righteously. In his right hand he held an empty glass, and his left threatened with another, filled with water.

"You awake now?" Sam raised an eyebrow at him, swishing the full glass dangerously, promising that if Castiel did not cooperate, he would have no compunctions against administering more of the brutal torture.

Castiel frowned, noting that something was missing.

"Where's Dean?"

Sam rolled his eyes, thrusting the glass still containing water at him.

"Here, drink some water. It'll help."

Castiel eyed the younger Winchester dubiously, then took the glass and sipped the cool liquid. The water did ease him some, settling the thick feeling at the back of his throat and clearing his thoughts to a degree.

"I thought maybe you two might've had an argument or something," Sam said, running his fingers back through his mane- something Castiel noticed that he did when he was worried or nervous.

Castiel was nonplussed. "Why would you think that he and I had argued?"

Sam gave him an uncertain look, folding his arms over his chest. Castiel stared back, utterly confused. Certainly, there had been some tension the previous night. Castiel remembered his own dark thoughts (though he could not remember precisely what those thoughts were- a troubling realisation). He remembered also his interactions with Dean on the porch. Was this the reason for Sam's concern?

Castiel looked away first.

"Did he say anything to you?" Sam's tone was softer.

Castiel contemplated this, not certain what Sam was asking. Dean had said many things, but nothing that seemed pertinent as to why he may have left the cabin unannounced.

Dean also frequently left on his own without Sam worrying over him. But then why was Sam worried? He remembered then that the younger Winchester had said that Dean had not been answering his calls, and it finally settled in. Dean had left on his own without a word and was now unaccounted for.

"Look," Sam sighed. "I know. God, so stupid. He probably freaked out on you..."

Castiel frowned. "I don't recall Dean 'freaking out'."

"Trust me," Sam gave him a tired smile. "He's freaking out. He's never, you know... at least, I don't think he has... never with another guy..."

"You're referring to when Dean kissed me," Castiel guessed.

Sam's expression made a curious spasm as his face turned red. He cleared his throat, shifting uncomfortably. "Yeah," he said after a moment. "Um, Cas?"

"Yes?" Castiel tilted his head, wondering at Sam's reaction.

"How do you," Sam began, seeming to measure his words. "How do you feel about Dean?"

Castiel blinked, surprised at the question. He had thought it was clear that he trusted Dean, that he counted Sam's brother as a friend. Moreso than he did Sam himself, but it was different. Dean was his charge, when he had been an angel. They shared a more profound bond because of it, and though he found the elder Winchester exasperating, he felt himself comforted in Dean's presence.

Sam sighed, sensing Castiel's confusion at the question. "What I mean to say is, what do you feel when you're, uh, with him?"

"I trust your brother, Sam," Castiel said after he had pondered this for a moment. "I have seen his soul laid bare and felt it's purity. Dean is truly the most righteous man I have ever met in all my time on Earth and he is beautiful because of this. He exasperates and confounds me incessantly, but he has had more faith in me than any other and for that I appreciate him."

Sam looked impressed by his answer, but Castiel was still uncertain if this was what the younger Winchester had meant.

Sam shook his head and smiled, trying again. "Do you have any idea what it means to kiss someone like that?"

"It is a show of affection, is it not?" Castiel was confused by where this line of conversation was leading. Had he been mistaken, after all?

"Well," Sam said, rubbing the back of his neck; a gesture that Castiel interpreted as one of awkwardness. Was this one of those 'awkward conversations'? Humans were confusing and overly complex. "Yes," he confirmed after a moment. "Yes, it is a show of affection, Cas, just.. it's kind of one of those things that... God, I can't believe I'm having this conversation with someone who's several millennia older than me..."

Castiel watched Sam, waiting. He felt worry writhe its way into the pit of his stomach, suddenly afraid that it had been because of him that Dean had left unannounced.

"Well," Sam continued finally. "Usually people only kiss like that when they, um, you know... love each other."

"But I do love your brother," Castiel argued. He loved both of the Winchesters. They were like family to him, they cared for him, filled the void that had been left when he fell. The void that had began when his brethren had turned against him. How could he not love them?

"I mean, like, romantic love." Sam gave him a pointed look, and suddenly it became clear. Castiel understood the concept of romantic love, but he had never before been a party to it. He understood that love and fornication were often two separate concepts, as well, and he also understood in that moment why Dean may have been upset following their moment of intimacy.

"Your brother is in love with me." It was a question as much as a statement. Dean had been his friend, and the realization that Dean's affection for him may now transcend the platonic friendship they had shared did nothing to decay Castiel's feelings toward the man. Humans clung to social roles, however, and Dean had always been of the type to prefer the company of women for romantic intimacy.

"The question is," Sam sighed, sitting beside the former angel on the edge of the bed. "do you love him?"

Castiel pondered the question for a moment. Certainly he did love Dean Winchester, but that wasn't what Sam was asking. This was not a question of the type of love that Castiel had been capable of, but the kind of love that humans were capable of. He knew that he was now capable of experiencing any number of these emotions, reactions that he had never experienced as an angel. But how could he identify whether or not he was in love?

"I look forward to your brother's company. I also enjoy kissing your brother. Is this romantic?" Castiel raised an eyebrow, wondering if this was what Sam had meant, or if he was off the mark yet again.

Sam's eyes widened at the statement, coughing lightly into his fist as he averted his eyes.

"I, uh... sort of?"

Castiel frowned, considering this answer, searching himself as he put together everything that he and Sam had discussed over the last several minutes.

It didn't take long, however, and Castiel finally knew what his emotions had been trying to tell him all this long, troubling time.

"Yes. I love him."

.

(A/N: Angst, hungover!Cas and awkward conversations! Wee! BIG HUGE thanks to Ninjakittee for beta-ing this chapter! And as always, squishes and hugs to everyone who reviewed. You guys are like pie- can't go on without you! :D {{hearts}})