A Brand New Day
part 11
Content warning. Not to spoil the chapter too much, but if you don't like hospitals and such this part may be hard to read.
I don't own Puella Magi Madoka Magica, Puella Magi Oriko Magica, Puella Magi Kazumi Magica, nor any of the characters associated with them.
"Ho … Homura?"
Her eyes opened slowly. A thin smile crossed her face. Sayaka gasped. A moment later, Mami rolled into the room, Yuma in her lap, and followed by Kyouko and Hitomi.
"You … you all came."
Homura sounded … strange. So unlike her. The uneven beeping of the machines around her lent a strange counterpoint to her eerily thin, breathy voice. This was probably partly due to the air hose under her nose. An IV was connected to her arm, and a clear fluid dripped slowly into her vein.
But what the five girls noticed most was the faint bluish tint to Homura's skin.
"Of ... of course we did, silly," Kyouko said, in as close to her usual voice as she could manage. With her heart firmly lodged in her throat, and tears welling up behind her eyes, that is.
Homura winced, her eyes closing tightly.
"Hey?" Sayaka practically dove over to her.
"It's … it's okay Sayachan."
"Bullshit ... you are not okay Princess."
"I mean .. I mean the pain. Everything hurts, so … so it's all the same, right?"
Sayaka closed her eyes, and barely kept herself from sobbing. She felt a hand on her shoulder, and turned.
"Hitomi."
"Hey … Friends stick together."
Sayaka nodded, and Homura's thin smile returned to her face. She opened her eyes and looked at Sayaka. The bluenette smiled … but couldn't stop nor hide the tears.
"We'll … we'll all be back together in your apartment soon, Homura."
"Right," Mami said, "and I'll bake us a big, delicious cake to celebrate."
Homura's breathing became ragged, and she gripped her blankets tightly.
"Princess?"
"Yeah. Just … everything's hard for me right now. Dammit … thought … thought I was over this."
"You'll be okay. Homura oneechan's strong. I know you'll get better."
"Thank you, Yuma-chan. I …."
She winced again. Her eyes closed, and her head leaned back. The beeping became very erratic, and a red light flashed and an alarm sounded. The girls panicked. The alarm stopped after a moment, and Homura's eyes opened slowly. She glanced at them sheepishly.
"I … my heart's basically shot. I'd … be dead without all these … things."
Mami closed her eyes, and turned her chair around. Yuma looked up at her with concern, and hugged her very tightly.
"I ... sorry ... I just …."
"It's ... it's okay Mami. You … you all don't need to … to stay. Just .. seeing you all … it was … nice."
"No, we're going to stay as long as we can, Homura."
Homura turned her gaze on Sayaka. Homura's eyes were pale blue-grey, clouded, and pale. Not their usual intense violet shade. Sayaka kept her eyes locked into Homura's, but it was difficult. She felt like closing her eyes, or running away, or denying that her … her beloved … was here, like this.
"Sayaka. I love you. I love you all. Guys. I just … thank you."
"For what?" Kyouko asked.
"You … you changed my life. Starting with you, Mami. I … was so lonely. You ... you all. I … had friends. I … felt loved. I … you … you all just … you can't comprehend … without you I …just … just thank you."
Her eyes closed again, and the beeping became irregular. The red light flashed and the alarm sounded.
And didn't stop.
The girls panicked … Homura's body jerked strangely … and Sayaka screamed for help as she ran to Homura … grasping her shoulders … willing her to wake up … she wanted to throw her arms around her … but a pair of strong arms gripped her shoulders and pushed her out of the way.
Her hands went to her mouth ... she felt weak, and nauseous. Hitomi put her arms around her, and without that Sayaka would have collapsed.
A cloud of doctors and nurses surrounded Homura. The alarm finally stopped, turned off by a nurse … but the digital screen showed a flat and unresponsive line. Drugs were injected into Homura's IV. An emergency defibrillator was brought in. Homura's top was pulled down to expose her chest … to which the paddles were applied.
"Clear!"
Her body arched, and Sayaka screamed.
They pumped Homura's chest. The girls couldn't completely understand what was happening, but everyone in the room was focused on Homura. No one could spare the time to explain anything to them.
The battle seemed to wage on for hours. It became a blur. A blur that gradually slowed as exhaustion and despair took over. The head doctor continued to pump Homura's chest. Again. Again. Ignoring the hand of a nurse that gently touched his shoulder. Until finally he even stopped.
Yuma and Mami were clenched together, both bawling like babies. Hitomi had her arm around Sayaka, whose eyes were wide open, but glazed over in shock. Kyouko just stood there, staring.
"Time of death … zero oh one. First January. Two thousand twelve."
From somewhere in the distance strains of the song Auld Lang Syne could be heard.
The doctor glanced at Sayaka, but could say nothing more. He shook his head sadly, then left.
