I am getting hit with the sleepies, so not sure I'll be able to write and publish Kevin's e-mail tonight. I should be able to tomorrow. Enjoy :)
Dearest Diary,
Today was...well...again, I feel I should simply expand on my day rather than give a quick summary of it...a lot happened.
I suppose I'll have to tell Diane soon, fortunately happenstance has prevented me from requiring an immediate appointment. But I digress. Diary, here is a full detailing of the results of this evening, in the case that I need return to and study them.
The school day went fairly regularly. My panic from the day before had enabled me finish all my chores, fix up the house, and finish all my assignments prior to the weekend, and so I was exorbitantly ready for anything that could perchance come of today and this weekend. Now, I do not expect you to know yet, Diary, but today happens to be my birthday. And though I believe Diane knows my customs when it comes to my birthday, I am not certain she knew the exact date. The dates can easily be determined via the mark in the corner of each page, for anyone reading, though goodness knows I hope no one does besides Diane...and myself, of course.
The day took a turn for the...well, to be honest with you Diary? It took a massive nose-dive into a great body of water as I received a summons to the Nurse's Office. It was peculiar, but not all that unexpected, seeing as I was quite good friends with most of the faculty in the school. It did, however, worry me, seeing the day it was. Unfortunately, my worries were entirely founded - I found a bed cleared for me in the Nurse's Office, and the long cord of the phone pulled over. The nurse nodded at the phone, and...I knew.
I closed the curtain around the bed and took the news as best I could. My parents were entirely unable to come home for my birthday weekend, as was tradition. They had been tied up at the Hospital. I even heard my father cursing as my mother told me the news. So far in my life, I'd lucked out and had every birthday weekend with my parents. It appeared this time, my luck had simply petered out.
My mother had so much sadness in her voice, and I felt I could not let her hear a single tinge of disappointment in my tone. I held myself to a big smile and understanding words, because I knew they loved me very much, and would never have done this on purpose.
You see...my parents don't live where I do, Diary. They are able to come home for holidays and my birthday, as is afforded them for their prestigious positions in the hospital, but they are a several-hour drive away. It had been many years since I'd moved to Peach Creek when they told me we were to move again. At this point, I'd grown extremely attached to my new friends, and the community. They had a big discussion that night amongst themselves, that they believed I was not privy to, and had decided I was mature enough to care for myself. They would have groceries sent to the house, and left me notes as to my chores, but did not ask me to come with them. They were so proud of me, and so glad I was happy, they couldn't bear to take everything away from me.
So that is why I held it together, for them, when they told me the news. I missed them dearly...I always miss them. But I cannot fault them for saving lives...
However, upon ending our conversation, the nurse took the phone from me, and asked me how many periods I would need. I told her one. I was old enough now, I could handle the bad news better than I used to. But the nurse knew, from Diane's notes, that these events were something that could really rattle me, and I was afforded special privileges. I silently thanked her as I let myself sob wordlessly into the clean pillow cover. I only needed half a period, but took the other half to regain my control. I couldn't let my peers see me like this, it would be most unbecoming.
I hid it well, I would hope. No one seemed to notice, or if they did, they hid their reactions well. However...of course...Kevin noticed. Or, at least, he hesitated when he saw me, and the look in his eyes...well, later on I found out what was up, but we must wait for that, Diary!
Now came time for me to head home...alone. Ed and Eddy had gone home long before me, running out the door the moment the final bell rang, as they knew about this weekend, and knew better than to intrude without invitation. I supposed it was for the best. I wasn't certain I would be able to keep it together when I returned home.
Unsurprisingly, upon arriving home, I started my standard birthday rituals. I suppose it was something of a comforting action for me, focusing on a task at hand kept my mind from dwelling too much on matters I had no control over, but at the same time it was rather depressing to think I couldn't simply be myself on this day. Sadly, the logical part of my mind would have none of it, reminding me that this was my birthday and these were my birthday confections I was baking, and they would not be baked otherwise. So I gave in to auto-pilot and became a zombie of sorts to my actions - unfeeling, set to my task and not acknowledging anything else. That is, until the doorbell rang.
