CHAPTER 11
Veronica took a breath in, felt her ribs press against her lungs, and then let it out. She did it over and over again, not letting herself think about anything but breathing. She didn't do it to avoid the emotions pushing at her, but because she wasn't sure that her body wouldn't just shut down completely if she didn't concentrate on keeping it going. In one day she had lost the baby she had just started to love and the man she had loved for what seemed like forever.
A shuddering sob racked her small body as the reality set in. She had let herself trust in him, in forever. And he had betrayed her. The pain tearing her apart was so strong that Veronica tried to give herself over to it. But her memories kept popping up, showing her the clues she had missed, the signs she had ignored. But no matter what else, he had seemed surprised. When Veronica had told him that she was pregnant, he had been surprised. Maybe he hadn't planned everything…
"It's been over a month since you ran out while I was sleeping" He narrowed his eyes and tapped his chin as though deep in thought. He turned back to pick up his drink as he finished the farce. "Aha!" he said as if having an epiphany. "You're pregnant"
Except that he had guessed the truth. So maybe his 'surprise' had been feigned. He had proven how talented a liar he was in the past so it wasn't such a stretch. Her mind jumped forward and skimmed through every gesture and move he had made that made sense in a completely different way now. Logan had gone from shock to possessiveness so quickly, tying her into the idea of marriage, tying her to him.
A small flame of joy opened up in her at the thought. He loved her enough to do anything to keep her with him. The amount of desperation it would take for him to do this… Veronica shook her head in disgust. He tried to trap her into marriage and it made her happy?! No way, not when he completely disregarded her dreams for the future. He knew how much she wanted to go to Stanford, how hard she had worked. And he had still done it.
Coward.
The word whispered through Veronica's mind, taunting her. He hadn't asked her to stay with him, or to even give him a chance, he had just taken the decision away from her. Too scared to trust in her love for him; just like she had been too scared to stay with him without the trap.
It was her fault too. Neither of them had gone the distance to keep the other fairly, so Logan had done it unfairly. And while Veronica hadn't done it herself, she had grasped onto the chance the pregnancy gave her and held on. It was a way to be with him without worrying that he would leave her. They would have a baby. They both knew what it was to have a bad parent and wouldn't do the same to their child. She had used the baby to hold on to him as much as he had used it to hold on to her.
Veronica's head fell forward and what seemed like the hundredth time in a couple of days, she cried.
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It was the day that Veronica went home. Logan wasn't sure what he was going to do when she got here, but he knew what he wasn't going to do. He wasn't going to hide his feelings, or run away at the first sign of rejection.
Sitting on their front porch, his back propped up by their door, Logan had his eyes on the road. He didn't know what time they were going to be here, but he wasn't going to miss them. It would be too easy for her to refuse to see him if he knocked on their door when she was already inside. And while he didn't plan on forcing himself on her, he wanted to gauge her reaction to him.
Logan had waited in the dingy waiting room at the hospital until Keith had come out of Veronica's room. Anger had been in every line of his body and Logan had braced himself to take whatever the older man threw his way.
"She's hurting" Keith said simply, getting past Logan's barriers easily. Eyes closing tightly and a look of agony on his face, Logan swallowed. There he was, back to hurting Veronica. Sometimes that seemed like the only thing he was good at. It was too bad his 'talent' made him want to kill himself. "I want you to leave" Keith continued after a moment.
Logan opened up his eyes and looked into Keith's. He saw the anger there, but also sympathy. Not something he had expected to see from Veronica's overprotective father.
"I loved Leanne enough to believe she could love me the same way. All I had to do was be a good husband and father and she would realize that she loved me." Keith said suddenly, seeming to understand Logan's confusion. Glancing away from Logan for a second, Keith cleared his throat and continued. "But I also loved Veronica enough not to hold on to a woman that didn't feel the same as I did".
"So I should let Veronica go?" Logan choked out, the unexpected confidence making his emotions rise again. He hadn't meant for it to be a question, but couldn't help it. He wanted to hold on to her, but couldn't trust his instincts with her. She only got hurt that way.
"I think that you should let Veronica have some time to think" Keith said with a deep sigh. Logan tried not to let his hopes up, but it was so hard. Time to think meant a maybe, not a no.
In the end, Logan had written Veronica a letter explaining how he felt and had given it to Keith. Logan wasn't sure if Veronica had read it, or even if Keith had given it to her. Nothing was for sure and it was driving Logan crazy. He knew that he should give Veronica time, but he needed to see her; needed her to see him before she made any solid decisions.
When the car pulled up, Logan scrambled to stand and took a few steps forward. He could see Veronica through the windshield, but it wasn't good enough. As soon as he saw her his hands started itching to touch her. Keith got out of the car first and Logan struggled to move his eyes from Veronica to follow the other man's moves.
Looking at Logan wearily from the front of his car Keith sighed. Logan knew what he was going to say, that he should leave. Logan wasn't sure that he shouldn't. But before anything was said, both men looked to Veronica as she got out of the car.
Logan's eyes ate her up. Her hair was pulled into a long neat ponytail and her face was washed clean, but pale. She was wearing comfortable jeans and an oversized sweater that did nothing for her curves. Her eyes were bruised with lack of sleep and tears.
She was beautiful.
Even he was taken aback by the realization that no matter what she looked like he thought she was beautiful. And he was always right. He searched her eyes for the answers he came for, but she was as guarded as ever. He couldn't tell anything that she was feeling and it made him want to close off his own emotions in fear. But he took a deep breath and hung on to his new found courage.
"Are you happy that I lost the baby?" Veronica asked him bluntly. Logan froze. He still couldn't read anything from her face and didn't know what answer she wanted. He had used the baby to trap her, so the end of the pregnancy meant that she was free. She could go to Stanford and go on with her life.
"No" Logan choked out honestly. Telling her what she wanted to hear wasn't what he came here to do. He wanted her to love him without any manipulations or lies. And he had loved that baby for more than giving him Veronica. He had loved the idea of his child being in Veronica's womb, but also just the child itself. Apart from Veronica, a piece of Logan's heart had died that day.
Not realizing that everything he was feeling was shining through his eyes, he met Veronica's gaze. A brief moment was all that it took, and then Veronica was moving forward. Walking, and then running, she threw herself into his arms and held on tight.
"I love you Logan" she whispered into his ear huskily. His grip tightening, the tears that had been threatening to fall finally did. "I love you too" she whispered again, answering the question he had asked her in his letter and making his heart grow.
Keith watched as his daughter and the young man he had known since childhood cried in each other's arms. Keith smiled slowly.
END NOTE: I decided not to put Logan's letter in the fic. I had written it and everything, but what was said was a little redundant. I reread the chapter and knew without the letter what Logan felt. Veronica needed the letter because she couldn't read Logan's mind like we could.
