Editor's Note- Liv, honey, that hat is going to Mathew. He has the blazer already ;)
On another note, I'd like to point out how unfair it is that Liv hasn't gotten a sex scene while I've gotten two. TWO! This is madness!
AN: I said stop flaming me, preps! See if this chapter is stupid! It deals with really serious issues! See for yourself if its stupid. Fangs to my friend Raven for helping me!
"NO!" I screamed. I was horrified! B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off (EN- I wish I had a friend like you...) and I ran to my room in tear. Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room because he if he followed me he would look like a pervert.
I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists. The blood got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a stake and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. (EN- I am so happy that I got this chapter. For months I actually believed that she meant 'steak'. I just thought "Yeah, okay. Why not. Stranger things have happened in this story." Says a lot about this story, doesn't it? Nothing like murdering vampires with a T-Bone.) I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black, low-cut dress with lace. I put on black high heels with pink metal on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn't fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed. Snape was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Lupin was masturbating to it! (EN- ...AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Masticating. -Snigger-) They were sitting on their broomsticks. (EN- Arson, Murder and Jaywalking like a sir.)
"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS! STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT?!" I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Manson on it. Suddenly Vampire ran in.
"Advada Kedavra!" he yelled at Snape and Lupin pointing his wand. (EN- 'wand' was originally 'womb'. I died.) I took my gun out and shot Snape and Lupin a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke. (EN- Cool story bro... Needs more dragons and shit.) Suddenly, Dumbledore ran in. "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted, looking at Snape and Lupin. He waved his wand and suddenly Hagrid ran outside. (EN- Liv has this theory where Hargrid is actually Hagrid's evil Satanist twin. Personally, I agree, but for the sake of the already raped cannon, we'll refrain from putting in our theorys. Or else Ebony would have tried to kill herself with a block of meat. Medium rare.)
"Everyone, we need to talk." said Hagrid.
"What do you know, Hagrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!" (EN- Kay.)
"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT…." Hagrid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!"
"This cannot be." (EN- This line right here. If anyone has ever watched Little Kuriboh's 'Leather Pants' video, Marik's 'This cannot be!' after he finds out that the pants are not the source of Yami's power is the voice I imagine right here.) Snape said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumbledore's wand had shot him. "There must be other factors." (EN- LOL, what?)
"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly.
Lupin held up the camera triumphantly. "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still here!"
I felt faint, more than I normally do. Like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood.
"Why are you doing this?" Lupin said angrily as he rubbed his dirty hands on his cloak.
Then I heard words that I had heard before, but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint.
"BECAUSE…BECAUSE…." Hagrid said and he paused in the air dramatically, waving his wand in the air. Then he began singing a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent. (EN- Gotta love those gothic versions of 50 Cent songs.)
"Because you're gothic?" Snape asked in a scared voice. He was afraid that it meant he was connected with Satan.
"Because I LOVE HER!"
Editor's Note- Okay, I have to say I'm a bit disappointed. I was waiting for some really deep, intriguing issues that would give the characters depth.
But I suppose that Loopin's pedophiliac masticating is serious business.
And I'm off to listen to some gothic 50 Cent!
=)
-Light.