My heart leapt for a moment, as I dashed to the door at a scurrying pace, opening it to find...Kevin. I was...more than a bit disappointed. I suppose he noticed; well, I know he noticed, by the way his face scrunched up in confusion.
"Um..g-greetings Kevin. How are you this fine and lovely day?" I forced a smile. Not that forcing a smile was new to me, I simply had to focus on doing so after the disappointment I had just faced.
He looked me in the eyes, and said, "D, you look like shit."
I blushed at the unabashed accusation, and replied, "That's not a particularly kind thing for you to say. However, I will ignore it for now. Did you need something?"
"Yeah, dude," he cocked his head, "What's up with you? Yesterday it was like you weren't there and today...you looked like a bus hit you. What the fuck happened?"
"Language!" I widened my eyes, but closed them and sighed, "It is nothing, Kevin. Now go on and have a nice day. You've been through a lot recently and there's no reason to disturb your evening on my account." I smiled at him.
"Bull-shit." I gasped inwardly, but held my tongue. "Dude, I know we're not, like, good friends or anything, but I've known you for, what...ever? Just as long as Dorky and Lumpy." I rolled my eyes at the names. "I know when something is up. I spilled my guts to you, so tell me what the fuck is making you look someone kicked a kitten or something?"
"I...would hope no one has been kicking kittens. However, Kevin, my day hasn't been one of particular note. I simply received a small bit of bad news, and would like to return to my rituals for the evening without questioning."
Kevin crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows at me. He didn't walk away, just stared. I have never been a very confrontational person, and I knew it was about time for me to check on my muffins. Rather than slam the door on a guest, I sighed and mumbled, "Alright, come in and take a seat, if you insist. I simply have to go check on something for a moment, and will come back when I am done. Sit anywhere you'd like."
He did come inside, much to my chagrin, and made himself at home in the same seat he had two days prior. I returned to the muffins to inspect them, and, upon finding them needing a bit more time to bake to perfection, I set a timer. I knew I had said I would return to the living room, and braced myself. I simply couldn't understand his gall, but decided I could tolerate a small amount. My patience felt limited today, and that was a rare occurrence.
"How may I assist you today, Kevin?" I asked, smiling still. He grunted.
"Tell me what's eating you." he replied, arms still crossed as he stared at me accusingly.
"I am afraid I don't know what you're talking about."
"Dork, don't make me come over there." I watched a hand fall to the couch cushion.
"Really, Kevin, it's nothi-" he began to get up, and before I knew it, he had his hands on my shoulders, staring at me angrily.
"It's not fucking nothing. Dude, you did me a solid the other night, at least let me hear you out. Something's eating you and I wanna know if there's anything I can do to help, you dig? Just give me a chance, man. I don't bite."
"I...suppose you don't. But it's-"
I felt a hand grip at my beanie. He wouldn't.
"What are you-"
"And I thought Dorky was stubborn. Tell me what's up or I take it off."
"You wouldn't dare."
He tugged. My hands rushed up and gripped it.
"Kevin, please..."
"Then tell me what's up. I give a shit. Come on, dude."
I looked down for a good minute. He just kept staring at me. The timer went off.
"I got a call from my parents today. I can...tell you more, I just...can I please go tend to my muffins?"
He let go wordlessly, a snarled look watching me as I went to retrieve my birthday confection. I felt his eyes before I heard his footsteps enter the kitchen. I sighed.
"If you must know, my parents and I were to spend the weekend together. They have duties, however, and could not attend this year. It was unfortunate news, but c'est la vie."
He looked confused.
"That means 'such is life,' Kevin."
He mouthed an 'oh,' before looking down, and up at me, "So...why this weekend? Is this what had you all weird yesterday?"
"I did not receive news of their...lack of arrival until today, so no. I was, however, preparing for this day yesterday, so I suppose that was what you saw."