The bluenette shrugged off Hitomi's arm, and walked over to the bed. A nurse had pulled Homura's top back over her, to give her some degree of modesty and dignity. Her eyes were closed. Her face … it looked remarkably peaceful. Still. There was no motion there. Her skin was an eerie pale blue, and … cold.
Sayaka leaned down to her.
"Homura? I … I know you can hear me. You are going to be okay. You'll be home soon. We'll have dinner ready for you. And Mami is going to bake a cake. Right Mami?"
Mami couldn't say anything.
Kyouko walked over to Sayaka and placed a hand on her shoulder. But Sayaka shrugged away from her touch.
"Homura? Please open your eyes, baby. Please? Please wake up? You're … you're scaring me now. I mean … I know you are okay. Please?"
Mami couldn't take it any more and wheeled out of the room with Yuma. Hitomi and Kyouko watched her leave … they couldn't blame her.
"Jesus," Sayaka muttered.
"Sayaka?"
"She's gone, isn't she?"
"Yes," Hitomi said quietly.
"But … but we said ... we said forever. Didn't we? She ... she can't go back on her word now. Can she? I mean … no. No, it ... it isn't … it isn't true. Doctor? Doctor! Please, come back. I … I think … I think you can … you can …."
Sayaka just stopped talking. And just looked down at Homura's face. Silently. For several long minutes.
"Homura," she finally whispered. She placed a hand on Homura's cheek, and caressed it. Then leaned down and softly kissed Homura's lips.
Both Hitomi and Kyouko gently took Sayaka's shoulders, and Sayaka started to shake. Her knees gave way under her, and she collapsed, only the combined strength of both girls keeping her from falling onto the floor. Sayaka's eyes closed, and her mouth opened in a silent, agonized scream.
"You won't be alone ever again, Sayaka. I promise you that."
Sayaka nodded weakly.
"Someone will always be here to look after you. If not me, then Mami, or Hitomi."
Sayaka shrugged.
"Hey … have we left you alone? Someone has always been with you since … that day."
Sayaka turned to look into Kyouko's eyes. There was a look of empty defeat in her formerly sparkling, brilliant blue eyes. It had been a week since Homura … passed on. Seven days. She was like this most days. Unresponsive. Staring blankly at the walls of Homura's apartment. Mami, Kyouko, and Yuma had all agreed to let Sayaka move in with them. Her parents didn't raise any objections … they were unable to reach her any longer, and only the others, those who had a similar experience in losing Homura … Kyouko, Yuma, Mami … and even Hitomi … they were the only ones who could get Sayaka to eat or take care of herself.
"Thanks," she whispered at Kyouko. Her face never changed from it's look of shocked hopelessness.
"Sayaka oneechan … it will get better. I know it will."
"No," Sayaka intoned. She shrugged and turned back to looking at the blank wall.
Another week passed. Every day was the same. Sayaka was more a zombie than a girl. She ate only what the others forced her to eat. She grudgingly bathed or showered when the others told her to. She got out of bed and walked to the couch for her daily exercise, and sat there the rest of the day staring at the wall, or staring at the television … not watching it, just staring at it. When the others forced her to, she returned to the bedroom, collapsed on the bed, laying there on her back until exhaustion forced her asleep.
Kyouko remained sane only by spending several hours each day with Oriko. The one time Oriko had been to the apartment, Sayaka had acted as though she hadn't even been there. She had politely refused further invitations to come over, though Kyouko still met with her elsewhere.
Then, on Friday, Sayaka simply refused to get out of bed. Her eyes were open and she stared up at the ceiling. Unmoving. When Kyouko tried to force her out of bed she didn't resist, but didn't do anything ... she wouldn't even stand up on her own, and had to be physically held up by the redhead. She refused to eat or drink.
Uncertain what to do, they put her back into bed, and watched her closely through the day. They debated calling 119, or taking her to a hospital. Or something. When Sayaka's eyes finally closed, Kyouko in panic ran over to her, and was truly relieved that she was still breathing. And as they watched her sleep, Sayaka started to mumble something. They all moved closer to her.
"Homu ... Homu ... soon ... please? Miss you ... want to see you. Please?"
They glanced at each other.
"Madoka ... please? Let me? Please? can't go on without her ... please?"
Kyouko stroked Sayaka's cheek very softly. Everyone gasped when Sayaka's eyes shot open.
"I … I saw her."
"Huh?"
Sayaka sat up very slowly, groaning.
"She was in a beautiful purple dress, and sat beside another girl wearing pink. Madoka … that was her name … she said it wasn't my time yet. But Homura ... she said … she would wait for me. And … and said she would visit me if she could."
Kyouko and Mami glanced at each other in concern, but Yuma smiled.
"Homura's an angel now, isn't she?"
Sayaka nodded sadly.
"Yes, Yuma. She's an angel now."
