Chapter 11

"Levi…"

"Fuck off Erwin, the answer's no." growled Levi through the crack in the door.

"You don't have the authority to make that decision Levi." Said Erwin warningly. Sighing, Levi glanced back at where Eren was sleeping in his bed… just a tuft of brown hair visible under all the blankets. What Erwin said was true, he might be humanity's strongest but he was still only a corporal within the military in the grand scheme of things. But even so…. He could feel the Commander's sharp gaze on him as he clenched his jaw stubbornly. Levi had promised after all. He would never be able to look the brat in the eye if he failed him yet again.

Instead, Levi opened the door a little wider. But instead of letting the Commander in like the other man no doubt expected, Levi stepped out of the room closing the door quietly behind him before planting his short frame before it.

Erwin raised his eyebrows at Levi who raised one of his own back challengingly.

"What's this Levi? You're choosing insubordination?" asked Erwin lightly though his eyes were icy.

"I am choosing," said Levi through gritted teeth, "To talk to you first before you give a shitty order based on misinformation."

"Oh?" Asked Erwin blinking slightly and cocking his head, "Alright then, I am willing to listen. Would you like to take this to my office?"

"No, I am staying right here." Said Levi firmly thinking back to Eren's desperate voice 'Stay close… don't go…'

Erwin gave him a deep calculating look.

"Very well." He said at last leaning back comfortably against the opposite wall and gazing at Levi expectantly.

"I need you to trust me when it comes to Eren…" said Levi frowning at his boots, "He is doing even shittier then when I left. You need to let me try and work with him or we're going to have a crisis on our hands."

"He's no longer suicidal." Commented Erwin idly not denying the rest.

"Just because he probably won't try again doesn't mean the desire has gone away." Argued Levi shaking his head, "His panic attacks are getting worse. If they get bad enough it won't matter that he doesn't intend to try to commit suicide, he won't have control over himself."

"Panic attacks?" repeated Erwin looking genuinely surprised.

"Yeah, so I am telling you to let me at least try and help him on my own for a bit without interference." Confirmed Levi trying not to glower at the Commander, "I am not asking you for some permanent accommodation just yet; just a day or two where I can call the pace when it comes to Eren. Hell, you practically owe it to me after making me go on that shitty-ass mission."

"So he's copping that badly…" murmured the Commander thoughtfully, his gaze shifting from Levi to the door behind which the titan-shifter slept with a thoughtful intensity the shorter man couldn't place, "Looks like I haven't been trying quite hard enough…"

"Exactly," said Levi through gritted teeth turning away from his superior, "Which is why I'll thank you to back off for a bit and let me do my thing."

"Has Eren told you what the problem is?" asked Erwin.

"Not in so many words." Said Levi shortly hoping to end the conversation as he opened the door to re-enter his room.

"He has? Then I assume you know about him being raped then?" inquired Erwin lightly as if they were discussing the weather.

Levi snapped the door close again and rounded on the tall blond man.

"You know about that?!" the short man demanded quietly.

"Of course," said Erwin tilting his head with a look in his eye that said he was aware that he knew more than Levi did, "I am Commander of the Survey Corps. If some Military Police guards go around bragging that they put a titan bitch in his place, word is bound to get around to me. So I did some investigations of my own, chatted with Eren about it, and it seems that it was true."

"They were bragging about it?" growled Levi feeling his blood boil. He clutched onto the door behind him to keep himself from shaking as his vision swam with rage. He'd kill them. He'd fucking rip them to pieces. Anyone who hurt Eren that way deserved a long and painful death.

"It was a rather… surprising discovery at first." Admitted Erwin thoughtfully glancing at the ceiling, "Eren didn't strike me as a particularly submissive person at first… But I quickly realized that is not the case."

"So what did you do about the soldiers?" demanded Levi impatiently, not bothering to correct him. He had a feeling that Eren was naturally not 'particularly submissive'… it was only since he'd joined the military that he'd become that way.

"Do?" asked Erwin cocking his head in a way that made Levi's stomach knot, "I informed their Commander and left the matter in the Military Polices hands."

"So basically… you did nothing?" inquired Levi slowly.

"Not nothing, Levi. It is not within my authority to punish someone not in the Survey Corps, nor yours." Said Erwin warningly.

"Fuck that." Growled Levi, "Who are they? I am going to kill them. You can just pretend you didn't know it was me."