"And why this weekend, Dork?"
"It bears a very personal day to me, and to them. They normally make it, but this year..." My thoughts wandered down. Kevin approached, hands in his pockets.
"So it's like...what...your birthday or some shit?" I winced, and nodded. "That fucking sucks man...where are your friends? Aren't they, like, always with you?"
"Normally, yes. However, they knew of my normal plans for this time of the year, and made plans without me for the time-being. They were simply respecting my wishes to have family time, even if this time it happened to turn out that I will be spending the weekend alone..."
"That's harsh, man..."
An awkward silence fell, as I removed the muffins from the tray into a container I had left out for them...leaving two out.
"Hey, if it isn't much trouble...think I could hang?" I turned to him, perplexed. He shifted uncomfortably, "I mean, if you want. No big deal, I just...figured I'd offer. Cuz, you know, Dorky and Lumpy aren't around, I figured maybe..."
"I..." I looked down at a muffin in my hand. I thought, then reached it out to him, "I...suppose I wouldn't mind terribly. If you'd want to, that is..."
He half-smiled at me, grabbing the muffin.
"Choice."
So we went to sit down. I took my spot from two nights previous, and he did the same again. I turned the television on, and he looked at me, a question in his features.
"I...it's tradition that my family and I watch a movie together each birthday, to catch up on each other's lives to the background noise of something light and carefree. I already went through the trouble of renting the film yesterday, so I feel it would be a waste not to watch it. That is, if you don't mind..."
"What movie is it?"
"Finding Nemo."
"A kid's movie?" he asked incredulously.
"Yes; as I said, a light and carefree movie promotes conversation, rather than one that is too deep, which would draw attention away from conversing. I...hope you don't mind." I watched as he smirked, and put a hand on his neck.
"Dude, 'course not. I just thought you were all nerdy and stuff and would watch something dorky like some nature documentary and shit."
I smiled a little, because I knew he meant no offense by it. "My apologies, Kevin, I shall pick one of those up specifically for you next time."
"Bring it on, Dorky." He chuckled, and I couldn't help laughing just a little bit in return.
"Well, shall we get this started?" I asked, picking the remote back up.
"Shure" he replied, mouth full of muffin. I was going to scold him, but I simply didn't have it in me to. I was, honestly...glad he was there, Diary.
Most of the movie went off without a hitch. We both laughed at the little jokes, saying little things we thought of at random throughout the movie. It was very much like hanging out with my friends...but with Kevin. It wasn't something I minded.
But as the scene where Marlin abandoned Dory came in, I found myself tearing up. It wasn't the scene, mind you; no, it was what I'd kept inside earlier in the day, bubbling to the surface. This was simply the catalyst. Kevin immediately looked over when a slightly larger sob shook the couch, and I tried hard to hold back more. His smile dropped, and his eyes were filled with...concern?
Just then, the phone rang. I jump. My tears were all but forgotten, and I ran to the telephone. I didn't notice Kevin had followed me, as I answered.
"H-hello?"
It was my parents. They had taken a break during the current surgery, to speak to me, and see how I was doing.
"Oh yes, I'm doing w-wonderfully!" I sniffled away from the phone, "Oh, it's fine! In fact, I'm having a nice night. I completely understand. Don't blame yourselves..." Though, secretly, Diary? Some small place inside me did blame them. And I hated it. But it still made me shake.
I almost squeaked when I felt an arm snake around my shoulders. I looked and saw Kevin, looking at me with immense concern. Did I really look that terrible? I suppose I wouldn't know; it was rare I ever got like this, let alone looked in the mirror to determine my expression as such. My mother asked a question, and I missed the beginning of it in my stupor.
"Could you repeat that? Apologies, I have a friend over, and they...distracted me for a moment." Kevin smiled, a genuine smile, that...beautiful smile. God, why did he have to make my brain all flustered now? At least I managed to catch my mother's question that time.
