The rear entrance to the mountain was a hollowed-out section that held an open-sided lift. The GELFs were holding onto Kochanski and were preparing to enter now.

Kochanski looked around, trying to appear casual and to ignore the fact that her innards were doing a can-can right now. She noticed something interesting near the main gate.

"What's that stall over there?" she asked, squinting to make out the writing on it.

"It's not important," the High Priestess said, jabbing the lift-call button again.

"Is that…? Are those…?" She squinted saw one of the GELFs take something from the stall. Her eyes widened with the realization. "You're selling T-Shirts?"

"Hmm?"

"You're selling T-Shirts to an important event of this nature?"

"Oh now you're just splitting hairs!"

"I can't believe you people! You're actually selling T-Shirts at what is described as a religious event! There's even a bloke over there selling ice creams!"

"Well, it's a long wait till the sacrifice!"


Blue Midget stomped over a mountain range.

Kryten was just finishing up. "There we are, sirs. That should sufficient enough to get us to Asteroid 3-30288/D."

"Okay, how're we doing this?" Lister asked, looking over the controls.

WHUMP!

Their heads all whipped forwards to look at the view screen. Scroop, who was slightly blackened like a fried Cajun catfish, was glaring at them.

"Oh smeg, he's back," Rimmer groaned.

"What do we do now?" Cat asked.

Suddenly, Scroop's claws reached forward and grabbed Blue Midget's stumpy little arms.

"Hey!" Rimmer yelled, grabbing the railing around his platform. He tried to reverse away from the Simulant, but he couldn't get any traction.

Then Scroop's body began to turn.

"Let's go for a ride!" he crowed, gaining speed.

Rimmer's hands gripped the railing tightly as he hung in the air.

Lister, Cat and Kryten gripped the consoles worriedly.

"Make it stop! Make it stop!" Rimmer wailed frantically.

Scroop continued to spin, moving along the mountain range, chuckling to himself at how easy this was. But he didn't notice that Blue Midget's engines were grazing slightly against the rocks. Every time they did, sparks would kick up. This process continued for several rotations.

Seventeen.

Eighteen.

Nineteen.

Twenty.

Twenty-one.

Twenty-two.

KABABABOOOOOOOOOOM!

Blue Midget suddenly started up in a huge burst of fiery flame. The little blue ship was wrenched free from Scroop, who was knocked over by the takeoff.

Four Dwarfers screamed in terror as they rocketed through the sky.

Acting quickly, Rimmer managed to get some sort of solid thought, and he started to search the control panel before him. He managed to locate another button that had a joystick on it. He frantically pressed.

In an instant, he had activated the ship's steering power. The joystick came out of its housing and appeared in front of Cat.

"Yeah, here we go," he said with a grin. "Where do we go?"

"Computing data now, sir," Kryten said, typing out the logistics.

Blue Midget finally gained some sort of control, and it straightened out and headed for Asteroid 3-30288/D.


The lift door slid open, and the GELFs led Kochanski through the side of the mountain. They marched single file along the ridge, and it was there that Kochanski saw something that made her eyes widened.

"Smeg…," she breathed. "What is that?"

The GELFs followed her finger down into the ridge below, and there they saw the chasm. Within this chasm was a crackling, swirling, whirling, hazardous, dangerous, blue vortex that was giving the mountain a sort of energy that made them all slightly uneasy.

"It is the goddess Apearlo," the High Priestess said, once again doing those silly hand motions as a sign of respect.

"That is your infamous goddess?" Kochanski asked, looking very confused. "You worship a swirly vortex?"

"No! Of course not! Apearlo lives beyond that! That is the link she keeps with our world. Beyond that vortex is the Great Unknown. 'Tis what we all shall find out one day. And it is where you are to go."

"What?"

"You are to walk into the link, where Apearlo shall either accept or reject you."

"I'm supposed to jump in that?"

"Yes."

"In an hour?"

"Yes."

"In this outfit?"

"Yes."

"But… But something seems a bit wrong about that…"


Blue Midget came in contact with the asteroid's atmosphere and lowered itself for a landing. The long flamingo legs touched down on the ground, and unsteadily wobbled their way across the rocky terrain.

"I can see it!" Cat exclaimed, looking at his screen. "The epicenter is about two miles away from here!"

"We're rapidly running out of time, sirs," Kryten warned.

Rimmer struggled to keep his head upright. After all the time that had now passed, he was really beginning to regret agreeing to this insane course of action. His arms and legs hurt, he was somehow short of breath, and he felt sweat dripping off his face.

Lister glared tightly at the navigation screen and then stared out the window.

"We're nearly there, Rimmer!" he shouted. "Just a little bit further!"

"Ungh…," Rimmer muttered, stomping along the platform.

Holly suddenly blipped onto the screen. "Chaps, we've got a visitor…again," she announced.

"Where?" Lister asked, checking his screen frantically.

WHUMP!

Everyone's heads jerked up and stared at Scroop, who glared back at them triumphantly through his contorted figure.