"You will do no such thing." Ordered Erwin firmly eye narrowing, "You want to protect Eren don't you? You can't protect him if you're in jail."

"As if those shits could ever catch me." Scoffed Levi.

"Levi…" warned Erwin. Levi took a deep calming breath and quickly sorted through his options.

"I get it. I'll stay here for now like a proper pawn." Said Levi glowering at him, "But I get full custody of Eren if I behave."

Erwin stared at him hard and calculating before glancing once again at the closed door and back.

"That might be able to be arranged…" said Erwin slowly. Levi blinked in surprise not expecting the Commander to give in so easily. But before he could respond Erwin held up a finger. Levi closed his mouth, of course there was a catch, this was Erwin after all, "But, you will need to follow my every order very closely on this next expedition."

"Of course, isn't that the way it always is?" asked Levi frowning.

"Even if I give an order that you won't like." Pressed Erwin.

"What do you mean…?" asked Levi warily, "What are you up to now, you sly bastard?"

"There are Titan spies among us," said Erwin evenly, "A certain gamble will be necessary to catch them."

Levi stared at the man as he processed this.

"A lot people are going to die on the expedition aren't they?" he said slowly.

"That is highly likely." Agreed Erwin.

"People who probably don't need to be sacrificed." Pressed Levi. Clear blue eyes gazed at him steadily with out even blinking.

"Will you still follow my orders?" both their gazes flicked to the room behind Levi. The meaning was fairly clear.

"Che," Levi clicked his tongue and turned away, not wanting to look at the man anymore, "You already know I am a selfish ass-hole, what did you think my answer was going to be?"

"I require that I meet with him one more time tomorrow one-on-one, and then he'll be in your care." Said Erwin briskly turning and walking away looking pleased.

"Yeah… whatever." Mumbled Levi going back into his room. Heaviness seemed to press down upon him as the short man closed his door behind him and leaned against it.

Will there ever be a time when things will be okay again? Levi wondered not for the last time. Painful memories mixed with guilt from past and recent events swirled through him. Eren's face mixed with others that he had once been willing to let the world burn for. Feeling almost young, Levi found himself crawling into the bed next to Eren and pressing himself close just to breath in his scent and feel the reassuring steadiness of his heart beat.

Why is it that whenever I try and hold on to something good, something always bad happens to it?


Reiner tossed rocks viscously off the roof, pretending that they were aimed at the faces of his commanding officers… particularly two. This was why the walls needed to come down; this system was rotten and beyond saving. They would have to completely destroy it before anything decent could ever hope to be built. Any place where it was perfectly okay for those in power to do such things and get away with it had got to go. Erwin was one thing. Reiner had known there was something deeply twisted within the man from his very first speech. It had still come as shock when he discovered what he apparently willing to do to those under his command just because he could. But at the same time, Reiner felt like he should have seen it coming. Levi had been the real surprise. Despite the stories he'd heard about how Levi was apparently willing to beat the shit out of Eren at a moments notice, the Corporal had seemed a bit protective over the young shifter. But what else was he supposed to think when he'd heard that stayed in the Corporal's chambers the past few nights? Worse, everyone seemed to know about it but no one was willing to do anything about it beyond purse their lips with disapproval. Apparently it wasn't that uncommon. You were just supposed to pretend you didn't see.

If Reiner wasn't positive that Humanity's Strongest would kill him if he tried to set foot in his room right now, he would have gone and kidnapped Eren right then and there. Screw being discreet and keeping the fact that there were other shifter a secret. Eren would probably hate him, but that wasn't the point. Once the boy was brought back to their side, though he might be forced to do things he wasn't exactly comfortable with, he'd still be treated a heck of a lot better then he was right now. Like an actual human being. And wasn't that the irony of it all? Humans treating the boy like a monster and titans treating him like the person he was. Reiner didn't like the thought of being so despised by the younger shifter(and he was sure to despise him once he found out that he had been partially responsible for his mother's death) but he liked the notion of his continued suffering even less. Over time, particularly recently, Reiner had come to think of Eren like a younger brother. And damned if he was going to let a bunch of Military bastards continue to harm him.

"If you keep throwing rocks someone is going to come up here and investigate eventually." Commented Bertholdt joining him and sitting down heavily.

"Fuck them." muttered Reiner chucking another rock even harder. Bertholdt winced as the impact shattered a corner of wall.

"If you're looking for stupid way to give yourself away, there are more productive mays." Sighed Bertholdt peering around below for any witnesses as he began to sweat nervously.