The call lasted no longer than 5 minutes, before they had to return to work. When I hung up after saying my final good night, my arm dropped listlessly. I felt a strong arm pull me back over to the couch. I sighed and flopped down on the cushion, as Kevin did the same, his arm still around my shoulders.
I just stared at the carpet for a bit, before clicking and turning the movie back on. Kevin's arm shifted, but it did not appear that he was going to remove it. At this point, I was in no position to complain. I felt rather close to a dam that was going collapse, and his arm was something to keep me up straight. I leaned back into it, though whether he noticed or not was up to debate.
The movie ended, and I felt his arm move away. My shoulders fell. I hadn't noticed how tense I was until just then, and wondered if he could tell. I hope he didn't think I disliked it. Either way, he looked at me with those...eyes, of his. So filled with caring, I could barely believe it was Kevin, if I hadn't seen him with that expression on Monday as well. His smile, however, was not present, simply a very concerned line, as we both stood up and walked to the door.
"Double D...why don't you smile?" I was taken aback.
"Pardon?"
"Like," he looked straight into my eyes, "You're always smiling. I get that. But, like, I think you're faking it. I dunno why, but now that I think of it, you're like, never happy. You know?"
I thought about it, before replying, "I'm...not sure what you mean, Kevin."
"Like, earlier, when I teased you about the movie, you smiled. I saw it. But like, right now? Looks like you've got a mask on. Do you fake it?"
This was...deeper than I expected Kevin to be. I sighed, because I knew lying to him would be useless, "I admit that most of the time, I smile for the sake of others. The best way to make others happy is to be happy yourself, you know. I suppose that, since I always want people around me to be happy, I am always wearing a smile for their sake. I suppose I never really thought about how often I actually do smile..."
He cocked his head and put a hand on my shoulder, making me flinch, "Alright then, dude. How about this..." He furrowed his brow, and closed his eyes, before looking at me again, "How about you do this: Smile for me."
"Smile for...you?" I was a bit caught off-guard by the request.
"Yeah...I mean, you fake a smile for everyone else, but that's just it. You fake it. You shouldn't have to fake it all the time, it's bullshit. So just smile for me, like, really smile. And don't when you're not actually smiling. It's like...you should be yourself around someone, and I think it's stupid you have to fake it all the time. I mean, dude...you're a nice guy. You should smile because things make you smile, not because you're trying to keep other people happy. You deserve it."
It made me blush that he cared so much, and I felt the tiniest real smile turn up the corners of my mouth. I looked up at him, "I...I can...well, I can try." My voice broke a bit, because something inside of me was both touched, and hurt. I...never realized how much of a mask I put on. Funny that Kevin figured it out before I did. I barely knew him, and he knew me better than I knew myself, it appeared.
"Rad." He smiled and gripped my shoulder, "Well, dude, I gotta get going, but...I may give you a call tomorrow. And don't try and pussy out of it again," I cringed at his wording. "I'm not gonna take no for an answer if I think you need someone over. You can't fool me, Double Dweeb." He said it with a cherubic, mischievous smile, and my blush deepened. Hopefully he thought it was simply embarrassment.
"Of-of course, Kevin. My apologies for today. I will try to keep you...in the loop, as they say. I...did rather appreciate your company tonight. I suppose it wasn't too bad a birthday after-all."
"Oh yeah, I almost forgot!" He smirked, a devilish spark lighting up his eyes, and he said in a gravelly voice, "Close your eyes, dude."
I was confused, but...closed my eyes. And gripped onto my hat, both out of habit and precaution.
I did not expect to feel arms around my waist. This time, I squeaked, and I heard a growling laugh come from Kevin.
"Happy birthday, Double Dork. Smile for me, kay?" I blushed harder than I thought possible, and nodded quickly against his shoulder. I felt him pull away, and opened my eyes.
I watched as the door closed, and my heart fluttered.
It...wasn't that bad of a birthday, after-all, Diary.
No. No it wasn't.
Your Friend,
Eddward