Kyouko touched her shoulder, and Sayaka turned to her.
"I … am sorry. For putting you through all this."
"Huh? Don't be sorry. I … understand."
"Really," added Mami, "you are no trouble to us at all. We … we will take care of you as long as we need to."
"I … I think I will be okay. No ... no that's a lie. I'll never be okay again. But … well … tomorrow's a brand new day, right? Homura … she doesn't want me to end my life like this. I don't think I can live up to her expectations of me. But I have to try."
Sayaka, Kyouko, Kyousuke, Hitomi, and Yuma stood in a little circle. Mami sat in her wheelchair. They all held candles. Mami, blinking back tears, held a little sheet of paper.
"Akemi Homura … we're here to remember her. She … she knew what was happening to her, I guess. Because she wrote this all out and left it in an envelope. Told me … to open it if something happened.
'Friends. My love Sayaka. I am sorry that I can't be with you any more. I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to worry. I was stupid and selfish, so I am sorry for that. I learned a week ago … well, I don't know how long ago that is from when you read this … but my doctor told me that my operation hadn't been as successful as he thought. He put me on additional medication, but told me I had to prepare for the likelihood that I would have another heart attack. And the distinct possibility that I wouldn't survive this one. If you're reading this he was right.' "
Mami closed her eyes, and handed the paper over to Hitomi.
"I just … I can't go on."
Hitomi took a deep breath, and continued reading.
" 'I know I promised you forever, Sayaka. I am sorry. Stay with Kyouko and Mami, please. They will probably need you as much as you need them. Mami. I am sorry that I hurt you. I tried to balance you and Sayaka, and I know I failed. I know you are strong, and I hope you and Kyouko and Sayaka can all get along, and raise Yuma to be as good a person as you have been.
Hitomi and Kyousuke. You two have been good friends, even if we have had issues. That's okay. I hope I can count on you both to help the others out when they need it. The time for secrets and bad feelings is over. Sayaka, I hope you're listening to this too.
Yuma. You are a sweet child. Very nice, and gentle. Wise beyond your years. I am sorry that I won't see you grow up. Mind what Kyouko tells you, like you always have. I hope you can see Sayaka and Mami the same way you saw Kyouko and me.
Mami, there's a CD in the envelope too. Please play it. Sayaka, this is for you. No, actually this is for all of us.' "
Mami dried her eyes, and held up the CD. It was a recordable CD with no label or marking. The girls and Kyousuke took deep breaths and nodded. Mami placed the CD in the player on the table in the center of their circle. She pressed the play button. Sobs and gasps were heard around the table as Homura's voice spoke to them, one last time.
"Hey Sayaka. Mami. Kyouko. Yuma. I hope Kyousuke and Hitomi are there too. You have all given me an amazing year. I know it's the last year of my life, and you're all sad ... but don't be. This last year has been the most special time of my life, and it's due to all of you. I love all of you. Yes, Sayaka, I love you most of all. Well … I can't really think of anything else to say. So … well, here's a song that I think says it better than I can. I hope. It's in English, so I hope you can all understand it."
There was silence, as the CD skipped to the next track. Then music started up. Kyousuke closed his eyes, and Sayaka's hands went to her mouth as tears instantly began to stream down her cheeks. They recognized it immediately.
When you're weary
Feeling small
When tears are in your eyes
I will dry them all
Hitomi closed her eyes, but couldn't help crying.
I'm on your side
When times get rough
And friends just can't be found
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Mami rubbed her red eyes, hands coming away wet with tears.
When you're down and out
When you're on the street
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you
Kyouko gasped and shivered.
I'll take your part
When darkness comes
And pain is all around
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Kyouko was unable to hold it in any longer, and began sobbing deeply.
Sail on Silver Girl,
Sail on by
Your time has come to shine
All your dreams are on their way
See how they shine
Yuma had been crying the entire time, but hearing these words, understanding them even with her limited English … it hit her hard. She cried out, and had to have Kyouko wrap an arm around her as she buried her head into Kyouko's thigh.
If you need a friend
I'm sailing right behind
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind
"Are you ready?"
"I … I think so."
"They will be okay. They have one another. And, as you told Sayaka, they have you. Memories of you will keep them going. And now and then, you can come back to them."
Homura turned with a bitter-sweet smile.
"Okay, then. Madoka. I am ... I am ready to go."
Madoka held a white-gloved hand out, and Homura took it. Clenching it tightly. They turned, and began to walk toward a distant light.
Homura stopped for a moment, and Madoka looked at her, tilting her head. Homura turned back one last time, to see her friends crying, comforting one another, vowing that they would remain together, and that they would never forget her.
Homura took a deep, deep breath, and turned back. Madoka smiled widely, and the two began walking off together ... into eternity.
– fin
AN:
Bridge Over Troubled Water written by Paul Simon and performed by Simon & Garfunkel, 1969.