"Whatever, I am sick of all this bullshit." The blond muttered though he did stop throwing rocks.

"Because of Eren?" asked Bertholdt slowly not looking at him as he idly picked up a spare rock and turned it over in his hands.

"It's not just that. Just… everything. Everything inside these forsaken walls is so rotten." Growled Reiner grinding the heal of his palm into his forehead. Bertholdt made no comment, just continued to watch his companion.

"I don't want to wait for the expedition to take him away from this place." Admitted Reiner after a long silence.

"You make it sound like he's some damsel in distress that you're going to whisk off to marry." Mumbled Bertholdt sounding almost sullen.

"Damsel in distress? Eren?" repeated Reiner in shock almost laughing at the ridiculous image it created in his mind, "Never. Is he both distressing and in distress? Definitely. But damsel? Nah, he is most certainly a bratty boy. No question about that."

"Yeah, well, we'll have to wait for the expedition. Then Annie will take him back to the elders and we'll continue our mission here." Said Bertholdt gripping the rock he was holding tightly.

"Yeah… I'll be glad when he's safe, though I'll miss the kid for sure." Smiled Reiner fondly thinking how he really did enjoy the young shifter's company despite the horrible circumstances. Suddenly Bertholdt chucked the rock he was hold viciously over the battlements past where they could see. Reiner looked at him, startled. Such behavior wasn't like his childhood friend.

"C'mon, we should get back before people start looking for us. We don't want to act suspicious right before the expedition." Said Bertholdt shortly as he stood.

"Okay…" said Reiner curiously as he stood as well, though his friend avoided his gaze.

Ah well, he was probably getting just as antsy being within the walls as Reiner, mused the blond following the taller one back inside.


Eren clutched his head, feeling short brown hair break free from his scalp as he did so. He tried to focus on that, not the rolling feeling building in his gut as he waited by himself in Erwin's office.

'One more time,' Eren repeated to himself over and over in his head, 'one more time and then Levi promised that it would be over. You can do this. How many times have you done this? You can survive one more time.'

He still could barely believe that apparently Levi and Erwin had both decided to share with each other the missing bits of his situation and come up with this alternative. Somehow, he felt rather betrayed by both of them. How could Erwin have just told Levi all those things? Levi was never supposed to know about what had gone on when he was under the "care" of the Military Police. It was bad enough that he had found out a bit about what was going on here, but now apparently he knew everything. Eren hadn't realized that he had been subconsciously depending on the Commander to never reveal any of what had been going on behind closed doors. But apparently that wasn't a problem for Erwin. Worse still, it didn't seem like a problem for Levi either. He knew everything yet he arranged for this meeting with Erwin. That betrayal probably stung the most.

'He also arranged for it to all stop after this. He's protecting me in the long run.' Eren tried to remind himself, 'One small sacrifice for the greater good. That's the way things are done in the Survey Corps. That's the way Levi does things too.'

He felt like throwing up.

"Ah, Eren. Thank you for joining me today." Said Erwin closing the door behind him. Eren's sat up straight so quickly he made himself a little dizzy.

"Yes sir." Said Eren obediently. He waited for the Commander to make a move towards him or give him some kind of order but the tall blond man merely smiled at him in acknowledgment as he poured himself a cup of tea. Eren tried not to fidget nervously in his seat, but it was almost impossible.

"I suppose Levi informed you of the final arrangement we came to?" said Erwin smiling with bemusement at Eren over his steaming cup.

"Y…Yes sir." Said Eren softly, the words strangely difficult to get out.

"Hmm… I have enjoyed our time together, I must say. But Levi made it quite clear that wasn't you needed at the moment. Still, I wanted meet with you myself before we ended our current arrangement." Said Erwin setting down his cup and sitting next to him.

"Yes sir. I understand." Said Eren closing his eyes to gather himself 'one last time. The sooner it begins, the sooner it can end.'

The Commander was watching intently as Eren steeled himself before the brunet shed his jacket jerkily and crawled onto his superiors lap for a kiss. Erwin hmmed in amusement as Eren clumsily tried to kiss him before the Commander took charge of this kiss. He slipped one hand into Eren's hair and one beneath Eren's shirt to knead the skin there while he kissed the younger one sensually. Eren felt his body reacting to the touches already, well trained after their seemingly endless daily encounters, as he tried to detach himself from what was going on. However, to his surprise, the Commander broke away after only a little bit of this chuckling deeply.