"There he is…," the Cat whimpered, pointing with his quivering finger.

"Now, my friends…," Scroop growled, "…it is time for your journey to come to an end. I shall give you two options: you may turn back and be spared, or you may attempt to pass me and die."

Lister exchanged a very nervous glance with the Cat and looked up at Rimmer.

"Rimmer, man," he said through his shaking vocal cords, "you know I don't ask much of you…"

Rimmer savaged him with a glare that said differently.

"…but," he continued, "I really, really, really need to rescue Kochanski. I need her. Please, man, you've gotta go for it."

Rimmer stared at him through the helmet's visor for a solid three seconds before he finally found what he wanted to say.

"Oh shut up."

Lister felt his heart clench into a lead fist as he tried to comprehend that statement. He ran out of time, however, when Rimmer then flicked on the communications channel.

"Mr Scroop," Rimmer said, his voice reverberating around the planet's surface. "This is acting Senior Officer Arnold J Rimmer of the JMC Transport Vehicle, Blue Midget. Now hear this, because it's only coming once."

Lister, Cat and Kryten all looked away with embarrassment, knowing what was coming and dreading it.

"If you don't let me pass you, I'll be forced to go through you!"

Three heads swiveled round so suddenly they nearly got whiplash.

Lister had long ago lost track of how many times Rimmer has stunned him.

He had stunned him into anger several times: stealing his body, happily destroying several wax droids, always willing to let the others die if it seemed to suit his needs, deserting them on the simulant ship… The list was always growing longer.

Then, of course, he had also stunned him into…well, for lack of an appropriate word for positive, stunned. Ditching life on the SSS Enlightenment because he'd fallen in love, standing up to his own corrupted future self, destroying the Time Drive, agreeing to become Ace, coming back from being Ace…

Honestly, what was up with this guy?

Scroop's body creaked and moaned as he leaned forward to glare at them. "Mr Rimmer, there is no matter of danger in this matter, only inevitable destruction. Ms Kochanski shall perish, and there is not a thing you can do to stop it."

Rimmer was tired. He was cranky. He was hot, he was sweaty, he was angry, he was upset, he was frustrated, he was determined, and these boots were beginning to chafe. All these conflicting feelings and emotions had been building up deep inside him ever since he slipped into these piloting tools, and when coupled with his pre-existing anger, he could feel something deep inside finally snap.

For the briefest of moments, just like when he'd rescued Kryten during the meteor storm, he could see the world darken, as though looking through a pair of sunglasses, and he could see thin whisps of blonde hair dangle in his field of vision. He blinked furiously to rid these images and focused on the task ahead.

Still racked with exhaustion from his recent exertions, he managed to summon up all his strength and give a reply.

"Over…my…dead…body!"

"Then have at you!"

Lister, Cat and Kryten gripped their consoles frantically as they found Blue Midget suddenly charging at Scroop.

Scroop revved his engines and powered forward, his caterpillar treads kicking up dirt and dust.

They were heading towards each other at an alarming rate.

CRASH!

Blue Midget was suddenly being carried backwards across the chasm by Scroop, who clutched the little blue craft in his claws.

But Rimmer managed to do something about it. Filled with anger, he slammed his right foot down on the floor, sticking his heel out.

Blue Midget followed the movement and put its right landing leg down into Scroop's caterpillar tread. The metal tread snapped and was flung off the wheels, flipping around in the air like a fish out of water.

Scroop shuddered to a halt, losing his grip on Blue Midget.

The little blue ship fell on its back with a loud crash.

Rimmer shook his head and managed to stand up.

As Blue Midget staggered upright again, Scroop attempted to compensate for his lack of motion by extending his claws outwards towards them, reaching for the ship's gearbox.

But Rimmer swung the ship's left arm outwards and smacked the claws out of position, ripping them from their sockets.

Scroop shrieked.

Rimmer slammed his fist down on the communications channel button again and spoke into the microphone.

"I'm only saying this once…," he said calmly. "GET OUT'VE MY WAY!"

And when Scroop naturally failed to budge, Rimmer suddenly began to attack him. He threw a severe karate chop down into his main CPU, nearly slicing it in two. Then he threw a punch that knocked the Simulant backwards several yards. Then he jump-kicked him up like a football.

Finally, with all the grace of a ballet dancer, he swung around on his left toes, bringing his right leg up.

Blue Midget followed this motion and its right landing leg connected with Scroop's side, sending the beaten Simulant spinning away like a child's top.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!" Scroop screamed.

Finally, he spun towards the ledge and toppled over, spilling off the ground and into the chasm below, howling in fury as he vanished into the dark pit.

Lister watched him fall, and then turned around to face Rimmer.

Rimmer was panting heavily from his recent struggle, but he finally saw his crewmates' faces looking back at him, full of astonishment and admiration. It made him feel uncomfortable, so he cleared his throat and tried to calm down.

"Right, let's go find Kochanski," he said shakily.

And Blue Midget stomped along its beaten path towards the encircling ridge.