"Not that that wasn't lovely, but that wasn't quite what I had in mind for our meeting." Said Erwin in amusement.

"I- what?" blinked Eren not sure what he had done wrong. Normally Erwin was very much in favor of times when Eren initiated anything in their encounters.

"Levi told me that you were struggling right now with a lot of things. I figured that we would just talk for today." Said Erwin stroking lazily across Eren's bare back like he owned it… It certainly felt like he did some days.

"Huh? I don't have to-oh. Oh." Spluttered Eren feeling his face turn a million shades of red as what he said sunk in.

"Of course," continued Erwin abruptly cupping him through his pants causing Eren to jerk violently, "If you really want to, I don't mind."

"No! I mean, I- uh- Levi was right, I-um- am not really up for anything." Said Eren hurriedly. Erwin raised an eyebrow, no doubt feeling the contradiction to Eren's statement considering where his hand was, though he thankfully didn't comment. Eren turned his face away in shame. What the fuck was wrong with his dumb body? He didn't want this damn it. Whenever Erwin had his way with him he always felt sick right down to the very core of his being, but after such a long time of this punishment his stupid stupid stupid body decided that it would take whatever pleasure it could get. It didn't help that he knew that Erwin could make it really good when he wanted to, as well as really bad.

"No need to be ashamed Eren," laughed Erwin pressing a slanted kiss against Eren's mouth that was so sickeningly gentle that caused something disgusting roll within him. When he pulled away Eren felt hot, mortified, tears pickling at his eyes that he refused to let spill.

"Its perfectly natural to have some left over lust for a person even after you've chosen to be with someone else." Said Erwin in a way that was rather patronizing as he stroked Eren's hair like some kind of dog.

"What do you mean 'someone else' sir?" asked Eren when he finally managed to process the older man's words past the distracting feeling of being petted all over.

"Hmm? Well, have you not been sleeping with Levi this past while?" asked Erwin shrugging, "I assumed that was the reason you wanted to end this."

"Wha- NO. I mean, I have been sleeping with him but not with him. I- it's not like that with Levi." Said Eren fervently managing to pulling away.

"Really?" asked Erwin actually looking mildly surprised, "I admit I am bit relieved. The idea of you and Levi does make me a little… jealous."

Eren suppressed a shudder at that. He remembered very well the times the Corporal's name had come up while they were fucking. How could he not? Those had been arguably the most painful physical expirences of his life… including the time when he got limbs bitten off by a titan. At least that hadn't lasted very long. Oh yes, he was very well aware that Erwin didn't like the idea of him being with the Corporal.

"But since it is 'not like that' with the Levi… hmm, yes, then I must inform you that I've come to quite enjoy our time together." Smirked Erwin trailing his hands down Eren in a way that seemed to leave fire all through him.

Eren really did shudder this time.

"I meant it when I said that our arrangement is over. But if you ever wanted anything again, for whatever reason," and Erwin kissed him in a way that left no imagination to what that reason might be, "Then feel free to always come to me."

"I- um- right sir." Said Eren trying to regain his breath and bearings once the Commander released him. Hastily he scrambled off his lap and stood at attention, "Do you need anything else sir?"

"Hmm, there may be more information on the expedition for me to give to you, but I'll be sure to pass it along through Hanji or Levi." Said Erwin smiling and standing as well, turning away and going back behind his desk, "You may go."

"Thank you sir." Said Eren quickly grabbing his discarded jacket and walking out of the office. He continued to march very fast through the empty hallways until he came to a supply closet that he knew hardly anyone used. Quickly, he shut himself inside and leaned against the wall. He felt hot all over. Everywhere the Commander had touched him seemed to burn in the most disgusting of ways. Eren scarcely had time to grab a nearby bucket before he started puking up what little food Levi had managed to force him to eat earlier that day. Then even after that, his body kept trying to dry heave even though there was nothing more that could come up.

Eren clutched the sides of the bucket so hard they cracked while he focused on not letting the itchy hot liquid in his eyes over flow. He was so, SO, very tired of crying. It never made anything better and he always felt like shit afterwards. Instead he punched the wall. The he did it again. And again. And again until he could feel wood and stone giving way under his fists and little splitters and gravel getting stuck painfully under his skin. Then he punched the wall some more, clutching his jacket between his teeth to mute the sound as he screamed out all the emotions were tearing through that he didn't even have words anymore to express.